There is this itching desire to write, not that I have any
thoughts troubling me, but this month is really special. I missed out on
penning down my feelings last year. I will be completing 1 year of wifehood
this coming Saturday. There are scores of people asking me how the ride has
been!!!All I can say is Fantabulous with bumpy ‘s’.
I am loved to bits, and every time I look into his eyes, all
I see is my image gleaming through his eyes. The short trips, the early morning
call for perfect chai, empty laundry bags, laughing over silly things, simple
compliments, jamming the door hard, and sharing similar stance over issues….life
has given me lot of precious moments over the past 1 year.
I am not sure, if it happens with any husband-wife duo, but
we crave for same kind of food, we talk about the same thing at same instant,
we share similar views and ideas, he is becoming more like me and I more like
him. We keep each other grounded, being polar opposites that we are; there is
this one thing that binds us deep down: Desire to be loved.
As I stepped into the shoes of wife, I found it really hard as
my husband was spoilt rotten. He would laze around while I toiled in the
kitchen. I could hardly keep my tears locked and often I was heard complaining
to my parents. Soon, things changed and I could manage my kitchen and cooking
with minimum help from mister and he started hanging around the kitchen more. Surprisingly,
even after a four year courtship, it was only after marriage and living-in I realized
what a cleanliness freak he was. Now,
don’t assume my life is full of misery. The above are few rainy instances. I am
not easy myself, with bouts of emotional aatyachaar; I am one hell of a person
to handle. This guy can hold me tight and ask me to shut my mouth without
offending me. He gives me the strength to move on in life, to accept the way I
am, gives me the security I crave.
This to you G, for US, for the incredible
love story and lives we share.
The big news you all were dying to hear, ok let's not stretch it any further: My husband is moving to Cochin on a 2 year stint. He will be staying at his home in Cochin. What about me you ask?, ok!!!I will stay back in Bangalore, probably move to a PG. Its a decision we took together, I had recently joined this amazing company that gives me an opportunity to shine at my work every single day and husby was so frustrated with his previous job that he was ready to grab in any offer that came his way, and an offer that couldn't be refused it was. I am quite unsure about how the long distance relation would work out. We had survived a 5 year of 'is par ya us par' and after 1 year of marriage, there misfortune strikes again. I was quite clear I was not ready to move out of Bangalore owing to many reasons, one being the job other being independence. We were in the process of building a cozy lil place for ourself here in Bangalore and Bam!!! all my dreams came crashing by. Life is going to be really difficult, I used to look forward towards cooking for my husby every evening, used to feel proud when he used to relish my cooking, the mad fun, umpteen seasons of sitcoms left to watch...I can write books on what I will miss..with a barely existent job opportunities in Cochin, a move move means premature death of my career. I have this bad tendency to blame people for my ill luck and I am pretty sure, sitting at home without a job would increase my frustration which would inturn lead to you-me-you blame game. Husby's offer was really something I couldn't deny him of, he deserves his own shining moment too and I wouldn;t be the person to snatch that away from him. I feel, when we used to be apart in different cities we used to fight more. With proximity came peace and we rarely fight nowadays...I don't know how long this temporary arrangement is gonna work out, but for the time being we have decided to travel to and fro to make our marriage work.
