Iv been rewinding my thoughts for the past few days and picking up from millions of thoughts is this specific one that was put out to a public forum: .One sees, interacts with thousands every day and what's that separates a single face from the rest?.If you are in the look out for that special one in your life, what's that attracts you to a single person?.Why not x+1 or x-1?. Most people I believe chooses their partners based on an invisible match list.Everyone one of us has a match list with ratings from 0-10.This theory of mine applies to only certain section of people,specifically to people who take time to fall in love. Imagine person Y interacting with person X,person Y has this imaginary checklist which has all the pre requisites written.As day progresses, as interaction becomes more he either ticks or crosses each of this pre requisites.As the list variables comes to an end he is sure whether to go to the next level or drop X from his to be possible list .
Then comes stage 2, a more gruesome pick and throw affair.Person Y will show interest towards person X only if their ideologies nearly/perfectly match or if they clash.When i say clash i do not imply the clash as in milk and curd but certainly the ideologies of Y should be able to subside ideologies of X in a long run.If either of the extremes are met then stage two is cleared.

The questions that I originally raised remains un answered?"HOW SHOULD BE YOUR PERFECT PARTNER?".For starters lets take my example, for me my perfect partner should be mirror image of myself, someone to whom i don't have to give explanations about ma rapid mood swings.Someone who leaves me to sort ma problem maself and someone who is there by my side when i need.In short a perfect mind reader.Ma perfect partner should be one who can converse with me on common topic of interests.And as luck would have it none of these criterias of mine are met.

Having survived brutal attacks of the Cochin mosquitoes, Bangalore bed bugs are least of ma problems right now.I kind of rub them off as a hostel phenomenon and its the first time I'm face to face with a non-flying-blood loving-night creature.High squeaks of ma room mates is like a proximity sensor letting me know of existence of the bug colony either in her bed or mine .I don't think bed bugs are ugly, they are seemingly innocent creatures.You assume they are harmless,until one of them get squished under your legs.Suddenly you eyes get locked on the pool of blood,loss of Milli-Liters of blood, your precious blood ....that's when you start hating them.

Google is one person we all turn to when we are stuck with problems.Your one silly doubt may trigger lakhs of un-related hits and you are left with sorting it out for yourself.Even Mr.Google was unable to provide us with an alternate way to kill Bed Bugs other than the usual "let sun shine" mantra. It so happens that Sun shines in Bangalore whenever we are busy in our own busy lives and when we are all set for "MISSION KILL BED BUGS" Sun hides between heavily set clouds..DARPOKH KAHI KE!!!.We have tried and failed almost every available pesticide in the market well, trust us when we say"NOTHING WORKS!".The fumes can only make your life miserable.I still find these tiny black creatures amusing.Moving from one bed to other, giving us our daily good night kiss, red rash marks-an everlasting love ki nishani......well, if you have any suggestions beyond the scope of Mr.Google please do let me know.

Missing my home badly, status messages of those posted in Cochin pierces right through ma heart.And yeah i need someone to talk to all night,someone like ma mom.The whole day fights with ma bro.Morning alarm courtesy Dad...The hot warm food,regular fight over the repeated menu.Late morning sleep, hour long bath.A quick walk with ma dog.These are the things i miss at home, in a smaller scope.I'm still stuck in the memories of yesterdays and i can't seem to complain.

Definition of success varies from person to person .For some its the money that matters, for some its the job and status and for the minority its the satisfaction in life.On the wrong track as usual i would embrace the first two any day.....Well, is it my peanut sized brain that screams out ignorance?.Life is sort of like wine so is money, as the time progresses the face value increases.I doesn't really matters to me if u say the term"FUTURE " for all i care about is the "PRESENT".People with grey hair line always makes it a point to put across words of wisdom that i hardly heed to.


If its about making tough choices in life, you are with the wrong person buddy.I'm illusioned by the very word "TOUGH".Leaving life in a bubble has its own side effects you see.The friend that keeps company during the mumbling is YOU....your prayers counts,every word uttered is comfort word,every path chosen is the RIGHT one.Iv tried and failed miserably to bring life to a dried flower.HOPES are what keeps us afloat.Hoping for the best,OPAL signs off.

