I'm staring out into the night, Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love And feeling good don't ever cost a thing. And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old, So I'm going home. Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems, The closer I get to you. I've not always been the best man or friend for you. But your love remains true.

And I don't know why. You always seem to give me another try. So I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old, Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, And then some you don't want. Be careful what you wish for, 'Cause you just might get it all. You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from. No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me. But these places and these faces are getting old. I said these places and these faces are getting old, So I'm going home. I'm going home.

7.. Junk Guys



If there is one word that has crawled into ma vocabulary ,then it definitely has to be the word “JUNK”. Spread from an unknown source(most probably Pchow), the whole team was heard embracing the word in a short span .The master of this word title has to go to Laxmindhar a.k.a JUNKINDHAR. He got so much addicted to the word that he couldn’t pass even a single day without uttering the word minimum 50 times. No one was in a mood to check if the junk word is a noun or a verb, but was abundantly used in day to day conversation. At some point of time people, place, work…. everything was addressed as JUNKS!!!.I miss using this word in ma random conversations…….

8.It’s a candy land.


The moment you hear someone saying that Mr.X is returning from onsite ,a definite question lingers in air:”which chocolate is he going to bring?”.On the D-Day everyone awaits the familiar mail “SWEETS @ MY DESK”. It’s a mad rush to get one's hands on the chocolates. Managing to sneak in at least your fingers through the already settled crowd is a task by itself. May be the face that stands in one corner watching all the fuss is a forgotten one or may be he/she doesn’t even know who you are but, that in never gonna stop you from whisking away as many chocolates your hands and pockets can hold. Mars ,the famous rum chocolates, milk chocolates….I have lost count of the number of chocolates I have had in the last 8 months. I am certainly gonna miss the sweet savor of FREE ONSITE chocolates.

Lifting spirits UP

Lifting spirits UP !!!

Not exactly a moment that would lift one's spirits up.S1 tower officially has nearly 8 lifts and the logic on which they operate is still a mystery coded for US.You press the down button to wait for nearly 15 minutes .After 15 minutes of foot tapping eternal wait you realize that the lift has bypassed your floor.It may stop at 8th or 6th floor but, definitely not yours.
Consider it as your lucky day if you manage to find a lift stopped at your floor,one peek inside and you will realize that its not exactly your lucky day as the lift would be jammed pack with people ,with not even an inch space for a needle let alone a 50 kg body mass.
Have had some fantastic moments in Bangalore lifts....Sign languages,familiar languages,photo takes and retakes,pressing every key possible,some weird looks .......
Cochin lifts are relatively free,non-crowded and you can always find at least one on each floor,so much for the lifting spirits.

10 random things I miss about my AIRBUS ODC

10 random things I miss

about my AIRBUS ODC.......

The last post showcased my journey over the past 8 months and the emotions that caused a furor in the bus stand.This post is a salute to the places and people and it will take you through a tour of small significant-insignificant things that made up my life.

The number 10 spot goes to.......
10.RED BUS/IRCTC/KSRTC site surfing
Everyone loves to go home and the love accelerates based on the distance you are away from your den.There is one thing that I used to do the moment I switched on ma system without fail for the past 8 months:To check all those travel sites for a ticket to Cochin that very weekend, even if I had just come back from a week's holidaying.Slowly, it turned into my routine habit.Sight of a vacant nominally rated seat brought bundle full of joy into ma life.Now that I am back home and daily travel isn't much of an organised and exciting affair as long distance I would certainly miss the familiar sight of redbus and irctc.

The feeling have not sinked in yet.Fresh faces,morning wake up calls,smell of fresh coffee brewing....yeah I did pinch ma self the moment I woke up...I was indeed sleeping on "MA" bed,picking up any plate I feel like having food in,reading through the Malayala Manorama newspaper having my tea.Even when I assure ma self that I'm out of dream, something hurts ma consciousness from back of ma head.The cadbury's Silk must have got digested,the tears must have got dried,goodbyes must have faded but still, sitting in that bus I was trying hard not to weep loud. Sleepy head I am known to be, couldn't sleep a wink that very day .All the good memories kept haunting me,places,people,work .I was going away from the place that I called ma home for the past 8 month:BANGALORE...the transition was not as smooth as I expected.Laxmindhar,Malvika,Manish,Tinu.....we bonded well may be cause 5 of us were of same age and for 3 of us it was our first project.We fought,hang around in tough times,bitched,pinged,travelled together and unfortunately ma journey with you guys is coming to an end.The separation was self induced and that is the exact reason why it hurts more.I am happy to say that at least I was part of their lives for the past 8 months...people turned out to be different from what I had portrayed them in ma mind to be.Past 8 moths would be etched in ma memory for a long time to come.

"TO BE OR NOT TO BE"...the words were trailing off "Yup"i muttered sheepishly trying to shift my wavering attention from the pitch darkness outside to the dim lighted interiors.For a moment I was in wandering in some fairy tale world where everything was perfect . Hitting back on reality I tried to rewind whatever Su just said .To put it straight whatever Mr.Shakepeare wrote centuries ago and one which all of us repeat in some way or other in our daily lives .When u have the power TO BE OR NOT TO BE it just not the plan A alone ,you have abundant options extending to even plan Z and the funny part is most of us stumble at the sight of multiple options committing mistakes which wouldn't have been the case in a normal scenario with limited options.

Right out of college I had multiple option MBA,MTECH,BANK EXAMS.... and I was to confused to decide what I wanted so, I let someone else decide for me.Over the months I slowly realised that what was done couldn't be undone and I had no other option other than to stick.Well why!!!the most strangest situation one can be put in is when one finds advantage in every option that is in front .

This very moment I'm put into a very difficult choice

1.To stay back I Bangalore

2.To hit back to Cochin.

