ThORns

something that really shook me............

"Is love a crime????"you busted out.....NO........its not.............but, it is ......if the only thing love gives you is the power to hurt people .......who love you the most,gives you pain and off course enslaves you.............Our rights and wrongs may differ but never have i felt the growing distance as of now.Point blank you screamed"I don't need your support "off course and neither am i good enough to support you to hurt people.I never expected you to behave so cold...... it gives me enough reason to think"why are we friends in the first place??"

You are devoid of eyes ,ears and you fail to see world beyond your boundaries.....gal look ahead you are living on a pile of lies..........a bed of thorns that will pierce deep into your flesh if not plucked out.......Save yourself as you don't need our support or help.

Fiction Or Reality???????

It really bothers me when strangers poke their nose into ma life.No matter how hard i try to keep it out of bounds .......keeps on coming back with questions.Ones private life ought to be off limits the questions and answers but with close friends i don't think so......its strange how we do things to satisfy the curiosity of strangers.

All people have time about is to make up stories and i gave them a bit of their own medicine last day by making up one ma self..........in just one minutes time i made up a bf for ma self......i needed a whole character sketch and i put ma imagination in to good use.I really don't know whether some one like that exists..... if it does I'm extremely sorry!!!!!!!!!.This product is a result of ma frustration.........

"all the characters ,places and procedures

are purely work of fiction

any resemblance with people or

places are entirely coincidental"

wAit............

Moved away from shadows

distance that answers

the questions

its all what's left deep inside

as i still try to guess

the name of this relation

i feel the pain of separation

bounded by artificial smiles

and his desire to see me hurt

i never will or i do

go on with all that's there in me

i never can nor i will

wishes and dreams left alone

and nobody could ease ma pain

as long as there exists words of apology

i will wait...........wait............

-[dedicated to ma friend Anupama menon a.k.a ANU]

The right thing to do

I often wonder "Is it the right thing to do?".All the critical decisions of ma life are made through such self analysis.Sometimes this particular system fails to work mostly in rage or anger.

I could revive a cold relation last day.My friendship with Charles was never expected to go wrong in any way but,everything spun out of control in a conversation .And in a moment's haze i even deleted his number from ma mob.The events that followed are ones that question each other's existence, treating each other like strangers ,refusing to shed that"you first" attire.peace was not an option or not even thought of.

But last day when i gotta know that he has met with an accident i decided to give him a ring.Well considering the fact that the people around me pooh poohed the idea.but, all i could ask ma self was "is this the right thing to do?"........yes off course.

No matter how sour the relation is....... at bad times one ought to stand besides their friends.He was taken by surprise at ma call.All i could say was "take care" but, it did make a lots of difference and i really felt like the ice walls melting away. The relation is back to stable now with the conversations getting more rapid.A small step,a small thread of care and compassion can bring in a lots of difference in our lives.

now i do believe

"it was the right thing to do"

I'm like a bird..............

Flying off into the horizons.............i don't know where ma soul is.............i don't know where ma home is............nothing more like the view of the sea from up above...............i may sound crazy................but ya I'm like a bird..............

wishing for a new dawn........wishing for a new life............this life is taking me to new places,meeting new people..............i may survive...............I'm like a bird..............

My First Crush!!!!!!!!

What's so different about LOVE and CRUSH??????

CRUSH is just a momentary feeling,an admiration,an attraction that may or may not stand the test of time.There is no age bar for this special feeling and it can happen anywhere anytime.

My first brush with pink cheeks happened in 10 th grade.The person i had ma first crush on was the oddest choice of all.My crush developed over years .But ,came to an abrupt halt owing to ma busy schedule.The feeling that i had watching him walk past disappeared of like fog.I never felt the need to be noticed or even a smile.I was happy with the little secret of mine.Until today he doesn't know of ma past and now that the special feeling has given way to a friendly attitude......... i would say he better not know.

Today I'm enjoying ma new life to the fullest without bothering about past images.Living ma life without regrets.People may ask me "was it LOVE???"i say "no...........it was just a CRUSH"

Search 4 Mr.Right

Having escaped from the brutal clutches of love for this many years.Iv never felt the need for Mr.Right or more precisely the desperation for.I was always on the sidelines making fun of odd couples and odd stories.Crying for the guy meets gal saga and ironically drubbing it as stupid after the show has been a part of ma life.I get to know that ma pals were on a mission"to find the Mr.perfect for me".To search for that one face in midst of 1200 faces...m..........tough job.But, ma pals seems to enjoy all the trouble.Iv been on an average made i.e, forced to see 3-5 guys.All typically of same height ,weight and colour..........finally forcing me to say"searching for Mr.right for me or for yourself????"........OOpsy!!!!!!!!! after the showdown ma pals resumed their search.Iv found ma self sitting with a specification list in one hour.......filling it out was the biggest mistake of ma life............all hope lost...........the selection got far worse that before.Difficult to concentrate as the pinching "Look here , there" gets frequent by each passing day.

