Fresh start,but think its not gonna be easy breezy like last time. We were running to the library,scavenging through the book shelves, fighting it out for the last book standing.Childish? baby!!this is the Indian way of living.Bear with it. Wanna load my head with so many songs so that i can tune into those tracks based on ma mood

Sad:Tanhai...Dil Chahtha Hai

Romantic:Kudha jane....Bachna AA Haseenoo

Happy:Wake up sid....Wake up Sid

Confused:Ghar se hum chal tho diye....Shaan

Fights:Bolo na.....Sona

Laughs:Prem ki naiyya ko paar....APKJK

Emotional:In dinom...Life in a Metro

Life is like a radio,u ought to hear whatever the station plays for you but, I wish if my life was like I pod so that i can shuffle based on ma choice.

Moments that i wish,just glide past.To be something that i despise,turning into something so artificial that I'm scared to gaze into the MIRROR.This Opal is someone i don't recognise,someone whose smiles are fake,someone who pretends she knows everything even when she knows deep down inside that the soil beneath her legs is fast disappearing.Today went shopping alone,devoid of the chipping,devoid of gossips.This is the harsh reality of life,the world around you changes in a matter of days.Just when you feel you had enough you realise its too late to turn back and do an alt+clt+dlt.Wish,life was easy..then nothing comes easy nowadays.You gotta move it and what do you get in return??complaints,abuses.Why do we even care?.Life is a big sad joke....iv stuck a smiley on ma bag not that I'm happy but,its something that i think is cool.So,what's the point?life is a game of pretending.You pretend your happy,satisfied but, in reality your not.You want a new name, a new life a start from the beginning,a complete erasal of your identity.Can you do that?Can you run away from responsibilities?.Can you look straight into the mirror and say"I'M THROUGH"? No you can't cause you are scared,scared of breaking the ties,scared of yourself.When can i be Me?When can i stop acting like I'm the happiest person on earth when I'm not.When can God grand me wishes i ask for?.WHEN CAN I WALK BAREFOOT ON WET GRASS?.When can i wash ma sorrows in the rain?.When can i act like a 22 year old without having to hear the "M" word?.Life why are you so unfair and mean.Random thoughts

What do you do when you see your life crumbling before your eyes?.Will you try saving it or will you fold your hands,stand there watching the downfall?.Any normal person would do the latter but,guess what am doing?Watching maself fall into a deep pit.Doesn't Mr.God have time for poor people like me?Guess not for, he is too busy splitting up states.

Morning ,as i got up my head was overflowing with ideas so as I can fill my half empty blog page. I muttered to ma own self ,repeating the words that have to be used .As I sit here and type ,my head is blank ,devoid of any ideas .All the hours of planning has gone waste. After last weeks sudden twist of events, the sea is calmer right now and waiting for another prey to grab on.
There is this little lazy monster in me, who refuses to work .Call ,me for anything and I have an excuse to pull ma head out of it. People around me are so dedicated that they literally drag me into places called lab, gym , lib etc. What happens after is a completely different story : the little monster gets hyper and overdoes stuff. I have to be literally thrown out of the lab once I'm in.

I can't understand why certain people are so consumed by their ego that they let their ego work on behalf of them.Certain someone, finds my presence so irritating that she finds me virtually invisible.Imagine this ....five of us are standing together discussing something,she comes in looks on to the side,where am not standing and speaks.May be its something that i know about but, her ego flares up in her and i find ma self shut out from the conversation.It happens almost everyday and i find it quite annoying.We are way past that age of ego clashes but,this isn't the case with her.Common!!!our personalities rarely match so is our personal statements then why the hell does she act like QUEEN B?.

God plays with ones luck,after he throws it up in the air,acts like he has nothing to do with it. For some,their whole life is driven by luck no matter what the situation is they manage to scrap through unhurt solely owing to their luck and for some,luck is just a word in the dictionary. I miss those late night gossips,the laughter and fun . The day she walked down,i couldn't hold back my tears .I was loosing not just a mate but, an awesome friend.Lame consolations forced me to squeeze my tear gland.The stick note in ma room is still intact which reads"WILL MISS YOU BIG TIME".Everything happens for a reason whether its good or bad, and with all the prayers i would wish only good things for her.2 months is too short of a time, to develop any close bonds but, I'm happy to say that i did and hopefully its gonna stay with me for the rest of ma life. . Ya !!!its for something better.Life has to go on.....

Life everywhere remains the same, so is the basic human instict to pull the leg of the one on top.Im not a saint but, i do understand the difference between competition and jealousy.Why bother about someone else's marks ,what one needs to learn is to outwit oneself everytime.In the process of glory,what one forgets is that there is someone out there at the bottom of the ladder trying to get their hands on you.Please!!!stop this marks madness.

Writer's block!!!Let the pictures speak for themselves

The term work is eating away the luxuries associated with PG way of living.For the professors PG student,are nothing but study machines for whom everything including eating and sleeping should come after the completion of treacherous amount of work.I didn't expect M.tech to be easy breezy nor did i expect a round the clock work schedule.I'm fast loosing steam trying to force ma self to concentrate on the goals specified.For me its moreover like a forced vacation trip gone wrong. It was never a matter of choice but, for someone who hasn't seen light for years even a 0 watt bulb is like sunshine. Sometimes i feel that ma destiny lies somewhere else and instead of me taking the driving seat someone else is taking me for a ride of a life time.Any point of regretting the past actions?I guess no!!!life has to go on so are 3 sems....may regain my lost heart somewhere,sometime.

When people come together,you can always find at least a dozen of them,not matching your tastes.As the law of natural selection,one tends to reject a few faces at the first go.Some not, appealing to you mentally and the funny fact is that you always ends up with the correct guess. I have always maintained diplomatic approach in my professional relationships but, it so happens that you meet people, with whom diplomacy seems the last term to deal with.Man has this unique instinct to rule, to crush the week ones.History has proved this theory wrong many time,an uprising and even the Berlin wall was broken,Russian dynasty came to an end so if that's the case can a mere number of 4 stand against a majority of 11?.Na!!!play the game of isolation,and you embrace victory!!Man being a social animal cannot distinct himself from the clutches of society ans when the society isolates him, he has no other way other than to repent his wrong doings.The next issue here is the mental conflict of expressing the toughest of views versus the softened stand of time will pay back. Dominance is the order of the life at Amrita,but we are playing our cards straight.Let time choose!!!SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

Life is a random variable,for which we try to assign values... for some the final answer turns out to be a finite quantity and for some its undefined.Most of us are in the process of defining priorities and goals,that will consume our lives for the coming long years.For some defining an aim in life is like rocket science,confusing,messy and full of brain cracking thoughts .They hardly spend any of their precious energy in designing their lives and live by their on rules.When expectations sky rocket so, is our fear of falling from greater heights.For some, the pressure is too much to handle and they fall apart. Its never the desire to be perfect that makes us sweat it out,but the fear of failures. If life was not measured by success and failures most of us would have sat on the couch whole day without doing nothing.

Sunday blues.I wake up to pray not to face another dreadful Sunday,the long distance travel,the screeching sound of the train engine.Wish i could erase all of these,and write in a different dream, the one in which I'm laying on ma comfy bed on a warm beautiful Sunday.

