All good things must come to an end:Last post

NEWS: What started off as a day to day event recollection slowly paved way to much bigger things. I am no wizard with words yet this blog holds a special place in my heart. Six years that's the time for which I blogged....pretty long no? especially for someone who has short attention span. I managed to hold on to words and phrases and sentences for 6 long years. Today, as I recoil back to my little world, I find one element missing, my IMAGE. Mirror was always part of my life, more like a reflection, more like an alter ego....someone who is just like me, but not ME. Over the years Mirror grew with me....from watching over a rebellious teenager, to complicated human being, to lovestruck20 something falling in love, mirror was successful in capturing my emotions and turmoil. Always I have had my guardian angel looking on to me during my toughest times, things that were unspeakable were spoken off, my point was made clear, guilt was erased off and drama was captured. Mirror has given me 6 years of memory to cherish, something I wouldn't want to erase. I will keep the blog intact but just that you wouldn't be seeing my reflection in the mirror. Looking back the blog has given me lot of memories to laugh about to cry on and I wouldn't wanna change a single thing.

WHY: Words have abandoned me, and so have the skill sets. They are no longer my companions but we share more of a forced relationship. I never faced this kind of emotional turmoil in my life, I never had to fight to let my voice heard I was always guarded by my angel, and words it came naturally to me. That's it the final straw, one word and that's it.....AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!

FUTURE: It feels like killing my own kid, eating up the darkness, and I am not sure the direction I would wander too without a holding hand. I need to write, pour out my angst and keep myself from falling apart and I know only words can give me that kind of solace. I will try keeping up with the technology, putting up my dairy in e format but for now smell of paper back would do. Going back to my root where words flow like an untamed river, gushing in all its might, a place where there are no forced love affairs, a place where people would understand why I am in love with free flowing words, a place where my feelings would be honored. It would definitely be a long absence. Thank you for patiently hearing me out, for holding my hand, for reassuring me, for pointing out my mistakes, teaching me a thing or two. Thank you for everything.

24 Random things

It's a lil late to do this post but, hey atleast I have managed to post this in the month of Jan which by the way is a BIG deal. I recently celebrated my 24th birthday and here are 24 random things you probably wouldn't know about me...

1. I am a pure blood Aquarian, and that means I think a lil hatke (Different) from others.
2. My favorite color in the spectrum is YELLOW. I have at least one item in my wardrobe in color yellow: Shoes, earrings, dresses. Even my bedroom wall is painted YELLOW.
3. Before my present role, I was a web page designer. Yes!!!I am very lazy to do a makeover for my own blog.
4. I am a M.tech dropout. I just couldn't bear the pressure of technical studies even after being an 8 pointer for the whole of 1 year of the course. I quit after 1st year much to the dismay of my parents.
5. I have problem estimating distance between two objects. Either I evaluate it as too near or too far and this may be the reason why my dad doesn't trust my words during driving.
6. I was selected to Indian school of planning and architecture, Delhi in the year of 2005 but, my parents refused to let me pursue architecture cause the school had mixed hostel system during that time.
7. I love politics and any discussions on the same. I keep myself updated about any latest happenings in world  politics.
8. I was known for my high decibel voice back in school and college. I can grab the attention of a class of 60 with my voice.
9. I am very organized person. Mind you the term should not be misinterpreted... it is organized. I keep all my things in its designated place. 
10. My favorite ice cream is Baskin Robin strawberry and banana. I can N number of cups.
11. I am more of my younger brother's lil girl than dad's or mom's. 
12. I used to learn violin back during school days.
13. I have the same dreams played in a loop every single week. Even the trivial things doesn't change not even the position of those things.
14. I hate cricket and football. Tennis is more bearable format of sports.
15. I have only very few friends and there is no permanent list. Changes in every 2-3 years.
16. I have constant neck problems and cause of that I love sleeping on cold floor :P.
17. I have an enviable collection of earrings.
18. I love movies. Any crappy movie will do...
19. I used to have BIG crush on Mark of Westlife, Anderson of English cricket team and Ayushmaan of MTV.
20. I have streaked hair which once I had vowed never to color but I did...
21. I can be in my own world for hours, without any company and my mom calls it creepy.
22. I love hoarding fashion mags.
23. I am not scared of insects or lizards or cockroaches or millipede. I find it funny when girls cry  like babies and jump on the bed when they see any crawling thingies.
24. I love my school life more than college life.