As, much as i see the advantage of staying back in Bangalore(Let it remain a secret) I loathe the idea of staying away from ma parents for long.When I access the balance sheet the pros's con's give me a fairly balanced sheet and I have no go other than to trust my own judgement or give the decision entirely on hands of individuals who will end up doing what they want.Life is full of difficult choices they say and as things are going for me I dare not argue.

This story takes you to a journey,introduce you to people and places and it can get annoyingly long.

As i placed my 5th stained white cup in line,admiring it charm and voluminous pear shaped curve,My know-it-all buddy Smi exclaimed deeply"If someone ever decides to make a documentary on Addictions I would nominate your name".Well, YES I had no shame in passing her the crooked smile of mine and YES I don't mind admitting the fact that i have addiction problem.

Rewinding back once again to a familiar room,guess its my dining hall and in one corner can you see the frock wearing gal,holding her most precious possession, her little steel tumbler waiting for her dad to pour the sweet tasting brown liquid which she calls "CHA".....How long can you resist something that runs in your family, where every occasions is blessed by CHA be it summer or winter, morning or dead noon...it runs through every single soul and me not wanting to be an exception took in the reins and decided to prove my family's name.

Back in college,it was a necessity to keep my ever drooping eyes open and my ever blocking ears alert and the only stimulant that worked for me was "TEA".Soon it became a routine and I became the single most revenue generating customer for the coffee corner chechi....My morning in college started with a cup of hot tea,its way too much according to Smi considering the fact that I already had my two cups from home named fondly as Wake up tea and breakfast tea.Morning tea was followed by the short break tea and then after lunch tea followed by end of the college tea followed by evening tea at home and conversation tea with my dad.This adds to a total 7-8 cups a day,this heavy tea drinking habit of mine soon got my body addicted to the brown liquid and skipping one shot resulted in headache,blood shot eyes and what else.Unyielding to the repeated cold looks from Smi I continued my habit until I bid adieu to the coffee corner in college once and for all.

After a month of sitting at home ,doing nothing other than sipping my favorite tea and slugging on ma favorite couch my parents packed my bags and sent me to the torture hell:AMRITA UNIVERSITY.Landing up in Amrita was the next best thing that happened to ma addiction and it was taken to the next level. Armed with a huge cup enough to give 5 people standing in the hostel tea queue a complex I was readying maself for the next battle.My daily dose of tea rose from 7-8 cups to staggering 11-12 in matter of months.Thanks to the huge work load ,projects and assignments I was forced to feed maself large quantities of TEA to stay awake all night.

One fine day when Chechi pointed to my EX-jasmine like tooth and complained on how stained it has become, it took me by surprise.Out on parole I consulted my dentist only to be warned of further recursions like(permanent damage to ma enamel) if I continued to stay heavy drinker.Unpacking my bags, I saw a big packet of complan with a small note by ma mom:QUIT TEA,START HEALTHY HABITS!!not an easy choice as I understood in the days to come.Accustomed to the heavy dose of tea my body couldn't even dare to compare taste of complan with kick of tea.As I force fed maself complan ma body's apparent discomfort was evident...frequent splitting headaches, lack of concentrations and finally after 3 months I was about to win the war over ma addiction and that's when WIPRO offer came ma way.

One can associate any software professional to either TEA/COFFEE or some other bad habits like "ELANEER"(pun intended).For caffeine is known to be a great stress buster evident from the fact that most companies have atleast two coffee vending machine in every floor.Huge rush deprives us of tea mugs in peak hours of 10am-11am and 4pm-5pm. Everyone and anyone can be seen in the common floors right from the managers having an intelligent conversation to freshers sharing the day's gossip sipping hot cup of TEA/COFFEE.The intake has certainly reduced owing to the poor quality of tea available and yeah there is no fun in having instant tea, a byproduct of tea bags and colour changing milk.A detour every night on our way back to hostel takes us to Swadisht Ahar, with no Ahar in mind and the tea wallah calling out to us like pied Piper's tunes we, find our self pay the bill and stand near the counter trying the inhale all the caffeine in the air.As the day comes to an end I tuck into ma bed waiting for the dawn so that i can have another dose of my addiction.Well, a visit to the dentist is in pipeline soon.

If you dream, if you think, if you observe you can't make a change. It takes a deep breath, lots of planning and equal amounts of execution .Well some food for thought and good one...How come i don't have any embarrassing moments just for the sake it ....just to fill up some blank space in the blogger.To what extend can ur patience stretch when someone even after repeated"warnings"commit the same blunder again and again?can such action be forgiven?I did create a hue and cry when the whole blame game rolled out of my span...trying to contain the over spilling of emotions and accusation I realized something"IM A HYPOCRITE" I don't mind blurting this out loud,and this leaves a narrow margin of appreciation for my own act of braveness, the one in which you realize your shortcomings.Well, the act of cowardliness starts from the point where i realize my mistakes and still not move an inch of my stoned will power to rectify my actions :(

Urge to scribble down random letters that only makes sense to me. The matter of heart is becoming complicated day after day .The more i try to be in peace with the turbulent emotions the more i find ma self in conflict .If there were no pressure of added weights or grey hairs i would have gone for a long vacations, a trip to make things work for me. If once i could stand up and say NO.Things upto this point has always followed a path of its own choice, and every time a deviation takes place i just follow the flow.Right now, things are not looking good and seriously i don't know if it has something to do with my unstable decisions.

The glitz and glamor of the IT industry continues....there are still lakhs waiting to be the part of this industry and what is more ironic is feelings of the ones trapped for eternity.Some force themselves to be in peace with their job while some like ME gets frustrated to the core,plucking out every hair, cribbing over dark circles due to prolonged monitor staring.I know people who are 100% dedicated, debugging every piece of code that comes their way and you should see their face when they are pushed into the deadline,they deal with it with a smile and they do manage to plant the same one every time.Really SCARY!!!!Now, Im really bored......

