Mom said something debatable last night"you ought to have an aim in your life".This very statement kept us awake whole night long.AIM??if i could i go by my aim, i wouldn't have been here,doing what i don't like.I would have been earning 6+ in 4-5 years.No,sometimes viability and best solutions holds more sense than some day dream.I could have objected ,refusing to abide by my parent's decision and to be frank the moment i gotta know about theirs that's exactly what i had planned to do.Then why the hell did the first sentimental statement uttered from my mom's mouth melted my heart?.My whole life ,or you can call it 1/3 of my life, iv lived on negotiations which has only pushed me deeper into debts. And tomorrow when i turn back, i will have to be satisfied with a handful of happy memories to laugh at. I don't have enough courage in me to swim against the tide,I'm not blaming the sea for taking me to the place, it wishes me to be in. Life is a game of adjustments and thank goodness,I'm like a chameleon adapting to whatever environment I'm put through.Iv this innate capacity to manage through unhurt.Life that my parents chose for me is not that bad as I'm projecting it to be but, could have been better if i had decided my future.Its still is a struggle to wake up everyday and find your soul gone. I think,its time to stop whining like a little kid.Good nite peepz....

Fresh start,but think its not gonna be easy breezy like last time. We were running to the library,scavenging through the book shelves, fighting it out for the last book standing.Childish? baby!!this is the Indian way of living.Bear with it. Wanna load my head with so many songs so that i can tune into those tracks based on ma mood

Sad:Tanhai...Dil Chahtha Hai

Romantic:Kudha jane....Bachna AA Haseenoo

Happy:Wake up sid....Wake up Sid

Confused:Ghar se hum chal tho diye....Shaan

Fights:Bolo na.....Sona

Laughs:Prem ki naiyya ko paar....APKJK

Emotional:In dinom...Life in a Metro

Life is like a radio,u ought to hear whatever the station plays for you but, I wish if my life was like I pod so that i can shuffle based on ma choice.

Moments that i wish,just glide past.To be something that i despise,turning into something so artificial that I'm scared to gaze into the MIRROR.This Opal is someone i don't recognise,someone whose smiles are fake,someone who pretends she knows everything even when she knows deep down inside that the soil beneath her legs is fast disappearing.Today went shopping alone,devoid of the chipping,devoid of gossips.This is the harsh reality of life,the world around you changes in a matter of days.Just when you feel you had enough you realise its too late to turn back and do an alt+clt+dlt.Wish,life was easy..then nothing comes easy nowadays.You gotta move it and what do you get in return??complaints,abuses.Why do we even care?.Life is a big sad joke....iv stuck a smiley on ma bag not that I'm happy but,its something that i think is cool.So,what's the point?life is a game of pretending.You pretend your happy,satisfied but, in reality your not.You want a new name, a new life a start from the beginning,a complete erasal of your identity.Can you do that?Can you run away from responsibilities?.Can you look straight into the mirror and say"I'M THROUGH"? No you can't cause you are scared,scared of breaking the ties,scared of yourself.When can i be Me?When can i stop acting like I'm the happiest person on earth when I'm not.When can God grand me wishes i ask for?.WHEN CAN I WALK BAREFOOT ON WET GRASS?.When can i wash ma sorrows in the rain?.When can i act like a 22 year old without having to hear the "M" word?.Life why are you so unfair and mean.Random thoughts

What do you do when you see your life crumbling before your eyes?.Will you try saving it or will you fold your hands,stand there watching the downfall?.Any normal person would do the latter but,guess what am doing?Watching maself fall into a deep pit.Doesn't Mr.God have time for poor people like me?Guess not for, he is too busy splitting up states.

Morning ,as i got up my head was overflowing with ideas so as I can fill my half empty blog page. I muttered to ma own self ,repeating the words that have to be used .As I sit here and type ,my head is blank ,devoid of any ideas .All the hours of planning has gone waste. After last weeks sudden twist of events, the sea is calmer right now and waiting for another prey to grab on.
There is this little lazy monster in me, who refuses to work .Call ,me for anything and I have an excuse to pull ma head out of it. People around me are so dedicated that they literally drag me into places called lab, gym , lib etc. What happens after is a completely different story : the little monster gets hyper and overdoes stuff. I have to be literally thrown out of the lab once I'm in.

I can't understand why certain people are so consumed by their ego that they let their ego work on behalf of them.Certain someone, finds my presence so irritating that she finds me virtually invisible.Imagine this ....five of us are standing together discussing something,she comes in looks on to the side,where am not standing and speaks.May be its something that i know about but, her ego flares up in her and i find ma self shut out from the conversation.It happens almost everyday and i find it quite annoying.We are way past that age of ego clashes but,this isn't the case with her.Common!!!our personalities rarely match so is our personal statements then why the hell does she act like QUEEN B?.