The feeling

Image:Google

Can't even type without sounding ridiculously childish. Reminiscing those Mtech days when Analog and mixed signals paper would give me sleepless nights. The day before when none of the images would make sense all thanks to the unreadable scripts (sleep). Running around the varendhah knocking on every door, begging for the notes for a quick glance  which extends to 1-2 hours depending on the angry calls by friends. The feeling, sitting inside the hall, waiting for the que paper wishing for atleast 7 outof syllabus questions and the pain when you see your prayers are not answered. The high stress applied on the brain cells to make them remember at least a bit of what was mugged day before but, to no avail. Filling the sheet with absolutely no sensible images that would put even a 1st year Btech student to shame. The deep thinking mode, and the near to blank answer sheet that I carefully tie, while watching my mates fight for the last supplementary sheet during the last 5 minz. I remember the feeling right after the sub midterms, when I know that none of the questions that I have attempted is no where close to the right answers. The cold stares tintu mon (My prof) used to give me while handing the paper and announcing my single digit marks to the whole class.The impromptu trip to the staff room to explain how and why I fail in the same sub every single time in spite of scoring near to perfect marks in all others. The long distance warm calls, when my parents would assure me that things will go ok the next time around even when I knew next time around was not going to happen. This is the exact same feeling that I am going through....

Facebook Etiquette

Image:Google

We have all had our lessons on Email etiquette, office etiquette, table etiquette, blogging etiquette, and  the multi million etiquette we were taught that we hardly (In my case follow) bother about. Now it's time for Facebook etiquette....before I begin with my lecture series let me remind you all that these are not intended to hurt the feelings of anyone especially not of my 1090 facebook friends.

• Friend Requests

Why on earth would I want to add someone who judge me by my profile pic?. I  usually filter my friend requests by number of common friends and by dropping by their profile to ensure I am not being friends with a psychopath or a murderer for that matter. This filter has its own flaws as I  recently found out cause, I only know half of the people in my friend list personally. Sometimes I am so put off by the profiles of some of my said school juniors that I refuse, or even simply delete them off my list. Then there are guys who don't give up and even resort to threaten mode via messages. So, people please add me only and only if you know me personally.

• Group invitation

There is no invitation, you have just random guys in my friend list always adding me to random groups. Cool Guys group???Dude I am neither a Guy nor am I cool so stop bothering me by adding me to random groups just for increasing the head count of members. I always end up receiving texts at wrong time (Read meetings) informing me that so and so has posted some crappy stuff in Generation X group. I have to go all the way to the group site and click leave from group to stop receiving updates. Iv tried every button in the privacy tab so that I can control which group am added to but, nothing seems to work. If anyone of you actually know something regarding this please do let me know. I wouldn't have any problem in case  my REAL friend add  me into the alumni circle without my approval. Totally understandable.

• Tagging

I know you would want to showcase your talent in front of the whole facebook community but tagging all your friend in your friend list is not the right thing to do. Tag only if absolute necessary or if you would want to refresh some old memories(School pics). I would never prefer tagging without prior permission.

• Inboxing

I used to frequent some blogshops and after weeks I found my FB inbox bombarded with texts from unknown people asking me to check their blogshops. If I am interested I will for sure purchase from your shop, the reason why I am not placing any orders itself shows my lack of interests or my financial situation or even your own bad repute. So, please stop sending texts or filling my inbox.