I was hurt, why wouldn't I be?. I am not a robot to pretend like I am not hurt. After days of planning, me and my GFs decided to take a day off from our busy schedule and unwind in a resort close to Bangalore. There is something I need you guys to know before I start my ranting: I am the only married girl in the group of four. So, when I put this topic for discussion my hubby happily agreed, even he felt I needed a break from the usual routine. We girls left for the resort on Saturday evening, after a whale of a time returned back on Sunday afternoon. In between I had received few calls from my dad, which I didn't respond to. On Sunday afternoon, husband informs that dad had asked him where I was. Oh by the way my parents had no fucking clue I had gone out with my GFs. My husband carefully avoided the question by saying I was with friends, well he skipped the overnight-tent-camping-girls-alone statement out . I for one, doesn't want to be dishonest with my parents so, I casually mentioned it to my dad that I had a night out and comes the weirdest reply from him Dad: What you did is wrong Me: Why? Dad: You shouldn't have let your husband and gone off like that Me: Dad, he is not a kid, he can take care of himself. I went to a resort , with proper safety and with my bunch of girls Dad: Who else is married from the group Me: None Dad: See, married girls don't go for night outs, they stay at home with their husbands Me: My life dad, what is the big deal, my husband is perfectly ok with the whole thing then why do you guys bother Dad: what will your in-laws think?. Is this the way we brought you up? Me: for the last 24 years, I lived by your rules dad, I have never boozed or partied cause I didn't want to disappoint you, but then Im 25 now I can take my own decisions By this time my husband realized the conversation was going out of control, he snatched the phone from me and ended the conversation. This is when I realized something: I used to take pride in the fact that my parents were unlike any others: They were cooler, accepting parents. Now, if you think a lil hard you will understand that they were not, they were like any other parents...only thing is I always sacrificed my teenage dreams for em, I studied my ass off, got a job, didn't let my mind stray...I never gave em a reason to be unhappy. After marriage my actions are more weighed by my dad and mom and eventually everything boils down to what my in-laws think. I can never forget that tight slap from my mom last time I visited home (post marriage) Wanna care to hear the reason?. I was having bad contractions and kept on crying for seeing a doctor. My mom however blandly refused to take me to a doctor and the reason she gave was "what will my in-laws think if I was taken to a doc for such silly things". I cried and cried and finally the bodily pain was erased off by the tight slap my mom placed on my cheeks. More than the pain inflicted on my body it was a sense of disappointment, a feeling of being let down by your own parents for what??? To please people who doesn't even know the pain I go through each month. At some point all the parents want for their girl child is an approval from the in-laws. But, why???I need to please no one but myself for whatever actions I perform in my life. I have a life ahead which I am not willing to sacrifice just cause I am married. I am not willing to give up doing anything cause I am married. Marriage is an union of like minded partners who treat each other with respect and as an individual. I am lucky to have someone like this in my life. Thanks G, but then it's also upto the parents to trust me in making my own decisions ....not out of pressure. I may stumble and fall, watch me grow not proon me to be like how you want the world to perceive me. More rambling coming your way cause there are some life changing decisions to be made in the coming days. Stay tuned!!
My daily conversation goes something like this ME: I am becoming fat Devi: MMMMM...No (I love her for lying) Me: What do you think I should do, all the while munching my high calorie samosa Devi: Eat moderate, exercise Me: ok (making a mental note to my self), but I don't have time.... Next day Me: I am becoming fat .....and goes the conversation Yes, every freaking day I make a mental resolution to move my rusted ass off the chair and work out, eat in moderation and then that's all I do, keeping the resolution in mind. I largely point my fingers at the time or the lack of it for my increasing waistline. I get up at 7:20, prepare tea, do house errands and leave for office at 8:15, so in this small time window I hardly have any time for shaking up my fat cells. Evening after I reach back by 7:40...off to kitchen to prepare dinner. By 9 I am done and after bathing and having food my body gives up and all I wanna do is just sleep. Eating in moderation is another big joke. When I was in Cochin, my dad and mom were strictly against stocking junk food of any form. My occasional junk pangs were satisfied by once a month access to bakery items and once a blue moon outing to restaurant. Things come really cheap after marriage, cause my husband loves his junk food ( He doesn't get Fat though, with a marketing and sales on the run job who gains weight!!). We always have either cakes or chocolates or icecream in our fridge and week long cooking drives me nut and by end of the week, we just take out all the frustration on food, by going in to a fine dining restaurant. It's junk once a week. I am writing this post to make myself feel ashamed of my lack of willpower and the ever hungry brain taking control over the body. One scoop of icecream will lead to second or third serving because, I always have the next beautiful day to start with my resolution. I'm frustrated cause I'm tired of convincing myself that I can do it the next day. I'm tired of convincing that I will go for a walk cause for me sleep is more important than health. I'm frustrated cause I complain and crib though it's purely my failure or inability to be what I want to be.
Im committing the exact same mistakes as my parents. High hopes, push-pull, dejection, setting expectations....and I am no more different than them. I want him to be all that I never could be, and the selfish witch in me is pushing the guy to live my dream. If you can't seem to make sense of my ramblings, good enough....
The year in retrospective, was great personally and professionally. Mostly high on highs.
The year started bang-off with a lovely birthday celebration with people who mattered.
February was dull and boring. March saw me attending TW International conference and shopping away the weekday working blues in Bangalore.