Why such fuss over the Mr.right?????? .Its not as if we were born doubles or so.....its a process.Sometimes it may take one hour sometimes even a lifetime.But, you gotta be patient.What if i make the wrong choice.........NA!!!!!!!!!!...........gotta be +ve.............the search is still on

"Hunt for Mr.Right"

Life That I Loved

Having been to face fakeness and no sincerity

conversations that seems still

innumerable drawings on the paper

i really wonder is this the life i loved??????

Everyday i look at ma own face ,

drained ....devoid of happiness

wearing a mask just like others

i really wonder............

I walk through the corridors all alone

hearing the rain play ballads

and then i stumble upon the harsh reality

that am facing the darkness

i really wonder..........

Moving ahead in time,stopping with time

when images are nothing but colours

i wonder............

Rapid questions and unknown answers

struggling to explain what life is like

shivering at the thoughts

of loosing

i wonder................

ma life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm stairing at the

black note of ma life

skillfully played at dawn

crushing the lilacs

every dream,every sorrow.......

i Cris's crossed paths of perfection

here I'm at the node

that iv always feared,the lost paths

here only darkness sustains

ghostly figure that

haunts my sleepy eyes

turning all greens black

rummaging through spoiled fields

i slowly walk towards the gate

the view across the distance

is like a dream

but i may never cross the bridge

its a deep turmoil inside

"to be or not to be"

on the other side i dint see

anyone to welcome,to Cheer

life!!!!!!!!

u defeated me yet again

decisions the right ones

are always late

and mine lost for ever

i prefer darkness

cause here ma insecurity never

feed on ma fears

my dreams never pile

on a block of lie

my ambition never die cold

on the other side i may take for granted

the freedom,the power,the success

closing the gate i say to myself

time to go back and live

the life i want

not the ones others want me to

live...............

Height of Arrogance

Imagine yourself trapped in an argument with your parents.You shout,keep quite,shed tears.No use as they always seem to make statements that will project you wrong.
Initially with all due respects one tries to keep the situation cold by trying to avoid the topic or by not responding

When accusations reaches its peak one has no other option other than to just make your view point .The viewpoint may be termed as arrogance. "Arrogance???" that's when the heat starts building up. Accusations turn into deliberate attempts to poke up old issues.The scene gets more and more muddy by each minute,finally either leading to a walkout or a showdown.

But, all these incidents are ones to laugh about n forget the next day.May be this is what they mean by

forget and forgive

Ma self............

Always wondered..............

why am i building up a wall

around ma self???????

why am i running away

from relations???????

why am i behaving so cold??????

why am i not looking back?????

I never let anyone

come closer to me

so that they can hurt me

I'm just trying to protect

ma heart.........

Why am i like this

mmmmmmmmmm...........

if i don't let anyone take control

anyone see that I'm crying

i may have to shelter within

ma self.........

threading together what it seems

infinite loops...........

Give me time

give me space

so that

i can be more dependent

more considerate

and more ma self.........

Shattered Glass............

Personally ma feelings are nothing more than

a toy which can be broken at will

do i have a heart????????

do i have feelings????????

why don't anyone understands that...........

You can cry,laugh and me???????

am i to hold back ma tears

am i to show the world that I'm happy

Every time you make me cry

i try to reassure maself

"its momentary"

no it has been same for ages

am i your friend????????

why don't you understand me

you are lost in your own world

refusing to come out of past memories

while I'm struggling to keep ma new ones intact.............

I don't have words

no i don't expect anything

no i don't see maself smiling

its all shattered glass...........

shattered dreams............

shattered hopes.........

shattered lives...........

of two individuals

who have nothing in common ...........

Definition

The moment that describes me

the by product of bygone era

The smile that describes me

the curve of my whirly past

The eyes that defines me

the lost glitter of yesterdays

The colour that defines me

darkened by grey feelings

The hair that defines me

the black threads of missing links

Predict me not

for I'm deep as emotions

Accept me no

for I'm stranger than fiction

Question me not

for I'm vast as sky

Define me not

for I'm ghost of ma own self

The Deadly Sin

Jealousy is one human relation i love to hate , because it makes you look desperate and vulnerable.Yesterday what i did ,made me look like a fool exposing ma weakness .Any person has the right to prioritise relation and it always doesn't have to follow "first come first serve" basis.When one feels threatened then jealousy starts creeping up.In ma case its the time that's playing the tricks.After the tour i rarely got to spend time with ma buddy but, the feeling of being neglected ain't easy.When you feel victimised cause of new entry jealousy hits a new level.Thankfully i could figure out ma problem before someone else did.I think i should give both of em space and accept their friendship and move on.

