That Guy!!!

This guy is like a part of ma life for the past 16 years.All these years ,we loved, hated, fought ,cried, celebrated together.There is nothing common connecting both of us except, for the BLOOD RELATION.Never a picture perfect sibling ,we had our own shells to expand,problems to tackle and in the process weaved our own close knitted worlds.Privacy as always given the highlight and until ma age 16 he was mended out the treatment similar to that of a stranger.Things changed as we developed some sort of a close bonding that made us realise the value of missed years .Time outs,stealing cookies together,watching Dad's cd's together he became like a part of ma life....unofficially ma best pal.

This post is intended to ease out some pain .He is out of town for a month for his summer classes and what links each other to the daily routines are official phone calls,calls that are never made to each others cell.During his usual conversation with parents,ma name does come up but,until now he hasn't asked for me neither have i.Though the hard temptation of ringing him up i restrain for,emotions may run high.Brushing off mom's occasional scolding of"TALK TO YOUR BROTHER" i stare blankly at the walls" I WON'T"....irking ma ma mom off,hiding ma feeling when she says"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR YOUR OWN BROTHER..HOW SAD".Our relation is better expressed in silence than thousands of words because,

WORDS DON'T HAVE THE POWER TO EXPRESS HUMAN EMOTIONS

For a change

With the college closed,the morning sickness has caught on with me ....pulling me back into the arms of comfort even after 6:00 am.With ma bedroom closed and me sounding ma way to slumbering sleep there is one person in the house who doesn't seem to enjoy all ma self pampering:MA MOM.Having to pack her bags to her office early before the sun rises ,after all that motherly duties (cooking and cleaning) she surely envies ma beauty sleep.Knocking hard on ma door,threatening to close down the kitchen ,she surely gets things done in her way.On a sleepish note ma beautiful mornings begin with a

"OPEN UP" shout.

Change is the spice of life....i really needed a break from the early morning howling,screeching and complaints.SUrprise.....

5am:alarm (took almost 10 minutes to wake me though)

5:30 am: made some hot cardamom tea.

5:40am: dosa for breakfast

6:30am: Did clean up the mess i made :D

6:40 am:there comes mom rubbing her sleepy eyes opening up what seems like ma daily dose....No.... she stopped after seeing me with the tea in ma hand ,offering it to her i smiled"good morning mom"...."am i dreaming?You did all these gal?" she asked looking at the spotless kitchen" I nodded ma head.....

"Well,you didn't had to go through all that trouble today" she said...."what??"After all these how can she?" ."Actually I'm on leave today...would love the same treatment tomorrow too"mom winked at me sipping her tea

"what??i mean tomorrow too??and she on leave? why the hell did i do all these things for" i wondered.

HAh!!!!!!!!leave it for it made ma mom happy.......and for a change i could see her SMILE!!!!!!!!!

Speak Out

Moving from ma parent’s shadow it’s a slow realization that the world around is full of biases ,prejudices and injustice. The only thing that can be done to survive the tide is to :SPEAK OUT. Never should ones voices and opinions be sidelined, be it in the family or society .Make yourself clear ,let the world stand back and listen. Never take a NO for what you believe is your right .After all your right is what matters.
The generation ME is more vocal in expressing ideas for themselves and others to think over .But, we wither badly under stress putting to question the abilities that we believe in.
With 33% reservation for women still in paper the public transport system of Kerala reserve a modest 20% seat for the fairer sex. Once you enter a bus, what stares at you for the first 2 minutes is
“SITTING ON A LADIES SEAT IS PUNISHABLE UNDER LAW”
Well, do the male chauvinist society bother reading what’s written? They simply close their eyes grabbing a seat for themselves without even bothering for, its not their daughters or sisters who are standing.
Last day as I got into a crowded bus, I saw the ladies some even 30years elder to me standing .Assuming, the seats to be filled I made ma way near to the window .As, I turned back ,to ma own surprise saw the seat being occupied by mustache bearing idiots. On humble request, the guys started abusing me verbally .Yet, again none of the standing ladies came to ma help instead I could hear them giggle: Minds of sadists at work.
After 5 minutes of verbal brawl the guys finally got up (the bus guys did help out).There came the ladies running toward the empty seat. Don’t they have any soul, any self respect? .Reminds me of the story of the jackal ma mom used to tell as bed time story.
Jackal enjoys watching the lion hunt and finally after the kill is made it slowly comes out of its hiding den to munch whatever little is left.

Ladies speak out for yourself ……….

Tough life..........

Wish i could go for a long walk on a Moonlight night ,a walk through the beach soaking ma legs in the rush of cool sea water,sand covering ma legs........Back to the world of realities...

*14th internals publication

*15th project report submission

*22nd university exams

*daily dose of sleep, films,net surfing,roaming,bitching etc...etc...

Where do i fit in ma daily routine?.Seems like ma dream will remain as a dream itself.

