When ever things don't go the way i want to, i go paranoid.I really don't need any company,just happy being trapped in the crazy zone.Wanna be left alone,with no one trying to give me advices or trying to dictate my thought process. Just back off and let me retreat in to my humble adobe.

Whats with a guy's obsession with branded wears and accessories? .Puma,Adidas,Nike or Reebok he visits ma room every 5 minutes to enquire which one i would prefer and seriously i find the plain monogrammed bags and accessories so unattractive.The only factor that forces me to rethink is durability.Hell!!!who cares of 1500/- worth puma bag if i can buy 5 ordinary bag of 300 each?.May be they will last for 5 years but,cares to carry around the same bag for so long?definitely not my style. Dad is reluctant to invest in a branded jeans or a bag owing to two factors.

1: Bro will be going to government college.Try going in with brand all over,it may be the first reason to get ragged.

2:I have a brother,who cares least about his appearance and dad aint sure if he will take care of the bag for 4 years.

May be this is the same guy with whom i went in to a live in showroom,his pocket full of cash and he picks up a jeans worth 700/-.After seeing the price tag he changes his view from "I'm definitely getting it" to "ooh its so costly'.We are hitting the Puma showroom tomorrow ,will see what the guy decides.

Staring at my half empty wardrobe,my heart is stirring with mixed emotions.The background score of kaminey is doing no good. Wondering is the 2 year journey is worth all the tears.May be the person making this entry will be forgotten in coming 2 years.May be i will be replaced by my own better version.I won't be able to recognise with this emotion or the naiveness. The best in me wants me to believe that i will adjust, make new friends,find a new purpose in life.My be I'm heading towards my dream.Today i annoyed someone,I'm sorry!!sometimes I'm just difficult to handle,i stick with what i want to believe even if i know that I'm building castles in thin air I'm just not ready to accept that the castle isn't real.May be I'm crazy,delusional and staunch as a rock.As Rahul told me yesterday"Never change dear!this makes you what you are".There do exist people like him who even after,millions of wrong doings from my side has the heart to forgive.

You can almost feel it or even smell from the air around when people who are close to your heart starts moving away.Someone feels am just too possessive,but it doesn't feel good as a whole.Some relationships stand the test of time while, some other wither in small wind.As Raghu rightly said"There aint any bonds if they are not tested".For all those school buddies who still get annoying comments like"How do you?" thanks!!!.The silent prayer means a lot to me.

POWER OF EARNING VS POWER OF LEARNING.Two different domains,two different aspects of life and in its own way both powers are the sources of ultimate power.The one thing that clearly messed up my preconceived notion was my choice of selection of power of learning over power of earning right after Btech.Though, you can drub off my choice as one out of frustration or as my inability to develop a plan B.I have always loved the power of earning,not only it gives you self respect but, also commands respect from others. I have always maintained my stand of "every job has its on dignity" sometimes i think if i have to necessarily put my preaching to practice.Last day one of ma ex-mates rang me up to inform me of an open post of that of a receptionist in a medical centre and enquired if i was interested. I had an answer,the one you would expect"NO".Last time i did put forward something like that dad was generous enough to add" I will give you 300 per day but, don't come asking for ma permission for some silly jobs". This is not the matter of "I'm Btech and I'm not supposed to do this job" but, moreover a family status issue. Working female is always welcome in ma family as long as they are employed in a dignified post,even being a clerk at a bank is okay for ,traditionally banking and educational sector is considered to a safe bet.Working in lesser known private organisations is never safe and adding on ,the embarrassment my parents have to face if i come face to face with any of their colleagues.I'm sure i will be blessed with a job to match my education qualifications after 2 years, right now for all those people who would ring me up with offers...NO THANKS!!!