Back to the life of full fledged fun,where jokes are not offenses rather a tool for self amusement. okay!!!as Rahul puts in "You have got the big surprise at the wrong time and at the wrong place" ya!!the surprise came out of blue,totally unexpected for i have had lost hope a long time ago,right that very evening. Now that its back in frame,i have to put in a 120%.100% effort is already filled up by the excessive long sleeping hours , gulping down food and occasional studies.Wrong timing for a big surprise though .Time to rearrange priorities.

College life is full of surprises,everyday you come across something new.Each day is a learning experience,better make a good note of all these valuable lessons this time around.

Being a first time hosteler i don't think the ambiance in the so called place is not as intimidating as it is made to be.Being PG students, each of us are allotted a single room and you can have more than enough room to enjoy your privacy.I have made some good friends, had some great chats and overall i rate the hostel life a 4/5. As for the food part, the hostel sticks on to the horrible tag.I'm a person, who kind of merges with the general atmosphere and this haven't helped me a tad bit not to develop strange dislike for Sambhar.The food is predominantly Tamil based and the amount of potatoes is already having its effect on my waist line.
on the day, my parents came to leave me in the hostel, i had prepared for a meltdown.Surprisingly, i walked back to the hostel feeling extremely happy as my parents returned.With no regular classes i was forced to spend a large part of time confined to the room and it did, finally break me down on the 4th day, with a simulator in form of "CHANGE IN ATTITUDE"of someone. People change so rapidly and its hard to predict who is who until you are put through a hard situation.Some people stick by while some just flow into the tide, the tough decision is whether to let go of all the good times and act as if the person is non existent?.May be its a good idea, if you can reduce the pain inflicted.It already 6:30 and time for me to make a move to my hostel.I won't be going home for another one or two months so, mostly i will try updating from the lab as a temporary arrangement.

When ever things don't go the way i want to, i go paranoid.I really don't need any company,just happy being trapped in the crazy zone.Wanna be left alone,with no one trying to give me advices or trying to dictate my thought process. Just back off and let me retreat in to my humble adobe.

Whats with a guy's obsession with branded wears and accessories? .Puma,Adidas,Nike or Reebok he visits ma room every 5 minutes to enquire which one i would prefer and seriously i find the plain monogrammed bags and accessories so unattractive.The only factor that forces me to rethink is durability.Hell!!!who cares of 1500/- worth puma bag if i can buy 5 ordinary bag of 300 each?.May be they will last for 5 years but,cares to carry around the same bag for so long?definitely not my style. Dad is reluctant to invest in a branded jeans or a bag owing to two factors.

1: Bro will be going to government college.Try going in with brand all over,it may be the first reason to get ragged.

2:I have a brother,who cares least about his appearance and dad aint sure if he will take care of the bag for 4 years.

May be this is the same guy with whom i went in to a live in showroom,his pocket full of cash and he picks up a jeans worth 700/-.After seeing the price tag he changes his view from "I'm definitely getting it" to "ooh its so costly'.We are hitting the Puma showroom tomorrow ,will see what the guy decides.

Staring at my half empty wardrobe,my heart is stirring with mixed emotions.The background score of kaminey is doing no good. Wondering is the 2 year journey is worth all the tears.May be the person making this entry will be forgotten in coming 2 years.May be i will be replaced by my own better version.I won't be able to recognise with this emotion or the naiveness. The best in me wants me to believe that i will adjust, make new friends,find a new purpose in life.My be I'm heading towards my dream.Today i annoyed someone,I'm sorry!!sometimes I'm just difficult to handle,i stick with what i want to believe even if i know that I'm building castles in thin air I'm just not ready to accept that the castle isn't real.May be I'm crazy,delusional and staunch as a rock.As Rahul told me yesterday"Never change dear!this makes you what you are".There do exist people like him who even after,millions of wrong doings from my side has the heart to forgive.

You can almost feel it or even smell from the air around when people who are close to your heart starts moving away.Someone feels am just too possessive,but it doesn't feel good as a whole.Some relationships stand the test of time while, some other wither in small wind.As Raghu rightly said"There aint any bonds if they are not tested".For all those school buddies who still get annoying comments like"How do you?" thanks!!!.The silent prayer means a lot to me.

POWER OF EARNING VS POWER OF LEARNING.Two different domains,two different aspects of life and in its own way both powers are the sources of ultimate power.The one thing that clearly messed up my preconceived notion was my choice of selection of power of learning over power of earning right after Btech.Though, you can drub off my choice as one out of frustration or as my inability to develop a plan B.I have always loved the power of earning,not only it gives you self respect but, also commands respect from others. I have always maintained my stand of "every job has its on dignity" sometimes i think if i have to necessarily put my preaching to practice.Last day one of ma ex-mates rang me up to inform me of an open post of that of a receptionist in a medical centre and enquired if i was interested. I had an answer,the one you would expect"NO".Last time i did put forward something like that dad was generous enough to add" I will give you 300 per day but, don't come asking for ma permission for some silly jobs". This is not the matter of "I'm Btech and I'm not supposed to do this job" but, moreover a family status issue. Working female is always welcome in ma family as long as they are employed in a dignified post,even being a clerk at a bank is okay for ,traditionally banking and educational sector is considered to a safe bet.Working in lesser known private organisations is never safe and adding on ,the embarrassment my parents have to face if i come face to face with any of their colleagues.I'm sure i will be blessed with a job to match my education qualifications after 2 years, right now for all those people who would ring me up with offers...NO THANKS!!!

Some of you did let me know that my last post was quite kiddish for a 21 year old .Okay then today lets talk about something more adult based.How about "WARDROBE MALFUNCTION"?guys don't get your spirits high.Its a term commonly used in ma home when your wardrobe is overflowing especially right after the shopping sprees when you are left with no more space in your wardrobe to squeeze in your latest addition nor do you have space or money to buy a new one.Must be thinking why i have brought in this topic?.I'm faced with serious packing woes and i can't seem to decide what i should be packing and what i shouldn't.In the first go i nearly ticked mark on the entire wardrobe to be shifted to Coimbatore well,that's not possible considering the size of my hostel cupboard .You can bet that the cupboard will be monopolised by my books.I won't be coming home for quite a while so what should i carry?.The main catch in the whole packing woe is that for PG courses you don't have uniform.When you do have uniform you really get a peace of mind for, you don't have to think beforehand what you should wear the next day.I really am addicted to ma old uniform,that did make ma life a whole lot better.I'm really not happy to leave my humble den and cramp ma self into a smaller space.Having a single room all for yourself can be called a luxury considering the fact that dad will be spending 55K per year for hostel and mess. Bro will be leaving the nest too, leaving mom,dad and mikku all for themselves. I do tell dad at times that with both of us gone,not forget that Mikku doesn't have human gene in her and in no way can replace us.As for dad's logic" A Dog is better than both of US put together" what an insult.I have tons of work to complete before i fly off but, too lazy to walk out of my room,i have decided to spend maximum time in here so as to take with me memories that will help me survive for 3-4 months. Tomorrow off with Bro for some shopping.Credit crunch has definitely affected the shopping spree,this was the lame reason given by ma bro on strapping my 1500 rupees to 750 ,look what a bad economy can do right?.Aah!!! forgot let me get back to packing for now.Chow.