Strange Relations

Certain relations are hard to explain and never bother to spend time explaining to people cause they will never understand…………..these relations are driven less by words and more by support………………At the end of the day you feel frustrated at the fact that you aren’t able to speak out your heart even though you want to………………….when the trust seem missing, things go haywire spinning out of control………….iv never felt that am doing the right thing…………..but I don’t want ma friend to feel left out, to feel desperate ,or feel lonely……………….things that I want to speak………….no……………….I can’t……..I feel as if struck by ma own innocence……………let time decide……

REalisatIOn

The 3 day trip to kodai and Pondi was one of a life time................3 important round ups of the trip

1. Formation of Athiria boys


2. Realisation that I'm different from others


3. Formation of pairs

First day was damn boring with the guys and gals finding it difficult to communicate............... but ,the scenario changed fast with the formation of Athiria boys "back bencher's association".............we danced and sang our way to glory..............they are the only reason why i never shyed away from things which i normally would try to avoid.................

But,it was quite impossible for a person like me to give ma body full strain...........most of the time ma friends caught me either napping or looking outside the closed window............playing soft tracks...................no one complained as everyone was enjoying................for me ,the clouds ,streams and the rain were everything. I was in a different world all together........................enjoying the sip of nature's beauty.............i couldn't imagine ma self shopping or wasting away ma time playing pranks.............

One thing that i couldn't understand till now is that how can two people whose conversation hasn't even crossed beyond "HI" in 1 year be talking for hours?????????? I mean can 3 days trip bring out visible changes?????? Yes, that's what this tour has taught me....................Niv couldn't hide her frustration inside today as she asked me"Whats there for these couples to speak for so long"???? the only answer i had was"How can i know........will tell ya after 3 years or so".............what else can i say.................

The tour was an eye opener in every sense testing and teaching the basic art of surviving..................hopping to enjoy and cherish every second of the best 3 days of ma life..............

Spreading A Curve

"Whats the most unique ability in any person?????"

I would say "Ability to spread a smile even while suffering deepest pain"

I would like to acknowledge 2 such people in ma life.One being ma buddy Anupama menon and other I'm sure that person will understand while going through this entry.Are such people strong by heart?.No, they are not .They are as vulnerable as any of us but their success lies in the fact that they can effectively mask their emotions.As iv seen they rarely open up and never let anyone see through them. When they do, its like a shower of a life time.......showering with all might.Iv always noticed a change in ma aura when Anu is around. We never discuss politics or war but ,subject with earthy tones.Nothing seems to affect such personalities, not at least when people are around

To both ya guys,

"keep that curve alive
cause without it
you are someone else"

Ma Second Life.........

We only get to live our life once.If i get a second chance will i live over ma present life?????????correct ma mistakes??????????

hmmm..............

I may go on living ma life with regrets.

burdens of high expectations.

burdens of failure.

burdens of missed chances.

What do i expect of ma second life

more comforts?????????

more opportunities????

more experiences??????

no.............i may live ma life the way it has been for the past 19 years.Without erasing any of the memories,without changing the course of any of the incidents.........for everything happens for a reason .Every little sorrow every small joy.Everything.................

If still I'm asked to change the course i may ask someone else do it for me...............cause i prefer watching ma life from a distance..........

Week That Was

Life for the past few days has been like still pond refusing to move.The days seem stretched n finally all what i wish for is the comfort of ma pillow.The depth of the pond is frightening n I'm not comfortable swimming deep.Everything has been like fast food this week."it did kill ma hunger but,dint give enough satisfaction"

Moving away from the fence i felt quite relaxing but, next week has whole lot in store for me .Starting with test n then the tours .Its like telling a prisoner who is about to be electrocuted that the electric chair doesn't work. It has become quite impossible to balance work n play.

One of ma friends is refusing to turn in. Not quite expected of her but,the reason is really annoying for she is doing all this for her Boyfriend. What crap!!!!!!!!!!!!

"one shouldn't sacrifice everything for love"

Shes playing it expensive putting an end to one relationship for another.I can never understand not a word of it but, guess its her choice.

When conversations become a silent affair doubts begins to crop up. You can't find a solution without a"PROBLEM" and when the problem is deep within its further difficult to communicate. Usually when one shares the point of view the load gets reduced n the pain too.

