Someone Hear me Out....

Obsession with anything,even GOD is fatal beyond a certain point.The point ,where it starts dictating your life.Everything crumbles down like a pile of sand .My strong conviction allows me to believe in a single power only,the universal God with different forms,different names.As much as i have faith in God ,i hate demi gods or even human gods who claim they are powerful than God himself.Astrology,horoscope,rashis,all are part and parcel of our daily lives.Its mysterious from a distance but, on being consumed by that force there is no escape.This "person",the so called self taught astrologer came into our lives quite accidentally.He caught dad's attention by his wisdom(I'm pretty sure even i can acquire wisdom with Google as ma teacher).Dad changed the whole layout of the house after his say.I didn't allow dad to make similar changes in ma room owing to functional difficulties.For me having a plug point was important than "not to wake up in the morning looking at the mirror".This person visits our house often,at some point of time it became annoying than mysterious.Now he is back urging dad to wear ring of special stone to ward of ill times.If there is any ill time to be warded off its him.Dad on being too manipulative agreed to pay the cash he asked for, no matter how hard i objected.It makes me feel real bad when, ma voice is left unheard.I may not be as experienced as ma dad is but, surely god has given me enough wisdom to know,understand and analyse what is right and what is wrong.

Abhiyanthriki o8':Concert

I ended up hating ma self more as i walked out of the door of Chavara Hall.The doors opened up banging ma heart,giving it a big blow.The evening was surely ma last chance to pull up but, instead i ended up on a wrong road .With 3 of ma mates in the same situation as i was, i didn't find ma self in an awkward position.So many things were going on in ma head and it was impossible to concentrate on something else.The performers lived up to their name and the crowd was well behaved too.Seeing bunch of engineering student sitting in their chairs,controlling their very best to suppress their dancing genes ,was amusing.The performers repeatedly urged the crowd to join in.Restrictions,restriction and more restrictions.Every time the juniors stood up to dance they were pulled back to their seats by the faculty.The last semester students were given space ...all the way back,meters away from the rule bearing eyes.They let loose their hairs from the first song onwards,adding in more madness with each song.

Cant see the point but, each batch was trying to prove"who is the best" by trying to raise the maximum voice,didn't serve any purpose as the event was for the college as whole, not any batch in particular.What's the point in proving your might,it will just deteriorate one's image in front of outsiders.

I was in senses but, sometimes i went off track thinking about our cancelled trip to north east.Dad gave totally stupid reason to cancel the same.Alas, we are not supposed to complain.Mom, me and bro kept our mouths shut through out the family meeting.This year its the second time I'm proving ma self unlucky with "BIG" trips.I missed out on the class trip and now this one.Back to the birds eye view,the event was over after a 30 minutes jamming session by 4:30.This really took me back to ma first year "DREAMS",we danced like maniacs until 8 at night.The best part of ma college life.Now, its dry and I'm desperately wanting to get out.

I'm

I'm not ready to hide behind shadows this time.

I'm not ready to quit this time.

I'm not gonna give up living ma dreams.

I'm not ready to keep ma weapons down in defeat.

I'm gonna keep on fighting with ma inner self until,

I'm convinced that life for me is beyond any doubts.

The Bug is Back

Girly relations are always complicated.Its whole lots of soap opera,which is damn tiring by the way but, the excitement of seeing so mush mush in a single day doesn’t fade away even after the repeat telecasts. Hasn’t the popularity bug striked before?.It has claimed its next victim,an unsuspecting soul,who was the most hated character in the last birth.”popularity bug” comes with its cousin “ego virus”.They share the success together,the success in making a person a fool of himself/herself in front of others.It all starts with the ego virus gripping your brain after which you start thinking that you are stuck in a company of far advanced species than yours and then ,the frantic attempt to be popular.The result? Tragic, everyone starts to think you have gone insane in the new slang and attitude. The bug starts to take over your brain and then your whole body. You attempt to break into rapid conversations,stop strangers midway and ask about their sleeping pattern(you have nothing else to talk about ) .It takes you into a different dimension:Multiple personality. As times passes the bug eats up your basic consciousness,driving people away,even those who suffered your insanity all the way up.They can’t take it any longer,and the hide away leaving you to stand there ,in the middle of nowhere.That’s when it strikes you:YOU HAVE LOST YOUR IDENTITY, TRYING TO BE SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE NOT.
Caution:PLEASE, IN ORDER TO ESCAPE FROM THE BUG ATTACK:BE YOURSELF

Upside down or is it sideways?