Sometimes stories of people whom you have never ever met in your life can bring tears into your eyes.Its because, either you can identify with this person or you feel sorry for them.I'm on the verge of tears.All, i know about Jenna is through one article but, for someone to have gone through all that pain of organising the kids future and teaching the husband to take care of a 2 year old and a 4 year old even after knowing that she may not be able to see a new sunrise the nex day[ She suffered from terminal cancer and died at the age of 29] is just plain amazing.Wish i had her gutts to face the death smiling.

Ma room is filled with soft toys.I had planned for a give away for ma cousins but, every time i take ma self back to the memory lanes can't seem to separate them apart from ma life.Most of these teddies share ma deepest, darkest secrets and ya they give me company during cold nights.To part with them i believe is not an option no matter how hard i try . They should stay!!and i really don't care what ma room looks like with 7-8 furry creatures giving me company. Sometimes i rave about how unattached I'm with people and things and mom finds it quite not like me about arguing over a bunch of soft toys ,neither do i.No matter how hard you try to be unattached,deep down inside you still try to be that little kid screaming for attention.I act like a hypocrite at times,its love care and attention that i need and frequently fight for and when it comes my turn to repay here I'm...trying to question the whole concept of attachment.Well,the Archie's gallery stays!!!!!.Don't get fooled by the above picture,these are just the inmates in ma room they have their counterparts in different rooms, except in Bro's who finds the whole teddy bear thing "UN-MANLY"

Typing,deleting and retyping ,getting frustrated,pulling ma hair out,pressing my mob typing keys hard,chatting with ex mates,writing down some rubbish.Not in best of ma manners nowadays much to ma parent's displeasure.I'm confined to ma room,with the oily food giving me company.Have piled up 4 kilos already and raring to go.I'm gulping down the food,unbothered about the heart wrenching screams straight from ma stomach.I think i need to slow down on the intake and trim down a little.Not every one will be sweet to your buldging hips like your loved ones.

THERE IS A LOT OF DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOING WHAT YOU LIKE AND DOING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT YOU TO LIKE.HOW TO LET SOMEONE KNOW THAT THEIR DREAMS ARE NOT YOURS?

People ask me all sorts of weird questions at times and the one that tops the list is"what does your doggie do?".Does she guard your fortress,roll on the ground,fetch early morning newspaper?.Hell no! this is what she is good at.

MASS DESTRUCTION:my 4 pairs of shoes and 2 umbrellas have met with premature death all thanks to her special ability to make things irreparable.This was the sate in which i found my umbrella last day,she spend nearly 2 hours trying to lay her paws on the umbrella i kept above the car the previous day.When i went in to pet her,she greeted me with a grin and refusing to part with my umbrella. I quickly grabbed a stick and started threatening her with dire consequences and throughout the entire I'M TALKING TO YOU conversation she just kept tilting her head sideways.At the end of the speech she gave me that cute puppy faced look,which did force me to throw away the stick i was holding. After 2 days of suppressed hormones, she is back in action people by tearing off bro's shoes.Keep your umbrellas and shoes at a distance cause MIKKU is guarding the house.

Don't ask me the same question twice,I may end up getting confused.After much deliberations,i have decided to pack ma backs to embark on a different journey, a journey through the land of IC's and electronics to reach the final destination of educational enlightenment.So, let me break the news to all you people,who still haven't received an answer to the question"What next?".Well, I'm going to join Amrita engineering college,Coimbatore to do ma MTech in VLSI.I have been asking myself a lot lately"Is this what i wanted?" and i don't seem to hear a reply.Forcing myself to adapt to the 2 years of technical meltdown, hopefully the whole experience will help me appreciate technical studies .Now im closed for the question answer section.Good night people.

FEEL THE LOVE!!!

That was the most uncomfortable position i have ever been in quite a long while,in between two silent lovers,me chirping in sentences to fill the empty atmosphere.Both of them were least interested in listening to my lectures on life and beyond as they were staring at each other or was it??.I remember him yelling at me"keep your head low,I can't see her" common it wasn't the compliment i was expecting for helping him see his lady love and better not to start on the shy lady love.She kept looking at the concreted pavements,her head stooping low for the entire one sided conversation .......never did once she look at him.Classic case of typical mallu girl.The conversation was between me and the sea,we both sharing a point or two about the life.The whole setting seemed straight out of a 70's film and i still don't understand where i fit the bill between the two of them. I accompanied her,for there was no way her prince charming would save her from her high walled palace,for the time being Mr.Prince charming hasn't found his way around her parents.There comes the saviour [ME],the Prince's bestie and the Lady Love's good friend.I pretend to come visiting and takes her to meet him ....up to that part of the story,its quite ordinary but, siting between two lover's trying to mask their hidden affection from the public glare is embarrassing.I was more daring in my endeavours!!.I was witness to driving emotions,tears,sarcasm laced with affection etc etc etc.After i decided that the one sided conversations couldn't go on,me and the lady love rose from the bench ,opened the umbrella and walked through the pouring rain,her cheeks still warm from the fresh tears,he sat on the bench drenched in rain looking towards the ships that sailed past. After a 5 minutes walk she took a U turn and walked straight towards him while i waited down the jetty.May be the 3's company made it uneasy for her and i decided it was better off without me this time around.It paid off,i see them walking towards me,both with the same old plain expression but, better than the one's pasted on their face before.Well, what a day!!!

When it comes to selecting between two things that involves the same amount of commitment and sacrifice i feel lost like a girl stranded in a chocolate shop ,trying to choose between two chocolates.Wish decisions in life were as easy as selecting a candy. CAREER vs RELATIONSHIP,the age old question that has confined many of the potential CEO's in kitchen.If i had a stable life there wouldn't have been much of a confusion but,there is nothing so called normalcy in ma life at this point.Mom and Dad earns and i just eat and adds on weight.What a glorious life of uselessness. I'm stuck in the no man's land. Feeling miserable!!!!!

Watching the rain

as the rain drops kiss your cheeks

The wind blowing your hair that covers your face

windows hitting hard on the pane

Romantic!Romantic !Romantic!

You need to experience the playful bliss from the balcony

Unrestricted screeching of the wind

forcing you to run for cover

Water pearls dripping down the lotus leaves

The sound drops of water makes as it gets collected in the pot...

The dismayed look on ma doggy's face
The warmth of the pillow

The steaming aroma of the cardamom tea

changing the channels,while one's eyes are fixed on some other dreams

The cow grazing unbarred by the rain

coconut palms swaying to the tunes of the wind

The wet clothes sticking to your curves

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS OF MONSOON

I'm not much of a one liner person but,guess what i came up with?
"STAY OFF MA GRASS!!!ITS FOR ME TO GRAZE"
If you see the context in which the liner has been shot,you would probably roll on the floor laughing.

An hour's walk from the railway station to the jetty,with your loved one.....the one scene that has been replaying in ma head for the whole day. This is ma interpretation of the scene....