Some of my friend would like to add to to the list they say

• Promotions

Putting one's blogpost as status is total put off


Lemme clarify: As my own status you, as my friend is given a choice, choice to either click on the status there by getting to know my tastes better or not bothering at all. I am doing no harm to even a single soul. Most bloggers have their own blog pages but being into blogging purely for recording purpose and also due to lack of fan following I don't think I can afford to maintain yet another account with yet another password. So, my friends are always welcome to ignore my statuses and jump into other profiles.


New year, filled with new hopes and for me this is a special year. Will be back with more ramblings.

Goodbye 2011

2011 is almost over and as I am introspecting over the bygone year I have reached some conclusions. Before I put my another day another reason to ramble theory into action let me highlight the years high's and low's.

HIGH's

• Finally decided to rebutt parental pressure and for once decide what I want to do in life. 
• An awesome birthday and a wedding of a dear friend.
• Moving to a different role, and back to my home town after a 1 year stint in Bangalore.
• Finally gathered some courage to come out of the shell and be more ME.
• Got engaged to this awesome guy, who rock my world.

       

LOW's

• Leaving my independent life back at Bangalore. 
• Hmmm, can't seem to think of anything right now.

This year turned out to be a hit!!!. Hope 2012 would be as good as 2011.

Totally random: Xmas effect!!!!

Image:Google

Wishing all my readers (If ANY!!!) a happy Xmas. Remember my wish list from here?Well, it's coming true and now I have to upgrade the list with a version 2. With xmas this month and my bday coming up next month I hope the list will be a pointer of sorts to people who plan to buy me gift*evil grin*. And please don't try to act all goody two shoes and start a speech on how materialistic I am, everyone is and may be the lights, carols, cake and wine is doing the trick. I am still sitting in the office, typing this last post for the weekend while watching my mates leave one by one with envy. I am waiting for my brother to give me a ride back home so that, I don't have to travel for another 1 hour in public transport to reach home.

On a side note, I feel lost for obvious reasons and obnoxious than before. I have to have to find a cure cause this is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. Did I tell you that I am engaged?No? Ok!!!so I got hitched last Sunday with this guy called kuttan who has been my invisible better half for the past 4 years. Things just got little more visible than before and now he is my declared-to-the-world-to-be-husband. Things have not changed, we still quarrel, we still make up at much faster pace, we still pull each others legs, we still have broken conversations.....the only difference is my frequent high decibel "CHETTA"(typical mallu way of addressing one's husband) calls. People around me are surprised and the first few days I couldn't force myself to utter the word. It was so not me!!! but, I love the way Kuttan smiles when he hears me call him Chetta also, it marks a higher respect for him in my heart. I have until now had atleast 5-10 people asking me to repeat the chetta call, I do and with the shy smile of a newly engaged girl. Okay enough for now, so all you people out there have a merry time with your family and friends and keep the spirit of xmas alive.

Confessions of a shopping sidekick

I am one of the people who loves shopping, I am infact like rest of the people . The only thin line that separates me from you is: I run berserk like a wild elephant when left alone in a shop. I buy anything and everything that I think will look good on me, will look good on me in my head, and will look good on others. I try to sleep and laze around at the end of month weekends and the reason for which is a no-brainer!!!!. I do have my partners in crime and we hit every other little shop in the alleys of Cochin. My partner, who is a wise shopper, has whole lot of self control than Moi. She holds my hand and pulls it back whenever I pounce excitedly on the stuff on the rack. Now this action, purely out of concern for my dwindling bank account is not a moral booster of sorts, makes me depressed. To touch and feel the fabric and not to own em is a pain of its on. While my partner inhales the smell of  the fresh stock she is mentally high and satisfied and ready to hit the next store, aaahhh not me!!!. It happened quite a few times and every time we went shopping together for HER, I ended up buying more stuff than her. While she swing her hands in full might I struggle to balance all my shopping bags. Soon enough, I found a cheat code to my problem....days when I go shopping with her I would mark my victims with the precision of a sharp shooter and next week on similar expedition with my mom, I make em mine. No complains, no frustrating talks and it's a win-win situation for me and my buddy.