There were moments that keeps me reminding of my past. These moments can be times when I'm tuned to a particular song or realizing the fact that I'm speaking exact same sentence in an almost ditto situation .Déjà-Vu ?Well, most of the times these past moments are sweet, mixed with a slight pinch of sorrow .Daughtry was a part of ma life since Amrita days. Playing those songs aloud, complaining of missing home after his song HOME has stopped playing, anxiously waiting for the song to play in ma random play list and today as I plugged in my mobile head set into ma ears while concentrating on ma work, a familiar tone startled me .For a moment I was back at Coimbatore , in ma old room c-215 with ma friends, watching late night movies or munching high carbs on the day before exams, commenting on good looking girls, sharing the days gossip, sitting in the canteen having chaat ,pretending to be sitting in the back bench catching a quick nap, trying to figure out how a tool works, making a big fool out of oneself for the review .Life was growing in a sheltered pot...watered, manured ,pruned at proper intervals, right now I feel like been out among the wild blooms, proving Darwins theory of evolution. As, a student all of us shared an easy flowing life, with occasional tensed moments the night before exams .Now, every day is a struggle, pressure of failure, dealing with high expectations .Things were same 1 year before too, only thing that different was "I was never really bothered" .Multiple times, I flunked for exams BIG time but ,there was always a hope of “NEXT”. In corporate world it’s not the same story, there is no tomorrow for life is filled with deadlines .If life was all about dreams one year before, now it’s all about action. Writing this post makes me feel all grown up, my shoulders heavy with responsibilities.

Pack your bags, forget your secretary, jump on the colourful lorry…….visit old fort, climb the steepest mountain, cherish local flavours, learn new languages, get wet, dirty your shoes, plunge into a river, brave the storm. LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!Times when I think, I should have been someone else, may be a bird, soaring through the high skies. When everything else down below is just a tiny spot .To forget and get lost.Or may be as innocent as a child, sleeping peacefully at night devoid of the stress lines on forehead.Laugh out loud.............

Its completely unethical to speak about my professional life so, out goes my Monday-Friday life which in no way is gonna be of much interest to anyone.Even to imagine me sitting in one cubicle,typing away seems damper.So, that leaves us with two days:Saturday and Sunday.What exactly happens on these much awaited weekends?It may be much more of a damper than the weekday routine.Eating-sleeping-movies ,there goes the routine. Out of the blue shopping adds joy to ma life and strain to ma purse strings. What else can one do in Bangalore?there is no places to visit except for malls malls and more malls.See this is exactly the reason why most of the major brands have showroom here.When people don't have any other place to visit obviously they will start going to malls and spend their hard earned cash.Height of consumerism .Sadly, Im also a part of the rush.With nothing much to do what else can one expect.

Proposals, disposals, marriages, engagements, vacations, deadlines, cash rich,broke..... life comes to a full circle in a month. Its not computers and documents, but people who add spice to our lives.

Finance and managing of finance is an art,an art that's elusive at the moment.When desires overtakes monetary power one tend to blame situations.Situations turn backs at you and give that annoying smirk"YOU SHOULD HAVE PLANNED YOUR RESOURCES PROPERLY, NOW NO POINT IN BLAMING ME".Now whom to blame?RESOURCES or DESIRES?.Both the daemons are intertwined one leading to other,feeding each other taking control over weak human mind and in the end turns up against each other.That's when the conflict begins .....internal and external crushing your inner strength to move on.

Sometimes, i feel that DESIRES can be easily crushed with will power, but they leave a lingering presence, that keeps popping up at every instant.Some people say that COMPARISON is the best companion of DESIRE, once you want to be like someone....you tend to give into your DESIRES but, i beg to differ its not the influence that induces the transient stage of materialism but, its self induced.Its almost similar to the pain you experience while falling down a slide even after being warned about that u will end up experiencing the pain. Some say that the pain is sweet but in the long run when RESOURCES fails to catch up with DESIRES the pain is gonna hurt real bad.

Iv always dreamt to a corporate financial consultant ....something, that i left mid way but, even today when someone asks me "What i want to be in life?"( I'm too old for that question anyway) i react with same innocence, repeating the said dream like a taught parrot.Someone who refuses to buy in this whole THAMASHA is ma dad.He chirps in"SOMEONE WHO CANNOT MANAGE HER OWN RESOURCES, WILL ANY COMPANY DARE TO GIVE THEIR ASSETS IN HER HAND?".Certainly a point to ponder, something that will keep me preoccupied this weekend.