My Hairy Story

The first thing you will notice about me:I would rather kill ma self to say, ma beautiful face,long eyes but,unfortunately i am not blessed aplenty with all these facial features but,ya the first thing to notice would surely be ma HAIR..........This is something that generates quite a lot of attention .To begin with i got lotssa hair when i say lotssa it doesn't mean long it means lottsa.Ma gal friend are ready to any thing for ma hair but,the guys think ma hair is to blown out of proportions. Well,ma hair is not straight ,not curly i would rather call her curvy.she can be so dry of her emotion at times,refusing to go by what i want her to be,instead she gives me the airs:"I CAN RUIN YA DAY WITH A BAD HAIR DAY".I hate her when she plays all over ma face,refusing to sit tidy behind ma ears.She is so attention seeking that i have to re -tie her every 10 minutes which is actually her deadline ,if not she is out embarrassing me in front of people.I still remember what Abin said"Ya i always thought your head was so BIG....but,hey its not your head but,ya hair".Thanx buddy for realising so late that I'm not that intelligent after all ,you see.Now back to ma hair it was revenge time and i wanted to teach her some real good hair dressing tips.I decided to straighten her.Took the ironing rod.I could hear her scream ,but,hey i can be real cruel at times and under the hot road she went.This would teach her how to behave at least for few days.......Until then the hairy story has a happy ending.

Surprised??

Why do people sound so surprised?. After all am a gal too, and i have ma own choices.I believe that the Surprise is generated from the fact that, i took an U turn from ma own preachings.Well,i should have believed more in faith and destiny.I do ,as a matter of fact in both after ma life changing experience.I may have to trust ma self even more than before because ,ma life is not only ma own responsibility.That person's decisions,actions have the power to change the course of ma life.Its a long wait for me to, finally find ma freedom .But,the thing that irks me is:Why SuCH a REsPOnse?.

After all........

Practical thinking is fast disappearing from ma blog.Now it seems like one of a 15 year olds childhood fantasies.Am i loosing ma identity?.Sounds like that.Its a turmoil of so many mixed emotions.Its like enjoying what you do and ending up doubting yourself later.There is a clash between the RIGHTs and WRONGs and i want both of them to win.How can a 20 year old have identity crisis that sounds so weird.Well,by each passing day I'm going down under the blanket trying to prove to ma self that i can't be wrong or may be hide facts and dumb them as fiction for, i don't have enough courage to face the truth.So the question is :am i wrong?.Am i reasonable enough to start learning to enjoy life and respect what life has in store for me.Am i right in crossing over to the grey side?.The questionnaire seems like a never ending one, putting ma patience to the test.Sometimes it feels like being handcuffed .The crisis was set on motion by the recent twists and turns and unexpected events.I act strange or even stranger shunning ma self from ma inner self for, ma inner self is far more righteous than what i expected it to be.Never did i think,never did i gave ma self a chance to explain instead i went on to prove the world wrong ,let ma heart overpower.I say with regret that never allow your heart to make decisions for you because heart is ridden by an impulse ,the momentary pleasure but ,the brain lets you think,not only the presents implications but ,for the future as well.I know to people who ever it may concern,will be devastated but, Its like cheating ma self.When i say "i need more time" not because iv been dishonest but,to stabilise ma emotional quotient .I really want to come back after a full circle but i want to set ma self free from duties and tags as of now.Ma life is revolting against ME,threatening to change its course if i don't act fast.I know or more precisely don't know where life is taking me.I want ma rights and wrongs to be accepted by people around ,i really want.This will either drive me to edge derailing ma life for ever or even put me out making me wither under the sun.Whatever it is it will take ma life And as for the girly stuff on the blog its just a route towards escapism to prove to the world "AFTER ALL I'M A GAL"

What to wear??

Okay this sounds crazy am down with flu but,all iv been thinking the whole day yesterday is what to wear for the farewell on Monday.Its not yet confirmed whether or not i will be able to attend for, ma health is fast deteriorating.As Ragz messeged me in the morning to confirm ma name in the volunteer list,i replied on a negative note,asking her to put ma name in "yes/no" list.After all this crap if you guys think that i should be going for the farewell for ,its ma last day in college wait until you hear this.ITS NOT MA FAREWELL BUT, MA SENIOR'S!!!!.Considering the rapport i share with them it will be quite bad if i miss the grand event on Monday on campus from 4-7pm.

Now to what to wear.I don't have any clue.Well,not something eye catching as i don't want to whisk away the attention from people who spent large chunk of money just to look good on the occasion.All iv been confused about is which earring to wear,iv got to select from 5 choices and as usual i will decide on the wardrobe based on that.Sounds crazy??.The 5 choices is driving me nuts as ,more i look at each one of them more confused i get.Need some help here !!!.Got only 29 hours left!!!!.

The Art of Bunking Class.....

Life is spinning fast...sometimes i fear if its gonna go out of control but,i always seem to manage.Today I'm sick to the core thanks to dad who,spread the throat infection to the whole family.I even bunked the labs just to be on ma bed.Mom doesn't even know that iv got classes today,She did ask me though, with me putting up an expressionless face she doesn't have any reason not to believe.After all its just labs and i know ma self, most of the time i would be running from desks to desks chatting with ma mates or even sit near the window looking outside.Its impossible to concentrate when ma girlfriends are around.Iv enjoyed every moment of labs this semester.Ma project mates smi,niv n sol (the only guy in the group) were put together.We have spent more time on talking rather than actually doing the experiments.Not submitting records on time,wrong readings ,shouting in the lab the heads know which group to blame.I'm loving ma college life.

