mE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little annoyin.......i always get the upright slap on ma face for "NOT TRUSTIN PEOPLE".........ma parentz n friendz do complain.............why goin on givin people that look..........hm)-:well its always on the safer side if u add a little element of suspicion............but,everythin beyond a breakin point is bad..........well i had ma share of good luck n bad luck 4 that kicky attitude of mine............well always on the lookout for reasons............people (team leaders) do say "opal awesome team spirit ya......"but, i really doubt............iv always had ma Friends screamin" u ain't gonna change..........stop askin the same question"well time to move on.............change....after all "CHANGE IZ DA SPICE OF LIFE"

connection of umbilical chord

May be because of deviation from ma usual attitude of "IM THE BOSS" to a more sober one of "LEAVE ME ALONE", I could see the tiny dot of suspicion in ma mama's eyes. As i started countin time sittin at ma desk.............. when I hit exact 20 I saw ma mom standin near ma desk. "wazz with your life" she asked. "Nothin" I said with the arrogance of a teenager. I could see on her face the strain of the mother of a 19 year old. She kept on naggin me for 30 min ............then finally for ma own peace of mind I said "havin a fall out with friend" .Mama's strained expression turned into a more relaxin one. She started narratin her own college days..........Its amazin how ma mom weaves her own story hidin a solution deep inside. She knows that givin an advice to a teenager like me is like tellin me not to even listen.............Instead of directly tellin she let me know that if the solution worked for her it may work for me 2...........True i fell into her trap.....may be its her experience with life that does the trick. I decided to carry out the same test on dad . If ma mom could figure out whats wrong with me surely dad will too.................dad saw ma sober expression n put in "place your bets who will win today's match??"

Im sure ma mom caught me starin with ma mouth wide open.......
Suppose thats the main difference between moms n dads. Whereas moms get involved in their children's day to day life dad's are more concerned about providin materialistic support to their kids.
that what they call
"connection of umbilical chord"

THE PROCESS....................

Has gone through the process of mendin mannier times n after each washout i try assuring maself that i won't have to go through the process next time n within days i find maself suffocated by advices.Each time the reason is same but, the root is different. Am i puttin maself through it??? or is it another teachin by life???? . Donno.........the most difficult one to mend are broken friendships. No matter how hard you try .....a crack does remain. How to deal with problems of opposite nature?????????? like jealousy n loyalty..........its difficult being on opposite sides cause it may force you to believe that your earlier decisions were wrong.Its easy suggestin but difficult being in the spotlight.So,advices from all corners will confuse one more."TO BE OR NOT TO BE" a frequented question..........so frequented that one stumbles on such seemingly simple one............Process of healin is a long one.........Let time play the surgeon n stitch ma wounds with new friendships................

picZ...............

These are some picz that capture the beauty n grace of munnar (kerala,India)..............these were taken durin our class trip..............

wheel..............

Nothin left to write............no words,no emotions,no complaints,no excuses..............whats left is the desire to suceed...........it may be too..........early for a prediction........but as i know ma self the burnin fire will grow cold in few days.............its the startin point enthusiasm that keeps the wheel rotatin..................hope it does for the entire semester................

work things out..............

Sometimes its so difficult to understand your best of bests friends.................standin in front of them tryin to put through a coversation................some stories end even before it starts to blossom................when your friend go through a bad phase you are there helpin them with the tissue..............when you face a similar situation you expect if not a tissue atleast a comfortin sound,advice................but at times the action taken to bring comfort n ease pain can bring out a negatin effect puttin even your friendship at stake.............all you think at that point is" is this ma friend"..........everyone has hidden streak of black,hues n grays that radiate at most difficult of times...............most of the times the friendship surives.............sometimes it topples off like a sand castle...............as ma mama puts in "no one can understand one another 100%"..............ya human behaviour is so unpredictable ................after 1 week you may laugh of the entire point of argument over a cup of coffee.................or the friction may continue.................next week despite ma busy schedule iv to do some weldin work................broken friendship.............work things out............arrive on an inference......................after all "LIFE IS SHORT"

computer monster............

Today the classes started n as usuall borin.................i went on rotatin ma head from right to left watchin ma professor move from one corner to other..................the prospects of the 5th semester subject aren't much to chear about either............industrial instrumentation, LIC, computer architecture n organisation, power electronics, maths n transducers..............programmin is ma biggest weakness...............i get confused like a child lost in the crowd when ma programm doesn't work............i have to take rounds to get ma errors sorted.................when ma marks in all theory based subjects give others a run for their money.............i keep maself barely safe to escape the wrath of computer gods...........iv alwayz feared"if i cann even programm in C what am i gonna do???" .......even though ma field of specialisation is instrumentation..................iv to know the basics right????????............god save me please.............

college.....