April just swooshed off with mad chaos filled all around. May, what can I tell about this month. I made a commitment for a lifetime, rested by the Malay beaches for a while and was swept by the idea of managing a home, alone.
May opened up avenues in Bangalore , rejoined with the old gang, worked overtime to meet certain expectations only to realise later that a person can't fake for a lifetime.
June and July just hungover, cause I don't have any memories associated with em. August: a new opportunity came in my way, grabbed it with both hands and was point of envy for many.
Septmenber, the lil one came for a visit, and the jolly ride ended with me getting admitted in Apollo hospital on our 1st onam together. Missed my dearies big day and came face to face with realities.
Working hard to keep myself under the hood, not to overspill my personality to cause further overwhelming feeling for the old ones took over as no one priority.
October marked an end of an era and beginning of a new one. Spiderman's thoughts "With more money comes more responsibility" came true and met some jhakaas people.
November proved to be a dull month with mundanes slowly creeping over and as for December, it's full of hopes for a better next-year. Also, marked a year of our official commitment.
Resolutions 2013
•Drink 1 bottle of water •Walk/dance/excercise for 30 minutes every day
•Fit into my pre-wedding dresses •Save atleast 20k every month (except in Jan. March and May) •Try to reduce weekend restaurant trip to a monthly one •Write 1 blog entry per month •Try not to nag or fight with husband •Go out once a week. •Read one book a month •Stick to the resolution for the whole year
I have always wanted a new face, a new identity and a fresh lease of life. "Why!!!" asks my husband.
Why!!!I had never given it a thought until that point, but now today at this moment I have my answer.
Recently, I joined a new company and for the first time after years of passing out from college, took part in a competition conducted by the organization.Would I have taken part back in my old organization?. Certainly not, cause people don't see me as an artistic person. People see me a drab and boring married woman, who was let out from most of the conversation just cause my time was up. I couldn't dress well without raising a few eyebrows and if I tried something new people would mock cause they didn't think I was stylish.
I have the liberty to do all the above and much more in my new organization cause people aren't judgemental or atleast they have not started forming opinions. I am not perceived a 20-something boring housewife whose only worries are the evening meal and the grocery list (*Well, that I do*). The good thing about starting fresh is you can always learn from your mistakes, you can always show shades that were hidden until that point. You can let people choose from what you want to show them. This honeymoon period gets over as soon as people are done with formulating an opinion about you. I bet, you want to show only that white shade of yours cause once opinions are formed it's hard to get off . The feeling of moving away from your past is comforting, knowing that your past isn't gonna follow you around is ... Life has changed, the surge of confidence when you have that haircut that everyone is raving about is amazing.
Life...you get to live it just once so, if you have people around you holding you back move away take a short holiday, come back rejuvenated and start afresh.
"So, Are you changing your name", Kuttan's ammuma (grandma) put the ball in my court and waited for my answer, slowly chopping the rest of the vegetables. Concentrating hard on the perfectly cut vegetables, I mumbled, "NO". "That was the norm in our days", she continued lowering the sharp object. "Well, it's a tedious process and I just don't have enough time to run behind the lengthy government procedures", I replied as I just wanted to get out of the lengthy flashbacks that I would be subjected to in case the conversation reached level 2. Yes, I was talking from experience. I had got my name altered when I was in 6th standard. Nothing fancy, just added a surname and some jumbling of alphabets because the 12 year old me found that everyone around was pronouncing my name wrong. As for the surname, can you believe my dad actually forgot to add a second name or surname to my original name in my birth certificate?. While in 6th, the teachers made my parents understand the gravity of just having their daughter named OPAL. So, after a few running around the government offices, I officially got my name corrected and became OPAL XOXO. Still, people pronounce my name all wrong, but I have learnt to live with it. As for the topic of yesterday's discussion Do you guys really think it's mandatory for the girl to change her surname after marriage?. Back in the stone age, in the patriarchal society of Kerala it was a big deal. The betel chewing head of the family used to snatch away the girls surname and add her husband's name as her surname, or even her husband's family name. It was to instill this fear in the newly wed girls mind that she is no longer the part of her family, but now she has to walk-talk-dance to the tunes of her new one. Life must have been hard for those girls, first coming into a new family and putting up a smiling face to the strangers inhabiting that even stranger island and then to watch her identity of the last 22 years being erased away. It's more like embracing a new identity and she has to live with it for the rest of her lives, whether she likes it or not!!! This name is a part of who I am, my identity, my voice, my dreams and I am not ready to change it just beacuse I have a mangalsutra to flaunt now and in-laws to respect. No offence to anyone, but I have seen plenty of my friends changing their surname to their husband's name after marriage. I don't need to hide behind someone else's identity to let my personality shine through. OOh!! while jolting down these points my alter ego came up with this sentence "WHAT'S IN A NAME DARLING, SO WHAT IF YOU HAVE YOUR HUSBAND'S NAME AS YOUR SURNAME...IT'S NOT GONNA CHANGE WHO YOU ARE KNOW?". Yes, it wouldn't, but then Mrs. Alter-ego it wouldn't the other way round too na?...