Back at Bangalore, me and my set of girls would go mall hopping every fortnight. While I broke my transfer news all the while expecting some thanks giving speech, it was met with cheer and loud applause by some of my friends. For them it was a reason to celebrate, starting mark of earning a respectable saving. They were of the opinion that they were never able to resist the temptation of buying things cause I always told them "THE THING" looked good and that nudged them to buy even if they had no intention of a shopping spree during that very trip. And if you think 8 months after, they have successfully managed to have a huge bank balance  you are wrong : ONCE A SHOPAHOLIC ALWAYS A SHOPAHOLIC!!!


In Cochin, there is no brand culture and no one keeps a tab on latest in's and out's, but I still make my shopping expeditions. Last day one of my colleague's commented on how I have brought about a change in every one's bank balance. Sharing my knowledge about things I love cannot be branded as a crime. To choose or not is purely personal decision. The story spread and many female colleagues of mine are seen to spend quite considerable amount of their work time staring at their colorful computer screens. I am deeply wounded by frequent comments on how I have turned good girls into materialistic girls. No one was forcefully converted, no one was threatened to make a choice and people fail to understand. 


On being asked why the online site's names have been floated around one of my colleagues replied." I hate socio -economic imbalances. One female having a huge bank balance and the other broke. Now that the sites and online payments are being made at a rate which can put even rupee's value depreciation to shame everyone would eventually have same bank balance and the gap will be non -existent." Until next time, its the shopping sidekick bidding adieu.

Of meetings and creating impressions

Let's get the facts straight, I am not a morning temple person for that mater I am not even an evening temple person. I can't fathom the thought of waking up in wee hours on Saturdays and Sundays ( The weekends). Weekends for me is to wake up when the sun is over  my head, laze around in my pyjamas, sipping hot cuppa of tea. For this reason, I usually don't encourage my parent's frequent nagging of visiting temples on Weekends. Yesterday when I was asked to wake up at 4am... I objected, shed my fake tears and threw my lame excuses but, all of it fell into deaf ears as my parents were quite determined to mould me into ideal daughter -in-law. At 4 Dad was heard shouting, and unwilling I dragged myself out of bed, took a shower and got ready. I usually love dressing up, but the morning chill was getting on to my nerves. I tossed my kajal on my bedspread, dressed up in a simple kurta, put on smallest of earrings and a small bindi. Done!!!I took my bike ride to Willingdon Island when I reached the place at 5, the gates to the temple was closed seems the priest overslept!!! see even the priest loves his weekends. Had to wait good 20 minutes before we could enter the temple and complete the rituals. When my dad suggested that we visit Ernakulam Siva temple I was fuming, I mean common I barely had my 4 hours sleep and dad was asking me to extend temple hoping. I reluctantly agreed after all the last thing on my mind is to displease GODS!!. I went to the Siva temple and then to the Hanuman Kovil.... the moment I stepped in I saw a familiar face, and as an automatic reaction smiled showing my pearl like Colgate teeth. The person right before me need an intro in this blog, it was Kuttan's Grandma( Let's call my fiance Kuttan from now on as 'G' seems to be a tad bit boring) this gorgeous 60 something lady is the head of the house and ruled kuttans heart before I made an entry. There is only one word to describe her: GORGEOUS. She is a big believer of everything divine, spends half of her day in and around temples, treats God's as part of her family and believes in divine interventions. She was surprised and shocked as hell (I could read that from her face) so was I. She never expected me to be there at that time. She took my hand and enquired whether I come there everyday. As much as I want to spit out the truth it's essential that I create a homely image in front of her and like a taught parrot I repeated: Frequently. She was smiling happily that her would be granddaughter in law was a religious little girl.... her smile spread like a infectious sunshine and at that very moment I was wondering how shattered she would be when she learns the absolute truth.What happened next was probably the highlight of the day"X, Y,Z,A,B......W , please come here... let me introduce you to my to be-granddaughter-in -law" Kuttan's ammuma spoke to the unknown!!!. WTH !!!okay okay!!!!Now I was panicking. Somewhere deep down, minutes before I was grinning devilishly  to have striked gold by creating a good girl image in front of grandma but now here I was at my worst with not even a kajal trying to make an impression in front of a bunch of 60 something grandma's. Grandma visits temple with her usual entourage, gang of 60 something ladies who find happiness in divine salvation. Now I had a name to save ie, MY good repute.... there I was tired, boring , dressed to please no one. I knew that meeting me in my bare self would spark a gossip conversation and I would be the laughing stock at today's gossip session.... there I was in front of Kuttaan's gorgeous grandma and I felt like my whole world was coming apart. Quite obviously they would expect me too match the standards set by Kuttan's gorgeous ammuma and in front of her I looked drab and outshined. 

