Behind the Locked Doors

Imagine getting yourself locked up with no one to help, what would you do?.Here is my experience.

Mom and Dad's bedroom door developed some problem last day.The door was getting jammed,unable to open from any side.I came to know about it when, one fine morning ma parents found themselves locked.But, luckily ma bedroom and theirs are connected to the balcony through alternate door.For two days ma parents were running in and out of their bedroom through mine.

Today the house was empty,and without the doory thing in mind i shut the door hard.BANG!!!! i couldn't seem to open it.I banged and banged but,hey not even a single soul around.I went on to wonder horrible things and i rang up dad,well what can he do?.Nothing i had to wait until some one rescues me or i had to find a way out.I could figure out the problem with the door through ma keen analysis (Engineering studies did help at last).I needed some sharp object to hold the panel connected to the wall. I scanned through the room,mom actually doesn't keep anything useful in there but,i managed to lay ma hands on old used refill.I twisted the ends made it hook like and started pushing the side panel.With 5 minutes effort i was out.Freedom alas!!!!!.I was in that room for 30 minutes and i suffocated to death .No wonder we have so many prison breaks in our country.

Transcendent

I'm not much of a continuous reader.But, once in a while i come across books that capture ma imagination,stirring up ma rather unused brains,forcing me to think in a way never before.I vouch ma loyalty towards fiction because i don't have to live in the same space as of ma characters who make me cry,hate and even even love ma self.When we start thinking deep about the people in the story or characters as i prefer to put in,it makes us quite uneasy because we humans love to live in the world of lies,make our self believe that we are living in a perfectly normal world and what if the characters that we love to hate really exist?.Will we be comfortable to believe that what lies beneath is not as perfect as it seems.

TRANSCENDENT:Stephen Baxter,half way through the book and I'm feeling the impact.The unacceptable fact that We are facing a crisis situation:Global warming,energy crisis,inflation.The story moves back and forth two worlds,separated by time.Michael Pool's world,world in the middle of 21st century trying to adapt to the changing climatic scenario, a byproduct of human ignorance.His world is inter twined with Alia's world ,an evolved human form forced to live life of a Transcendent not by choice but, by destiny.

Concept that this fiction is based upon is not over the head but, modelled on what our world will look like in coming years.It may not have any direct implication on ma limited life but, will be the world of the future.The very thought that i maself will be depriving ma children of the limited luxuries i enjoy at the moment hits me hard.The book cannot be drubbed as a science fiction without anything worthy of human emotion.The book is about individuals and the EARTH as such.I have heard ma cousins say about late sirArthur C Clarke,his space odyssey and how it inspired an entire generation of space exploration.Deeply attracted,i burned ma midnight oil to read all of the series about years back.While his book gives something to cheer about,A world driven by technological advancement at the end of the solar time itself,while this book goes on to hurt the very human emotions:We are bringing the mankind to the verge of non existence through actions that cannot seem to heal through as rapid reactions as the nature provides.

'The girl from the future told me the sky is full of dying worlds'

A Day Wihout SMS

One sided communication is something that i have hated through out ma life.It makes me feel the distance between two individuals,and also awkwardness that comes along where one person does all the taking and the other the SUFFERING.In one sided conversations one can never intercept the thoughts going through the other persons mind.Words get clogged,thereby leading to further complications.

The older generation will never understand the importance of communication.After a tiring day,as i lay on ma bed ma mobile beeped,message from ma friend Niv.Without any delay i typed ma reply and waited for the screen to display

DELIVERED:Niv

I waited and waited and finally much to ma surprise ma display showed FAILURE.Okay this can't be that bad i sent message to ma other friend Smi ,who shares the same network as mine.Failure yet again and that didn't sound good.The subsequent events were acts of despair:switched on and off ma mob,corrected ma SIM.No use ,finally accepting ma defeat kept ma mob afar."Why you not replying?"Nivs messages were driving me to the verge of insanity.Frustrated i switched off ma mobile in the hope i will wake up from the bad dream the next day.

The first thing i did in the morning was to check if ma bad dream was over but, NO.I tried to contact ma network provider guess what ??they don't have a customer care even after their proud proclamation :HAPPY TO HELP.Well, i was bound to suffer, and the fact i was getting frustrated with each passing minute.Seeing ma reddish face dad asked"Why such a fuss over some stupid SMS"?."Dad you wont understand" i put in.Dad looked at me, straight on ma face before putting in"We grew up in a world where there were no mobiles and telephones.Sill we managed to survive.So,you too can go on without modern communication devices.Earlier there used to be face to face communication now, everyone seems to be giving a miss when you think of someone even if he/she is staying so close.No one makes an effort to put in real conversation.When someone says he is happy over a SMS you can't really know for sure if he is saying the truth".After that lengthy conversation with Dad even, i started feeling "I can survive".

Ending on a happy note i got ma SMS connection back later in the evening.Now I'm typing away.Still,in the back of ma head the things dad said lingers on and on.