Some of you did let me know that my last post was quite kiddish for a 21 year old .Okay then today lets talk about something more adult based.How about "WARDROBE MALFUNCTION"?guys don't get your spirits high.Its a term commonly used in ma home when your wardrobe is overflowing especially right after the shopping sprees when you are left with no more space in your wardrobe to squeeze in your latest addition nor do you have space or money to buy a new one.Must be thinking why i have brought in this topic?.I'm faced with serious packing woes and i can't seem to decide what i should be packing and what i shouldn't.In the first go i nearly ticked mark on the entire wardrobe to be shifted to Coimbatore well,that's not possible considering the size of my hostel cupboard .You can bet that the cupboard will be monopolised by my books.I won't be coming home for quite a while so what should i carry?.The main catch in the whole packing woe is that for PG courses you don't have uniform.When you do have uniform you really get a peace of mind for, you don't have to think beforehand what you should wear the next day.I really am addicted to ma old uniform,that did make ma life a whole lot better.I'm really not happy to leave my humble den and cramp ma self into a smaller space.Having a single room all for yourself can be called a luxury considering the fact that dad will be spending 55K per year for hostel and mess. Bro will be leaving the nest too, leaving mom,dad and mikku all for themselves. I do tell dad at times that with both of us gone,not forget that Mikku doesn't have human gene in her and in no way can replace us.As for dad's logic" A Dog is better than both of US put together" what an insult.I have tons of work to complete before i fly off but, too lazy to walk out of my room,i have decided to spend maximum time in here so as to take with me memories that will help me survive for 3-4 months. Tomorrow off with Bro for some shopping.Credit crunch has definitely affected the shopping spree,this was the lame reason given by ma bro on strapping my 1500 rupees to 750 ,look what a bad economy can do right?.Aah!!! forgot let me get back to packing for now.Chow.

Sometimes stories of people whom you have never ever met in your life can bring tears into your eyes.Its because, either you can identify with this person or you feel sorry for them.I'm on the verge of tears.All, i know about Jenna is through one article but, for someone to have gone through all that pain of organising the kids future and teaching the husband to take care of a 2 year old and a 4 year old even after knowing that she may not be able to see a new sunrise the nex day[ She suffered from terminal cancer and died at the age of 29] is just plain amazing.Wish i had her gutts to face the death smiling.

Ma room is filled with soft toys.I had planned for a give away for ma cousins but, every time i take ma self back to the memory lanes can't seem to separate them apart from ma life.Most of these teddies share ma deepest, darkest secrets and ya they give me company during cold nights.To part with them i believe is not an option no matter how hard i try . They should stay!!and i really don't care what ma room looks like with 7-8 furry creatures giving me company. Sometimes i rave about how unattached I'm with people and things and mom finds it quite not like me about arguing over a bunch of soft toys ,neither do i.No matter how hard you try to be unattached,deep down inside you still try to be that little kid screaming for attention.I act like a hypocrite at times,its love care and attention that i need and frequently fight for and when it comes my turn to repay here I'm...trying to question the whole concept of attachment.Well,the Archie's gallery stays!!!!!.Don't get fooled by the above picture,these are just the inmates in ma room they have their counterparts in different rooms, except in Bro's who finds the whole teddy bear thing "UN-MANLY"

Typing,deleting and retyping ,getting frustrated,pulling ma hair out,pressing my mob typing keys hard,chatting with ex mates,writing down some rubbish.Not in best of ma manners nowadays much to ma parent's displeasure.I'm confined to ma room,with the oily food giving me company.Have piled up 4 kilos already and raring to go.I'm gulping down the food,unbothered about the heart wrenching screams straight from ma stomach.I think i need to slow down on the intake and trim down a little.Not every one will be sweet to your buldging hips like your loved ones.

THERE IS A LOT OF DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOING WHAT YOU LIKE AND DOING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT YOU TO LIKE.HOW TO LET SOMEONE KNOW THAT THEIR DREAMS ARE NOT YOURS?

People ask me all sorts of weird questions at times and the one that tops the list is"what does your doggie do?".Does she guard your fortress,roll on the ground,fetch early morning newspaper?.Hell no! this is what she is good at.

