Life as you know it!!

I was hurt, why wouldn't I be?. I am not a robot to pretend like I am not hurt. After days of planning, me and my GFs decided to take a day off from our busy schedule and unwind in a resort close to Bangalore. There is something I need you guys to know before I start my ranting: I am the only married girl in the group of four. So, when I put this topic for discussion my hubby happily agreed, even he felt I needed a break from the usual routine. We girls left for the resort on Saturday evening, after a whale of a time returned back on Sunday afternoon. In between I had received few calls from my dad, which I didn't respond to. On Sunday afternoon, husband informs that dad had asked him where I was. Oh by the way my parents had no fucking clue I had gone out with my GFs. My husband carefully avoided the question by saying I was with friends, well he skipped the overnight-tent-camping-girls-alone statement out . 

I for one, doesn't want to be dishonest with my parents so, I casually mentioned it to my dad that I had a night out and comes the weirdest reply from him 

Dad: What you did is wrong
Me: Why?
Dad: You shouldn't have let your husband and gone off like that 
Me: Dad, he is not a kid, he can take care of himself. I went to a resort , with proper safety and with my bunch of girls
Dad: Who else is married from the group
Me: None
Dad: See, married girls don't go for night outs, they stay at home with their husbands
Me: My life dad, what is the big deal, my husband is perfectly ok with the whole thing then why do you guys bother
Dad: what will your in-laws think?. Is this the way we brought you up?
Me: for the last 24 years, I lived by your rules dad, I have never boozed or partied cause I didn't want to disappoint you, but then Im 25 now I can take my own decisions

By this time my husband realized the conversation was going out of control, he snatched the phone from me and ended the conversation.

This is when I realized something:  I used to take pride in the fact that my parents were unlike any others: They were cooler, accepting parents. Now, if you think a lil hard you will understand that they were not, they were like any other parents...only thing is I always sacrificed my teenage dreams for em, I studied my ass off, got a job, didn't let my mind stray...I never gave em a reason to be unhappy. 

After marriage my actions are more weighed by my dad and mom and eventually everything boils down to what my in-laws think. I can never forget that tight slap from my mom last time I visited home (post marriage) Wanna care to hear the reason?. I was having bad contractions and kept on crying for seeing a doctor. My mom however blandly refused to take me to a doctor and the reason she gave was "what will my in-laws think if I was taken to a doc for such silly things". I cried and cried and finally the bodily pain was erased off by the tight slap my mom placed on my cheeks. More than the pain inflicted on my body it was a sense of disappointment,  a feeling of being let down by your own parents for what??? To please people who doesn't even know the pain I go through each month.

At some point all the parents want for their girl child is an approval from the in-laws. But, why???I  need to please no one but myself for whatever actions I perform in my life. I have a life ahead which I am not willing to sacrifice just cause I am married. I am not willing to give up doing anything cause I am married. Marriage is an union of like minded partners who treat each other with respect and as an individual. I am lucky to have someone like this in my life. Thanks G, but then it's also upto the parents to trust me in making my own decisions ....not out of pressure. I may stumble and fall, watch me grow not proon me to be like how you want the world to perceive me.

More rambling coming your way cause there are some life changing decisions to be made in the coming days. Stay tuned!!

Just Do It

My daily conversation goes something like this

ME: I am becoming fat
Devi: MMMMM...No (I love her for lying)
Me: What do you think I should do, all the while munching my high calorie samosa
Devi: Eat moderate, exercise
Me: ok (making a mental note to my self), but I don't have time....

Next day
Me: I am becoming fat .....and goes the conversation

Yes, every freaking day I make a mental resolution to move my rusted ass off the chair and work out, eat in moderation and then that's all I do, keeping the resolution in mind. I largely point my fingers at the time or the lack of it for my increasing waistline. I get up at 7:20, prepare tea, do house errands and leave for office at 8:15, so in this small time window I hardly have any time for shaking up my fat cells. Evening after I reach back by 7:40...off to kitchen to prepare dinner. By 9 I am done and after bathing and having food my body gives up and all I wanna do is just sleep.

Eating in moderation is another big joke. When I was in Cochin, my dad and mom were strictly against stocking junk food of any form. My occasional junk pangs were satisfied by once a month access to bakery items and once a blue moon outing to restaurant. Things come really cheap after marriage, cause my husband loves his junk food ( He doesn't get Fat though, with a marketing and sales on the run job who gains weight!!). We always have either cakes or chocolates or icecream in our fridge and week long cooking drives me nut and by end of the week, we just take out all the frustration on food, by going in to a fine dining restaurant. It's junk once a week.

I am writing this post to make myself feel ashamed of my lack of willpower and the ever hungry brain taking control over the body. One scoop of icecream will lead to second or third serving because,  I always have the next beautiful day to start with my resolution. I'm frustrated cause I'm tired of convincing myself that I can do it the next day. I'm tired of convincing that I will go for a walk cause for me sleep is more important than health. I'm frustrated cause I complain and crib though it's purely my failure or inability to be what I want to be.