Love VS Time

She is so upset and though ma face doesn't reflect ma heart even i am .What if she is true?.Ma friend has been dating this guy for the past 4 years and like any other couple they have their own share of fights,clashes,make ups.But right now ma friend feels that ,all the love has vaporised and it isn't as moist as it was ,at the starting of the relationship.Isn't it all in her head?.Love doesn't necessary translate to frequent calls,messages,sugar coated words,letters,gifts.Its all on a different plane for different individuals and now the real issue"WILL LOVE FADE AS TIME PASSES?"

I believe that there are different dimensions to the very word"love".Everyday cannot be a honey moon day.As time passes one kind off takes the parnter as granted.In a relation as time passes love holds a 50%,

adjustment :30%

understanding:10%

responsibility :10%

Its not always about love but the package that comes along.May be in the initial stages the partner takes time to even detect small changes but,years later you will have to fight your slot,tell it out loud for your partner to realise that for an example you have gained weight.Its not about love lost but,all about responsibilities to fulfill and running with the tide of time.

Even after assuring ma self with all these self made theories i still wonder deep down"Won't i react the same way as ma friend did?".Won't we all wish that every day your partner wakes you up with a smile on his/her face,take time to have dinner outside together,spent time alone?.Everyone wishes but,only few blessed ones get a partner of dreams.God bless them.

Emotionally wrecked

I'm falling back on ma words.I'm sorry that i failed you yet again.If i were in your position i couldn't have gone through all this mental torture.The very realisation that I'm the root cause of all the trouble makes me stumble on ma words.Bad dreams,childish insanity,selfishness you have gone through it all.I know and confess to ma inner self that I'm wrong.But,the fact of accepting ma mistakes as mine alone is difficult.I'm a bad example to be followed,an epitome of mistakes and i don't know where to set ma self to the limit.Help me God!!!

Hard realities

I hate surrendering to ma words.When i do,it means I'm hurt.I always used to find solance in them but, now i don't think i like the idea of burdening them with ma sorrows.Ma life is turning more and more complicated and people who are supposed to understand from ma eyes let alone ma words ,are slowly drifting apart.Its not exactly clashing of worlds but,the spaces.I'm struggling deep inside trying to prove to ma self that I'm far less complicated than what it seems.I'm failing,no one seems to understand ma existence in dual worlds ,worlds that are quite strange to each other.Worlds that seem ignorant of the existence of each other and choose to move ahead with its own entities.No one seems to understand me:THE BALANCING FORCE.I'm getting trapped in between two entirely different demand lists.I love both ma worlds and I'm not ready to sacrifice either of them.I'm trying,forgive me if i fail yet again .I'm trying hard.

Engineers of the future

Seems like the engineering colleges in Kerala are hell bend on rising a different breed of engineers-Engineers without any "BraIns".Can't exactly say without but,the gene that contributes to the practical thinking is fast disappearing ,i myself a silent victim to the new phenomenon.The system so demands that ,engineering is now all about passing the university exam without any supplimentries.Compare us with those who made all the difference about 10-20 years back and we are nothing but,Hormone induced mangoes which are rotting inside.Why a sudden shift in the quality of engineers passing out?.Blame it on the governments open policy of opening up the education field to private sector.Earlier engineering and medicine were classified as elite course for, it was meant for those with brains but, now the situation have altered to a point where engineering and medicine are classified under"common man's job"the one you can attain if your parents have a hefty pocket and bank balance to pay for NRI quota.Engineering is now so common that most of the employed in cleric posts or even daily wages are in real sense ENGINEERS who couldn't strike gold in IT sector.Being an engineer ma self if you ask me why am mocking ma own field i would narrate the following incident.

Last day as i was spending ma lazy afternoon at ma aunt's place the power went off.Aunt shouted from the kitchen"Opal change the fuse,there may be a problem with it".Frankly ma face went blank"Fuse and me?"."I don't know how to change the fuse" i screamed back.And her next sentence hurted ma ego"You are an engineering student should be knowing such small things".Having to make up an excuse i said"Am from instrumentation field ,fuses are meant for electrical students".Ma aunt still had that"SOOOO shameful" expression on her face.Finally i had to blurt out the truth"THEY DON'T TEACH THAT IN COLLEGE".The incident is a reminder of how we study volumes and volumes the day before exams and miserably fail to do small things.Engineering is all about applying studies into everyday life not create a bunch of zombies who mug up and proudly declare it to the world"I have an 75+ for ma B.Tech"

To Do

Nothing to write about,with the exams officially over iv got plenty of time to mould ma ideas.Don't feel like,pouring out for there isn't much happening in ma life for the moment.Hope i get to enjoy ma holidays the way i want to.

HIT LIST:To be completed before the starting of next semester

1:Read

Have been missing out on the latest titles on rack for at least 6 months.Need to update ma "Read"list.

2:New hair style

Really wanna experiment with ma over grown hair.

3:Labs

Prepare ma records and stuff for the exam due on 7th.