No tomorrow

Okay!!!!! last few weeks were the best, considering the fact that we enjoyed like there is no tomorrow even during the series,bitched hard,shopped way harder and more importantly went on without usual fights.Its a sea change from the dynamics before and there are things that binds us closer to each other.Its always Together or never but,everyone doesn't seems to understand.The affection is making someone cross over, i may view from a sarcastic angle but ma girlfriends don't.Its like a picture of four friends when one is missing.Ya... learning to accept radical changes in people.I ma self being a static example.Just when i saw the gathering in front of college today (Seniors last day in college) ma heart skipped a beat AnD i found ma self holding ma girlfriends hand.Next time same time we will be standing in their place shedding tears,trying hard to control the emotions and filling up the autographs ya.It will be tough ....3 years we have fought,supported,loved,hated one another.Three people so different coming together to make ma college life the best part of ma life.Thanks gals!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!

Who stole ma shoes?

Iv been searching all day for ma shoes,the one i was planning to wear to ma friend's sisters wedding.I made a fuss outta ma missing shoes blaming out ma mom for being careless , throwing away ma shoes (actually i was accusing her).Why such a fuss over a stupid shoes?Its for the fact that the shoe was a part of ma life for so long.I was getting frustrated ,"what will i wear the next day?".I went up to ma doggy and said"at least you understand right?".Ma pet lab turned her head sideways catching up whatever i was saying or, my be complaining she must have understood ma difficult position,she stood from the place which she categorised as her area.Ma shoes!!!!!!! it was safely hidden behind MIKKU'S belly all this time .So,who stole ma shoes?:MIKKU off course ma bro said.Wasn't he giving his mysterious devilish smile?.I may never know for who stole ma shoes.

My Fairy Tale

Do i believe in fairy tales?.I never used to but, i do now.Iv ma reason to believe Cinderellas do exist and so do fairy god mothers.The long search for Mr.Right is finally coming to a halt and i have nothing to be worried about, not the usual witches or the cruel step mother.All i wish for is lots of drama and that "HAPPILY EVER AFTER "tag.Everyone out there ,your story is being set and written, all it needs is an event which will lead to sequence of events finally weaving out a story of its own.You may never know that you are the lead character, like me who never realised i was one,until few weeks before.All you need is a sprinkle of imagination to let you life bloom and you have whole life ahead.

The Saga Ends

The MIRROR was supposed to be a reflection of what i am and its duly serving its purpose.The blog gave lots of people an insight into ma world,life of a gal who used to struggle with her identity to life of an evolving women trying to decide her rights and wrongs.The blog was meant to be ma secret little place but,its not anymore.Lots of feed backs from friends and family well,i ought to cut down on the scary stuff i write down over here as ma dad is a regular reader.Well,I'm also happy to say that iv inspired some of ma friends to start blogging for themselves but,i don't see much activities on their site which is virtually dead.People start sharing your world!!.I still flash back to see ma self locking up ma room in frustration and shouting out loud whenever i was sad.Not anymore cause iv found a friend who have the patience to sit by me and console me whole night long:MIRROR!!!!!!Some people consider me as a grandma of blogging as I'm one among the first few who introduced the college the whole wide world of blogging. I believe that ma writing has evolved as i have in these years.Iv never wanted to post the depressing stuff but hey!!!this blog is supposed to a true reflection of what i am.I will be out of the blogging network for few months.The exile is not a self induced one,but ought to have happened in course of time.I'm shifting ma base to somewhere new,open and into a small world of happiness.The world that i hope will change ma life for sure.

End of Chapter1

Three years of college.What have i learned?seems ma brain is dying out for, I'm making same mistakes again and again.Misjudging people,hurting people who loves me ,cracking stupid jokes that no one laughs on, ma list of stupidity never ends.College is not all best part of life its just another chapter that needs to be flipped through until finally u read -*THE END*-.As a matter of fact iv taken fewer notes,flunked life's tests,bunked most important classes.When i view things sarcastic, life gets little better.The pain dilutes,there is no 'ifs' and 'buts'.Iv loved ma life,hated it,played with it but,today I'm helpless.I wanna laugh but,the sound gets choked in ma throat.I wanna cry but,the tears have stopped flowing.Its a state beyond pessimism and depression its a state of self condemnation ,the state where you loose your self respect.I'm nothing but, a living end of the chapter.

Me....

I need to control ma tears,

I need to pray harder,

I need to smile more often,

I need to act smarter,

I need to learn to hide ma tears,

I need to listen closely,

I need to paint ma world,

I just need to be ma self.

Instants

Each day i walk with a heavy heart,

Feelings of joy and sorrow capturing ma imagination at same instant.

What did i miss out?