God plays with ones luck,after he throws it up in the air,acts like he has nothing to do with it. For some,their whole life is driven by luck no matter what the situation is they manage to scrap through unhurt solely owing to their luck and for some,luck is just a word in the dictionary. I miss those late night gossips,the laughter and fun . The day she walked down,i couldn't hold back my tears .I was loosing not just a mate but, an awesome friend.Lame consolations forced me to squeeze my tear gland.The stick note in ma room is still intact which reads"WILL MISS YOU BIG TIME".Everything happens for a reason whether its good or bad, and with all the prayers i would wish only good things for her.2 months is too short of a time, to develop any close bonds but, I'm happy to say that i did and hopefully its gonna stay with me for the rest of ma life. . Ya !!!its for something better.Life has to go on.....

Life everywhere remains the same, so is the basic human instict to pull the leg of the one on top.Im not a saint but, i do understand the difference between competition and jealousy.Why bother about someone else's marks ,what one needs to learn is to outwit oneself everytime.In the process of glory,what one forgets is that there is someone out there at the bottom of the ladder trying to get their hands on you.Please!!!stop this marks madness.

Writer's block!!!Let the pictures speak for themselves

The term work is eating away the luxuries associated with PG way of living.For the professors PG student,are nothing but study machines for whom everything including eating and sleeping should come after the completion of treacherous amount of work.I didn't expect M.tech to be easy breezy nor did i expect a round the clock work schedule.I'm fast loosing steam trying to force ma self to concentrate on the goals specified.For me its moreover like a forced vacation trip gone wrong. It was never a matter of choice but, for someone who hasn't seen light for years even a 0 watt bulb is like sunshine. Sometimes i feel that ma destiny lies somewhere else and instead of me taking the driving seat someone else is taking me for a ride of a life time.Any point of regretting the past actions?I guess no!!!life has to go on so are 3 sems....may regain my lost heart somewhere,sometime.

When people come together,you can always find at least a dozen of them,not matching your tastes.As the law of natural selection,one tends to reject a few faces at the first go.Some not, appealing to you mentally and the funny fact is that you always ends up with the correct guess. I have always maintained diplomatic approach in my professional relationships but, it so happens that you meet people, with whom diplomacy seems the last term to deal with.Man has this unique instinct to rule, to crush the week ones.History has proved this theory wrong many time,an uprising and even the Berlin wall was broken,Russian dynasty came to an end so if that's the case can a mere number of 4 stand against a majority of 11?.Na!!!play the game of isolation,and you embrace victory!!Man being a social animal cannot distinct himself from the clutches of society ans when the society isolates him, he has no other way other than to repent his wrong doings.The next issue here is the mental conflict of expressing the toughest of views versus the softened stand of time will pay back. Dominance is the order of the life at Amrita,but we are playing our cards straight.Let time choose!!!SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

Life is a random variable,for which we try to assign values... for some the final answer turns out to be a finite quantity and for some its undefined.Most of us are in the process of defining priorities and goals,that will consume our lives for the coming long years.For some defining an aim in life is like rocket science,confusing,messy and full of brain cracking thoughts .They hardly spend any of their precious energy in designing their lives and live by their on rules.When expectations sky rocket so, is our fear of falling from greater heights.For some, the pressure is too much to handle and they fall apart. Its never the desire to be perfect that makes us sweat it out,but the fear of failures. If life was not measured by success and failures most of us would have sat on the couch whole day without doing nothing.

Sunday blues.I wake up to pray not to face another dreadful Sunday,the long distance travel,the screeching sound of the train engine.Wish i could erase all of these,and write in a different dream, the one in which I'm laying on ma comfy bed on a warm beautiful Sunday.

Back to the life of full fledged fun,where jokes are not offenses rather a tool for self amusement. okay!!!as Rahul puts in "You have got the big surprise at the wrong time and at the wrong place" ya!!the surprise came out of blue,totally unexpected for i have had lost hope a long time ago,right that very evening. Now that its back in frame,i have to put in a 120%.100% effort is already filled up by the excessive long sleeping hours , gulping down food and occasional studies.Wrong timing for a big surprise though .Time to rearrange priorities.

College life is full of surprises,everyday you come across something new.Each day is a learning experience,better make a good note of all these valuable lessons this time around.

