I was feeling little down for the past few days.Reason being,the void that has been filling up ma heart or to be more precise the feeling of letting people down.Ma parents weaved their dreams around me and, i never realised how important these dreams are for them.I failed miserably in coloring their world ,barely saving ma self from disgrace by scoring a 84 for boards and a 4411 in kerala state entrance.My parents never realised that the younger one will rise anywhere near to the standard i set in 10th. He picked up bits and pieces and wove their dreams back on. We are expecting him to hit a 3 digit for kerala. Its not jealously but, a sense of" Why couldn't i do this for ma parents?'.27th after ma exams i went back to class,waiting for ma parents to turn up for ma convocation as i was called in,i searched for ma name on the list,it wasn't there in the usual list and i panicked.Silpa,brought it to ma notice that ma name ,was put in 5th as I'm the 5th recipient of the Dean's Honour List.Don't even bother to ask how i felt especially ,when all the parents are present and ma parents would get a chance to say"That's ma daughter".What came of as strange is the comments i received from ma own batch mates"Wow!! never knew you were a bhuji".Well, for a girl who wears 3 studs,changes her bag every fortnight,walk as if she doesn't care ,may be they find it difficult to gulp in the fact.Whatever the comments are,I saw ma parents gleaming and that was the most memorable moment of ma life.I may never get a chance like this again.This is just to let the world know"I LOVE MA DAD AND MOM"

For all those who drub my absence from the blogging scenario as ma attempt to upset the topper,You are wrong.I'm so preoccupied with ma life that finding time to log into the bogging arena to type random letters seem such a waste of time.I have better things to do like to catch "Hope and Faith" or eat ma meal at the right time.Grandpa and grandma is home,enjoying their long vacation and suddenly the house seems filled,bustling with activities from morning 5 to late night 12.None of the excuses for quitting the meal works with grandma as she carefully fills in ma plate with food big enough to feed ma brother.Speaking of brother,he has fulfilled Dad's dream by being school 2nd in 12th.Scoring 88% in 12th CBSE is a big thing and that's comes straight from a person who has gone through the torture.Yay!!! 3 year countdown have begun and I'm wishing for a ride to the future in a time machine to get a peak into what it like on the D-Day. 27th , ma last exam falls on this beautiful Wednesday and after which I'm held by promises of a 3 days class.Hope i can complete all prior engagements before the plane touches the runway. Right now lemme get back to the world of file management,UNIX and deadlocks.

The conversation:

SMI: You got your mark?.I asked Vish to take a note of it.

ME:No, actually i don't have any contacts with any of the so called classmates not even Vish and ya he didn't message.

SMI: Now that' not ma case,ma inbox is filled with texts and missed calls.

ME: Ohh!!! i get it,you are going to college everyday right?

SMI: You are good in your guess .They want me to come to college everyday, seems like they can't study without me.

ME: What would have happened if God hadn't given us this gift?

SMI: We wouldn't have got the least respect showered on the beggars even.

ME:Ya!!!!!!they need us and that's the reason they stick around.

SMI:So true

ME:Will see how many of them will remember us after college too.

SMI:You kidding...NO ONE...

Part of being non social is that you wouldn't have to bear the sight of the parasites . You never gain nor loose and then there are genuine people like ma bestie Smi,who keeps aside all personal duties to help out the so called Friends in times of NEED even after ,back to back experience that proves they are not worth all the trouble.I respect her for that ,may be I'm not as generous as she is.I used to hang around college during study holidays,prepare in advance so that the next day i can share ma knowledge base.It doesn't satisfy ma self anymore as the face masks come peeling off ,the human in me decays for better good. May be its better to go to college and study rather than wasting away ma time but, why be in an environment where you are not comfortable being you?.I don't want the crown and the tag well,that's not what I'm and that's not what i want to be.