Kuttan's Ammuma

 Sob !!!Sob after all the intro me and dad decided to visit yet another temple this time Poornathreyesha temple...nothing out of the world happened and as I was making a quite exist I saw a familiar face, a face which stood out 8 years back but, now the beauty had diminished. She smiled as she recognised me and we chatted about the present. This girl, was an epitome of REAL beauty back at school and subject of secret affection of all my friends. We were good friends and even she shared few of her deepest secrets with me. Haven't had seen her for quite some time now and seeing her brought back some good memories. 


On a completely random note: I have successfully manage to ward of evils of consumerism this  month. Had promised myself that I wouldn't shop this month and it's being going good not without some fast reining of heart. December, is a month when I can shop without guilt cause it's my engagement month but, am saving all the arms for the month of Jan: my birthday month+ sales month (:P). It's hard to resist the fruits of online shopping when all one does is sit in front of the computer surfing through the net. Well, guys see you around probably with a better post.

Picture perfect

Time to change my profile picture, I rummage through my numerous folders to find that perfect picture. A perfect picture is one which is likely to fetch most comments and likes, one which people would rave about, one which would highlights my gorgeous hair, falling oh so perfectly, teeth white enough to give the Colgate add a run for it's money and face photoshoped beyond recognition. There were moments from my past, where me and my friends would go on a clicking spree, until the perfect pic was achieved. Folders named categorically with dates, frequent uploading on FB, waiting for strangers to shower their praises. Life for us was shallow and we were too naive to realize that true beauty doesn't have to be skin deep. I bet,  random people on the web are likely to send you a friend request if your gorgeous and  no one would even bother to visit your profile if you have stuck up image of Hannah Montana or a 'CUTE'  little kid as your DP.

Within months I have grown wiser, for me pictures are scarp book, one which would take me through the memory lane, make my eyes moist, make me giggle and bring in 1000's of odd emotions. I remember the day when my 1st laptop crashed , all my college pics went into dumps with it and so did 4 years of memory. Back at Amrita when my classmate accidentally erased whole of my C drive I did a thandav, not because my tools were erased off and I would have to bug 100 people to get it re-installed but, I was more irked by the fact that my terabytes of photo memory was lost. Things have changed and I try to embed the photographic pose up in my brain, capturing the beauty of the image, all the while savouring the instance. I am no more panicky and never attempts to try to balance my camera with one hand while stuffing my mouth with my favorite dessert. These moments should not lay forgotten in one's folders instead should be framed into one's consciousness. I have locked out my profile picture folders nor do I update picture frequently like before.

It set me thinking why the hell are we so intrested in creating new pics folder every week?.

Customer Satisfaction

I just felt like pouring all my angst into this blog. This is my vain attempt to prove myself right, after failing to do so on a wider platform. As a customer, what do you expect from a service, a site, a shop?. You expect them to outperform your expectations, or being a realistic person you are, you would expect them to fulfill the clauses they have promised. Anything below or down par is not acceptable as there are millions of other options waiting for you out  there and why should one stick to this brand/site alone?. My gain will in turn effect  the brand's/site's loss and in this era of mass communication a little negative publicity can topple even the biggies.