Being a first time hosteler i don't think the ambiance in the so called place is not as intimidating as it is made to be.Being PG students, each of us are allotted a single room and you can have more than enough room to enjoy your privacy.I have made some good friends, had some great chats and overall i rate the hostel life a 4/5. As for the food part, the hostel sticks on to the horrible tag.I'm a person, who kind of merges with the general atmosphere and this haven't helped me a tad bit not to develop strange dislike for Sambhar.The food is predominantly Tamil based and the amount of potatoes is already having its effect on my waist line.
on the day, my parents came to leave me in the hostel, i had prepared for a meltdown.Surprisingly, i walked back to the hostel feeling extremely happy as my parents returned.With no regular classes i was forced to spend a large part of time confined to the room and it did, finally break me down on the 4th day, with a simulator in form of "CHANGE IN ATTITUDE"of someone. People change so rapidly and its hard to predict who is who until you are put through a hard situation.Some people stick by while some just flow into the tide, the tough decision is whether to let go of all the good times and act as if the person is non existent?.May be its a good idea, if you can reduce the pain inflicted.It already 6:30 and time for me to make a move to my hostel.I won't be going home for another one or two months so, mostly i will try updating from the lab as a temporary arrangement.

When ever things don't go the way i want to, i go paranoid.I really don't need any company,just happy being trapped in the crazy zone.Wanna be left alone,with no one trying to give me advices or trying to dictate my thought process. Just back off and let me retreat in to my humble adobe.

Whats with a guy's obsession with branded wears and accessories? .Puma,Adidas,Nike or Reebok he visits ma room every 5 minutes to enquire which one i would prefer and seriously i find the plain monogrammed bags and accessories so unattractive.The only factor that forces me to rethink is durability.Hell!!!who cares of 1500/- worth puma bag if i can buy 5 ordinary bag of 300 each?.May be they will last for 5 years but,cares to carry around the same bag for so long?definitely not my style. Dad is reluctant to invest in a branded jeans or a bag owing to two factors.

1: Bro will be going to government college.Try going in with brand all over,it may be the first reason to get ragged.

2:I have a brother,who cares least about his appearance and dad aint sure if he will take care of the bag for 4 years.

May be this is the same guy with whom i went in to a live in showroom,his pocket full of cash and he picks up a jeans worth 700/-.After seeing the price tag he changes his view from "I'm definitely getting it" to "ooh its so costly'.We are hitting the Puma showroom tomorrow ,will see what the guy decides.

Staring at my half empty wardrobe,my heart is stirring with mixed emotions.The background score of kaminey is doing no good. Wondering is the 2 year journey is worth all the tears.May be the person making this entry will be forgotten in coming 2 years.May be i will be replaced by my own better version.I won't be able to recognise with this emotion or the naiveness. The best in me wants me to believe that i will adjust, make new friends,find a new purpose in life.My be I'm heading towards my dream.Today i annoyed someone,I'm sorry!!sometimes I'm just difficult to handle,i stick with what i want to believe even if i know that I'm building castles in thin air I'm just not ready to accept that the castle isn't real.May be I'm crazy,delusional and staunch as a rock.As Rahul told me yesterday"Never change dear!this makes you what you are".There do exist people like him who even after,millions of wrong doings from my side has the heart to forgive.

You can almost feel it or even smell from the air around when people who are close to your heart starts moving away.Someone feels am just too possessive,but it doesn't feel good as a whole.Some relationships stand the test of time while, some other wither in small wind.As Raghu rightly said"There aint any bonds if they are not tested".For all those school buddies who still get annoying comments like"How do you?" thanks!!!.The silent prayer means a lot to me.

POWER OF EARNING VS POWER OF LEARNING.Two different domains,two different aspects of life and in its own way both powers are the sources of ultimate power.The one thing that clearly messed up my preconceived notion was my choice of selection of power of learning over power of earning right after Btech.Though, you can drub off my choice as one out of frustration or as my inability to develop a plan B.I have always loved the power of earning,not only it gives you self respect but, also commands respect from others. I have always maintained my stand of "every job has its on dignity" sometimes i think if i have to necessarily put my preaching to practice.Last day one of ma ex-mates rang me up to inform me of an open post of that of a receptionist in a medical centre and enquired if i was interested. I had an answer,the one you would expect"NO".Last time i did put forward something like that dad was generous enough to add" I will give you 300 per day but, don't come asking for ma permission for some silly jobs". This is not the matter of "I'm Btech and I'm not supposed to do this job" but, moreover a family status issue. Working female is always welcome in ma family as long as they are employed in a dignified post,even being a clerk at a bank is okay for ,traditionally banking and educational sector is considered to a safe bet.Working in lesser known private organisations is never safe and adding on ,the embarrassment my parents have to face if i come face to face with any of their colleagues.I'm sure i will be blessed with a job to match my education qualifications after 2 years, right now for all those people who would ring me up with offers...NO THANKS!!!