Are we better judge on our self or is it the people around us?.Being called on to meet the head teacher , was quite surprised.Was racking up ma brain for a reason .As i sat before her, all ma courage vaporised and i felt shaky.She wrote down ma previous sem results, looked on to me with a strange expression"you can be the rank holder , if you try.I have at most confidence in you".I was taken aback,may be she called in the wrong person to talk to,that's what came into ma head."Mam i just wanna pass and complete ma degree successfully,score 75%.Rank is a distant dream,let alone the rank i haven't even thought about breaking into the top 5 position in class",ma answer was quick.She wasn't ready to allow me to walk out of the staff room until i promised her, i will try ma very best.Again last day ma Process Dynamics prof. included ma name on the top runners for highest score in the subject.Strange...

To be frank enough,I'm stuck in the wrong place.Not that i hate being an engineer but, this is not the place where i belong.When i tell people that I'm not technically inclined,ignorant of the latest scenario, they laugh.I can't even derive something from scratch .I do admire people like Anu George,who can make it big. Strangely enough, ma parents too think I'm intelligent no matter how hard it takes to convince them that every parent feels the same way about their kids.

Am i wrong or is it the people around me?. People see a whole lot of untapped potential in me where as, all i can see is someone who us trying to get out of the whole mess.So is ma untapped potential upside down or sideways?

Late night struggle

Pushing everything onto the last minute is one habit am trying to get rid of.Right now am happy that i managed to complete 18 slides for ma seminar,which is just few hours away.I have been thinking of the power point presentation for the past one week, nothing materialised and the day before i sit in front of ma lap,without taking a shower or nap ,continuously cursing ma self for ma lazy attitude.I have prepared the slides,but is yet to go through the materials,rack ma brain over expected questions.Its like iv miles to go.Thankfully ma seminar is during the after noon session and i hope iv time to catch up. Standing on that dice,if anything goes wrong i should blame ma self for ma ignorant attitude of letting 50 marks slip through ma hands or rather ma mouth.

Onam:

This year its ma first Onam after shifting base to Tripunithura, where Onam is not just another festival but, a feeling.This realisation came in very late after seeing the heavy rush on the streets,people flocking to buy vegetables,flowers and last minute shopping.Though rain dampened some of the Onam spirit, people were still enthusiastic about this once in a year festival.

The day for me started at 4am, beginning with the ritual" poo mattam" [changing flowers].Being the last day,ma self and bro did our very best to design the flower carpet,unfortunately the sudden rain washed away all our efforts.Strange rituals which was another realisation on how ignorant i was on ma culture.Even after 20 years, i still didn't know what were the rituals associated.I don't think its a problem just with me but, a entire culture.Sadhya followed and then a visit to ma grandparent's home.The smiles on peoples faces,their vigour and the coming togetherness for celebrating Onam ,that's the very essence of this festival.

Life to live on....

There are instances when i badly miss the feeling of a "FRIEND" not, that i don't have people around,its just that i miss the details, the fun,the gossips, the cat fights.But what the use of looking back and regretting?.A part of me wants to keep all ties at some distance,some part wont listen out. No matter how hard i try,its impossible to replace the feeling with a substitute.Every relation has its own place,purpose and meaning ,its just too harsh to mix all up.Still people around are trying to help in whatever ways possible ways they can.I'm trying to regain the lost balance,vigour and drive.Its not that i expect ma self to be smiling away with the pain but, guess i will get used to it.Iv gone through this manier times before, still i haven't learned or will in the future that trusting someone blindly can be pretty dangerous.With that you are giving the person every right to hurt you.I'm not the one who looks upon life accepting defeat.I wont!!! not until i have people around me, to hold me tight, to make sure i don't hurt ma self in the falls,to help me get up,walk away with a laugh.Thank you one and all.

Right or Wrong

Life is so still for the last few days.Iv no more high expectations from people, no more burden of performance.Its about ME ME and more ME.The best way to hurt some one is to AVOID.For the past few days i was stuck in the company of people who viewed ma presence as problematic. With the hostility too hot to handle i decided to quit ma attempts to put up a conversation.Ma relation should have been confined to the boundaries of professionalism.What did i do wrong?.I'm a person who doesn't let ego come in between, and i don't mind bowing ma head to avoid a clash but, this time its all different."ATTITUDE" that's what ma friend showered on me after the Goa trip.May be its her attempt to climb the ladder of social circuit but, it has clearly burnt ma affection for her.Coupled to the high tension the occasional sharp statements made by her made the situation worse.After all this i expected someone to understand,it didn't happen so and without listening to ma side of story the verdict was already made:OPAL IS WRONG!!!!!.What is the real source of issue? As it seems no.... is shouldn't be saying it.Now the old enemies are back in camp making merry out of the situation.Should i mend or should i let it be keep ma head on ma shoulder and stand tall?.Whatever it is the damage is already done.