Regret is an odd emotion because it comes only upon reflection. Regret lacks immediacy, and so its power seldom influences events when it could do some good.

Why does it have to be the same story again and again.Live with it Opal, which you can't seem to do!You are holding on to your past, refusing to shake it out of your head. May be the course that your life took will lead you to something better .....its not always necessary that if you would have erased the traces of regret you would have been happier.Chances are high that a highly dissatisfied person may show his true colors even while have achieved everything he/she wants to in life.

Regret is never long lasting, if something better comes along it gets wiped off from your memory for ever.So, give it some time to heal may be when you wake up tomorrow your regret is long gone for good.

This post is an attempt to clarify and erase off the clog that has invaded my thought cells for the past few days.

Time has proved my theory wrong yet again. I'm stuck in a whirlpool of emotions that i can't seem to keep under control.It irks me to see people wash away their responsibilities and act as if they still are the "MOST HAPPENING" person around.How do you inspire your peers?

1.Monetary rewards:A sure shot way to make sure everyone work."PAISA JAB BOLTHA HAI THO NIYATHE BATHALTHI HAI".But, at some point of time you loose your fizz and go back to the delusional state where money holds no prominence.

2.Inspire and be inspired: Who makes a good leader?.I believe one who can inspire others throughout his words and actions is a true leader.A good one is hard to come by nowadays.

3.Respect and freedom of THOUGHTS:Rather than forcing your ideas on someone,its always better to nature talent.Always follow"GIVE and TAKE" policy.Respect your colleague's individuality and support them in a crisis situation.

Well, how about pasting this post on ma work board so that people who make a casual stroll to ma cabin can read and in turn note down some points.May be, they can even start implementing the same in their lives,If that's the case then working in this ODC will be so much fun.

Im falling short of words

Iv been rewinding my thoughts for the past few days and picking up from millions of thoughts is this specific one that was put out to a public forum: .One sees, interacts with thousands every day and what's that separates a single face from the rest?.If you are in the look out for that special one in your life, what's that attracts you to a single person?.Why not x+1 or x-1?. Most people I believe chooses their partners based on an invisible match list.Everyone one of us has a match list with ratings from 0-10.This theory of mine applies to only certain section of people,specifically to people who take time to fall in love. Imagine person Y interacting with person X,person Y has this imaginary checklist which has all the pre requisites written.As day progresses, as interaction becomes more he either ticks or crosses each of this pre requisites.As the list variables comes to an end he is sure whether to go to the next level or drop X from his to be possible list .
Then comes stage 2, a more gruesome pick and throw affair.Person Y will show interest towards person X only if their ideologies nearly/perfectly match or if they clash.When i say clash i do not imply the clash as in milk and curd but certainly the ideologies of Y should be able to subside ideologies of X in a long run.If either of the extremes are met then stage two is cleared.

The questions that I originally raised remains un answered?"HOW SHOULD BE YOUR PERFECT PARTNER?".For starters lets take my example, for me my perfect partner should be mirror image of myself, someone to whom i don't have to give explanations about ma rapid mood swings.Someone who leaves me to sort ma problem maself and someone who is there by my side when i need.In short a perfect mind reader.Ma perfect partner should be one who can converse with me on common topic of interests.And as luck would have it none of these criterias of mine are met.

Having survived brutal attacks of the Cochin mosquitoes, Bangalore bed bugs are least of ma problems right now.I kind of rub them off as a hostel phenomenon and its the first time I'm face to face with a non-flying-blood loving-night creature.High squeaks of ma room mates is like a proximity sensor letting me know of existence of the bug colony either in her bed or mine .I don't think bed bugs are ugly, they are seemingly innocent creatures.You assume they are harmless,until one of them get squished under your legs.Suddenly you eyes get locked on the pool of blood,loss of Milli-Liters of blood, your precious blood ....that's when you start hating them.

Google is one person we all turn to when we are stuck with problems.Your one silly doubt may trigger lakhs of un-related hits and you are left with sorting it out for yourself.Even Mr.Google was unable to provide us with an alternate way to kill Bed Bugs other than the usual "let sun shine" mantra. It so happens that Sun shines in Bangalore whenever we are busy in our own busy lives and when we are all set for "MISSION KILL BED BUGS" Sun hides between heavily set clouds..DARPOKH KAHI KE!!!.We have tried and failed almost every available pesticide in the market well, trust us when we say"NOTHING WORKS!".The fumes can only make your life miserable.I still find these tiny black creatures amusing.Moving from one bed to other, giving us our daily good night kiss, red rash marks-an everlasting love ki nishani......well, if you have any suggestions beyond the scope of Mr.Google please do let me know.

Missing my home badly, status messages of those posted in Cochin pierces right through ma heart.And yeah i need someone to talk to all night,someone like ma mom.The whole day fights with ma bro.Morning alarm courtesy Dad...The hot warm food,regular fight over the repeated menu.Late morning sleep, hour long bath.A quick walk with ma dog.These are the things i miss at home, in a smaller scope.I'm still stuck in the memories of yesterdays and i can't seem to complain.

Definition of success varies from person to person .For some its the money that matters, for some its the job and status and for the minority its the satisfaction in life.On the wrong track as usual i would embrace the first two any day.....Well, is it my peanut sized brain that screams out ignorance?.Life is sort of like wine so is money, as the time progresses the face value increases.I doesn't really matters to me if u say the term"FUTURE " for all i care about is the "PRESENT".People with grey hair line always makes it a point to put across words of wisdom that i hardly heed to.


If its about making tough choices in life, you are with the wrong person buddy.I'm illusioned by the very word "TOUGH".Leaving life in a bubble has its own side effects you see.The friend that keeps company during the mumbling is YOU....your prayers counts,every word uttered is comfort word,every path chosen is the RIGHT one.Iv tried and failed miserably to bring life to a dried flower.HOPES are what keeps us afloat.Hoping for the best,OPAL signs off.