As for Mr.G, my husband who doesn't bother much about all that's written in my blog he is cool with it. He had asked this question just once, and I let know my feelings clearly after which this topic was never brought up. He knows me well enough to know how fiercely I guard my independence and being the same guy with whom I fell in love with 4 years back he knows I haven't changed one bit.
NO, this is not a step by step guide on murdering someone you hate, nor is it bible for methods of self destruction #depressingmuch. Rewind back, I was taught to be ME . I was made to believe that if a guy can do something, I can do it too. I was told, not to give up and to hold my head high and be truthful to oneself. May be all these teachings did spoil me in a way and I turned out to be strong willed individual, ambitious, voracious, and a fighter of sorts.
I am still my old self, I don't like to be pretentious , especially towards people with whom I spend 90% of my precious time.
I am drubbed the wrong way, I am too loud, insensitive, dowdy and what not. I don't have a reason why I should kill myself for someone, why I should stop being myself!!!. Anyways, you will analyze each of my action with the microscopic lens of yours, picking on my weakness, then why the hell should I be someone else for you?
Yes, it's time to kill myself and be someone else, to put on that mask and pretend as if I CARE!!!
I will keep this post simple and fuzz free...Is blood thicker than water...technically yeah!!!but, then do you believe so?. If you are put in a spot where you have to choose between your family/relatives and friends what would you choose?. When I say family/relatives it's not exactly you grandfathers brothers son's daughter cousin brothers....am talking about, but immediate family. I for one believe that no matter how hard I fall, there is always a bunch of people behind me to act as my cushion, the ones who lessen the impact of the fall, the ones who motivate me to get back up and face the blow again. Now that bunch of people includes set of friends and family, if you ask me to specifically to pick one I would pick my family against friends and this wouldn't have been the case if the same question was asked some 4-5 years back.
Those teenage years tricks you into believing that the gang of friends are you everything, they are your world, and there is no life beyond college. Things are far more brutal in reality. There were moments in my life when I had actually hoped my so called friends would back me out of any crappy situations but, even the so called sisterhood didn't survive the onslaught of time and slowly eroded away with distance. I would shut my eyes and cry, hoping for my friends to miraculously appear from nowhere and ease out my pain well, all I was left with was hissing sound of the mighty wind. And then I felt a tremendous surge of energy, a blue light shinning at the horizon and it took me 4-5 years to realize that the blue light that helped me through the tough times were in fact my family/relatives. Some of you can drub off by saying by the description that my friends were not real friend but yours are.
The reason why your family consider your pain as their own is because your pain directly affects them. For your friend, you pain is not a part of their life. They are immune to all the inside turmoil where as the family has to deal with your pain as their own.
Why you may feel, some of you might even feel "there is no point in this post, everyone knows family is important than friends". Well, there are still people in this world who think otherwise. There are still people to whom this theory doesn't make sense. There are still people who think the dil chahtha hai kinda friendship exist.
Time to vent out, all that is clogged up in my head. This is
not exactly what I had in mind, especially when I am back to writing after my
marriage. You know I hate certain people, yes like I really really do,
especially people who treat me like shit.There are people in this world for whom either we are so insignificant
that they treat us like we don’t exist. Then there are people who don’t know
how to behave or how to talk to and that leads to you feeling that you are
being treated like shit. Then there are ones, mostly a family member who takes
us for granted and decides everything for us. In my dictionary that is
equivalent of being treated like shit. How do you do deal with all these
negative people?. IGNORE some would say, but my mantra is give em a piece of
their own medicine. Not that, it’s going to change much for you or miraculously
you expect a change in their attitude. Well, if you are lucky enough and the
person on the other end is dumb enough then a miracle is enough to heal your
wound.