MASS DESTRUCTION:my 4 pairs of shoes and 2 umbrellas have met with premature death all thanks to her special ability to make things irreparable.This was the sate in which i found my umbrella last day,she spend nearly 2 hours trying to lay her paws on the umbrella i kept above the car the previous day.When i went in to pet her,she greeted me with a grin and refusing to part with my umbrella. I quickly grabbed a stick and started threatening her with dire consequences and throughout the entire I'M TALKING TO YOU conversation she just kept tilting her head sideways.At the end of the speech she gave me that cute puppy faced look,which did force me to throw away the stick i was holding. After 2 days of suppressed hormones, she is back in action people by tearing off bro's shoes.Keep your umbrellas and shoes at a distance cause MIKKU is guarding the house.

Don't ask me the same question twice,I may end up getting confused.After much deliberations,i have decided to pack ma backs to embark on a different journey, a journey through the land of IC's and electronics to reach the final destination of educational enlightenment.So, let me break the news to all you people,who still haven't received an answer to the question"What next?".Well, I'm going to join Amrita engineering college,Coimbatore to do ma MTech in VLSI.I have been asking myself a lot lately"Is this what i wanted?" and i don't seem to hear a reply.Forcing myself to adapt to the 2 years of technical meltdown, hopefully the whole experience will help me appreciate technical studies .Now im closed for the question answer section.Good night people.

FEEL THE LOVE!!!

That was the most uncomfortable position i have ever been in quite a long while,in between two silent lovers,me chirping in sentences to fill the empty atmosphere.Both of them were least interested in listening to my lectures on life and beyond as they were staring at each other or was it??.I remember him yelling at me"keep your head low,I can't see her" common it wasn't the compliment i was expecting for helping him see his lady love and better not to start on the shy lady love.She kept looking at the concreted pavements,her head stooping low for the entire one sided conversation .......never did once she look at him.Classic case of typical mallu girl.The conversation was between me and the sea,we both sharing a point or two about the life.The whole setting seemed straight out of a 70's film and i still don't understand where i fit the bill between the two of them. I accompanied her,for there was no way her prince charming would save her from her high walled palace,for the time being Mr.Prince charming hasn't found his way around her parents.There comes the saviour [ME],the Prince's bestie and the Lady Love's good friend.I pretend to come visiting and takes her to meet him ....up to that part of the story,its quite ordinary but, siting between two lover's trying to mask their hidden affection from the public glare is embarrassing.I was more daring in my endeavours!!.I was witness to driving emotions,tears,sarcasm laced with affection etc etc etc.After i decided that the one sided conversations couldn't go on,me and the lady love rose from the bench ,opened the umbrella and walked through the pouring rain,her cheeks still warm from the fresh tears,he sat on the bench drenched in rain looking towards the ships that sailed past. After a 5 minutes walk she took a U turn and walked straight towards him while i waited down the jetty.May be the 3's company made it uneasy for her and i decided it was better off without me this time around.It paid off,i see them walking towards me,both with the same old plain expression but, better than the one's pasted on their face before.Well, what a day!!!

When it comes to selecting between two things that involves the same amount of commitment and sacrifice i feel lost like a girl stranded in a chocolate shop ,trying to choose between two chocolates.Wish decisions in life were as easy as selecting a candy. CAREER vs RELATIONSHIP,the age old question that has confined many of the potential CEO's in kitchen.If i had a stable life there wouldn't have been much of a confusion but,there is nothing so called normalcy in ma life at this point.Mom and Dad earns and i just eat and adds on weight.What a glorious life of uselessness. I'm stuck in the no man's land. Feeling miserable!!!!!

Watching the rain

as the rain drops kiss your cheeks

The wind blowing your hair that covers your face

windows hitting hard on the pane

Romantic!Romantic !Romantic!

You need to experience the playful bliss from the balcony

Unrestricted screeching of the wind

forcing you to run for cover

Water pearls dripping down the lotus leaves

The sound drops of water makes as it gets collected in the pot...