What have i lost in place of ma gains?

Ma eyes are dry for even the tears have deserted me,

Every time i shed droplets of blood

I have nothing to turn back and look at.

I have lost the battle,

All that's left is ma soul.

Maniacs!!!!!

Who told guys don't care about girly stuff?oo...The only thing that they bother about is GIRLS!!!.They are so keen observers that any change in a gal ,be it in hairstyle,nail polish colour or even pimple will be easily detected.I can't understand why me and ma little pimple was in almost every conversation i had today.She became an overnight star.Usually ma skin is devoid of any ups and downs,red marks,scars and what so ever and to an extend i was little proud too.One day suddenly out of nowhere a pimple started showing up signs of birth and what a nice place for it to settle down,right above ma right cheeks,exposing its red plump status to the people around.Slowly...i started having bad dreams about her.Decided!!!!!!!I'm was gonna squeeze every inch of her and ya successful.

Next day as i stood in front of the mirror,i had shock of ma life.She left a mark of her previous life,a black mark and also her own breed have sprouted up in near by position.The new one is far worse.EEks!!!! she is out to get revenge.She is growing bigger, larger and nastier by each hour.People love ma pimple.They do stand admiring"Hey Opal what's above your cheeks?"asked few guys with a devilish smile.JErks!!!laughing at devastated mE.....I'm bound to get rid of ma new found"UGLY BETTY" status in days to come.

Destined to Be.......

"Your right may be other persons wrong"-Nivz (ma pal)

"What you believe may be what other peson despise"-Smi (ma pal)

When you preach something and call it as "your principle" people admire you but,sometimes it so happens that time may force you to look over ,what believe was your principle.This in turn irks people and let them to believe you have changed,even if you haven't in your attitude.Mostly ,you never figure out whats happening until someone says that on your face.What should i have done?.Should i have stood there trying to hold back something,that was never destined to be or should i have walked over ma decisions?.I chose the later path and like a bud ,today i find the outer petals withering off.I try to hold fast,i try to stop them from withering but ,can i stop what is bound to be.My right and your wrong (it can be vice versa too) it should have never clashed.We could have avoided this situation but,bro you never gave me time.All you did was to turn back and say out loud"YOU CHANGED" and just walk away .You never thought what i was going through .I wanted you to be a part of ma present life but,What you did was ,to make me feel miserable.You can say"I'M TELLING ALL THIS BUT,DON' FEEL SAD".What do you think I'm?A puppet?A stone?an emotionless idiot?.I know I'm too dependent on people .I thrive on people's emotions but, this as usual is a jolt to ma life .I never expected or foresee this event.I always gave you an important position in life.You said "YOU WANTED TO BE HAPPY" what about me?You didn't even bother to stop and think.I don't have any justifications to make nor do i have anything to say.FRIEND I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST

CrestFAllen.........

I'm devastated,broken and in a confused state.Where did i go wrong?.Right now all that is visible is the blurred screen.Makes me feel worthless,the more i try to control the more deep the cut becomes.Iv never expected this from you bro.I still can't figure out what did i do wrong.I don't consider ma self to be perfect and at this moment I'm torn between people and events.I know i may not be able to move ahead as i used to do.This is not ma past, its ma life ,this is the broken me.Its not me who never used to cry but,me who breaks open her heart to see not blood but,voidness.I don't think i can break away from responsibilities ,actions ,reactions ,frankness,laughterand tears.I'm crestfallen and i will have to come out of the very dark dungeons.

Tight walk.......

When the people you hold so close behaves like strangers,trying to avoid you for a reason that's way beyond your control that's when thing get to the bottom of the heart.People want me to speak,but one thing they fail to understand that there is no room for conversation if the person on the other side is not ready to open up.It was always a dream for 4 of us to get placed in the same company but,as luck would have it i got placed in a reputed firm whereas 3 of ma pals are yet to strike gold.The do's n dont's iv been listening to from other pals and also from parents .I really want to help them out but, ma actions can be interpreted in a way that will lead to further complication.The phone conversations are short and to the point. I never feel the same old warmth and affection, the words sounds as if being forced upon.All i can do right now is to pray.

Hate being ME!!!!!!!

Iv being logging for some change in the not so perfect life of mine.And finally i found the perfect way:Go in and get a crazy hairdo.Iv searched whole of Internet to help me through.Bad idea,for ma hair dresser loves ma hair .She keeps on praising ma hair and finally ends up giving the same cut over and over again.Don't even bother to ask how much i hate that.It makes ma life so dull. Today I'm not gonna fall into her trap.Do pray for me and Ma new hairdo........

Life to loOk beyonD

Well seems like I'm running out of topics for ma blog.The climate is so calm, its just refusing ma brain to think.Iv been wanting to get out of house badly but,seems like the rain is playing spoilsport.I love the outdoors though I'm not physically one.Iv always wanting to do something adventurous but,paragliding is the only thing i did anywhere close to that term.I'm logging for some real action ,some real drama ,some real LIFE!!!!!

Rain Rain GO Away........