Both the lover's are scared on being caught by someone they know but, they still gather up enough courage to take the longest walk of their lives as its one of those rare moments he gets to share with her all his emotions that has been clogged in his heart for years.They wait down the jetty,as the boat arrives she moves onto the ticket counter,he watches her walk away and the loneliness that she leaves behind cuts deep down his heart.He gathers in courage to ask"You want me to come?".She nods,leaving the decision into his hand,he swiftly goes to the counter"two tickets please".This is the reason why i say"MA BEST FRIEND IS THE CHEEKIEST ROMANTIC ON PLANET EARTH"

Sometimes i turn ma head and run straight to ma room after hearing the sarcastic comment from that guy.Nothing much to reply to a person,who has success/ego etched onto his name.I can't even seem to remember a day where i haven't tried ma very best to lace the sarcasm with ma tired smile.I know the baggage that comes with the fact that i have a bother whose technical part of the brain is far superior than mine,but not in the wildest dreams i have imagined that he will find pleasure in humiliating me in front of ma friends. I have grown over the idea that "you are not as good as me" .Even after constant reminders from dad to keep his feet on ground he keeps on pestering ma brain cells. It set me thinking"What am i worth anyway?".Ma parents shelled out 2 lakh for ma 4 years course and ya this guy required less than 30 K.Ma head keeps on getting filled with weird ideas and i do am clogged with identity crisis.I do have one but constantly being ripped apart by ma own sibling.I had enough of the torture.....

Why does a sad news always follow a good news?.Don't we have the right to be happy for a day?seems like not.Bro bagged 718th rank in kerala entrance and as i rushed in the news to ma uncle and grandma,i wasn't prepared for the next shock....uncle met with an accident,he is diagnosed with shoulder injury.When i rang him up,he didn't utter a word and ya i didn't ask much too for,he is supposed to be at his office place now.All the joy gets drowned in one sad incident and ya we don't feel like celebrating Bro's success.Ma college buddy Geeth's is on a 4 day stay at home....as i type in this post she is out with ma other mates enjoying the sunny beaches of fortcochin.Unfortunately for me, I'm in no mood for fun i have lots in ma bag right now and that includes a visit to the village office.Until next time....chow!!

Every time I keep ma smile intact I fail miserably. Time to go back to the shell and do some damage control. Its difficult not to get hurt and when you have people around who constantly remind you how fragile your heart is things doesn’t seem any better. Sometimes I wonder the whole point of existence…aren’t we thriving on ballooned ego and jealousy?.I do get sick of ma existence and I do ask God, ”There are plenty of people who wants to add another day in their life you don’t seem to care about them instead you prolong the misery for those who don’t actually bother much about their life “.Relations are just threads, that break on stretching..apply some force and then see the centre portion thinning out. Things we forsee but, some things gives you a hard blow totally unexpected and the impact of the blow doubles because you Weren’t prepared .Today, something or certain someone hurt ma pride with some pictures that has nothing to do with me and that is the problem.Well, you can’t expect someone to treat you the way you treat them right?.They have a choice and its upto them to decide what they want to do. I'm no ANGEL and may be I deserve the cold shoulder. I keep on reminding ma self that I don’t want to tangle ma self with the treads and ya its just another incident that concretes ma basic principle ”STAY AWAY,I'M TOO COMPLICATED FOR YOU”

Talking about technology leaves me gasping for breath.It makes the air around so polluted,call me illiterate but any intelligent person can have his/her BAD TECHNOLOGY DAY.It not everyday that you get to laugh at ma cost,so go on read and have a heartily laugh. Last day Dad came into ma room furious"You embarrassed me in front of ma friends".On getting to the root of this statement an old story reappeared from its grave.The week before I gave him some technological gyaan which backfired.All thanks to 50+ tech guys.On being asked about the data cable,I replied innocently"I can't use this data cable Dad!!whenever you use connect it to the virus infected computer,virus comes out and sits inside the cable and next time you use it on another computer,virus spreads". Dad spread ma wisely statement among his friends only to be booed by them.Well, now i know computer virus isn't an animal

I was feeling little down for the past few days.Reason being,the void that has been filling up ma heart or to be more precise the feeling of letting people down.Ma parents weaved their dreams around me and, i never realised how important these dreams are for them.I failed miserably in coloring their world ,barely saving ma self from disgrace by scoring a 84 for boards and a 4411 in kerala state entrance.My parents never realised that the younger one will rise anywhere near to the standard i set in 10th. He picked up bits and pieces and wove their dreams back on. We are expecting him to hit a 3 digit for kerala. Its not jealously but, a sense of" Why couldn't i do this for ma parents?'.27th after ma exams i went back to class,waiting for ma parents to turn up for ma convocation as i was called in,i searched for ma name on the list,it wasn't there in the usual list and i panicked.Silpa,brought it to ma notice that ma name ,was put in 5th as I'm the 5th recipient of the Dean's Honour List.Don't even bother to ask how i felt especially ,when all the parents are present and ma parents would get a chance to say"That's ma daughter".What came of as strange is the comments i received from ma own batch mates"Wow!! never knew you were a bhuji".Well, for a girl who wears 3 studs,changes her bag every fortnight,walk as if she doesn't care ,may be they find it difficult to gulp in the fact.Whatever the comments are,I saw ma parents gleaming and that was the most memorable moment of ma life.I may never get a chance like this again.This is just to let the world know"I LOVE MA DAD AND MOM"

For all those who drub my absence from the blogging scenario as ma attempt to upset the topper,You are wrong.I'm so preoccupied with ma life that finding time to log into the bogging arena to type random letters seem such a waste of time.I have better things to do like to catch "Hope and Faith" or eat ma meal at the right time.Grandpa and grandma is home,enjoying their long vacation and suddenly the house seems filled,bustling with activities from morning 5 to late night 12.None of the excuses for quitting the meal works with grandma as she carefully fills in ma plate with food big enough to feed ma brother.Speaking of brother,he has fulfilled Dad's dream by being school 2nd in 12th.Scoring 88% in 12th CBSE is a big thing and that's comes straight from a person who has gone through the torture.Yay!!! 3 year countdown have begun and I'm wishing for a ride to the future in a time machine to get a peak into what it like on the D-Day. 27th , ma last exam falls on this beautiful Wednesday and after which I'm held by promises of a 3 days class.Hope i can complete all prior engagements before the plane touches the runway. Right now lemme get back to the world of file management,UNIX and deadlocks.

The conversation:

SMI: You got your mark?.I asked Vish to take a note of it.

ME:No, actually i don't have any contacts with any of the so called classmates not even Vish and ya he didn't message.

SMI: Now that' not ma case,ma inbox is filled with texts and missed calls.

ME: Ohh!!! i get it,you are going to college everyday right?

SMI: You are good in your guess .They want me to come to college everyday, seems like they can't study without me.

ME: What would have happened if God hadn't given us this gift?

SMI: We wouldn't have got the least respect showered on the beggars even.

ME:Ya!!!!!!they need us and that's the reason they stick around.

SMI:So true

ME:Will see how many of them will remember us after college too.

SMI:You kidding...NO ONE...