The dismayed look on ma doggy's face
The warmth of the pillow

The steaming aroma of the cardamom tea

changing the channels,while one's eyes are fixed on some other dreams

The cow grazing unbarred by the rain

coconut palms swaying to the tunes of the wind

The wet clothes sticking to your curves

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS OF MONSOON

I'm not much of a one liner person but,guess what i came up with?
"STAY OFF MA GRASS!!!ITS FOR ME TO GRAZE"
If you see the context in which the liner has been shot,you would probably roll on the floor laughing.

An hour's walk from the railway station to the jetty,with your loved one.....the one scene that has been replaying in ma head for the whole day. This is ma interpretation of the scene....

Both the lover's are scared on being caught by someone they know but, they still gather up enough courage to take the longest walk of their lives as its one of those rare moments he gets to share with her all his emotions that has been clogged in his heart for years.They wait down the jetty,as the boat arrives she moves onto the ticket counter,he watches her walk away and the loneliness that she leaves behind cuts deep down his heart.He gathers in courage to ask"You want me to come?".She nods,leaving the decision into his hand,he swiftly goes to the counter"two tickets please".This is the reason why i say"MA BEST FRIEND IS THE CHEEKIEST ROMANTIC ON PLANET EARTH"

Sometimes i turn ma head and run straight to ma room after hearing the sarcastic comment from that guy.Nothing much to reply to a person,who has success/ego etched onto his name.I can't even seem to remember a day where i haven't tried ma very best to lace the sarcasm with ma tired smile.I know the baggage that comes with the fact that i have a bother whose technical part of the brain is far superior than mine,but not in the wildest dreams i have imagined that he will find pleasure in humiliating me in front of ma friends. I have grown over the idea that "you are not as good as me" .Even after constant reminders from dad to keep his feet on ground he keeps on pestering ma brain cells. It set me thinking"What am i worth anyway?".Ma parents shelled out 2 lakh for ma 4 years course and ya this guy required less than 30 K.Ma head keeps on getting filled with weird ideas and i do am clogged with identity crisis.I do have one but constantly being ripped apart by ma own sibling.I had enough of the torture.....

Why does a sad news always follow a good news?.Don't we have the right to be happy for a day?seems like not.Bro bagged 718th rank in kerala entrance and as i rushed in the news to ma uncle and grandma,i wasn't prepared for the next shock....uncle met with an accident,he is diagnosed with shoulder injury.When i rang him up,he didn't utter a word and ya i didn't ask much too for,he is supposed to be at his office place now.All the joy gets drowned in one sad incident and ya we don't feel like celebrating Bro's success.Ma college buddy Geeth's is on a 4 day stay at home....as i type in this post she is out with ma other mates enjoying the sunny beaches of fortcochin.Unfortunately for me, I'm in no mood for fun i have lots in ma bag right now and that includes a visit to the village office.Until next time....chow!!

Every time I keep ma smile intact I fail miserably. Time to go back to the shell and do some damage control. Its difficult not to get hurt and when you have people around who constantly remind you how fragile your heart is things doesn’t seem any better. Sometimes I wonder the whole point of existence…aren’t we thriving on ballooned ego and jealousy?.I do get sick of ma existence and I do ask God, ”There are plenty of people who wants to add another day in their life you don’t seem to care about them instead you prolong the misery for those who don’t actually bother much about their life “.Relations are just threads, that break on stretching..apply some force and then see the centre portion thinning out. Things we forsee but, some things gives you a hard blow totally unexpected and the impact of the blow doubles because you Weren’t prepared .Today, something or certain someone hurt ma pride with some pictures that has nothing to do with me and that is the problem.Well, you can’t expect someone to treat you the way you treat them right?.They have a choice and its upto them to decide what they want to do. I'm no ANGEL and may be I deserve the cold shoulder. I keep on reminding ma self that I don’t want to tangle ma self with the treads and ya its just another incident that concretes ma basic principle ”STAY AWAY,I'M TOO COMPLICATED FOR YOU”