[ma college in the pic]

Iv been thinkin for the past few days the content ...........struck by the question "what to write?" tuesday ma 5th sem is gonna start................have been enjoyin every second ofthe 30 days holiday..............now back to the same old routine of "no one cares about no one else"...............inside the clssroom you are of your own .........no one will come n enquire about the days weather.......life will get complicated within 8.30 am-4.30 pm........................what can you expect when there is only 3 months left for the university?????well have to suffer every moment i sit in the hall listenin to "it doesn't make any sense"...............mhm)-:its all in the brain..........ability to win over your fears..............it ain't easy n i donn expect it to be................whatever is in store for me this semester im all set to face it.................

pAIn

Sometimes its so difficult being in a difficult position......... when you can't hold anyone's hand for support,when you wish............how will i go on...............conversations with strangers can take unexpected turn when u don't have a history backup in your hand...............you may end up askin somethin offensive........i found maself in a tight spot last day durin an usual conversation with a senior of mine...........family..........n i couldnt stop speakin about ma mom.........n as a reciprocal question i did ask him about his................n the answer was............"ma mom is no longer there"........i couldn't think of anythin at that point ,ma whole mind went blank...............what if that person got hurt...............what if.......i could think about endless possibilties there at that instant n i managed to change the topic.............. but, the pain remains.......................

ONAM................

Today malayalese across the continent are celebratin ONAM...........traditional festival of kerala celebrated in honour of MAVELI the demon king who ruled kerala long ago.............as the story goes............he was a noble king..........gods in heaven got scared of the fact that he was powerful and plotted ways to bring him down.................lord MAHAVISHNU disguised as vamana -the bhramin boy reached the king and asked for 3 foot land..........maveli without knowin the trap agreed.............vamana covered earth n the entire universe in his first two steps................maveli offered his head for keepin vamana's third foot land................n thus he was banished to the underworld..................vamana agreed to maveli's plea that he may be allowed to visit his kingdom once in a year.................n thus we malayalese celebrate ONAm..............usually onam is celebrated for 10 days.....the most important being THIRUVONAM.............it is a time for families to spent time together............to pluck flowers to adorn pookalam .............n also the ladies in the family dance to the tune of thiruvathira.................after which the entire family sits in for the tasty sadhya...................ONAM in every true sense is the traditional festival of kerala..............

i wouldn't..........................

How does it feel when you are neglected all the way along...............they do speak about equality among the gender n stuff.............does it exist??????????na............in every walk of life..........partiality does exist..............iv given up ma medicines juzz for the sake of gettin justice.............i do deserve a fair chance rite????????? im sufferin from severe cynus problem..........cann even seem to wet ma eyes as it will lead to heavy headache n wheesin...............n you may be wonderin why a non violent strike.................to show ma anger against somethin thatz not fair................all i have is ma tears .........no words,no pain...............its a long struggle against inner self............aquarianz are the" LONNERS".............i do agree..............otherwise i wouldnt be typin away ma sorrows...............mhm)-:i donn know................becomin more difficult for me to concentrate on the screen....................i think i should leave maself wounded...........so that i don't have any regrets later...........

GeT gorGEOUs 4

GET GORGEOUS 4

How could i miss ma current favorite show on channel v "GET GORGEOUS 4":HUNT FOR THE NEXT HOTTEST FACE..........mhm)-:??????only thing that annoyed me was stayin back at the hostel after the programm.............while all ma buddies gave hugs n kisses the realisation that i would be meetin e'm after one month struck me hard..............anu did say"i will watch ya.............gosh)-:u will b missin the episode rite???????????........ai'y they run the rerun na.................i tried pacifyin maself...............i did watch the show yesterday.............iv been keepin a watch on the show right from the begining...............11 girlz same dream............to be the next big thing in the fashion circuit..............i did place ma bet on NIDHI..................her skin tone matches thAt of a perfect indian beauty.............also she'z the only one..... among the top 5 who doesn't bitch hard.................god)-:within next 5 weekz india will have a new supermodel..............all thanx to channel v................

FAKE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 B SUCESSFUL....................