I have dealt with all the first two category people the same
way and the last is a little tricky to handle considering you are extremely
close to that person. In such cases I let my feelings known. I let them know
that I don’t want to be taken for a ride at their expense and I command
respect. Respect as someone said is not always ABOUT GIVE AND TAKE. The second category
of shit treaters have to be dealt with differently. See, they are doing it subconsciously.
They don’t know how important your point is or how to behave on a complex
scenario. They just tend to live in a bubble and fail to see beyond the thin
film. Until, now whenever I am with such a person I create a bubble for myself
and pretend the film that covers my bubble is much thicker than theirs.Some, of em realize their folly and comes back
around apologizing but then there are some who make a quick transition to the
first category. What I should do is to let em realize in a subtle manner that
their snubbing is hurtful or even insulting. Subtleness doesn’t come naturally
to me you know.
Then there are scenarios where I am plagued by attitude
problems, prejudices, negativity. I deal with it almost every freaking day of
my life. The hate is just temporary you see, it vanishes off the moment you
treat me well. I am in good terms with almost all my ex-haters. This itself proves
that I am not a bad person after all.
The whole treating like shit problem arise cause of hierarchies,
mostly when you tend to put yourself above another person. The hierarchy can be
base on any factor: Education, Beauty, Power, Money, Status and blah blah blah.
Oh I did fail to mention another important factor EGO!!!!. See, you may be on
the hierarchy pinnacle for any of the above factor, but the another person may topple you on any other and then your
EGO starts to itch and you start the treating like shit game for the very
factor you are above that person….Don’t get it???well, you need to have deep thinking
capability and lot of time to waste in your hands to understand the deep
philosophy I have laid out here.
Come to think about it, I am an emotional thinker. I am
driven by emotions rather than logic. And most of my argument seems one sided
only driven by, illogical reasoning. I can give you 100 valid points but only
if you stand in my shoes. I don’t need sympathy just a pair of ears to listen.
After giving it much thought and more than a week of introspection I mailed him. Well, I had 0 hopes of him replying to my mail, I wasn't even sure whether he checks his mails regularly. I had rerun this moment for the past few years...... I needed some peace of mind, I needed to sleep without regrets and now that my wedding was so close by I had to let go of my past. He wouldn't judge cause, I have the perfect excuse "wedding invite" if the conversation, if any gets out of hand. I sent the mail on a dull Wednesday afternoon and forgot all about it, until Friday when a beep in the middle of a meeting was ignored for, I thought it would be some junk mails from the innumerable online sites that I once registered but never got around shopping at. Well, after the meeting....I checked my mail only to see his name and contact number. I kept delaying the confrontation, and finally on a Sunday mustered all the courage I had to ring him up.
I started with the usual Hi!!, he didn't recognize my voice after all, why would he remember someone who abandoned him during his crisis hour. I reintroduced myself, just like I did in 2nd year.
FLASHBACK: He was grumpy, rugged and was getting into Engineering college after 2 years of repeating for Medicine and that made him older to me..... more like brother figure. We bonded over common topics, exchanged numbers and during those times when there were no TRAI regulations....we texted for hours until our balances expired. He had his set of issues, friends and family problems and I was his only source to vent out the anger. He would be drunk on days and used foul language on people he hated. On sober days we would talk about classes, bitch about teachers and so on. Never once, I repeat never once I felt any sort of romantic inclination towards him. Even after my attempts to teach him C, he flunked. He was going through a rough patch and I did my very best to do everything from listening to him at 2 am in the morning to do his assignments and call proxy. Our friendship bloomed much to the dismay of my girl friends. He had this bad boy image in front of my friends which I tried in vain to erase. He was soft, vulnerable inside and I acted as his shock absorber. Meanwhile, I was struggling from my own issues, my mad crush on one of the seniors, indifference mended out by my girl friends and my grades. 2 years passed by and all of a sudden I started feeling uncomfortable around him cause, all eyes were glued on to us. We were topic of discussion in the staff rooms, we were constantly linked. I panicked..NO!!! this was not what I wanted from this relationship. The final straw to end the relationship was when he came upto me and told me how his friends felt he was falling for me...he didn't tell he loved me, never but, that kind of freaked me out...I started avoiding him, he chased me.... he asked me what was happening, but I left him there without a satisfactory answer. One day I snapped, I told him the lamest excuse and how I don't want to be part of his life. That was it, he refused to come to class, he refused to write exams. Later all of his friends accused me of giving up on him while he struggled with his demons. He recoiled back to pre days and became a full fledged alcoholic. He flunked in multiple exams and all the while I stood there, while my GFs appreciated the right move. I moved on with life while he was stuck in that moment. His friends still hate me for whatever happened to him. YES I deserve to be hated, loathed and threw stones at. I deserve every fucking word that comes out of his mouth. Today as I look back I feel I could have changed a whole lot of what transpired between us that day, I could have avoided all of the shit that happened.