The weather has the power to affect human moods and emotions.It was raining all day and ma plan to go shopping with bro was given upright wet welcome.Bro was so busy preparing for the exams that he even drubbed ma offer for a treat.Well ,thanks to the cloudy atmosphere even i and Mikku was lazying around trying to put up excuses for not getting up from the couch.All i wished for is some hot cup of tea and a blanket.Wish i could afford that luxury!!!!mama just hates me sitting doing nothing and she goes complaining on and on.To give some rest to ma ears i follow her not so sweet tunes.The one thing that really pulls me off from shopping on a rainy day is the extra burden of carrying ma umbrella around.Its inconvenient most of the time and very difficult to mange.The "whole you" getting wet....oof.....better off "NOT SHOPPING".Bro was all charged up and raring to go in the morning and later up the evening i could actually hear him sing"RAIN RAIN GO AWAY".Cloudy days do affect us adversely.A bright ,warm day induces confidence,faith and hope in us.Its still drizzling and i just hope that it stops raining..............

Confused

New meaning,a new beginning marred by some unpleasant events.I can't seem to understand what went wrong and where.I'm not going to go on explaining ma actions and expect reactions that ought to be.This time I'm to be blamed ,letting ma emotions bulldoze ma friendship.I expected to be understood but,unfortunately failed to understand the variables involved.I don't know what to do and the stakes are high.

FiNaLIy!!!

Life can't get any better.I'm one happy soul.For days iv haven't slept properly ,just staring at the blank walls trying to figure out a way for ma self.More than the pain it was the regret that was haunting me.The regret of being not wise enough.I walked heavily through the corridors avoiding people's smiling faces.More over it was the fear of being caught crying.At a point of time i started doubting ma self and ma caliber.Its a long struggle on the way to the top.Officially I'm placed and have a job at hand.Now i can move ahead and follow ma dreams,the ones that i always wished for.People around backed me ,helping me to get back to life.And finally after a long wait ,I'm back to ma self,smiling ma way through.Once again i would like to thank all those who supported me upright.

Thank You

While in the most difficult of times the comfort comes from most weirdest of places and yesterday i experienced it.What do i have common with them?.A few days of work together and occasional smile nothing more but,the first person to call me up was ma senior:Soumya after she got to know i didn't make it through.She did bring down the intensity of emotions i was going through.Then,ma seniors Govind,Narayan and Sayuj all of them personally did help me to get over ma fears.None of ma mates called well ,can't blame them too but,frankly i never expected so much support and care from the class next door.I knew from their words that those weren't the words of sympathy but,genuine concern.The first people to ring me up today too were ma seniors.Well thank you all for supporting me during ma rough patch.

Smiling all way through..........

Having to sit here,struck by pain of missed chance is really annoying.I'm really feeling sad as because i didn't make it to TCS.Well,also happy for the fact that 100 of ma friends did.Really got to know how hard it is to keep smiling while is just pain what you experience.Crying hard,cursing ma self upright but, thinking on to the right dimensions i think it was worth the time for i got the exposure and the courage to move on to ma second interview with INFOSYS.A job is every ones dream and my dream lives on in a different context.

Blank note

I don't have a topic to write on,a better wish to pray for,A dream to repeat on....This is ma life ,happy with the way it is.I know its impossible with so many things going around but iv ma reasons.Im thankful to the almighty for making ma life rich in every sense.Well, even after all this i haven't got rid of ma complaining attitude.But whatever the feeling is I'm loving it more with each passing day.Hope ma life remains as sweet as its now for ever and ever.

LOve UnExplaAineD

I found this entry pretty cute and close to heart

I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you
no more than you can give...

I promise to accept you the way you are...
I fell in love with you
for the qualities, abilities,
and outlook on life that you have,
and I won’t to reshape you
in a different image.

I promise to respect you
as a person with your own
interests, and needs,
and to realize that those are
sometimes different--
but no less important--
than my own.

I promise to share with you...
my time, my close attention,
and to bring joy and strength
and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you...
to let you see through
the window of my personal world
into my innermost fears and feelings,
secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you...
to be willing to face change
as we both change
in order keep our relationship
alive and exciting.
And finally,

I promise to love you
in good times and in bad,
with all I have to give
all I feel inside...
in the only way I know how...
completely and forever.

Doggy Blues

A new addition to the family,a chocolate brown Labrador named "MIKKU".Well ,i sure do agree to the fact that puppies and small kids both are same:curious,bad tempered,attention seeking.She is just 45 days old and loves chewing the sofa.No matter how hard we try,she just refuses to be inside her cozy little place.But,there is one problem ,ma mom who was all in vigour when we went in to buy the puppy has lost all her fuzz and is running around the house trying to save herself .In simple words:she is scared.The only thing MIKKU wants is someone to play around with.In one or two weeks we will be shifting to the new house where she has lots of open spaces to play around.Hope the situation gets better by then.