Things are in for a toss,the one that tricks you into believing that you still can stand on a toe but, the reality is that you are falling, from an unrecoverable fall, the one which topples you from the top.
When you complain to someone what do you expect?.Unlike most ordinary people,i don't look out for a solution from person X,Y Z no matter however they are close to me all that i care for is a pair of ears and a brain that doesn't wander into wild wild west during the conversation.You may wonder if you can force someone to listen to your blabbering why can't you just have some patience to listen to theirs too?.The answer is: Once you present your point to someone they may tend to believe that your side of the story is the 1st edition.You may be the author of your own story, weaving webs of sympathy but, deep inside there may be a high probability that your story is as fake as the snow men.What the listener gives you is a verdict that suits your ears, one which has no honesty embedded.Why bother to take an one-sided solution.Take your own time, figure out a solution for yourself and if you are one of those pathetic ones who cannot have a straight life without 10,000 opinions then take you time to pour out your woes to someone who is involved on both side of the bridge.One who knows the real story may be able to guide you in the right direction.

Rather than counting the sympathies count real honest opinions.

Some people eat ,sleep and drink their dreams while some loose track en route.Isn't your dream a part of you until you realise it? or is it a momentary infatuation?.Dreams that fade away into the background,eroding in the test of time, those are never dreams.They are illusions,ones that appears in your dreams and leave no trace in the warmth of early morning sun. As Dr.Abdul Kalam rightly said dreams are not the ones you see in your sleep but, the ones that not allows you to sleep.

Mtech was never ma dream, but i was sucked into the tornado of so called flow of life and there i was, struggling, huffing, puffing and throwing tantrums.In a month of so reality sinked in and i had no other way other than to accept that i was actually there, in midst of book yielding, less speaking intelligent breeds of engineers.Once , i understood that there was no way out i slowly but reluctantly agreed to be a part of it. It was never an easy feeling to sit amidst heavy books for hours together, or keeping one's eyes open continuously for an hour but, i did everything in ma power everything you could possibly imagine to survive .Right from munching on high carb sugar diet just to stay awake at 3 in the morning to hiding ma precious notes. I was inheriting someone else's dreams. At a point of time i made ma mom's dream part of mine and decided to give it the best shot.You can call me successful if you feel a CGPA of 7.8 is a thumps up.

I fail to understand the other side of the rule, If X was your dream and if its so close to you how can you just give up.Wasn't it the only thing you ever wanted in your life? if that's so why cant you put in a 110%.Sometimes what we call as our dream may not be the right dream for us, one may stumble, take a few leap, get bruised but, that's it?You just give up?You sit there on the battle ground with you hands up in the air and say "THAT'S IT".You call that a FAILED ATTEMPT?I call it COWARDLINESS.

If you shout it out to the world that X is your dream, people around you will expect you to be an expert in your dream.Can't blame the people for thinking so.For a commoner ,dreams are the ones we are good at not something that you wanna try out if you can fit in or not. When you fail people see this as a lack of interest and then those dreams degrade to the status of "EX-DREAMS".

Here is another scenario, you have a dream and you are in the path of realising your dream, one day you wake up and find a new dream holding its place against the old one.What then? you just let the old dream die?or will you just let you first dream take a higher priority now this ,i will leave it upon individual decision. What you want most in life, only you know so ,prioritise based on the execution time and necessity.

The above case doesn't take into account the fact that, you have a variable dream, one that goes tree hopping every night.

"LIVE YOUR DREAM, NOT LET THE DREAM LEAVE YOU"

Time to put ma writing genes to some good use.There are multiple things that i woke up with,laced with descriptive view and as i sit here, typing away half baked ideas i wonder....what exactly is what i wanted to write about?.Life? well, NO people learn through their experiences and there is no way a 23 year old can impart worldly wisdom.

Strange as it may seem, the first time i met Anu,i blurted out"You remind me of ma old friend Anju".How can be two people be so similar,they have no connection whatsoever but, both of them are mirror images of each other.If its just appearance,you can rub it off as coincidence but,alas NO!!!!they talk the same ,smile the same,even have same fashion sensibility.Sometimes, during nights when i had nothing to ponder about, i would just lie on ma bed thinking if both of them were twin sisters separated at birth.At Amrita,Anu's face always reminded me of the fun nights i had with Anju an exception to the usual norm of forgetting a face was at large for, Anu never allowed me to forget Anju.