There were moments that keeps me reminding of my past. These moments can be times when I'm tuned to a particular song or realizing the fact that I'm speaking exact same sentence in an almost ditto situation .Déjà-Vu ?Well, most of the times these past moments are sweet, mixed with a slight pinch of sorrow .Daughtry was a part of ma life since Amrita days. Playing those songs aloud, complaining of missing home after his song HOME has stopped playing, anxiously waiting for the song to play in ma random play list and today as I plugged in my mobile head set into ma ears while concentrating on ma work, a familiar tone startled me .For a moment I was back at Coimbatore , in ma old room c-215 with ma friends, watching late night movies or munching high carbs on the day before exams, commenting on good looking girls, sharing the days gossip, sitting in the canteen having chaat ,pretending to be sitting in the back bench catching a quick nap, trying to figure out how a tool works, making a big fool out of oneself for the review .Life was growing in a sheltered pot...watered, manured ,pruned at proper intervals, right now I feel like been out among the wild blooms, proving Darwins theory of evolution. As, a student all of us shared an easy flowing life, with occasional tensed moments the night before exams .Now, every day is a struggle, pressure of failure, dealing with high expectations .Things were same 1 year before too, only thing that different was "I was never really bothered" .Multiple times, I flunked for exams BIG time but ,there was always a hope of “NEXT”. In corporate world it’s not the same story, there is no tomorrow for life is filled with deadlines .If life was all about dreams one year before, now it’s all about action. Writing this post makes me feel all grown up, my shoulders heavy with responsibilities.

Pack your bags, forget your secretary, jump on the colourful lorry…….visit old fort, climb the steepest mountain, cherish local flavours, learn new languages, get wet, dirty your shoes, plunge into a river, brave the storm. LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!Times when I think, I should have been someone else, may be a bird, soaring through the high skies. When everything else down below is just a tiny spot .To forget and get lost.Or may be as innocent as a child, sleeping peacefully at night devoid of the stress lines on forehead.Laugh out loud.............

Its completely unethical to speak about my professional life so, out goes my Monday-Friday life which in no way is gonna be of much interest to anyone.Even to imagine me sitting in one cubicle,typing away seems damper.So, that leaves us with two days:Saturday and Sunday.What exactly happens on these much awaited weekends?It may be much more of a damper than the weekday routine.Eating-sleeping-movies ,there goes the routine. Out of the blue shopping adds joy to ma life and strain to ma purse strings. What else can one do in Bangalore?there is no places to visit except for malls malls and more malls.See this is exactly the reason why most of the major brands have showroom here.When people don't have any other place to visit obviously they will start going to malls and spend their hard earned cash.Height of consumerism .Sadly, Im also a part of the rush.With nothing much to do what else can one expect.

Proposals, disposals, marriages, engagements, vacations, deadlines, cash rich,broke..... life comes to a full circle in a month. Its not computers and documents, but people who add spice to our lives.

Finance and managing of finance is an art,an art that's elusive at the moment.When desires overtakes monetary power one tend to blame situations.Situations turn backs at you and give that annoying smirk"YOU SHOULD HAVE PLANNED YOUR RESOURCES PROPERLY, NOW NO POINT IN BLAMING ME".Now whom to blame?RESOURCES or DESIRES?.Both the daemons are intertwined one leading to other,feeding each other taking control over weak human mind and in the end turns up against each other.That's when the conflict begins .....internal and external crushing your inner strength to move on.

Sometimes, i feel that DESIRES can be easily crushed with will power, but they leave a lingering presence, that keeps popping up at every instant.Some people say that COMPARISON is the best companion of DESIRE, once you want to be like someone....you tend to give into your DESIRES but, i beg to differ its not the influence that induces the transient stage of materialism but, its self induced.Its almost similar to the pain you experience while falling down a slide even after being warned about that u will end up experiencing the pain. Some say that the pain is sweet but in the long run when RESOURCES fails to catch up with DESIRES the pain is gonna hurt real bad.

Iv always dreamt to a corporate financial consultant ....something, that i left mid way but, even today when someone asks me "What i want to be in life?"( I'm too old for that question anyway) i react with same innocence, repeating the said dream like a taught parrot.Someone who refuses to buy in this whole THAMASHA is ma dad.He chirps in"SOMEONE WHO CANNOT MANAGE HER OWN RESOURCES, WILL ANY COMPANY DARE TO GIVE THEIR ASSETS IN HER HAND?".Certainly a point to ponder, something that will keep me preoccupied this weekend.

Things are in for a toss,the one that tricks you into believing that you still can stand on a toe but, the reality is that you are falling, from an unrecoverable fall, the one which topples you from the top.
When you complain to someone what do you expect?.Unlike most ordinary people,i don't look out for a solution from person X,Y Z no matter however they are close to me all that i care for is a pair of ears and a brain that doesn't wander into wild wild west during the conversation.You may wonder if you can force someone to listen to your blabbering why can't you just have some patience to listen to theirs too?.The answer is: Once you present your point to someone they may tend to believe that your side of the story is the 1st edition.You may be the author of your own story, weaving webs of sympathy but, deep inside there may be a high probability that your story is as fake as the snow men.What the listener gives you is a verdict that suits your ears, one which has no honesty embedded.Why bother to take an one-sided solution.Take your own time, figure out a solution for yourself and if you are one of those pathetic ones who cannot have a straight life without 10,000 opinions then take you time to pour out your woes to someone who is involved on both side of the bridge.One who knows the real story may be able to guide you in the right direction.

Rather than counting the sympathies count real honest opinions.