And yet again when you see a happy face filled up with dark clouds you your self get affected by it. During ma power electronics lecture hour i was surprised to see drops of tears in ma friend's eyes. I was taken aback as iv never seen her cry ,reason being quite painfully hard to understand.I Could feel the tears buidling up in ma eyes too.That's the effect of her company. Finally i did gather up all ma courage to comfort her. Week has been still hope it does make a move next week...............

Flying Away...............

Had enough being

a parasite

Feedin on ma parent's blood

weakening them each day

They say "Its time to fly of your own"

but, i refuse to let go

Clutching harder than before

"What if......."i put forth

Face the brutal world

fly away to touch the sky

all by yourself they say

"Never" i scream

I love your shadow

the sense of protection it gives me

The warmth it imbibes

I don't wanna face the realities

of life..........

One day i found maself

lost in the vastness of the sky

and i trembled with fear

But, slowly an ecstasy filled up

inside.........

the ecstasy of flight

the ecstasy of freedom

the ecstasy of self realisation

had enough being a parasite.....................

LOST CHILDHOOD...........................

Today i was goin through some of ma old picz n this is what i felt.................

Time again n again
Love visitin the lost childhood
Innocence and the smile
The faded photos that painted
a contrast
to the build in strained expressions
I could see ma self hidin behind ma
mother's blue polka Saree
Whenever i was called by name
The jumps and mischiefs
that never invited a scoldin
Life has changed 360
in 19 years
The smile has faded
The expressions more professionalised
Relations"need of time"
Childhood revisit me
Give me one more chance
to experience
Your essence

No Regrets............

Past few days i have rediscovered the poet within me........a small tribute to ma new found skill............


When i walk out of your door
No regrets
When i walk out of your life
No regrets
I was never meant to be there
Hand in hand we walked
Never to realise our diverse paths

Never to turn back
Never to shed a tear
No regrets
All the paradise lost
All the feelings numb
No regrets
On the last meeting
when ma words were cut short
by a short thanks
No regrets

I may never return
Nor do i expect a call
or a knock at the door
No regrets
Times have changed
So has the wind
In the crossroad of life
I may never
step on your path
No regrets
For this is ma life....................

Collection Of Words..................

Its somethin that i scribbled durin ma prelab hour..................its not exactly a poem......itz just a collection of words......................n some words are missin as i couldn't find ones good enough to fill the voids...................

Even in the Rush hour of
ma heart
the only signal that ever
tends to stop its beats
is your smile


The long silence that is occasionally
broken by the breath of warmness
Words find themselves to be strangers
in this conversation


Nothin is more blissful than thy expressions
which is soaked in the colours of..................
Ma eyes can't seem to stop searchin
and neither does the heart agree


I find maself lost in the cradle of
patience
When your face is red as ............
I never was to be the same person i am not
for someone i love.


The world may condemn me into darkness
laughin at ma memories
but they may never know the
essence until they experience
it all by them self


Rare being in love more rarer being
in that position
for i just dream on
let ma heart search
The secret i never know
for i may never find............................

COLLEGE LIBRARY.....................

The time in and out I spent in the college library scanning through the latest journals, books ,magazines…………….is really refreshing…………….not because I love engineering books its cause the silence really calms me down……………….ma favorite place before any exams……………..sometimes the silence gets so ear piercing that I tend to break the rule…………….one think I donn like about the library is the system of returning books……………where I have to shell out lots of cash as fine………….usually when I enter the library hall first I jam into the literature section ……………….nothing really excites me as most of the books aren’t updated………………the college has a vast reserve of journals………………what is really exciting is that all these books belongs to the 70’s n 80’s………….me n ma friends have a hard time sneezing ……………how on earth did they invent the stuff that we see today……………that’s really something that we ponder over……………whatever it is college library is one among the best places to be around…………………..

mE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little annoyin.......i always get the upright slap on ma face for "NOT TRUSTIN PEOPLE".........ma parentz n friendz do complain.............why goin on givin people that look..........hm)-:well its always on the safer side if u add a little element of suspicion............but,everythin beyond a breakin point is bad..........well i had ma share of good luck n bad luck 4 that kicky attitude of mine............well always on the lookout for reasons............people (team leaders) do say "opal awesome team spirit ya......"but, i really doubt............iv always had ma Friends screamin" u ain't gonna change..........stop askin the same question"well time to move on.............change....after all "CHANGE IZ DA SPICE OF LIFE"