Today as i stood saving ,ma self from the rain ambush, i heard a familiar sweet voice,pulling me back to the memory lanes ....Anu my heart pounded but, how?As i turned It was Anju,smiling the same bright smile which used to be pasted on Anu's lips.Anju informed me that presently she was working in TCS.With old -buddies-meet-after-long-time talk we got into the same bus.I took ma phone out to check out something,WHAT!!!!!It was Anu's call.Miss. Anu is on a scholarship to Finland.Coincidence? If its, then that's a strange coincidence.

Now for some professional update,I'm waiting for ma posting location.With all prayers in ma heart i sincerely wish Its Cochin.Having nudged the guys from Pune,to force love Cochin, I wonder why the sudden hypocrite move by me!!!!.I love living life in a bubble.I'm a lover of culture,food and people and by thumb rule, it means i would have no problem in adjusting even if put into the remotest land in India.But,well just as the thumb rule criteria is not satisfied in all the cases,so is ma fluctuating attitude.Though i love to explore,learn and live the metro life the highly expensive tag is a big put off.Cochin is the best place to live in if you have to save some moolahs.So, Mom and Dad please stop praying that i vanish off from your life to somewhere distant.

Things have changed out here.Gotta agree that money is addictive,i have been living my dreams,walking through them touching,smelling, feeling ,laughing out.There is a mammothic change in ma life style in terms of productive spending per good.The restlessness that i tend to show over a weekend caged inside the house is far from startling.By the end of year im hopping for a complete reversal of my life.The whole statements ahead shouldn't give anyone of you the idea that am a irresponsible shopper.I know my budgets, at times i may overspend but, with a string tightly put around ma own neck i know where to stop ma hands to be liberal. Shopping for ma brother was never so much fun.Telling dad that i will pay for the hotel food was never so heartly fulfilling.Im living ma life, don't ask for ma bank statement for, every penny has been invested in long term happiness.




Walking a little far from ma happiness,lets step into the lives of people around. Marriage is never about two people but, all about two families. There is always 100% risk involved,compatibility issues,conflicts.When two individuals take decision to spend rest of their lives together,it goes through process of approvals,nods,disagreements.Right now WE are going through such a phase.Families are getting to know each other.Years ahead it may be a different story but as of now,everything seems to me as smooth sailing.

Life is swish swashed, messy,unromantic and monotonous. What if you believe that your brain is a thriving ground for new ideas but, have never got a platform to express?. Feeling like if you were born as Miss.X , you would have lived the life you wanted?.Do you wake up and see things in black and white?.Don't worry, you are just one among the 99% of the people who thinks the same.

Don't know what to scribble down,seems like I'm getting detached from the long descriptions, 1024 characters just seems right enough to catch my fancy. Once upon a time, this blog was the only medium to let out ma frustration,write without the fear of being questioned and for the past four years it has been been doing what it does the best,LISTEN!!!.Sometimes, i feel that people are so busy that they consider your talks as just another dose of blahs but, for the person who talks it may be a do or die situation.Lending your ears to some one's problem may even save a life. The main problem with today's junk way of living is that "We don't have time to listen".Listening is an art,Good listeners always have good friends.Listeners never pour out their sorrows to anyone,they let it stay right there burning themselves in the process.They are bundle of secrets,never to be revealed.Okay!!!don't really get the point of having to talk all this.Good Night.

Needed a friend, a confident or anyone who have the hearts to listen to me.Heart,it always remember the first time when it flutters right? so does it remembers the first time it has got crushed, obviously under the weight of neglect.I rather keep my mouth shut and act like a remote controlled barbie with perfect hair,perfect features,perfectly manicured nails etc etc . What about ma human side?forgot the fact that im human?.May be im paranoid of being alone in the same room as that of loneliness, may be silence brings out some old memories that i don't wish to recollect.How can anyone sleep comfortably when miles away a heart is weeping out for care?.May be the loud screams never penetrates your false dreams or may be we can put it this way:You don't know me!!!you think you do but no!!!every time i wish for a comforting hand,i find maself alone.You think i should be left alone because i asked you for some privacy last time for which you nodded our head to represent your displeasure of ma loony attitude.Sometimes you gives me the feeling that the world revolves around you and whenever ,wherever you ask for you little perks, wishes must be granted..may be am your fairy god mother.May be we are nothing close to Barbie and Ken.I watch you slip through ma hands and just stand there do nothing at all.You say you are tired, and i nod in unison cause may be you are after a tough day at office but, when your tiredness eats away the talks, for you are too heavy that your fingers just refuse to type in proper messages.
May be this is what people call seven year twitch!!!but, here it just took 2 short years to put on a sad display that relationships after some point of time are taken as granted that little effort or little love goes into making a loose thread bound.