Some people eat ,sleep and drink their dreams while some loose track en route.Isn't your dream a part of you until you realise it? or is it a momentary infatuation?.Dreams that fade away into the background,eroding in the test of time, those are never dreams.They are illusions,ones that appears in your dreams and leave no trace in the warmth of early morning sun. As Dr.Abdul Kalam rightly said dreams are not the ones you see in your sleep but, the ones that not allows you to sleep.

Mtech was never ma dream, but i was sucked into the tornado of so called flow of life and there i was, struggling, huffing, puffing and throwing tantrums.In a month of so reality sinked in and i had no other way other than to accept that i was actually there, in midst of book yielding, less speaking intelligent breeds of engineers.Once , i understood that there was no way out i slowly but reluctantly agreed to be a part of it. It was never an easy feeling to sit amidst heavy books for hours together, or keeping one's eyes open continuously for an hour but, i did everything in ma power everything you could possibly imagine to survive .Right from munching on high carb sugar diet just to stay awake at 3 in the morning to hiding ma precious notes. I was inheriting someone else's dreams. At a point of time i made ma mom's dream part of mine and decided to give it the best shot.You can call me successful if you feel a CGPA of 7.8 is a thumps up.

I fail to understand the other side of the rule, If X was your dream and if its so close to you how can you just give up.Wasn't it the only thing you ever wanted in your life? if that's so why cant you put in a 110%.Sometimes what we call as our dream may not be the right dream for us, one may stumble, take a few leap, get bruised but, that's it?You just give up?You sit there on the battle ground with you hands up in the air and say "THAT'S IT".You call that a FAILED ATTEMPT?I call it COWARDLINESS.

If you shout it out to the world that X is your dream, people around you will expect you to be an expert in your dream.Can't blame the people for thinking so.For a commoner ,dreams are the ones we are good at not something that you wanna try out if you can fit in or not. When you fail people see this as a lack of interest and then those dreams degrade to the status of "EX-DREAMS".

Here is another scenario, you have a dream and you are in the path of realising your dream, one day you wake up and find a new dream holding its place against the old one.What then? you just let the old dream die?or will you just let you first dream take a higher priority now this ,i will leave it upon individual decision. What you want most in life, only you know so ,prioritise based on the execution time and necessity.

The above case doesn't take into account the fact that, you have a variable dream, one that goes tree hopping every night.

"LIVE YOUR DREAM, NOT LET THE DREAM LEAVE YOU"

Time to put ma writing genes to some good use.There are multiple things that i woke up with,laced with descriptive view and as i sit here, typing away half baked ideas i wonder....what exactly is what i wanted to write about?.Life? well, NO people learn through their experiences and there is no way a 23 year old can impart worldly wisdom.

Strange as it may seem, the first time i met Anu,i blurted out"You remind me of ma old friend Anju".How can be two people be so similar,they have no connection whatsoever but, both of them are mirror images of each other.If its just appearance,you can rub it off as coincidence but,alas NO!!!!they talk the same ,smile the same,even have same fashion sensibility.Sometimes, during nights when i had nothing to ponder about, i would just lie on ma bed thinking if both of them were twin sisters separated at birth.At Amrita,Anu's face always reminded me of the fun nights i had with Anju an exception to the usual norm of forgetting a face was at large for, Anu never allowed me to forget Anju.

Today as i stood saving ,ma self from the rain ambush, i heard a familiar sweet voice,pulling me back to the memory lanes ....Anu my heart pounded but, how?As i turned It was Anju,smiling the same bright smile which used to be pasted on Anu's lips.Anju informed me that presently she was working in TCS.With old -buddies-meet-after-long-time talk we got into the same bus.I took ma phone out to check out something,WHAT!!!!!It was Anu's call.Miss. Anu is on a scholarship to Finland.Coincidence? If its, then that's a strange coincidence.

Now for some professional update,I'm waiting for ma posting location.With all prayers in ma heart i sincerely wish Its Cochin.Having nudged the guys from Pune,to force love Cochin, I wonder why the sudden hypocrite move by me!!!!.I love living life in a bubble.I'm a lover of culture,food and people and by thumb rule, it means i would have no problem in adjusting even if put into the remotest land in India.But,well just as the thumb rule criteria is not satisfied in all the cases,so is ma fluctuating attitude.Though i love to explore,learn and live the metro life the highly expensive tag is a big put off.Cochin is the best place to live in if you have to save some moolahs.So, Mom and Dad please stop praying that i vanish off from your life to somewhere distant.

Things have changed out here.Gotta agree that money is addictive,i have been living my dreams,walking through them touching,smelling, feeling ,laughing out.There is a mammothic change in ma life style in terms of productive spending per good.The restlessness that i tend to show over a weekend caged inside the house is far from startling.By the end of year im hopping for a complete reversal of my life.The whole statements ahead shouldn't give anyone of you the idea that am a irresponsible shopper.I know my budgets, at times i may overspend but, with a string tightly put around ma own neck i know where to stop ma hands to be liberal. Shopping for ma brother was never so much fun.Telling dad that i will pay for the hotel food was never so heartly fulfilling.Im living ma life, don't ask for ma bank statement for, every penny has been invested in long term happiness.




Walking a little far from ma happiness,lets step into the lives of people around. Marriage is never about two people but, all about two families. There is always 100% risk involved,compatibility issues,conflicts.When two individuals take decision to spend rest of their lives together,it goes through process of approvals,nods,disagreements.Right now WE are going through such a phase.Families are getting to know each other.Years ahead it may be a different story but as of now,everything seems to me as smooth sailing.

Life is swish swashed, messy,unromantic and monotonous. What if you believe that your brain is a thriving ground for new ideas but, have never got a platform to express?. Feeling like if you were born as Miss.X , you would have lived the life you wanted?.Do you wake up and see things in black and white?.Don't worry, you are just one among the 99% of the people who thinks the same.