Part of being non social is that you wouldn't have to bear the sight of the parasites . You never gain nor loose and then there are genuine people like ma bestie Smi,who keeps aside all personal duties to help out the so called Friends in times of NEED even after ,back to back experience that proves they are not worth all the trouble.I respect her for that ,may be I'm not as generous as she is.I used to hang around college during study holidays,prepare in advance so that the next day i can share ma knowledge base.It doesn't satisfy ma self anymore as the face masks come peeling off ,the human in me decays for better good. May be its better to go to college and study rather than wasting away ma time but, why be in an environment where you are not comfortable being you?.I don't want the crown and the tag well,that's not what I'm and that's not what i want to be.

Today i went shopping with mom.She remembered, ma request for a new hand bag which was made last week,we went into the shop and started going through everything.Its difficult to get what you visualise but, then with no other option you are forced to pick one. I quite liked this bag(I have a fetish for hobo bags),then when i asked the salesperson the cost i kind off kept it back in its place.Rs 499/- the bag screamed ,mom started to walk towards the cashier that's when i stopped her "I don't want" I declared.This part of the story is something ma mom hates,she thinks after forcing the salesman to open all the plastic covers, we need to spend some cash there. I don't agree with her theory at all.If you don't like something why bother spending your money, time and resources on it,the shops don't expect us to buy all the things in the display right?.500 is a small amount ,I know and if i had a job i would happily spend my money on that bag but, when you thrive on some one Else's cash,it better to keep the wish list to yourself.I remember going to west side with Dad ,I know dad could have brought what i wanted if i nodded but,if i did i would never understand the value of money.Ma parents work ,work and work more to provide me and bro with the lifestyle we are enjoying right now,and spending their hard earned money just because i want a new bag is not fair.I go on spurge right after vishu and onam when i have enough cash in ma hand to do what ever i want.Though not earned through hard work the guilt factor doesn't come into play and my small fetishes are fulfilled.Now, that I'm all set to finish college, there are so many things i want to buy,then I'm not financially independent and that very fact keeps me grounded to Earth.If i do have a job!!!I'm the one responsible for a bank balance at the end of the day and i will spend as i like but, wisely.Money in crude gives you power,keeps you happy and gives wings to dreams.I may buy or not buy but, i do have the power to buy if i want to and that feeling needs to be felt.Right now, all the money from Vishu is safely hidden in ma drawer,it gives me sense of pride to go on counting the 10's and 20's day after day.Iv drawn ma wish list ,every time i look at the list i force ma self to think of the situation where i have to ask for pocket money and the logical part of brain takes the right decision to put off the list until i get a job.
Expensive gift are a definite NO-NO for me!!!!.When you give someone a gift like that you feel that the tag shows your love.A big wallet may not buy you love and one can easily spot between a genuine gift and a gift to show the size of one's wallet.On the receiving end i wouldn't personally like an expensive gift,anything above 500 is expensive for me if its not ma cash but if it is its not.Gifts makes me happy but, expensive not so much.I'm looking forward to the week ahead,its special in many ways and ya until ma next post spend the moolahs wisely.

A career switch perhaps will be the best option.People swarming in to give their valuable advices,this phase of life is certainly frustrating. Where is all the balance in life gone?,seems like it got frustrated and decided to run off to some calm place. Should have joined for MBA ,now i feel,it was way better than sitting here idle.2 more bank exams coming up guess, i will gather the lost motivation by then.Its just plain frustrating, especially when you feel the bad vibes from people around.JOB..JOB..JOB...that's the only thing up in my head nowadays and does that help in scrubbing of my laziness.NO!!!!!!!! ya i need some order in my life,or else i will die as a regular person in the crowd.I need to work hard ,I tell my inner soul and catch it napping at that instant.Why can't it listen ?.Why can't my parent's listen?.Why can't my friends listen?.Life is filled with confusion and anger and i need to do some soul searching. I may not become CEO of Microsoft but,that attitude doesn't have to force me to think that I'm far less than millions of people round the globe. I will have to prove to people around me that I'm one of a kind and it's just a matter of time.

Fights->Tears->Make ups->Smiles->Fights...In love its a vicious circle.Wish i were more sensible in speech,let brain do all the thinking and give ma mouth a rest.When you are red with anger,you forget to weigh your words.Bad idea,to say something so painful and apologising later but, somehow all these theory fails to impress me.Years may add grey hairs and grey matter into one's brain but, mine seems damaged.Please God!!!!!!!!!! help me change ,glue up ma mouth next time with fevicol when I get angry for no reason.I turn back and see tears and it makes me feel miserable.Anger should follow a failed logic reason and for me i doesn't matter all I need is an air of self induced"There is a .000000000001% decrease in the love" doubt. I'm with the best guy in the world but,what is the point of being in love if i can't keep him happy?

Life after BTech

Ma thinking tank is empty at this moment,may be owing to the overdose of drama that has been filling up ma free time for the past couple of days.College is officially closed, and ma four year of painful wait is coming to an end.In a matter of months I will be awarded ma degree and life after that is a big "?".I can't visualise ma self in a technical post,Instrumentation am okie with but, what about the associated tail ends?.People still believe am good at the studying thing ,what they don't take into consideration is ma volatile memory.For someone who erases her brain every 6 months,technical jobs is a definite "NO-NO".I have been planning for ma long break from the monotonous time schedule.As for now 9 am sunrise is okie but, once the vacation starts Mom will find pleasure in pushing me into the dungeons of the kitchen.Spoons and recepies will replace lectures and resumes.I crib about being unemployed every hour,still after all the drama I refuse to open up ma books and work hard during competitive exams.I can assume its lack of motivation,I'm pretty much sure ma MNC will call me though a little late.False hopes,living in a dream land whatever you wanna call it go ahead but, u can't break ma confidence.Iv decided to give in for mom's requests for writing GATE 2010 .Mtech was never in ma agenda, but I'm forced to reconsider ma decisions owing to current situations.I really feel jealous of the younger one breaking his spine preparing for entrance.Even he agrees to the fact that IIT is not his cup of tea but,that doesn't stop him from gulping down tons of coffee just to keep awake at night.He is driving high on his motivation,his desire to succeed,his quest for greater knowledge well, i lack all of these. He now takes pleasure in asking me all the physics question in front of dad and mom for ,he knows that I don't know.I end up covering my ignorance giving others a reason to laugh on."How did you pass Engg without knowing all these" Dad asked and i don't have an answer for that.Being able to crawl into top 5,is a great achievement by itself and I'm good at what i love:Instrumentation.Beyond what's given in ma textbook if you ask me even one letter i would look blankly into your face and say" I DON'T KNOW".Really,after this post i need to turn back into ma daily quota of drama to feel good.At least, I'm better than those characters!!!!

Yesterday,turned out to be memorable day.It was the most romantic thing i did for someone and ya it was an awesome date too.Wondering why am going public?.22 years back,fresh out of medical school the 21 year old fair,pretty girl wanted to build her career but, her parents had something else in store for her.Her marriage was fixed and within one week after her final exams she was ready to start a new life with this 27 year old rugged guy whom she had met just once previously.Years later they are happily married ,blessed with two kids,good health and all luxuries in life.As much as i hate the idea of arranged marriage,my parents makes the whole adjustment thing seem so easy.I have seen their relationship evolve over time and well now,they are united and against me n bro:).Now, for yesterday their wedding anniversary was on April 4 but ma sharp dad forgot.Mom brought him new shirt with a reminder"You didn't buy me anything" poor dad went in and ordered food from outside yesterday.After college,which turned out to be one hell of a shocker,i went in and brought one whole carton of ice cream(I had wrong intentions too,considering the fact that bro is out of town and parents aren't a fan of ice creams either).I hid the carton in the freezer.By 7:30 mom went out and so did dad,well i got 22 candles lit them and arranged them on the dining table,went into the garden plucked mom's favorite rose(bad idea!!!,which i realised later) and spread the petals on the table.Mom came in first complaining on the fact that i switched off the lights well ,she was shocked to see the dinning table and then came dad,well can't say if he is proud of me or not but,i could see the gleam in his eyes.We had our dinner and the big bowl of ice cream that i brought.I sneaked into the kitchen two time yesterday night you guys can imagine for what though .Why should i be the one telling you guys everything?