The room looks different,for a control freak like me a messy room is too hard to stand.Have been rearranging every single thing in ma room for the past one week.The neatly spread sheet on ma bed,polished photo frame,a small basket of scramble blocks,a glass mug filled with water,dust free carpet,soft toys arranged in order....all work over and done with.The room revamped did offer a new challenge ,to get away from its inviting charm.The very sight of uncrubled sheets induces sleep in me.Mom has banned me from closing the door before 10pm.I'm badly wanting to try ma luck in interior designing.May be one day if i ever plan to switch ma career i would like to come back to this profession that lets me express ma artistic genes, without boundaries.
I badly wanted a light shower,when i reached back home .Summer heat was taking a toll on my body but, got more than what i wished for,for now its raining heavily.Summer doesn't makes you as uncomfortable as monsoons.You walk through the road concentrating hard on how to avoid big muddy water pools and there ,the driver of a car swish past your,splashing the dirty water over your kurtha.Most of the shops doesn't allow you to take your leaky umbrella inside and after you have made past all those wet clothes brushing past you, you find your umbrella missing.Kerala monsoons is a nightmare that you have to live through to appreciate ma writings.
If you are sitting in your couch comfortably,sipping hot tea,reading a nice fiction then there is no better season than monsoons.Hear the rain droplets whispering in your ears,watch the birds take shelter.God!!!im swaying...if ...leave it...let it rain, let it quench mother Earth's thirst,let life thrive....

Time to scribble away the clogged letters,they don't come pouring out like before.People, kind of tend to take sides,it happens all the time especially when you are listening to just one side of the story. Cochin is not treating me well,the climate is too humid and hot.The moment you step out of your home,smeared with sunscreen you start sweating.As i complain about the so called tough weather mom gives me a devilish smile and declares"As if darling you were born in polar region".Back from ma one year stint at Amrita,the climate of Coimbatore is notorious for its burning summer but,the story ends there.One never sweats unlike in Cochin where every visit out is like visiting a sauna.If things aren't bad,hear this out"sorry Adhi!!!you won't recognize your old lab mate,iv grown DARK!!!!like real blackish dark.My dad who finds humor in most bizarre of situations declared that I'm in urgent need of a fairness cream or a big bank balance(who will marry a dark girl?),pretty much average Indian mentality.This sums up the events of the day or rather the weather report.

Couldn't have done it any better.Want some good reason that can force my inner self to calm down.An aim?a reason to hang on?.I was the heroine of some pathetic romantic movie today or you can say i acted like one.Don't wanna walk back and feel like i have done something wrong,just few missed calls.A small help for the mobile operator won't hurt right?.When I'm frustrated i speak a lot and I'm talking whole lot off nonsense now. Its genuine tears rolling down ma cheeks,its true that my heart is aching.Yeah I'm a hypocrite!!!and such people don't need any company.I'm sick and tired of forgetting.Why do i have to depend on other people for ma happiness?I need sleep,something that can doze of my consciousness,something that will stop this pain deep inside.I'm done with the numerous panicky calls.Good nite peeps,for the the night is just starting for me !!!

Something about the silence next door is surely gonna be an eye sore. Its vacation time for MBA's who reside just opposite to the VLSI block. For the unlucky ones like us, we have to wait yet another one month to get our share of freedom.It sets me thinking about the divide rule existing in the PG hostel.MBA's and MTECH's never mingle let alone a smile or a nod,they blankly stare at each other calculating in their heads.For most MTECH's MBA's are bunch of overspoken ,hyperactive gals and for the people at the other end of line,we are just some glass wearing,book crunching,silent worms.The class divide is clearly visible from dressing to food habits.While MBA's are allowed jeans we are not and the reason?they are professionals and we???they don't call us by that name.I will tell you where the real catch lies!!!they pay 3 lakhs per year while VLSI's pay 1.5 per year.It all about the money honey.
Now for some deeper thoughts,we never have the time to complain about the heavy work load being thrusted on us whereas the other end sees a complete black out by 12?envious?oh yeah!!!wish we could sleep atleast for 2 hours a day.As the exam times for MBA's and MTECH'S are at different points in the academic calender,mostly our preparations for 2 exams per day is marred by shouting and screaming from the other end.The more we try to concentrate the more high decibeled the screeching becomes,sometimes the whole enjoyment part gets too out of control that we are forced to pull the plug.Times are gonna change,don't know if the same arrangement will persist if so the fight for supremacy will continue.