Don't know what to scribble down,seems like I'm getting detached from the long descriptions, 1024 characters just seems right enough to catch my fancy. Once upon a time, this blog was the only medium to let out ma frustration,write without the fear of being questioned and for the past four years it has been been doing what it does the best,LISTEN!!!.Sometimes, i feel that people are so busy that they consider your talks as just another dose of blahs but, for the person who talks it may be a do or die situation.Lending your ears to some one's problem may even save a life. The main problem with today's junk way of living is that "We don't have time to listen".Listening is an art,Good listeners always have good friends.Listeners never pour out their sorrows to anyone,they let it stay right there burning themselves in the process.They are bundle of secrets,never to be revealed.Okay!!!don't really get the point of having to talk all this.Good Night.

Needed a friend, a confident or anyone who have the hearts to listen to me.Heart,it always remember the first time when it flutters right? so does it remembers the first time it has got crushed, obviously under the weight of neglect.I rather keep my mouth shut and act like a remote controlled barbie with perfect hair,perfect features,perfectly manicured nails etc etc . What about ma human side?forgot the fact that im human?.May be im paranoid of being alone in the same room as that of loneliness, may be silence brings out some old memories that i don't wish to recollect.How can anyone sleep comfortably when miles away a heart is weeping out for care?.May be the loud screams never penetrates your false dreams or may be we can put it this way:You don't know me!!!you think you do but no!!!every time i wish for a comforting hand,i find maself alone.You think i should be left alone because i asked you for some privacy last time for which you nodded our head to represent your displeasure of ma loony attitude.Sometimes you gives me the feeling that the world revolves around you and whenever ,wherever you ask for you little perks, wishes must be granted..may be am your fairy god mother.May be we are nothing close to Barbie and Ken.I watch you slip through ma hands and just stand there do nothing at all.You say you are tired, and i nod in unison cause may be you are after a tough day at office but, when your tiredness eats away the talks, for you are too heavy that your fingers just refuse to type in proper messages.
May be this is what people call seven year twitch!!!but, here it just took 2 short years to put on a sad display that relationships after some point of time are taken as granted that little effort or little love goes into making a loose thread bound.

The room looks different,for a control freak like me a messy room is too hard to stand.Have been rearranging every single thing in ma room for the past one week.The neatly spread sheet on ma bed,polished photo frame,a small basket of scramble blocks,a glass mug filled with water,dust free carpet,soft toys arranged in order....all work over and done with.The room revamped did offer a new challenge ,to get away from its inviting charm.The very sight of uncrubled sheets induces sleep in me.Mom has banned me from closing the door before 10pm.I'm badly wanting to try ma luck in interior designing.May be one day if i ever plan to switch ma career i would like to come back to this profession that lets me express ma artistic genes, without boundaries.
I badly wanted a light shower,when i reached back home .Summer heat was taking a toll on my body but, got more than what i wished for,for now its raining heavily.Summer doesn't makes you as uncomfortable as monsoons.You walk through the road concentrating hard on how to avoid big muddy water pools and there ,the driver of a car swish past your,splashing the dirty water over your kurtha.Most of the shops doesn't allow you to take your leaky umbrella inside and after you have made past all those wet clothes brushing past you, you find your umbrella missing.Kerala monsoons is a nightmare that you have to live through to appreciate ma writings.
If you are sitting in your couch comfortably,sipping hot tea,reading a nice fiction then there is no better season than monsoons.Hear the rain droplets whispering in your ears,watch the birds take shelter.God!!!im swaying...if ...leave it...let it rain, let it quench mother Earth's thirst,let life thrive....

Time to scribble away the clogged letters,they don't come pouring out like before.People, kind of tend to take sides,it happens all the time especially when you are listening to just one side of the story. Cochin is not treating me well,the climate is too humid and hot.The moment you step out of your home,smeared with sunscreen you start sweating.As i complain about the so called tough weather mom gives me a devilish smile and declares"As if darling you were born in polar region".Back from ma one year stint at Amrita,the climate of Coimbatore is notorious for its burning summer but,the story ends there.One never sweats unlike in Cochin where every visit out is like visiting a sauna.If things aren't bad,hear this out"sorry Adhi!!!you won't recognize your old lab mate,iv grown DARK!!!!like real blackish dark.My dad who finds humor in most bizarre of situations declared that I'm in urgent need of a fairness cream or a big bank balance(who will marry a dark girl?),pretty much average Indian mentality.This sums up the events of the day or rather the weather report.

Couldn't have done it any better.Want some good reason that can force my inner self to calm down.An aim?a reason to hang on?.I was the heroine of some pathetic romantic movie today or you can say i acted like one.Don't wanna walk back and feel like i have done something wrong,just few missed calls.A small help for the mobile operator won't hurt right?.When I'm frustrated i speak a lot and I'm talking whole lot off nonsense now. Its genuine tears rolling down ma cheeks,its true that my heart is aching.Yeah I'm a hypocrite!!!and such people don't need any company.I'm sick and tired of forgetting.Why do i have to depend on other people for ma happiness?I need sleep,something that can doze of my consciousness,something that will stop this pain deep inside.I'm done with the numerous panicky calls.Good nite peeps,for the the night is just starting for me !!!