PRESENT: Today he works for a top MNC, away from my presence. There was always a weird silence looming over us whenever we met. The words were at large and we were not two individuals who started our journey over a cup of coffee. We were two individuals who had messed up each other life with me having a larger role in messing up HIS life.
After minutes of awkward silence and me inviting him for the wedding, we talked which could have done much much before. I told him I acted out of sheer stupidness and the people I were with didn't help in making a wise decision. He listened to my 20 minutes confession, and in the end asked me one simple question “Do you realise you missed out on something?". YES!!! I replied, "Our friendship". YES!!! he repeated...Well, we cut the call promising each other we would keep in touch , a part that I intend to keep. Today I am at peace with myself.
From drafts again.... For the month of March, I present to you something I wrote few months back...Disturbing piece of article
Source: A mail I received
I have been pretty obsessed with the word PERFECT all through out my life. People who do know me personally would label my life as a PERFECT one, I for one in an attempt to make people and places a lil more PERFECT started lying at a young age. No, its not as dreadful as it sounds, basically I was weaving a web of lies, white lies precisely and started living in the world thrived by the imaginary characters created by my lies. They were real, living in flesh and blood somewhere , the incidents were so detailed to a precession that would scare the hell out of me today.
I created cousins and relatives who never existed , I created scenarios that never happened...in short I was living a delusioned life. People around me were silently drawn into my world. Today, as I look back I have to admit that I was never caught telling a lie....not even once, may be I was too good at this or may be people around me knew I was lying and they were having fun at my expense. I don't know. I never went wrong with my lies, that is if you ask me about something today, tomorrow or even after 20 years my answer would remain same. I never abandon any characters from my life, they are etched into my heart forever.
I never had to make the lies sound convincing. Throughout school I was holding to a particular set of lies, once I moved to college there were new characters waiting to embrace me. New people and situations found its way into the web, the old characters were reserved in case any of the old buddies did ask me anything specific.
Years later only few imaginary situations make up my life, I am particularly aware of my decaying memory. These white lies have never hurt anyone, but if exposed would mar my reputation to big extend. I have come to a point where I don't really care about what others think of me, I am infact happy in the web of lies I created for myself. What started off as child's desire to impress her friends soon turned into a imaginary world for her to turn to during crisis situation. My mom calls it escapism, she tells me that I am too scared to look into the face of reality and accept that my world is not as picture perfect as I imagine it to be. Yes it scares the shit out of me, I tremble at the thought of MY world crumbling down. For how much long will I be able to sustain this lie games, I don't know but until then these characters are me, a part of the reflection that I see in the mirror.
These flowers grow in bunch, they are absolutely lovely and give a pleasant smell in the evening.
Orchids
Oranges
The orange juice is my 'Miracle water' . I have low pressure problems, and one sip of this juice instantly refreshes and uplifts my mood.
Wild rose, though it grows wild, the smell of these rose flowers is absolutely divine.
Shadow play
These are not mangoes from the tree. We have a tradition here in Kerala, that if the tree doesn't bear fruits in 2 years, it's taunted and humiliated to fruit. So, my mom hung some mangoes on the branches so that the tree may finally feel ashamed and humiliated at its inability to bear fruits, she even goes to the tree and say out aloud on how disappointed she is to have the tree in the house which doesn't bear fruits. Trust me, it works!!!
I
just can't fancy the idea of my blog being bare for a month: This post
is from draft and found its way into open forum....all thanks to my
love for this blog of mine. I am still in my No- writing mode and would
publish some random stuffs from almost full drafts once every month
just to keep the spirit alive....