Now for some random stuff,by 22 i should have gotten over the "Oh I'm so crazy about the fashion scene" phase well, i realised I'm not,deep down inside I'm a girly girl.I'm so addicted to Valentino and Cavalli attires,gladiator pumps and jimmy Chou and Gucci bags.Sometimes i wish if ma dad could have this vision that ma wardrobe was empty and get me all the stuff that i want.These are international brands baby!!!!!!!!buying one of these expensive things means starvation for the month.

Something irritated me yesterday!!parents should not have high expectations about their kids especially nagging your kid for an 95,when the maximum possible achievement rate for the kid is 70 is cruel.Putting pressure,comparing,subjecting to punishments ohh !!!we are for god's sake engineering students not some pre-KG kids.Then again there is another class of daughters who embarrass their parents in front of the whole society.Running off with someone you met 1 or 2 years back without even thinking about the ones who cared for you for 21-22 years is well, no words there. Imagine,the pain parents go through to make all your whims and fancies come true?and one day you throw them out of your life like curry leaves.You will have to write in down in your balance sheets and someday when questions are asked ,you will never have the guts to speak the answers.

Well,what can i say?All the best guys!!!!!!!do well in life.I'm sad beyond the consolation limit for,things have been pricking ma heart,like the AE video.So,I never knew the class had like 30 people alone and a simple question:where are others?lost?or aren't you ready to acknowledge their existence?.Well,leave it for there aren't any genuine people around to start debating.I'm done with 2005-2009 AEI.Monopoly isn't the solution to impending issues!!!!!!!!!!good night

Men,the word in singular is nothing to be feared of but,the plural of the word means bunch of chauvinists trying to bring on the old concept of slavery.They are like bunch of crows,if one gets attacked the rest comes after you,tearing you apart so ,strong is their unity.Last day as i was getting insulted in full public glare by ma own class mate i saw the others watching from a distance,smiling to themselves but as the tension grew high and when ma voice started to penetrate through their ear drums they came to the rescue of their friend accusing,pointing fingers at the sole warrior.The height of male chauvinism :none of them asked me what the problem was ,all that they were bothered at that point of time was to save the skin of the "MALE COMMUNITY". In an argument,a guy tries to accuse the girl of her moral character as a last resort, a frantic attempt to win the war.The culture of respect and mutual understanding is long gone.Some one even suggested"He is like that ,try to adjust".Well, then why the hell can't he? .Its never in the rule book that the girl should be the one always forgiving ,why can't men do the same.Does it hurt their inflated ego?.Insulting someone,especially a lady that too in public won't make you macho instead ,it shows how desperate you are ,how weak you are. Have to accept their unity,no matter what issues sore within them they make it a point to stick together at times of trouble.I'm sick of ma college life and thank goodness its coming to an end in 6 days. I shouldn't have shed even one drop of ma tear thinking about those scum bags.Life for me is an excuse to hush and bush up my responsibilities,path to redemption,path to self discovery and seems like the chauvinist world is here to stay and i better get used to it.

If i have the power to stop time,cut through my words,walk past my own actions i would have rewritten my past but, alas!!!I'm not God.The human character in me overrides my goodness,each time i shout,blow my face I'm doing the same mistake over and out.I do learn from my past and rework on it but,now there is no room for correction.I need to go a long way to transform in to a sensible person.Hurting someone ,for the sake of holding back tears is absurd and not heard of.Well, I do it every time i refuse to force myself to believe that"Its for good".

The day was cloudy yet bright and the wait made it seem so special.Time they say has the power to make any relation weak or strong and i experienced it in full expansion today. The ride was long ,the menu gave me an appetite.I still fathom the big bowl of black current ice cream i left back.I couldn't fill myself any longer,i gazed at the bill and then the bowl.The numbers sting ed my heart as i sat up cursing my space so as i can clean the bowl up.I couldn't and with lot of pain i walked past the bowl onto the washing room.The cloudy sky gave way to a clearer one,with sun shining so bright.And all of a sudden i wished for a BIG pack of chocolate .There was so much to say ,so much to share and we wrapped it up in just 4 hours.It was short and sweet and on the way back home,the fairy made my wish come true.As,i kept the chocolates at bay,the volcano erupted squashing and crushing the light heart mood.The air turned sour and the sound that roared,the car came to a halt.I closed the door,rushed past the crowd and never turned back.As i kept on walking guilt took over i took up my mob and texted sweet things.In a matter of hours cheers were spread and this pretty sums up my day as a whole.

You always have a choice,the choice to be yourself or the choice to be what you dream of.Dreams that you hold near should never extend to a level where they remain not just dreams but,piles of stinky luggage that keeps others at a distance. People are so judgemental,that they fail to see the goodness,fail to see through your skin . I have something to say to these people: If you hate me!!! stay away . I'm writing this post disheartened at the recent events,when your best of pals lies to you and that too not just one white lie but, a series of lies then, you are forced to doubt your own sanity . Was I mad enough to trust someone so badly that he/She turns out nothing better than the rest.Well, may be I cannot judge people easily and that reflects in my past and present.Both of us did a fair job in warning her and now its up to her to handle her life the way she dreamt of.Its not because we are good friends it gives us any right to dictate someones life and just because we have our hands full,it doesn't give us any right to advice her either.When i raised my voice,you looked into my eyes and spoke"You have the right to advice,scold or even question me" I never knew it was a statement meant to save you from further questioning.I wanted you to see the whole picture,but you are acting out the role of a frog trapped in a well believing that the well is your world.Open your eyes!!!its life,its not something that you read in fairy tales. Okay i don't have a problem with part 2 but why lie to your best friends?When you lie it indicates three things

1:You are scared

2:You don't trust the other person

3: You know you did something wrong .

Which ever way it is ,it hurts .People never come up to me to get a clarification but, i know there has been lots of talk going on behind my back and i can't save you this time dear. You are on your own but, always remember :never walk beyond the boundary for its the way to your doom and we may never be able to save you.

The planner is here.Was quite taken aback at Smi's tit bit"Farewell on 28th of march".That's like too short of a time to say a proper good bye.Everyone have started planning for the big day and not to be left far behind the 18 AEI gals too charted upon a plan"DRESS CODE".Usually things don't work out the way we plan for ,there are few spoilsports like me who prefer sleekness over wackiness.Still,after much debate it was left for individual choice and now the real planning process begins.When you just follow,you don't have much to worry about details as the framework already exists and what needs to be done is to work over it.It gets a totally new dimension wherein which you are leading,you will have to start from scratch.People say I remind them of Monica in Friends for we share a common trait: Order and perfection.Everything from A to Z is planned and any deviation from original as suggested is never welcome.