Something about the silence next door is surely gonna be an eye sore. Its vacation time for MBA's who reside just opposite to the VLSI block. For the unlucky ones like us, we have to wait yet another one month to get our share of freedom.It sets me thinking about the divide rule existing in the PG hostel.MBA's and MTECH's never mingle let alone a smile or a nod,they blankly stare at each other calculating in their heads.For most MTECH's MBA's are bunch of overspoken ,hyperactive gals and for the people at the other end of line,we are just some glass wearing,book crunching,silent worms.The class divide is clearly visible from dressing to food habits.While MBA's are allowed jeans we are not and the reason?they are professionals and we???they don't call us by that name.I will tell you where the real catch lies!!!they pay 3 lakhs per year while VLSI's pay 1.5 per year.It all about the money honey.
Now for some deeper thoughts,we never have the time to complain about the heavy work load being thrusted on us whereas the other end sees a complete black out by 12?envious?oh yeah!!!wish we could sleep atleast for 2 hours a day.As the exam times for MBA's and MTECH'S are at different points in the academic calender,mostly our preparations for 2 exams per day is marred by shouting and screaming from the other end.The more we try to concentrate the more high decibeled the screeching becomes,sometimes the whole enjoyment part gets too out of control that we are forced to pull the plug.Times are gonna change,don't know if the same arrangement will persist if so the fight for supremacy will continue.

Guess I'm,not keeping you posted about my life or its tides. Its so that I'm either busy or I'm too lazy to type in anything.Human character always surprises me,mostly the uncertainty involved. You can be friends with someone who until yesterday was your worst nightmare. All of us hide our basic instincts in the first meeting,the very person whom you described angelic may turn up into someone suffering from multiple personality disorder after a few months.When you invest a large part of your heart on someone,you expect them to give you dividends at the right time.Life is a big gamble ,some hit the jackpot while some,dream of hitting one ...what they don't know is that these dreams are just dreams.With equal ease with which human character fascinates me so does scares the hell out of me.Some mind reading ability would have surely helped me swim through rough sea.How do people say something and think something else?.Its too complicated,so is the deep corners of human mind. You cannot approach two minds in a common fashion for they are products of sophisticated emotions.

The times, when i come up with something funny, my world goes upside down and i come back to ma old cribbing self. This time,its in form of a surprise shock from WIPRO.They have mailed me asking me to attend their assessment test on 13th.What a shocker for, i never saw it coming.Im not even allowed to go home this week,a marathon around the campus can fetch me a permission i hope. Life @ Amrita is no better, subjected to immense torture most of us have turn into nocturnal animals,scavenging through various rooms for night food.Some of us have even started developing allergy towards fat 1000-2000 pages text books. Seminars,presentations,lab works most of the lecturers don't even consider us to be human beings.For them we are just machines, out here to break our backbone. Life !!!! wish i could fade away into emptiness.

I need to soak down the excitement that has given me high for the past few days.A short visit to Chennai with mom and grandma, stay with ma cousin,meeting someone who treats me like a princess, the journey had its own share of wow factors. This guy rocked my world for two days,he thinks I'm the most gorgeous gal in the world,he teaches me how to sing ba ba black sheep in rhythm,he keeps on calling me "MEMMA",that's Sharan for you ,2 years old bundle of joy. I'm already missing him .When he grows up, he may forget the time spend, he may not even remember ma face but, whatever it is he holds a special place in ma heart.

Hmm....what to write?have been sitting in this lab for the past one hour keeping up the hopes that before 7:30 i would be able to access IEEE.Well, with such high connectivity my dreams will remain as dreams itself. What to say??is there anything left to scribble??life is mundane as usual,the routine by hearted. The classes are flying over ma head as fast as the time itself.Laziness is roosting over ma brain cells and the books have been covered in cobwebs. This obviously doesn't have any side effects on my effort quotient,which is equal to 0.

Mom said something debatable last night"you ought to have an aim in your life".This very statement kept us awake whole night long.AIM??if i could i go by my aim, i wouldn't have been here,doing what i don't like.I would have been earning 6+ in 4-5 years.No,sometimes viability and best solutions holds more sense than some day dream.I could have objected ,refusing to abide by my parent's decision and to be frank the moment i gotta know about theirs that's exactly what i had planned to do.Then why the hell did the first sentimental statement uttered from my mom's mouth melted my heart?.My whole life ,or you can call it 1/3 of my life, iv lived on negotiations which has only pushed me deeper into debts. And tomorrow when i turn back, i will have to be satisfied with a handful of happy memories to laugh at. I don't have enough courage in me to swim against the tide,I'm not blaming the sea for taking me to the place, it wishes me to be in. Life is a game of adjustments and thank goodness,I'm like a chameleon adapting to whatever environment I'm put through.Iv this innate capacity to manage through unhurt.Life that my parents chose for me is not that bad as I'm projecting it to be but, could have been better if i had decided my future.Its still is a struggle to wake up everyday and find your soul gone. I think,its time to stop whining like a little kid.Good nite peepz....

Fresh start,but think its not gonna be easy breezy like last time. We were running to the library,scavenging through the book shelves, fighting it out for the last book standing.Childish? baby!!this is the Indian way of living.Bear with it. Wanna load my head with so many songs so that i can tune into those tracks based on ma mood

Sad:Tanhai...Dil Chahtha Hai

Romantic:Kudha jane....Bachna AA Haseenoo

Happy:Wake up sid....Wake up Sid

Confused:Ghar se hum chal tho diye....Shaan

Fights:Bolo na.....Sona

Laughs:Prem ki naiyya ko paar....APKJK

Emotional:In dinom...Life in a Metro

Life is like a radio,u ought to hear whatever the station plays for you but, I wish if my life was like I pod so that i can shuffle based on ma choice.