I am no expert in customer relationship, but as an end user it hurts when my expectations are not met with for instance, last day I rang up Airtel customer care on the hope of finding a solution to the ever frequent call drop at specific time of 1:10 and 2:10. Every time I make an international call to my clients, the call gets dropped at specific time. Every time  I have to pacify the clients by explaining that there is an issue with the connection. On those sudden calls to my dad where I have to tell him to pick me up from office, the call gets cut midway. I tried calling 121, 123 to speak to their customer care exec but, without any luck. Finally, my brother did manage to find a way to contact the customer care. First you will have to press 2 so that you can get more info about the GPRS offers. Hallo!! a normal customer would expect the customer care key to be present in the main menu. Why would anyone bother to press GPRS and then again 9 to talk to customer care executive?. My connection was getting dropped even before I could press the lucky number 9, after trying for 8 times I gave up. Dad who himself own a post paid connection with Airtel gave me his phone to dial the customer care. By the time the whole incident happened I was on fire, fuming and the moment the customer care rep(A lady) took the phone, I started spitting venom. She got angry at me and told me that as my connection is prepaid she will have to transfer to some other section. The call was transferred, and a guy took up. This time I explained patiently to the guy about the issue and how much problem it's causing me. He told me there is no issue with my sim and told he will transfer me to some other section. The bloody guy put me on hold for 15 minutes and then the call was cut. I mean WTH!!!, I am recharging every week religiously with my hard earned cash and I have every right to know why my calls are getting cut and that too at exact same intervals. Being Airtel or having a great add doesn't mean you are invincible and no one will raise a finger against your service.


Moving on to another site Bestylish.com. Online shopping is slowly catching up in India and being one not to be left out I joined the bandwagon and ordered something from their site on Nov3rd. After my transaction was complete I expected them to send me a confirmation mail regarding receiving payment. Alas No!!I didn't receive any and the next day I send a mail asking them to confirm the same and that's when I received confirmation. Common, if the site doesn't let me know if they have received the cash how will I ever know?. What if they don't and my hard earned cash disappears into thin air with both agents refusing to accept it's their mistake?. Finally A week passed and I expected my courier to arrive any moment. Alas No!! I again had to ring them up and ask em if they had send me the courier... the guy tells me that my order is cancelled as the item didn't pass quality tests. If so, why bother fooling me and other lakhs of customers by putting up the pic of the good which is defective?. In that scenario, ideally I would have expected the company to replace my order( I would have happily obliged) and send me my good in 3 days may be then I would have been impressed or even it would have been okay if their refund process was completed in 2-3 days. Being the site they are and being taken for granted that they are I didn't expect both the ideal scenarios and Oh boy I was right. And what about my refund?. Weeks passed and I am yet to get one!!. I would never ever shop from their site no matter what lucrative offer they put in. I have reported it their agents and also posted a message on their FB wall. No action has been taken yet. Whenever people ask me about the site, I tell em without even blinking an eyelid NOT TO TRUST EM. I know me not trusting em won't do any damage but still, when it comes to mouth to mouth publicising and mass media publicising, I can cause a small damage and their possible buyers from my circle has eroded and none of my friends may never try this site.


I don't know but some of the best bloggers feel that mushrooming online portals may initially give you a good treatment and as they grow they tend to take their consumers for granted. Because they are a brand , they consider themselves to be above the consumers and this would eventually lead to their own downfall. 


Am I being unreasonable here?. Spending big bucks, I expect quality, options and time from the brand I am loyal to. After all money doesn't grow on trees.