Remember my 30 things to do before I turn 30 post from here?. Well, I am forced to clarify few points regarding the same. With 2011 ending on a high note, I like most others have decided to pen down some resolution point for the coming year 2012. So, iv pen and paper in my hand and what do I do, scramble through my deepest desires and promise myself that I am gonna make all of em come true the coming year?. For me it's not always about taming the impossible it's the little things that matter, its the reason behind each resolution what matters. For people who read my list and told me that the list is too plain jane or boring or easily achievable, this is what my explanation is: For you it might be simple even achievable target in a year but for me, iv given in lot of thought on who I am and from that perspective I have to be a fighter, uninhibited to achieve these targets.
1. Prepare a sumptuous Kerala veg meal inclusive of 2 types
of payasam(Kheer) :I am not good @ cooking , atleast not half as good as mom. The thing with mallu food is that its full of Do's and Dont's, procedures, measurement and I am no wizard when it comes to ordered cooking. I tend to loose track of what's added and when. It would be a big challenge for me to master the art of cooking 12 curries and 2 kheers without anyone's help. And with me stepping into new my new life, culinary skill set is an absolute must.
2. Get my license both, 2 and 4 wheeler : For my brother, this one was absolute no brainer. For someone who managed to grab his license the very next day he turned 18 it would be a silly joke. But, for me riding a car can give major heart ache. I am not good with approximating distances and I have always wondered sitting inside a KSRTC bus admiring the skill of these drivers who manage to keep the huge vehicle under control. To drive with absolute concentration all the while ensuring you don't hit any pedestrians or fellow drivers is a major challenge for me. A challenge by itself and for that I have to overcome my own fears first.
3. Take my parents to an international holiday :Seems like an impossible task for now as I have to wait until 30 to get my dad to be free( He will retire only then). Having a super busy dad, overly dedicated to the welfare of India economy can be quite be a bummer. When we were kids, we would stand near the window grill watching the neighbours pack their bag to tourist places. We would pester and as a last resort even threaten our dad to take us somewhere atleast ANYwhere but, superdad always makes up 100's of official excuses.
4. Beat a guy in computer games :When I wrote this , I was meaning someone as pro as my bro to beat. The bar is way higher than you think. He calls himself invincible in computer games, mastering the art of shooting and kicking for hours together and this is one thing he holds close to male pride. I just want to let the guys out there know that anything, I mean anything is achievable and Iv warned my bro well in advance that I may go down but I will give him a fight that he will remember throughout his gaming life.
5. Travel to 4 corners of India (Goa, Arunachal Pradesh,
Kashmir and Andamans) :I have not traveled much and I intend to change that record after marriage. I am fascinated by people, culture and food. This would give me a perfect excuse to savour all the three.
6. Learn Salsa or any latina dance : This is for US, a time we can call OURS. I believe as couples the two of us should be able to spend some time alone not only will it bring each other together but, also instill lot of wow moments.
7. Turn vegetarian for a year: Kuttan was veg until the last year and now he is a total carnivore. In random conversations, people kind of shift the blame of kuttan turning non -veg on me and I totally hate it!!. This point is to instill some good eating habits in US. After all, turning vegan is in vogue now :P. Besides, to achieve point 9 this point is quite essential.
8. Try at least one adventure sport : I love the thrill, the adrenaline rush, the fear of unknown and I would love to do something totally whacky for pure FUN.
9. Go down from size -- to size 26 :Now this would need a lot of will power. I am a lazy bum, with my favorite activity being sleeping and hogging anything remotely sweet.
10. Buy a branded bag (A ZARA /MANGO/ALDO will do) : I already own a ZARA bag but, that's gifted. I have this thing for bags and bags, specifically branded bags takes my breath away. My parents would label buying a bag worth 2k as scandalous. Owning em was always part of my big Indian dream and I will keep it alive. It's always wise on the pockets to pick something up during sales and now that these high end stores have their own exclusive stores in Bangalore things would be easier than I though.
11. Walk on a 4 inch platform heels without falling : Heels do make me feel good, induce self confidence and makes me feel strong from inside, but balancing on a heel is such a pain. Again it's a challenge of sorts to tame the unthinkable and another reason to buy more stilettos.:P
12. Get my EX-MBA and move up to the post of Analyst before point 20 :This WAS my dream and this point made into the list cause I didn't want to let go of my past. This is something that I would want to remind myself everyday. Dreams are important after all.