Moments that i wish,just glide past.To be something that i despise,turning into something so artificial that I'm scared to gaze into the MIRROR.This Opal is someone i don't recognise,someone whose smiles are fake,someone who pretends she knows everything even when she knows deep down inside that the soil beneath her legs is fast disappearing.Today went shopping alone,devoid of the chipping,devoid of gossips.This is the harsh reality of life,the world around you changes in a matter of days.Just when you feel you had enough you realise its too late to turn back and do an alt+clt+dlt.Wish,life was easy..then nothing comes easy nowadays.You gotta move it and what do you get in return??complaints,abuses.Why do we even care?.Life is a big sad joke....iv stuck a smiley on ma bag not that I'm happy but,its something that i think is cool.So,what's the point?life is a game of pretending.You pretend your happy,satisfied but, in reality your not.You want a new name, a new life a start from the beginning,a complete erasal of your identity.Can you do that?Can you run away from responsibilities?.Can you look straight into the mirror and say"I'M THROUGH"? No you can't cause you are scared,scared of breaking the ties,scared of yourself.When can i be Me?When can i stop acting like I'm the happiest person on earth when I'm not.When can God grand me wishes i ask for?.WHEN CAN I WALK BAREFOOT ON WET GRASS?.When can i wash ma sorrows in the rain?.When can i act like a 22 year old without having to hear the "M" word?.Life why are you so unfair and mean.Random thoughts

What do you do when you see your life crumbling before your eyes?.Will you try saving it or will you fold your hands,stand there watching the downfall?.Any normal person would do the latter but,guess what am doing?Watching maself fall into a deep pit.Doesn't Mr.God have time for poor people like me?Guess not for, he is too busy splitting up states.

Morning ,as i got up my head was overflowing with ideas so as I can fill my half empty blog page. I muttered to ma own self ,repeating the words that have to be used .As I sit here and type ,my head is blank ,devoid of any ideas .All the hours of planning has gone waste. After last weeks sudden twist of events, the sea is calmer right now and waiting for another prey to grab on.
There is this little lazy monster in me, who refuses to work .Call ,me for anything and I have an excuse to pull ma head out of it. People around me are so dedicated that they literally drag me into places called lab, gym , lib etc. What happens after is a completely different story : the little monster gets hyper and overdoes stuff. I have to be literally thrown out of the lab once I'm in.

I can't understand why certain people are so consumed by their ego that they let their ego work on behalf of them.Certain someone, finds my presence so irritating that she finds me virtually invisible.Imagine this ....five of us are standing together discussing something,she comes in looks on to the side,where am not standing and speaks.May be its something that i know about but, her ego flares up in her and i find ma self shut out from the conversation.It happens almost everyday and i find it quite annoying.We are way past that age of ego clashes but,this isn't the case with her.Common!!!our personalities rarely match so is our personal statements then why the hell does she act like QUEEN B?.

God plays with ones luck,after he throws it up in the air,acts like he has nothing to do with it. For some,their whole life is driven by luck no matter what the situation is they manage to scrap through unhurt solely owing to their luck and for some,luck is just a word in the dictionary. I miss those late night gossips,the laughter and fun . The day she walked down,i couldn't hold back my tears .I was loosing not just a mate but, an awesome friend.Lame consolations forced me to squeeze my tear gland.The stick note in ma room is still intact which reads"WILL MISS YOU BIG TIME".Everything happens for a reason whether its good or bad, and with all the prayers i would wish only good things for her.2 months is too short of a time, to develop any close bonds but, I'm happy to say that i did and hopefully its gonna stay with me for the rest of ma life. . Ya !!!its for something better.Life has to go on.....

Life everywhere remains the same, so is the basic human instict to pull the leg of the one on top.Im not a saint but, i do understand the difference between competition and jealousy.Why bother about someone else's marks ,what one needs to learn is to outwit oneself everytime.In the process of glory,what one forgets is that there is someone out there at the bottom of the ladder trying to get their hands on you.Please!!!stop this marks madness.

Writer's block!!!Let the pictures speak for themselves

The term work is eating away the luxuries associated with PG way of living.For the professors PG student,are nothing but study machines for whom everything including eating and sleeping should come after the completion of treacherous amount of work.I didn't expect M.tech to be easy breezy nor did i expect a round the clock work schedule.I'm fast loosing steam trying to force ma self to concentrate on the goals specified.For me its moreover like a forced vacation trip gone wrong. It was never a matter of choice but, for someone who hasn't seen light for years even a 0 watt bulb is like sunshine. Sometimes i feel that ma destiny lies somewhere else and instead of me taking the driving seat someone else is taking me for a ride of a life time.Any point of regretting the past actions?I guess no!!!life has to go on so are 3 sems....may regain my lost heart somewhere,sometime.

When people come together,you can always find at least a dozen of them,not matching your tastes.As the law of natural selection,one tends to reject a few faces at the first go.Some not, appealing to you mentally and the funny fact is that you always ends up with the correct guess. I have always maintained diplomatic approach in my professional relationships but, it so happens that you meet people, with whom diplomacy seems the last term to deal with.Man has this unique instinct to rule, to crush the week ones.History has proved this theory wrong many time,an uprising and even the Berlin wall was broken,Russian dynasty came to an end so if that's the case can a mere number of 4 stand against a majority of 11?.Na!!!play the game of isolation,and you embrace victory!!Man being a social animal cannot distinct himself from the clutches of society ans when the society isolates him, he has no other way other than to repent his wrong doings.The next issue here is the mental conflict of expressing the toughest of views versus the softened stand of time will pay back. Dominance is the order of the life at Amrita,but we are playing our cards straight.Let time choose!!!SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

Life is a random variable,for which we try to assign values... for some the final answer turns out to be a finite quantity and for some its undefined.Most of us are in the process of defining priorities and goals,that will consume our lives for the coming long years.For some defining an aim in life is like rocket science,confusing,messy and full of brain cracking thoughts .They hardly spend any of their precious energy in designing their lives and live by their on rules.When expectations sky rocket so, is our fear of falling from greater heights.For some, the pressure is too much to handle and they fall apart. Its never the desire to be perfect that makes us sweat it out,but the fear of failures. If life was not measured by success and failures most of us would have sat on the couch whole day without doing nothing.

Sunday blues.I wake up to pray not to face another dreadful Sunday,the long distance travel,the screeching sound of the train engine.Wish i could erase all of these,and write in a different dream, the one in which I'm laying on ma comfy bed on a warm beautiful Sunday.