connection of umbilical chord

May be because of deviation from ma usual attitude of "IM THE BOSS" to a more sober one of "LEAVE ME ALONE", I could see the tiny dot of suspicion in ma mama's eyes. As i started countin time sittin at ma desk.............. when I hit exact 20 I saw ma mom standin near ma desk. "wazz with your life" she asked. "Nothin" I said with the arrogance of a teenager. I could see on her face the strain of the mother of a 19 year old. She kept on naggin me for 30 min ............then finally for ma own peace of mind I said "havin a fall out with friend" .Mama's strained expression turned into a more relaxin one. She started narratin her own college days..........Its amazin how ma mom weaves her own story hidin a solution deep inside. She knows that givin an advice to a teenager like me is like tellin me not to even listen.............Instead of directly tellin she let me know that if the solution worked for her it may work for me 2...........True i fell into her trap.....may be its her experience with life that does the trick. I decided to carry out the same test on dad . If ma mom could figure out whats wrong with me surely dad will too.................dad saw ma sober expression n put in "place your bets who will win today's match??"

Im sure ma mom caught me starin with ma mouth wide open.......
Suppose thats the main difference between moms n dads. Whereas moms get involved in their children's day to day life dad's are more concerned about providin materialistic support to their kids.
that what they call
"connection of umbilical chord"

THE PROCESS....................

Has gone through the process of mendin mannier times n after each washout i try assuring maself that i won't have to go through the process next time n within days i find maself suffocated by advices.Each time the reason is same but, the root is different. Am i puttin maself through it??? or is it another teachin by life???? . Donno.........the most difficult one to mend are broken friendships. No matter how hard you try .....a crack does remain. How to deal with problems of opposite nature?????????? like jealousy n loyalty..........its difficult being on opposite sides cause it may force you to believe that your earlier decisions were wrong.Its easy suggestin but difficult being in the spotlight.So,advices from all corners will confuse one more."TO BE OR NOT TO BE" a frequented question..........so frequented that one stumbles on such seemingly simple one............Process of healin is a long one.........Let time play the surgeon n stitch ma wounds with new friendships................

picZ...............

These are some picz that capture the beauty n grace of munnar (kerala,India)..............these were taken durin our class trip..............

wheel..............

Nothin left to write............no words,no emotions,no complaints,no excuses..............whats left is the desire to suceed...........it may be too..........early for a prediction........but as i know ma self the burnin fire will grow cold in few days.............its the startin point enthusiasm that keeps the wheel rotatin..................hope it does for the entire semester................

work things out..............

Sometimes its so difficult to understand your best of bests friends.................standin in front of them tryin to put through a coversation................some stories end even before it starts to blossom................when your friend go through a bad phase you are there helpin them with the tissue..............when you face a similar situation you expect if not a tissue atleast a comfortin sound,advice................but at times the action taken to bring comfort n ease pain can bring out a negatin effect puttin even your friendship at stake.............all you think at that point is" is this ma friend"..........everyone has hidden streak of black,hues n grays that radiate at most difficult of times...............most of the times the friendship surives.............sometimes it topples off like a sand castle...............as ma mama puts in "no one can understand one another 100%"..............ya human behaviour is so unpredictable ................after 1 week you may laugh of the entire point of argument over a cup of coffee.................or the friction may continue.................next week despite ma busy schedule iv to do some weldin work................broken friendship.............work things out............arrive on an inference......................after all "LIFE IS SHORT"

computer monster............

Today the classes started n as usuall borin.................i went on rotatin ma head from right to left watchin ma professor move from one corner to other..................the prospects of the 5th semester subject aren't much to chear about either............industrial instrumentation, LIC, computer architecture n organisation, power electronics, maths n transducers..............programmin is ma biggest weakness...............i get confused like a child lost in the crowd when ma programm doesn't work............i have to take rounds to get ma errors sorted.................when ma marks in all theory based subjects give others a run for their money.............i keep maself barely safe to escape the wrath of computer gods...........iv alwayz feared"if i cann even programm in C what am i gonna do???" .......even though ma field of specialisation is instrumentation..................iv to know the basics right????????............god save me please.............

college.....