Distance do matter

Some relations are just perfect from a distance but, when it comes to one on one chat or even a small smile the relation just falls apart.Are distant relations true to the core?.When a person on the other side of a distant conversation says"lol",we are not even sure whether the person is really laughing out loud or just frowning.The warmth and support vaporise into thin air once the distance disappears.There is always a barrier ,always something to fear about in such relations.Well i think ,if something has to remain beautiful for ever and if distance is the only key for it to remain so "let distance exist".

Spartans on top.........

How does it feels to win and that too from scratch?.Feeling good?.The arts fest finally did happen after long long wait.At the end of the first day we were in for a shock, ma group ,SPARTANS was placed last in the tally because We failed to bag prizes for literary events.The progress that we made from day 2 was just amazing and at the end of the day,SPARTANS were back on top.Day 3 began on a tense mode with three main team events and almost 70 marks at stake. The second group,MOUGHALS were catching up fast. It was a do or die situation.All our hopes were pinned upon Brand wars,Thematic dance(guys and gals).By afternoon MOUGHALS were on a lead by 10 points and the heat was rising.After the brand wars,the tensions slightly made some of us hysterical.We had to win thematic , first prize for both the events to be back on top.After the events got over we were quite sure "its either SPARTANS or MUGHALS",all it was left was to wait for the final tally.
presenter:"and the second position goes to MOUGHALS"
The next thing we knew ,we were shouting and hugging each other.SPARTANS have finally won the arts trophy.It was just the matter of calling out our name
presenter:"and the first position.........."
I couldn't hear anything at all.We drowned the whole auditorium in our excitement.Well the story doesn't end here......the innumerable photo sessions,the tears ,the joy.An array of human emotions were displayed outside CHAVARA hall.

HIP HIP HURRAY!!!!!!!SPARTANS..........SPARTANS.........

Spoiled to the core

Its always nice to be pampered and right now, i feel spoiled to the core.Lots of attention has been bestowed upon me for the past few days and ya, i do feel like an important person.All thanks to ma pals who make up ma life.I know its so difficult to live without them and sometimes i can feel the salty waters when, i think about a year from now. We have to move on with our own lives having to take critical decisions all by ourselves ,without having to depend upon people.I'm bonded ,and i can't imagine a situation without ,being close to ma pals.How strange can life get?.People coming in and moving out.Don't ask me about ma future for ,i shatter at its thought.

Blogging:A way of life

Blog,one Internet medium i never expected to change ma world upside down.It has been two year since i have started blogging and it has helped me to express ma feeling in a different way.I wasn't comfortable pouring out ma life for others to sympathise about.Ma anger ,frustration,happiness,sorrows were confined to the pages of ma dairy.It was hard for people to actually understand what i was going through and never did anyone gave a thought about it.Since the day i started blogging there were visible changes in ma fight against ma emotions.The gap of miscommunication actually reduced to a point that i never have to explain ma actions, so as to make ma friends understand.Blogging has strengthened some of ma relations which i never considered important.It actually showed me how important I'm to people's life.As long as the emotions are alive so does the blog:MIRROR.

Surviving through tough times.....

Okay so the blaming game have started.So ,anyone interested in blaming me for the bad things that happened in your life?.Interested people please, contact ma friends.
Well i think i have matured enough in the past few weeks to take such criticisms in right sense.Not always though.At some point the blame circles back hitting me hard.I don't think i can explain ma position to anyone as I'm not sure if anyone can help me out or not.Whatever it is,i will survive.

Disappeared into thin AIR!!!

I'm finding it so difficult to find answers to the questions I'm being put through.The more desperate I'm ,the more confused i get.Meetings ,partings,crushes and heartbreaks i have seen it all and i don't consider ma self worthy enough for all the attention.I have lived through ma life for the past 20 years without much complications and one fine day when i wake up to find the names of relations changed, its way long annoying.I think i need to do some soul searching to find out what went wrong and how.May be its ma inability to understand human behaviour.Its just impossible to pretend as if a person does not exist but ,i will have to do it for ma own sake.I have never asked anyone to bring in the stars for me nor will i ask for,i know there are boundaries.Love should never cross the line ,to a point where it turns into obsession.I tried ma very best in making the curved lines straight but,i think it won't help at all.All i can do is to move on with ma life pretending the world is short of a person ,a person i knew and cared for.That person never exists for me from this point of time .

Expectations Hurt!!!

Sometimes we expect too much from people that,when our expectations are met with dead end,we are left out to wonder ,Why we even bothered to expect in the first place.Expectations are always a source for disappointments and the intensity gets stronger with the fact that the person we are expecting so much, is our greatest strenght.I know i made a fool out of ma self by refusing to hold back ma tears.At that point ma emotions were over powering ma courage to hang on.More than ma id being taken away for being late,more than the botheration about missing the lecture to attend,it was incidents and people that were making the situation hard for me to handle.I'm pretty sure that it had nothing to do with ma punctuality as i had no other option.I have had people say"some days don't just belongs to you" and i have perfect reasons to believe so.The whole sequence of events didn't go the way i wanted it to be.I don't know whether I'm right in ma actions and reactions but,at that instant i just felt so and for the expectation part"I DON'T HAVE ANY"