4:Industrial training

Complete ma 15 days industrial training successfully.

5:Hang out with gals

Wanna spent sometime of with ma GF's.

6:Learn driving

I'm 20+ and its hurting ma ego, the very fact that i don't have a licence.I really need to take the test.

7:Catch up on the latest soaps

Missing ma favorite series on air have to catch up with the pace.

That's all .Melodrama is getting boring,so is the monotonous life but,hope ma ray of happiness doesn't set soon.

Living on the Edge

A victim of competitive world,a victim of broken dreams, a victim of madness .What is he anyway?.I really as,a sister need to do ma duty but, sometimes i get so stuck in the whirlpool of bounded burden of expectation vs result that i don't have the courage to say"YOU NEED TO STAND UP" .He is pushing himself too hard draining his energy ,day and night and sooner or later i will be forced to see him on the verge of break down.For 3 continuous days he hasn't had his sleep,burning the midnight oil as he is preparing for IIT:[prestigious exam and tough one too ]which is like one year away.Why?? .Adding to the pressure, the pressure to score 90+ in boards.Ma mom keeps on reminding him how important its to balance and how miserably i failed.San has vowed never to follow ma failure and the balance: he doesn't even believe in that.What ma mom fails to understand is that for him to balance ,the day will need to have more than 24 hours.Everyone i meet down the road has just one thing to ask:"how is San?heard he is always with books".Ma brother is devoid of any social contact other than the three members of the house,his soul companions being the books.I can't even seem to remember the last time we spoke to each other.Day in Day out he sits behind the piles of book trying to gain EX-tra knowledge that will help him crack the tough cookie.I'm really scared for him .With the expectation rising, he needs to find at least some break between his tight schedule from school-tutions-entrance-school routine.The society need only achievers and over achievers but,most of the famous figures like Newton,Einstein,Bill gates all were school dropouts, it doesn't mean he has to stop trying .I believe that one needs to put in effort that one is capable of .There is no magic figure of 200% and there should not be a situation where ,as you look back you will regret the time wasted.I remember ma friend putting in his wise words

"90+in all records does not account for success,success means to live life to the fullest.Success is always the by product of happiness"

Daily Scoop of Drama

Off to the crazy place today but,the rain dampening ma spirits.Wish i could curl up in ma bed .Well,with back to back exams don't think i will be able to enjoy that kind of a liberty.When will i get some relief from the maddening pace of life?.After college,job then family, kids.....the process never ends and slowly the desire to live for oneself fades away.The life will get more complicated in coming days ,at least now all other aspects are taken care by parents.Right out of the comfort zone I'm enjoying i may fumble and stumble.That time ma decisions will be solely ma own responsibility.Never will i be able to blame anyone for the wrong decisions.Life is all about trial and error right?,learning from mistakes,opening up to newer avenues,taking risks,understanding.There are so many variables involved that clash creating a huge mess.Hey why worrying? any way I'm not the first person on earth na?.People have gone through this and even much worse scenarios.Just need to keep ma chill and enjoy life for the moment.

KYA PATHA KAL HO NAA HO

[Translates to :Who knows if there is any tomorrow]

Foody

When i say I'm typically girlish...ya hat's true.I do loose ma sleep over ma weights like any other gal.I do go on mad diet for maximum of two days before falling back into the junk zone.Y a i do envy the skinny bones especially the ones who eat and eat but,still seem straight out of Somalia(Smi and Anu).Exam holidays are times for souls like me to experiment with food combinations:weirdest,scariest,funniest[masala paapad makes good tea time snack okie].Right now i will do anything to hear"oo...baby you becomes so thin" from relatives.Partially mom is to be blamed.Who asked her to prepare tasty dishes?.Its like i can't resist the temptation as ma mom says"put some more rice baby".The only person around the house who keeps reminding me how FAT I'm is ma bro(i envy you too)."You are fat"he says off comes ma mom's reply"NO...ma baby is thin eat some more..".Well,I'm concerned about the non uniform distribution of fat tissues in ma body.But,dieting?hell no...i love ma food...It may sound bad but, i will have to accept that I'M A FOODY

Power of Words

Don't want the words to feel the pain,the pain I'm going through.Let them be free,free of the four walls i have created for them through this blog.Why stop them from escaping the misery?.I really can't understand the expression of feeling I'm going through.Expression has for sure a term:TEARS.Iv hoped that the words will come to ma rescue freeing me from the immense pain but,they seem to love ma tears.When there exist only words,they can be interpreted in a way that makes the one happy but,the very same words can wound the other person's heart.Not necessarily though.Words have the power to make you laugh,cry,angry and ya all 9 emotions.Why blame the words alone?.They are just reflections of your heart right?Reflections that we may not agree is ours but ones safely hidden inside.Instances, where all emotions hits on the barriers like an angry sea at that instant,the heart is no longer a safer place.I may sound strange for the reason, even i can't understand ma words.What am i speaking about?.Strange but ya POWER OF WORDS