[ma college in the pic]

Iv been thinkin for the past few days the content ...........struck by the question "what to write?" tuesday ma 5th sem is gonna start................have been enjoyin every second ofthe 30 days holiday..............now back to the same old routine of "no one cares about no one else"...............inside the clssroom you are of your own .........no one will come n enquire about the days weather.......life will get complicated within 8.30 am-4.30 pm........................what can you expect when there is only 3 months left for the university?????well have to suffer every moment i sit in the hall listenin to "it doesn't make any sense"...............mhm)-:its all in the brain..........ability to win over your fears..............it ain't easy n i donn expect it to be................whatever is in store for me this semester im all set to face it.................

pAIn

Sometimes its so difficult being in a difficult position......... when you can't hold anyone's hand for support,when you wish............how will i go on...............conversations with strangers can take unexpected turn when u don't have a history backup in your hand...............you may end up askin somethin offensive........i found maself in a tight spot last day durin an usual conversation with a senior of mine...........family..........n i couldnt stop speakin about ma mom.........n as a reciprocal question i did ask him about his................n the answer was............"ma mom is no longer there"........i couldn't think of anythin at that point ,ma whole mind went blank...............what if that person got hurt...............what if.......i could think about endless possibilties there at that instant n i managed to change the topic.............. but, the pain remains.......................

ONAM................

Today malayalese across the continent are celebratin ONAM...........traditional festival of kerala celebrated in honour of MAVELI the demon king who ruled kerala long ago.............as the story goes............he was a noble king..........gods in heaven got scared of the fact that he was powerful and plotted ways to bring him down.................lord MAHAVISHNU disguised as vamana -the bhramin boy reached the king and asked for 3 foot land..........maveli without knowin the trap agreed.............vamana covered earth n the entire universe in his first two steps................maveli offered his head for keepin vamana's third foot land................n thus he was banished to the underworld..................vamana agreed to maveli's plea that he may be allowed to visit his kingdom once in a year.................n thus we malayalese celebrate ONAm..............usually onam is celebrated for 10 days.....the most important being THIRUVONAM.............it is a time for families to spent time together............to pluck flowers to adorn pookalam .............n also the ladies in the family dance to the tune of thiruvathira.................after which the entire family sits in for the tasty sadhya...................ONAM in every true sense is the traditional festival of kerala..............

i wouldn't..........................

How does it feel when you are neglected all the way along...............they do speak about equality among the gender n stuff.............does it exist??????????na............in every walk of life..........partiality does exist..............iv given up ma medicines juzz for the sake of gettin justice.............i do deserve a fair chance rite????????? im sufferin from severe cynus problem..........cann even seem to wet ma eyes as it will lead to heavy headache n wheesin...............n you may be wonderin why a non violent strike.................to show ma anger against somethin thatz not fair................all i have is ma tears .........no words,no pain...............its a long struggle against inner self............aquarianz are the" LONNERS".............i do agree..............otherwise i wouldnt be typin away ma sorrows...............mhm)-:i donn know................becomin more difficult for me to concentrate on the screen....................i think i should leave maself wounded...........so that i don't have any regrets later...........

GeT gorGEOUs 4

GET GORGEOUS 4

How could i miss ma current favorite show on channel v "GET GORGEOUS 4":HUNT FOR THE NEXT HOTTEST FACE..........mhm)-:??????only thing that annoyed me was stayin back at the hostel after the programm.............while all ma buddies gave hugs n kisses the realisation that i would be meetin e'm after one month struck me hard..............anu did say"i will watch ya.............gosh)-:u will b missin the episode rite???????????........ai'y they run the rerun na.................i tried pacifyin maself...............i did watch the show yesterday.............iv been keepin a watch on the show right from the begining...............11 girlz same dream............to be the next big thing in the fashion circuit..............i did place ma bet on NIDHI..................her skin tone matches thAt of a perfect indian beauty.............also she'z the only one..... among the top 5 who doesn't bitch hard.................god)-:within next 5 weekz india will have a new supermodel..............all thanx to channel v................

FAKE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 B SUCESSFUL....................

Whenever you need appreciation or a sound of applause........FAKE IT!!!!!!!!!! 17/8/07 quite a turnin point it was.When asked to give ma intro I did start with a small note that people at one glance overwrite me as a cruel person............because that's how i look......... din't think twice in sayin WHAT I AM.......as most of the audience were ma own batch mates.At one point of the intro i did try to paint maself with a mean look but,quite a harmless one.I could see ma friendz smillin..."YA datz ME!!!!!!!!!!" i ended up and sat comfortably in ma chair. After ma intro I heard many many people tryin to put up an act.............act that stunned me to the core...........They now wore a beautiful appealin mask.....and of course i couldn't connect with most of them as they were FAKIN IT!!!!!!!!! hard reel.....like.....but unfortunately the only person who got black n white criticism was ME!!!!!.Hey judged me in 2 minz n people who know me for 2 yearz were sittin there stunned.......ya.........that what most MNC's do....but,does this kinda system help any company in long run?????don't think so................some thing that i feared......does this mean a wicked person with a sweet smile will score over a straight faced talented person??????????

" MAY BE MAY BE NOT"

itz ma life................