I vs ME

I have nothing worthwhile to write about, something that would inspire the person on the other side. Yesterday during one of our regular chatroom dramas, myself and Tbabu were talking about the inevitable :CHANGE. If I stand in front of the mirror and let Opal from the past have a conversation with this image, she would surely drub the ME as over girlish-self obsessed-diplomatic-aimless human being. I wouldn't be able to recognise ME, and I am everything I never wanted to be 4 years back. Time has this strange way of creating havoc in your life, it tosses you around and teaches you the truth the HARD way. I have changed and that's is something I have to own the responsibility for. I could have resisted the tides and stood up against TIME but, I didn't instead I just let it take me into the No entry zone. So, next time I tell myself "I AM NOT GONNA BE LIKE THAT", I will pause and think for a moment. What if few years down the lane, I become exactly that NOT GONNA BE types?. I am open to changes, I am ready to embrace them and make em a part of my life.

A Short Story

She felt weightless, as her eyes fixated from white dress clad fairies to the blurred images of people she recognized back from her memory. She was trying to remember her story. Loud weeps by her mother was not at all helping, she found it annoying. She was losing blood and litres of it and soon she would be joining her nagging grandparents in heaven. She wanted to narrate her story before her name was permanently erased from this planet.

Born as the eldest daughter of an upper middle class family, she had everything that an average girl could wish, a house, doting parents, a brat brother, shelves filled with medals and trophies that her parents proudly talked about to their colleagues, a handsome boyfriend whom her parents loved (they even were making arrangements for their wedding). Then why did she take such an extreme step? Love failure? NO! ghosts from her past? NO then what?. You may find it hard to digest but, she was a victim of depression. She always felt unloved, she always felt lonely, she always felt she was not good enough, she never had REAL friends. She knew something was wrong with her, she tried to talk with her parents and boyfriend but, both of them rubbished it of as her changing mood due to fluctuating hormone levels. She fought with ‘him’ over their dwindling conversations, he counter attacked saying he was too tired to hear her ramblings. On another day, she complained how lonely she felt even after being in a relationship and again he counter attacked her by telling that he was not a mind reader. She closed her doors shut, wept with her head under the pillow, smudged the kajal all over her face after all the only things she wanted were: to be reminded everyday that she was loved, she wanted to be held in his arms and be embraced, she wanted to be woken up by his dreams but, all she had were nightmares. The more she tried to push away, the more steeper she fell into a world she had not fathomed, she was eclipsed by dark clouds sucking away her joy. All she wanted was someone, anyone to hear her heart breaking tears, her sound echoed through vacuum and her own echo hit her ears hard. She felt this heart piercing call, to hurt , to torture her soul, she could derive happiness from proving her worthlessness. She tried to distract herself from the repeated calls by indulging in shopping. She forgot that material things could just provide momentary happiness, she would feel tinge of happiness when she touched and felt new things but, soon they would pave way to more guilt and turmoil. She filled in his absence with books and blogs, neither could either do any justice in erasing her pain. Finally, it was time to take a decision...the faces of all those she loved dearly appeared before her, it was as if watching a movie, a small biopic played before her....her  baby steps, her first day in school, college everything was being played out in random order. As she held the blade closer to her wrists she could imagine the pale faces of her parents, the pain it would cause them but, she had to get away with the pain which was consuming her..... she was left with no choice. She let the sharp edges of the blade kiss her flesh, she gasped for fresh air ....she saw blood all around.... She was losing blood and litres of it and soon she would be joining her nagging grandparents in heaven. She wanted to narrate her story before her name is permanently erased from this planet.

My Hero

Biting into my veg burger, my thought process was interrupted by my mom. Sitting opposite to me, munching her fries, she started the conversation

"You should write the blooper your dad did today in the blog (More on that later). People who know my dad from here and here needs no introduction to the GUY no:1 of my life. But, there is more to this man than what meets the eye.

He may give you that rough and tough attitude....even brush you in the wrong way, but behind all that ruggedness is a man who knows only to love unconditionally. As a little girl, like all the girls of my age my dad was the first super hero I admired and looked upto. No superman or spiderman could match the super powers my dad possessed. He had answers to all my silly questions, he had the magic wand to make all my problems disappear and more importantly he was one person with whom I could ramble endlessly.