My wedding is gonna be super tough on my parents and ma brother has already backed out for we don't agree on certain things.I mean if I had a twin sister with a shared brain mass I would have made her plan my wedding for me .Am not quite conventional in my likes not following the typical mallu girl routine of "Moustache is the symbol of male power" I would go in for a clean shaved look any day any time.I don't like the color RED for,I think the color is too aggressive.I will settle in for either pale or subtle colours for my wedding Saree.Well,what about a Christian wedding with white flowing gown and a bunch of rose tulips,the wedding wows and the ball room dance,this is what an overdose of English film can do on your poor neurons.I need a dinner date!!!in a sea side restaurant with soothing music and lots of dim lighting.Oh God!!! I'm getting so sucky romantic in this post and hey hey don't get it wrong no wedding blues for like 3 years.

Now for the nearest event,budget is made and so are the plans I just need some helping hands in order to execute the same.Assuming the worst case scenarario,Iwould probably start working from this week.I have my plan B ready to assume centre stage in case of a possible back out.

Now for some real insight into my pursuit for perfection

1: I don't like wrinkled sheets.

2: I keep my notes in different bundle based on most commonly used scheme.

3: I keep all my accessories in order.

4: I don't like scattered paper .

5: I don't like my brother's room.

hang on before you say I have BOD.I can prove otherwise

1: My lower deck of wardrobe [ house dress] are a mess.

2: I like drawing on my bench.There are like millions of writings and drawings on it.

3: I misplace things.

4: I drink coffee in my room.

5: I like to mess up the shoe rack.

So,I'm a totally unpredictable character in short.Okay another random stuff,I have got rid of my neck tie[golden chain with pendant] can't understand the logic that ma mom's put forward,it always reminds me of mikku's[ma dog] chain.The temperature in Cochin has reached all time high and the chain clinging on to ma neck adds on more discomfort.Finally I was unleashed ,thanks to ma bro who couldn't stand the shimmering chain.Don't ask me why I am being so random.I love being random,I love being illogical and more over I love confusing people.

Its gonna be a long post.To savor the taste,sound and smell of real India you will have to travel in a sleeper class that was the lame reason Dad gave on booking the back ticket from Bangalore in a sleeper class.I don't think the statement has much to do with the love for the ordinary lifestyle it has more to do with monetary gain for it costs just 300 bucks for a sleeper class ticket whereas it costs nearly 2000 for a three tier AC. The changing phase of India was clearly visible on the ticket booking pattern for,there were seats available in sleeper while it was all filled in 3 tier.People are opting for luxury travel as compared to cheap travel and people are ready to shell out any amount of cash for the same.Students,housewives,singles,executives travelling alone can be a major safety issue and AC class promises a safe journey at affordable rates.AC travel offers clean toilets,bed sheets,pillows ,blankets,good food as compared to its poorer sleeper counterpart.Dad had to pull in all strings to get a tatkal,where in which you will have to pay the fare from starting station but,even a last minute booking will assure a seat.We got in Island express from Ernakulam town.There was a family already occupying the whole of six seats.The journey was kind of a reminder that people are not welcome to the whole privacy thing even now.Playing your mobile at high volume or showing the family snap to your fellow passengers,invading the leg space man it was tough.Even my poor Ipod couldn't save me from the noise level outside my bubble.What helped us to cut out our misery was the fact that the journey was an overnight one.At about 9 Dad indicated that it was bed time though 12 is the usual timings for us.We reached Bangalore 10 minutes before the indicated timings,another rare feat if it was about 5 -6 years before.Indian railways have gone a long way from its dubious reputation of being the snail service to a more time conscious service.Things have changed for better and I have only good things to say about their punctuality.

Its my first time to the garden city and i was on a tight schedule,after attending my GD and PI we went for a quick round through the city.I couldn't find much difference between Cochin and Bangalore,may be the cleanliness and the dressing sense,it clearly indicates the free spiritedness of the pub city as compared to the conservative eyes down in queen of Arabian sea.Don't ask how, but, we got stuck at Big Bazzar and with my mom's fascination for any thing free we decided to buy in tops under "BUY 2 GET 1 FREE SCHEME" thanks to the far sightedness of the employees my dad had to stand in queue for about one hour.Initially one of the dresses we selected was returned back owing to its unisex tag,well then why the hell have they placed it in the ladies section? okay,next the billing section didn't have a clue about the whole offer thing and they were calling in staff from every department.If they don't have a data base of their own offers why the hell do they give any?What we saw was poor display of retail management.Even the employees,had a tough time in understanding English as all they knew was Kannada and literally i had to put in every word in hand signals for them to understand.After the awful shopping experienced i logged to go back to the shops back in kerala where, you get personalised treatment + less tension. I rate the shopping experience as 2/10.

On our way back,we were booked into the seats 1,2,4 and after 10 minutes the toilet began to stink,topping it were a pack of guys who were stationed near our seats,the crowd got worse and after 30 minutes there were nearly 25 guys[ think they were going for some excursion] near our seat.Sleeping in such a scenario was out of question and the train was an overnight one an added misery.Leaving me and mom alone dad disappeared into the crowd,after about 15 minutes he came back with a jovial smile"we are shifting to 3 tier AC".Phew!!! may be dad had too much of the savoring the real India idea.We were back into the comfort of the cool chill and the rest of the journey was pleasant.Though we did smell and see the real India ,it was too much to handle may be because we are accustomed to small luxuries in life.Its difficult to burst out of it and join the crowd.India really looked gorgeous from within the glass window and that's all i wanna experience right now,anything above or below it too hard for me to digest.

I loved him.The relationship of four years that came to a full stop just because i was.....Ya i deserve it,i haven't giving him much of attention lately and its quite natural for him wanting to move away.Can't blame anyone right now,no shedding tears,no frustrated talks just plain simple acceptance of the fact that"I have lost him" and i have to accept the truth.Yesterday ,as i looked into his eyes i seemed confused as those were not the warm eyes i have been used to for years.May be i don't deserve him,may be he is better of with someone else.I won't forgive anyone who tries to steal him away from me for,we share "our lives".What i don't understand is why did he had to wait until this last moment to express.I'm lost...i don't have words,Someone promised me a life without him but,I'm not sure if i can move ahead.I used to depend on him for almost all the calculations in life. We were inseparable and where ever i went i had his hands intertwined into mine,the world knows about us.He has my name etched on to his skin and just like that one morning i find him missing from my life.I received the news with shock,i tried calling up my friend for any details and all i received was"Saw him outside while you went to see the professor and then he disappeared".Life has to move on.I will have to buy a new CALCULATOR

There are times when you have millions of things you wanna share but, you fall short of words and no other word is enough to capture your emotion.Time can perform miracles,time can change your outlook,time can alter your wishes.

If you ask me, where I have been hiding for the past one week,I would not have an answer.Was it a route to escape the bad vibes?.Did i realise anything?.Yup!!!don't plan your life for, planning never goes right instead always be prepared with plan B.You won't have to stare blankly at random"?" when the plan A fails. Right?.