A World Without Women

I'm angry and frustrated at sankar(ma bro) at this point for, he takes for granted whatever me and ma mom does.He never bothers to even put his dishes for cleaning.Either me or mom has to clean up the mess he creates.He wants all his stuff to be done by both of us right from ,keeping his things inorder to even picking up his used clothes.Most of the time there is no arguing with him as he flaunts his"YOU SHOUT I DON'T BOTHER" attitude.Some times it leaves me thinking.This unfair stuff being mended out to me because im the fairer sex.Try doin the same stuff as he does,then im dead meat.It calls for justice in real sense ,no one bothers to bring him under control,No one tries to give him a dose of his own medicine.Im angry and frustrated at the injustice.Why are guys like this?.Always behaving like irresponsible jerks thinking that, God created woman to work as their slaves refusing to help out,refusing to clean up,refusing to listen.They should be living in a world without women then they will understand
"THE REAL VALUE OF A WOMEN"

For your LOVE!!!

What will you do to get back something you love?.Well ask me ,and i know what ma answer is NOTHING!!.Surprised?,well most of the people are at ma answer for, i believe that if you love something let it free.Never hold to ones you love if they don't wish to be.I may seem like a selfish and arrogant person at ma answer but,imagine you want to see the person you love the most be sad throughout his/her life?.If they are happier without your company just let them be ,let them seek new paths.What i have learned is to give your loved ones enough space so that she/he may never feel that their private space is being invaded.Respect is essential in any relation and do follow the GIVE AND TAKE rule.But all this doesn't mean you don't have any right over the other person's life after they move out, let your loved one feel that you are always there supporting at right times.Well ,if you still think I'm selfish and arrogant i have nothing else to say.

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING LET IT FREE
IF IT COMES BACK,ITS YOURS
IF IT DOESN'T ,IT NEVER WAS

Amazing Race Asia 2

Well what a surprise.The final leg of the race of The Amazing Race Asia was on air ,today and after a long while i was able to catch up to ma favorite show.Marc and Rovilson who almost dominated the race,coming first in all the legs had to be satisfied with a third spot.I think they just ran out of luck,one road block and it cheated them of the coverted title.I think Collin and Adrian got an unfair advantage as the final pit stop was -Singapore , their home country.Rovilson and Marc led by a huge margin even untill the last task,but Rovilson took whole lot of time to arrange the flag of nations they visited in order.I think he just got cracked under pressure.Collin and Adrian,who were always behind the Philipino guys were confident with the fact that they knew their weakness and strong points.The girls,Pamela and Vanessa came in the second spot beating the favorites.I think they deserve a standing ovation.All the eliminated teams were there to chear the final 3 teams.What a race it was ,a race across 13 nations,a race against time and luck.Waiting to see AMAZING RACE ASIA 3.

Parenting it right..........

Mom is refusing to go by ma theory. Parents can be so stubborn at times sticking to what they think is right refusing to what we got to say. Mom just refuses to buy ma story for, she thinks her 21 years better experience has got her sixth sense. Her sixth sense do work at times but most of the times it will land me in trouble. Well gotta make her understand i can be correct too. I love mom to a point where i can't just say it on her face that she is wrong. Well i will have to device new plans to go about.

Valentines day and beyond

What a day?.It was like any other day pale and dull. No roses, no gifts, no teddy bears just lectures AnD gossiping. What can you expect when you have nothing in life ?.I don't feel bad for ma self for I'm happy with ma life ,the way it is.Its that hard to explain to people who have fallen in love at least once and all they got to say is"how can you know"?. Well frankly i don't know and i don't feel i will enjoy the feeling upright.Life is so unpredictable dear........we will wait and see..........

PAIN-ANTINES DAY

What if a single person tries to change the world?.The world and the people will laugh at you for you are questioning something that has been the way of life for ages.I tried to break an ice and right now I'm the talk of the college.Humiliaion,booing i have suffered it all.Phantom you have done enough damage and what i am left with is ma self dignity. Valentines day is such a gross affair and i had more than enough fun.Now i need some peace of mind before i burst off.I know there are people supporting me upright and I'm only making this more tough for them by hurting them more.I am really confused right now and not in a position to trust anyone.

Love being single

I'm 20 and i don't have a love life.I don't care and so do i expect other people not to bother.Please someone just let know that i don't want to be in a position where i will have to think about the other person before i make ma decisions.I really need some peace of mind and im not ready to compromise on ma principles.People may find it silly but,this is what i live for.

Another day..........

Its just another boring day ,i wished just breeze past.Im without a job,sitting typing away ma woes on the net listening to kelly's behind these hazel eyes.The song has being in ma head replaying itself since yesterday.I can't relate to this song in any way but,it kind of makes me feel the pain of people going through rough times.Does it serve any porpose?.People probably will read this entry and laugh about it over their teas "how stupid the gal can get?".Well i dont complain nor do i wish too.Its just another day and it will pass too.