As years passed, during the growing up stages I got quite attached to my mom. Though we never get along she could read my mind. I had to share all my secrets, had to have her with me during my bad days and I couldn't sleep without fighting with her. Somewhere along the road, dad was sidelined. For me he was more of a father figure, unapproachable and I was sure: A GUY CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME!!

Sometimes dad did let me know about his feelings and the pain of missing out on my life was evident from his eyes as he watched me and my mom talking ear to ear. 

Dad's road to success was not smooth. As the 3rd child (eldest son) of a war veteran and housewife he didn't get his way around like we did. Having to travel 10 kms per day to reach the school or not being able to afford new school uniform each academic year, he had seen the worst .But, what separated him was his tryst to learn, to grow . I have heard his sister say that he was extremely talented in languages. After his 10th, when his father told him to quit school and join him in farming, my dad was aghast. He wanted to continue his studies but didn’t have the resources to follow his heart nor did his father’s small income allow him to dream big. That’s where my dad's sister came into picture, married to an army guy she took him under her wings. A change in scenery ensued from lush green Kerala to land of desserts: Rajasthan, it was a drastic change for this young man.

He made it into Narcotics department all the while continuing his education. After 10 years he moved back to Kerala and to Customs. He married his superior’s daughter (Mom) and happily lived ever after.

I have never seen my dad upset and angry not even in situation where an ordinary person like you or me would think of giving up. He always maintains his calm at home (Though in office it's complete different ball game). I respect him for his vast knowledge; he is one of the best in Customs laws. He is never afraid to speak his mind, even to his seniors. He is the best shopping buddy as he even nudges me to shop. He has never told me NEVER or NO!!!. The biggest shoker was this incident when I truly realized the depth of my ignorance. One day while on phone with my fiancé, my dad happened to hear our conversation. All through the conversation I kept calling name, instead of the customary "CHETTA" my dad came upto me and said "You are so unromantic". Mine!!! Something that I hadn’t expected. Nowadays I do make sure that I put forward everything in front of dad first because he is more open to ideas, more onto my side than the other peoples (My mom on the other hand makes up for it with the sentence "what will people think")

Ok!I could go on and on like this about the virtues my dad possesses. Enough of praising my dad, what comes to mind is this dialogue by Suriya from the film Varanam Ayirram" NEE THAAN ENUUDE HERO DADDY" (YOU ARE MY HERO DADDY)

30 things to do before I turn 30

1. Prepare a sumptuous Kerala veg meal inclusive of 2 types of payasam(Kheer)

2. Get my licence both, 2 and 4 wheeler.

3. Take my parents to an international holiday.

4. Beat a guy in computer games.

5. Travel to 4 corners of India (Goa, Arunachal Pradesh, Kashmir and Andamans)

6. Learn Salsa or any latina dance.

7. Turn vegetarian for a year.

8. Try at least one adventure sport.

9. Go down from size -- to size 26.

10. Buy a branded bag (A ZARA /MANGO/ALDO will do)

11. Walk on a 4 inch platform heels without falling.
12. Get my EX-MBA and move up to the post of Analyst before point 20.

13. Attend my brother's post graduate ceremony if he intends to postgraduate .

14. Buy myself a diamond stud.

15. Stay away from technology for 1 month ie, mobiles/ net etc.

16. Hug a dog.

17. Have authentic Chinese food.

18. Pray every day, and make it a habit.

19. Visit my school with my buddies and spend a whole day in 12 A.

20. Change company.

21. Go clubbing.

22. Buy "our own" house.

23. Not to fight with anyone for 3 months, not even an angry thought.

24. Walk on a beach @ 12.night, barefooted.

25. Streak my hair purple.

26. Say sorry to SOMEONE I have hurt.

27. Punch someone/anyone.(After my 3 months of being a good girl)

28. Spend one day, every year in an orphanage.

29. Write dairy every day.

30. Say a joke, to which everyone will laugh to.

Hoping for the best, lets see how it goes.