13. Attend my brother's post graduate ceremony if he intends
to postgraduate:This guy has a special place in my heart. I know he is super talented and I wanna be part of his BIG moments. This is to ensure he doesn't forgo his dreams like I did.
14. Buy myself a diamond stud : I suck at saving cash, month beginning I am on a financial high and spurge, only to look at my statement in month mid and weep. I have to try and change that. Buying a diamond stud is a perfect motivator and diamonds are good investments too.
15. Stay away from technology for 1 month ie, mobiles/ net
etc : I am always connected to the virtual world with not even a 6 minutes of separation acceptable. I have to change that, go out and meet REAL people.This point is to build in some self control.
16. Hug a dog :I own a cute adorable dog, who absolutely hates hugging and I have this strange fear for dogs (other than mine) which was rooted into my brain by an old ad which showed a girl bitten by a rabid dog dying a pitiful death. From that day on I am scared by the sight of any dog and the ad went on to hunt my dreams for the longest of time. Now that I do own a dog, playing and cuddling with her is not much of a problem but, hugging sure is. Again, I have to shed lot of fears to do this one.
17. Have authentic Chinese food : By that I mean"AUTHENTIC" not your local Chinese wala food. Chinese would definitely not suit my taste buds as I am a flavor person and according to reliable sources Chinese food is quite bland. Would like to experience the real Chinese food, for that I need to find a place that serves the same:Any suggestions?
18. Pray every day, and make it a habit :If there is one thing I lack, that would be belief in GOD. Both of my parents are extremely religious and even visit temple everyday unlike lazy bum like me who refuse to get out of the bed before 8 on weekends. Daily prayers I hope would bring in more order and calmness in my life.
19. Visit my school with my buddies and spend a whole day in
12 A :Best time of my life, just want to relive my past. School has given me lot of fond memories and friends whom I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. Being with em in that classroom would help me to come in terms with the fact that my innocence is not lost, alteast not some of it.
20. Change company :Pay package will speak for itself.
21. Go clubbing :Infatuated by the tabloids, I wish to experience clubbing and really understand what the hullaboo is all about. Being from a conservative background I didn't wanted to stray from my comfort zone though opportunities were many in Bangalore. Kuttan loves clubbing and I plan to visit a club soon after marriage.
22. Buy "our own" house : Financial constrains are many, we both are starting afresh and hopefully by 30 we both are self sufficient to spurge a major chunk of our income into our dream house.
23. Not to fight with anyone for 3 months, not even an angry
thought :I am a hyper active person, atleast for people close to me. I will drain your energy and time and in a relationship I can be a big pain. Most of my fights are of the usual"YOU-DON'T-GIVE-ME-ENOUGH-ATTENTION" routine. I would like to act more matured and hence, this point.
24. Walk on a beach @ 12.night, barefooted : May happen after marriage. It's more of a romantic dream, the idea of sun, sand and barefootness that forced me to include the said point into the list.
25. Streak my hair purple : Challenge there again... I am always stuck down by what people think. I was brought up that way, I am conditioned to think in the perspective of a 3rd person. My mom believed this would stop me from making wrong choices. She was right :we tend to keep a lid to our dark side cause we live in a society fed with fear and the baggage that came along was the constant need of reassurance that I don't stand out from the crowd. For me streaking hair in purple is sort of self liberalization move, one that would mark my growth as an individual wary of adult approval. To hell with people... I know I would have to face lots of stares but then I am all set for it.
26. Say sorry to SOMEONE I have hurt: I have a specific SOMEONE in my mind. I can't forgive myself for doing that to HIM. We have really weird conversations but, I have to clear the air and talk about the past and close that chapter for ever. This is one moment in my past that I wish I could go back and rectify.
27. Punch someone/anyone(After my 3 months of being a good
girl): Just the bully in me speaking for herself. She is such a mean kid and I love her for that.
28. Spend one day, every year in an orphanage : Just like that....I know I will be rewarded in heaven.
29. Write dairy every day : I used to until, I shifted to blogging. Blogging is an open platform and most of the time I have to restrict myself from blurting out the truth. Iv to kick start my old habit to ensure I have sound mind all throughout my life.
30. Say a joke, to which everyone will laugh to :Now that is the toughest of the lot. I am known for my dry sense of humor or no sense at all.There were instances were I would burp out a supposedly joke at the weirdest of time.
See, this 30 things to do before I turn 30 is not easy as you thought it would be atleast for me.