5 things i hate about myself

5.I STAY IN A CHICKEN FARM
Well im not known for keeping ma room neat.Most of the time you can see ma room in a mess.Its only when i have ma relatives or friends over i start cleaning up ma room.Ma mom always compares ma room with a chicken farm.The only thing ,chicken farm will be much more cleaner place than ma room.So on the 5th spot of 5 thing i hate about ma self:ma room
4.HABIT OF TALKING TO MYSELF
Pretty annoying to people around,yo can see me talking to ma self and all the animated characterrs around.I think i developed this habit while i was small,mostly because i dinn have anyone to play around with.I have spent most of ma time shuttling between real and imaginary world.So,the 4th spot goes to this annoying behaviour.
3.TEMPER AND SLEEP
I really get mad when someone disturbs me during ma beauty sleep.This habit has landed me in trouble often .Now,im trying hard to keep ma nerves while sleeping.
2.HAIR HAIR
Iv this habit of tying ma hair every 5 minutes.No matter how perfect it is, i tend to loosen up and retie it.Its not something so serious for i have this habit only when i donn have anything else to do.But,it is certainly annoying so, the 2nd spot goes to hair hair.
1.TISSUES PLEASE
The most annoying habit:ma tear glands just refuse to stop pouring.Most of the time i end up with the tissue rather than the film im watching.No matter what the journa of film is there will be atleast a scene which would start making me cry.Owing to this unique problem i never go out for films with ma pals.
ns-:the only film that dinn make me cry:HOUSE OF WAX...........I think i did cry at the end for saving me from 3 hours of misery.

Please flow by........

Life seems so still refusing to move.I got big things coming up ma way next week but, i can't feel the excitement,nor the flavour.Sometimes its so hard to explain what is going on for ,you don't have a clue and right now i am in such a position.Stand up make some noise and MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!.I CaN't bear this torture of curling up in ma shell and trying to act as if im Lazy.May be i am but, i don't want the movement to stop.

Waiting for ma virus slayer........

Its now a habit to run around with a running nose.I think the cold virus loves me like hell,comes back every one month.The kind of torture I'm going through just to keep ma head up is so much.The only thing that can help me with the stupid cold is antibiotics but, ya i hate it.I have ma friends advising me on various remedies.Ya these things may work out but,who is gonna do all these things.Not me!!!.The cold has brought along with him some of his old friends this time fever,throat pain.I'm gonna spoil their party.Don't under estimate me iv got a fighter within me .Cold ya no cold one thing i hate about the whole process is having to stay on the bed.Someone please save me from the cold .Where is the virus slayer?.Can't you see you princess trapped in the dungeons of cold?Save me..............ooh!!!prince(antibodies)save me!!!!!!!!

Larger Love

Travelling everyday by the boat,I'm in larger love with the sea.I can't stop comparing myself with her.
She is so placid at times
so am i
And so disturbed at other
so am i
She is crystal clear
so am i with ma ambitions
so turbulent at others
so am i with ma emotions
She is vast
so is ma heart
She follows
so am i with good leaders
She reacts creating ripples
so am i to changes
She refuses to be still
so am i
She lets everything float by
so am i with ma attitude
She moves up and down creating high n low tides
so am i with ma life
well here ends the similarities.She is all that's not me and i am all that's not her.

Dad and the kitchen Hob..............

She was meant to help out ma mom but, dad fell in love with her. There goes the tag line for the latest romantic chart buster, one of a kind modern day love story. Dad’s never good at fixing things, the fact he refuses to accept. Well for the past one week all dad kept raving about was “HER” .Her style ,her sheen, her beauty .Well , all of us were so bitten that we wanted to meet her. We knew dad was in “LOVE”. Well you had to see mama’s pale white face. Its funny for” SHE” was at receiving end of mom’s anger. What all can a little jealousy do right?
Tatada…..She arrived today .Gotta accept the fact that she is a beauty. Black body with glass cover and golden lids .Brand new BENC kitchen hob. From the point she arrived dad was sitting next to her with the manual in his hand .As far as I remember dad had never sat next to me for so long even during ma exams. Dad was going on speaking to himself and ya off course HER. Want to know what happened after 4 hours?
Dad couldn’t fix her ,for she was far too complicated for him. Not ready to accept defeat before a lady, he went on cursing the manual .Finally dad gave up and I could hear him mumbling.
“Ladies……..what strange creatures”
Wait until ma mom hears that.

A princess finds her unicorn

Four years is too short of a time to forget someone who was apart of your life for more than 13 years.The joy of getting back something that i lost is still hovering around me.When i was informed that ma best friend for so many years have landed in town i didn't think twice...........all that came to ma head at that point was her face and the faded group pic that we took in 5th..........i could see from distance her anxious face ,as always.She has changed a lot but,she recognised me at once though i have changed a lot myself,these four years,her smile was the proof.FOr about 30 minutes we couldn't speak.When we did start, there were no holding back.These four years what kept her alive in ma memory is her occasional phone calls.When we parted ways today, i could the see her expression the same one she had on the day she left the school.I'm never being understood and felt supported as she did.People always commented on our odd pairing,as we were like opposite poles finding solace in each other.I have never felt that i have lost a friend for she was always there with me and will be.