Guess I'm,not keeping you posted about my life or its tides. Its so that I'm either busy or I'm too lazy to type in anything.Human character always surprises me,mostly the uncertainty involved. You can be friends with someone who until yesterday was your worst nightmare. All of us hide our basic instincts in the first meeting,the very person whom you described angelic may turn up into someone suffering from multiple personality disorder after a few months.When you invest a large part of your heart on someone,you expect them to give you dividends at the right time.Life is a big gamble ,some hit the jackpot while some,dream of hitting one ...what they don't know is that these dreams are just dreams.With equal ease with which human character fascinates me so does scares the hell out of me.Some mind reading ability would have surely helped me swim through rough sea.How do people say something and think something else?.Its too complicated,so is the deep corners of human mind. You cannot approach two minds in a common fashion for they are products of sophisticated emotions.

The times, when i come up with something funny, my world goes upside down and i come back to ma old cribbing self. This time,its in form of a surprise shock from WIPRO.They have mailed me asking me to attend their assessment test on 13th.What a shocker for, i never saw it coming.Im not even allowed to go home this week,a marathon around the campus can fetch me a permission i hope. Life @ Amrita is no better, subjected to immense torture most of us have turn into nocturnal animals,scavenging through various rooms for night food.Some of us have even started developing allergy towards fat 1000-2000 pages text books. Seminars,presentations,lab works most of the lecturers don't even consider us to be human beings.For them we are just machines, out here to break our backbone. Life !!!! wish i could fade away into emptiness.

I need to soak down the excitement that has given me high for the past few days.A short visit to Chennai with mom and grandma, stay with ma cousin,meeting someone who treats me like a princess, the journey had its own share of wow factors. This guy rocked my world for two days,he thinks I'm the most gorgeous gal in the world,he teaches me how to sing ba ba black sheep in rhythm,he keeps on calling me "MEMMA",that's Sharan for you ,2 years old bundle of joy. I'm already missing him .When he grows up, he may forget the time spend, he may not even remember ma face but, whatever it is he holds a special place in ma heart.

Hmm....what to write?have been sitting in this lab for the past one hour keeping up the hopes that before 7:30 i would be able to access IEEE.Well, with such high connectivity my dreams will remain as dreams itself. What to say??is there anything left to scribble??life is mundane as usual,the routine by hearted. The classes are flying over ma head as fast as the time itself.Laziness is roosting over ma brain cells and the books have been covered in cobwebs. This obviously doesn't have any side effects on my effort quotient,which is equal to 0.

Mom said something debatable last night"you ought to have an aim in your life".This very statement kept us awake whole night long.AIM??if i could i go by my aim, i wouldn't have been here,doing what i don't like.I would have been earning 6+ in 4-5 years.No,sometimes viability and best solutions holds more sense than some day dream.I could have objected ,refusing to abide by my parent's decision and to be frank the moment i gotta know about theirs that's exactly what i had planned to do.Then why the hell did the first sentimental statement uttered from my mom's mouth melted my heart?.My whole life ,or you can call it 1/3 of my life, iv lived on negotiations which has only pushed me deeper into debts. And tomorrow when i turn back, i will have to be satisfied with a handful of happy memories to laugh at. I don't have enough courage in me to swim against the tide,I'm not blaming the sea for taking me to the place, it wishes me to be in. Life is a game of adjustments and thank goodness,I'm like a chameleon adapting to whatever environment I'm put through.Iv this innate capacity to manage through unhurt.Life that my parents chose for me is not that bad as I'm projecting it to be but, could have been better if i had decided my future.Its still is a struggle to wake up everyday and find your soul gone. I think,its time to stop whining like a little kid.Good nite peepz....