When I was small I used to have millions of dreams and with each year i began crossing out some of them out of the list,not that I achieved any but, because I began to realise that those dreams are high up above,something that I may never be able to achieve from bare ground.Right now if you ask me some of those dreams are still alive but they are no where near to the original ones.They look more like skeletons that have suffered worst of alterations.At this point of time even ghostly skeletons seem scary and achieving them seems to be a far stretched dream.

Fate ,luck,destiny they do exist and they can U turn your life making it slip,taking you unaware that you are going to land hard on the floor.I find "HOPE" a little hard to digest and so is "FOR SOMETHING BETTER"

Is ma life worth all these fights?.Is ma life worth hell lot of cash?.Is ma life worth anything at all?.It does!!!.Its worth at least 5 smiles,smiles of people who can't live without me in their lives .Its worth if not for me ,these people's hopes.So,life goes on...new dawn,new search for existence ,a new struggle.

This post is about raw talent.The first time I met Nisha,i rubbed her off as yet another arrogant junior but, her work made me her admirer.There are people,who think writing poems is no big deal as it only requires rhyming words at the end and complicated sentences.For me,the highest point of achievement is to write a good poem,unfortunately I don't think I can in near future.I started ma literary journey through poems but, somewhere down the line I lost the art.Purists call ma poems, a branched version of thoughts.I'm never comfortable with the constrains,I can never introduce rhyming in ma poems.There are poems, which are beautiful even without the rhyme but,they are full of literary puns,sophistication,flowing beauty.Once you start with the first line you don't feel like stopping until the last.I'm more comfortable with stories,Hindi and English here, not the style that's given prime importance but,the idea.You can replace any word with another suitable one,the one of your choice something that cannot be done in poems.My style of writing depicts even the minutest details of the surrounding though time consuming it gives me immense satisfaction to put into paper what i have imagined.Also,ma stories are character centric,one character that drives the whole story.In poems its style that matters,the sentence construction that matters.That's why I believe a good poet is a literary genius.

This poem was given by Nisha for selection process.She is the 1st prize winner for poem writing competition.

A TALE OF VITAL LIES

The darkest hour before dawn

a lonely shore in the bowels in the metropolis

the only witness to this tale of vital lies

the night has an exuberant charm in her

coquettishly igniting the ardent passion

she was their partner in crime

The waves swept over the gravel

glittering in the moonlight

paving the bed where he laid her

the filth stained her bare skin

and soaked her curls

but he unaware and she numb

both succumbing to the spell of the chill.....

I'm too lazy to type whole of the poem.The poem flows like a river and you won't feel like to put an end until the last line.Congrats girl,keep the good work up.

We rocked the fest yet again.Two consecutive years and until next arts ,the cup will be safely placed inside the AEI department.The victory doesn't belong to AEI alone,but whole lot of people who worked day in and out.Leave me out,I don't deserve a mention.What I experienced during the arts was something to cheer about,walls broke,conversations happened,past was forgotten.I'm still not sure if it will continue from Monday,but if it did it would be a regret wiped off.

Okay I do know how to bring out Keats and Shakespeares for,the students I selected bagged 4 out of 9 positions in literary events.Now,what say Mr.You know who?.Even i bagged 3rd prize for my story:30 hours-Autobiography of a terrorist.The short film topic:Silence speaks, brought back some old memories,previous Arts fests ,the long wait ,communication through eyes.The corridors where ,I spent most of ma educative years staring at someone.I never had the courage go and speak to him so, whatever I wanted to speak I conveyed through ma eyes and he understood.We were not even in a relationship but,somehow he read ma thoughts better than anyone else.The brandwars again where,he actually wanted me to go onstage but,ma fear for live talks somehow forced me to give up ma position.As a compensation, I took part in mock press this year,Mock press requires two qualities I lack the most:Humour sense and quick response.I skipped few heart beats but, ma captain and friends assured me that I have what it takes to tackle the press.I enacted MS Dhoni,Indian cricket captain.Cricket is something I'm not quite comfortable with still ,I made people laugh and even the judges bursted out.Considering the fact that I was the only girl of the lot and also,being ma first time most of ma pals were quite surprised to see me crack ma shell.May be the Arts wasn't as bad as I projected it to turn up.I actually got back lot of things I missed,pain,hope and confidence.LIFE GOES ON.

I'm blank,nothing to pen down.I have two B- school applications to fill out,one of which has to be received before 15th,I'm too lazy to do any of the writing.I have two assignments to be submitted on Monday.I have ma fair seminar copy to submit too.I have a bank test on Sunday.I'm to compete in mock press and extempore tomorrow.I have to finish with ma modules[I don't have a clue how many]before next week.I have to apply to NTPC and BHEL by next week.I have a test coming up this week and i have to start from scratch.I have ma lab manual to be filled out by Friday.I have loooots and looots of work to do.

Now for some good stuff,I had the best week ever.Who gets to celebrate their birthday thrice?I did with ma friends, who invaded ma space this Sunday,It was a fun day out with lots of food,pillow fights,gossips and God knows what.I competed for two competitions this week though, I'm not hoping for a prize ,I had a fun day out.I get to see ma Sister after a long time,something that i was looking forward to.Though I couldn't go out with her that day just seeing her made ma day.Ma mobile had a busy week ,with the afternoon conversations getting longer much to ma pleasure,it was kind of a smooth week.I received call letters from two banks and I spent lot of time with ma best friend.

Lets hope the week ahead i will be able to burn of some weight in form of piling work load.

The other side of me!!!

When someone has the guts to tell me, on ma face that ma decisions are wrong,I may take time off to dig into and correct with ma mouth shut. But,once you turn bitchy behind ma back you will have to bear the heat of ma wrath.Dude!!!!! I don't have any idea what so ever about the distant vision of the committee which entrusted you with such a heavy job. I don't know whether you are deserving or not but, a whole section of people don't think you are, you are nothing but a mistake that we can't seem to correct.

I'm doing ma duty to select the best students for the literary events ,the thing is with 500+ students in one house and only few who are interested in writing I'm left with no other option other than to pick from the available few.You do your job with very seriousness only to be booed in by your own mate.Last day i kept ma cool and sorted things out but,when after the events Mr.you know who started bitching behind ma back I just couldn't take his worldly knowledge any more.I said"I quit" maybe it wasn't wisest of decisions.I had ma self respect to guard and for someone to meddle with ma rights was totally unacceptable. His whole attitude of 'the selection was wrong for i found the other houses much better than ours' was something i wasn't expecting.When i was putting forward ma case in front of the captain i peeled of ma goody tag and shouted"If he knows how to create Keats and Wordsworths i will back out,let him do the selection".The captain ,one of the most mature guys in class did bring down the tension by forcing the guy to apologise.I wonder!!! why doesn't he have the guts to speak on ma face,but then he will have to face harsh realities which at his age he is not ready to.Maybe, he is not ready to take in counter questions from ma side I can break the other persons confidence by shooting in questions which is another talent inherited. Mr....we may had issues in the past,but i never let ma past affect ma present if you want we can start with the dirty games,take out the skeletons from the closet but, then don't chicken out. If you are mean to me, I can be the same to you and if you keep on to your own zone i will too and no one will be hurt in this war.