Its sometimes so..........difficult to let know your parents what you think...............they may or may not appreciate your frankness............mostly will end up grounded............effective communication is groundstone in any sucessful relationship..........it takes lots of lectures on pros n cons to finally get a nod..........i sometimes feel victimised.........not darin to dig up a hole for maself...............it gets frustratin at timez............still i respect ma parents decision............for they are far experienced people............n know whats good n whats bad...............still..........they tend to treat me like a kid.............brushin of ma ideas...........humiliatin..................but,thats how the system workz.................

BEIng olD

During the daily rapid fire round...............i had to face a very tricky question..........WHAT DO YOU CHERISH MOST N WHY????........M.........while all ma friendz were flashin on their past determinin to give the list of materialistic things that they cherish.............i had juzz one answer..................MEMMORIES because they have the power to make u smile while in pain n make u cry while in joy..................loosin your memmories is scary part of being old..............last day.......3am in the mornin as i was scannin through ma exam topics i heard a sound in the balcony i saw ma 78 year old grandma walkin aimlessly..............on being questioned why???????she mumbled some thing that made no sense at all.......she was tryin to link her past memmories with present time..........i can understand the pain shez goin through but, not everyone else who think its something to laugh about..............it may or maynot make any sense to us but, for ma grandma its all what she has...............

loVE

When Afthab put in his dream............(usuall one) of him surrounded by galz(this time 5)...................i knew it................hez haunted by the same nightmare over n over again..............i went on flippin through the pages of magazine.................clearly pastin it out on ma face "iv heard it a million timez dear....it ain't gonna surprise ME!!!!!" he juzz spitted it out................the truth iv been hidin from "u neva gonna understand.................because u were single throughout ur life" even though it was a little offendin i put ma views across............m................why bother......why log for a love life????????????iv chosen ma path..........its what i want...........i too dream of ma dream guy..........dream guy with no face...............i don't expect anythin cause expectation HURTs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............i spent quality time with ma buddiez on n off the college..............is life meaningfull only when u have a boyfriend/girlfriend???????????donn think so..............LOve is all around us.................at the right time right place ur true loVE will come knockin on ur doorz.............all one has to do is to be PATIENT!!!!!!!!!!Afthab will never understand.............cause hez never trully fallen in LOve......................

WHAT THE HELL??????????????

Todays newspaper heading really shook me to the core .........it read something like this

"Al-Qaeda vows attacks against India"

In the footage an unnamed narrator accused india of"killing more than 100,000 muslims in kashmir with US blessing"

AND I STARTED TO WONDER WHY???????????

India has always been a peace loving nation .........always supportin the right cause...........Kashmir is an integral part of india n no other country has any rights in challengin it...Kashmir is long troubled by terrorism sponsered by our so called "ally of america against terrorism" Pakistan..............killin of people in valley of Kashmir is not by anyone else other than Pakistan sponsered terrorists .......................n god i need to agree they hav a nack of pulling the strings from behind and putting the entire blame on India..................Kashmir is the only state in India with 0%poverty..................Indian government offers special schemes for the people of Kashmir.This once prosperous n beautifull valley is now shaterred by terrorism.............why wage a war against India whose 40% population are happy muslims who are proud of the fact that they are Indians......................more number of muslims are getting killed in Pakistan than in India..............why don't anyone raise their voise against them..............

THATS THE POWER OF INTERNATIONAL POLITICS.......................

DEFINING HAPPINESS

A recent study undertaken by MTV Networks International(MTVNI)found that Indian youth are the happiest in the world.In the biggest ever study of kids and young people,India is followed by sweden with USA coming third.The Japanese are the most miserable

The study found that the young people in the developing world are optimistic though faced with greater challanges than their counterparts in the developed world who are happy despite all the material wealth.

The study which took 6 months to complete covered 5,200 individuals in two age groups-8-15 year olds and 16-34 year olds across 14 countries.

-courtesy INDIAN EXPRESS(WEDNESDAY,APRIL 11,2007)

Is Indian youth really happy??such an easy question yet so difficult to answer.Each one of us may have different view but,as an average indian youth i see ahead of me a brim future.Im not happy with current situation prevailin in India,not that im botherd about Indian team's pathetic defeat in cricket world cup or the ULFA attacks in assam.For each one of us there is a tag "me"associated with anythin and everythin.Im deeply worried about things that has the potential to shake ma world.Im deeply hurt by the degradation in moral values within the generation X...were are we headin to???America 10 years back???old age homes are gettin filled up.Is this what the Indian youths are meant to be?? throwin out parents once they are past their prime...im deeply concerned about ma future.... with reservation issue hangin in balance i may not be able to get admission to an elite institution...what am i worth of in the IT industry with lakhs of engineerin graduates passin out each year???im more concerned of leakage of outsourcin jobs from india to vietnam or korea..with livin expences sky rocketin were will i stay???...pollution,increase in crime rates,poor pay package,competition,peer pressure,lifestyle....

now time to ponder "IS INDIAN YOUTH REALLY THE HAPPY LOT???"

womanhood

valentine's day is long over what am i waitin for.....n for whom???this whole idea of waitin for mr.perfect seems to be far stretched....m fed of keepin the happy face....smilin broadly....with 30 not so good teeth of mine....hm):- in here parents find the match for gals....the perfect match....you marry at the age of 20- 25...have kidz ,look after your husband and inlaws.....your entire life is over within the four walls of slavery...you don't marry at right age...people will point fingers at your moral side..this is the situation of indian woman subjected to worst kind of abuse both with n along the society....misdoin against women are at an all time high...women in india don't have the courage to come out into the public n speak about their own life...becuse here women are not meant or even expected to speak...you are expected to perform duties that all woman are meant to do....what crap...being born as a women doesn't mean you are deprived of individualitty...deprived of the small laughs...deprived of womanhood.....who is bothered...government till now couldn't enforce 33% reseration for woman...with woman legislators opposin the move... what a tragedy...one women is another's worst enemy...

global warmin

sunday...m all alone sittin in ma couch typin away ma thoughts in ma laptop....the temperature this year is on an average 38c...tanx 2 global warmin..the people in third world countries have to bear the heat....stayin near the sea side won't help either as one starts to sweat....schools are closed....the temperature near the tropical region is at record high .....no rain....global warmin has created havoc in the nature's cycle...cherapunji which boasts of the highest annual rain fall is bare...the place is facin a drought,himalayan glaciers are meltin at an alarmin rate,sunderbanz(world's largest delta)is shrinkin in size...belive me....underwater resources are exploited like never before...all the water bodies are dry....i m sure...its the case everywhere in the world...if we don't do somethin urgently...the climate change may become castrophobic......

THE LAST BUDHA....

Budha-epitome of peace......the culture that was lost long before.The last budha is not a term to represent an individual but,a sysem -THE APEX COURT OF INDIA-SUPREME COURT ....Laws and lawmakers are not preachers of peace themselves because wherever there is an unrest the matter comes before the court....if the word peace was within each one of us the court would almost become extinct..indian judiciary is represented by a blindfolded lady holdin a balance in her handin in turn representin "JUSTICE TO ALL" earlier on judiciary was a silent system dancin to the tunes of pied pipers of politics.Nowadays the table has turned on.Each and every event across the nation comes under the scanner of judicial system.True to be said as a young indian i belive in the judiciary more than what i belive in politics and the false promises associated with it..Bravo!!!!!to the only law abidin system in india on their verdicts and observation on the reservation,bofors,jessica murder n gujarat riots cases.Law don't differntiate between religion nor caste.The long hands of law has become nightmares to many who in turn is tryin head over heels to curb the supreme power....comin out openly critisisin the decisions...how sad...budha is being torn apart untill there is no last budha alive....

a generation awakens

The RANG DE BASANTHI Shot ...thanx 2 shaggy...this pic was taken on 31st...on our trip to munnar......the pic is inspired largely by the pic in the bollywood flick of the same name....india's official entry into this year's oscars...(dn' make it into the top 5)-:)well the catch phrase of the movie is "A GENERATION AWAKENS"The story revolves around 5 graduate students in delhi university....who feels that the past is not what one should be proud of...they represent an entire generation of indian urban dudes n dudesses who likes to detatch from the rich past cultural heritage of india ....a generation interested more in discotheqes n junk food...an english film maker named sue...inspired by her grandfather's(officer in british indian army) account of indian freedom struggle decides to make a documentary...her search for fresh faces lands her up in midst of these 5 students....the story evolves.....it takes a U turn when one of their friend's fiannce(indian airforce pilot) dies in an accident...what follows is a struggle....the 5 students after realisin the worth of their freedom decides to rebel against the government...for not aknowledgin their role in the disaster(aircrafts being maintained by parts of poor quality)after realisin the fact that peace is not an answer they decides to kill the defense minister...the 5 students die in an encounter......only to ignite the hearts of million of youth in the country....the capital saw similar protests by medical students when government deciced to reserve 50%seats...for not so poor people...in elite institutions...cuttin short the seats meant for deserved...the students took out into the streets....finally government had to withdraw its contreversial move....this is what its meant by awakenin of a generation......