Whenever you need appreciation or a sound of applause........FAKE IT!!!!!!!!!! 17/8/07 quite a turnin point it was.When asked to give ma intro I did start with a small note that people at one glance overwrite me as a cruel person............because that's how i look......... din't think twice in sayin WHAT I AM.......as most of the audience were ma own batch mates.At one point of the intro i did try to paint maself with a mean look but,quite a harmless one.I could see ma friendz smillin..."YA datz ME!!!!!!!!!!" i ended up and sat comfortably in ma chair. After ma intro I heard many many people tryin to put up an act.............act that stunned me to the core...........They now wore a beautiful appealin mask.....and of course i couldn't connect with most of them as they were FAKIN IT!!!!!!!!! hard reel.....like.....but unfortunately the only person who got black n white criticism was ME!!!!!.Hey judged me in 2 minz n people who know me for 2 yearz were sittin there stunned.......ya.........that what most MNC's do....but,does this kinda system help any company in long run?????don't think so................some thing that i feared......does this mean a wicked person with a sweet smile will score over a straight faced talented person??????????

" MAY BE MAY BE NOT"

itz ma life................

Its sometimes so..........difficult to let know your parents what you think...............they may or may not appreciate your frankness............mostly will end up grounded............effective communication is groundstone in any sucessful relationship..........it takes lots of lectures on pros n cons to finally get a nod..........i sometimes feel victimised.........not darin to dig up a hole for maself...............it gets frustratin at timez............still i respect ma parents decision............for they are far experienced people............n know whats good n whats bad...............still..........they tend to treat me like a kid.............brushin of ma ideas...........humiliatin..................but,thats how the system workz.................

BEIng olD

During the daily rapid fire round...............i had to face a very tricky question..........WHAT DO YOU CHERISH MOST N WHY????........M.........while all ma friendz were flashin on their past determinin to give the list of materialistic things that they cherish.............i had juzz one answer..................MEMMORIES because they have the power to make u smile while in pain n make u cry while in joy..................loosin your memmories is scary part of being old..............last day.......3am in the mornin as i was scannin through ma exam topics i heard a sound in the balcony i saw ma 78 year old grandma walkin aimlessly..............on being questioned why???????she mumbled some thing that made no sense at all.......she was tryin to link her past memmories with present time..........i can understand the pain shez goin through but, not everyone else who think its something to laugh about..............it may or maynot make any sense to us but, for ma grandma its all what she has...............

loVE

When Afthab put in his dream............(usuall one) of him surrounded by galz(this time 5)...................i knew it................hez haunted by the same nightmare over n over again..............i went on flippin through the pages of magazine.................clearly pastin it out on ma face "iv heard it a million timez dear....it ain't gonna surprise ME!!!!!" he juzz spitted it out................the truth iv been hidin from "u neva gonna understand.................because u were single throughout ur life" even though it was a little offendin i put ma views across............m................why bother......why log for a love life????????????iv chosen ma path..........its what i want...........i too dream of ma dream guy..........dream guy with no face...............i don't expect anythin cause expectation HURTs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............i spent quality time with ma buddiez on n off the college..............is life meaningfull only when u have a boyfriend/girlfriend???????????donn think so..............LOve is all around us.................at the right time right place ur true loVE will come knockin on ur doorz.............all one has to do is to be PATIENT!!!!!!!!!!Afthab will never understand.............cause hez never trully fallen in LOve......................

WHAT THE HELL??????????????

Todays newspaper heading really shook me to the core .........it read something like this

"Al-Qaeda vows attacks against India"

In the footage an unnamed narrator accused india of"killing more than 100,000 muslims in kashmir with US blessing"

AND I STARTED TO WONDER WHY???????????

India has always been a peace loving nation .........always supportin the right cause...........Kashmir is an integral part of india n no other country has any rights in challengin it...Kashmir is long troubled by terrorism sponsered by our so called "ally of america against terrorism" Pakistan..............killin of people in valley of Kashmir is not by anyone else other than Pakistan sponsered terrorists .......................n god i need to agree they hav a nack of pulling the strings from behind and putting the entire blame on India..................Kashmir is the only state in India with 0%poverty..................Indian government offers special schemes for the people of Kashmir.This once prosperous n beautifull valley is now shaterred by terrorism.............why wage a war against India whose 40% population are happy muslims who are proud of the fact that they are Indians......................more number of muslims are getting killed in Pakistan than in India..............why don't anyone raise their voise against them..............

THATS THE POWER OF INTERNATIONAL POLITICS.......................

DEFINING HAPPINESS

A recent study undertaken by MTV Networks International(MTVNI)found that Indian youth are the happiest in the world.In the biggest ever study of kids and young people,India is followed by sweden with USA coming third.The Japanese are the most miserable

The study found that the young people in the developing world are optimistic though faced with greater challanges than their counterparts in the developed world who are happy despite all the material wealth.

The study which took 6 months to complete covered 5,200 individuals in two age groups-8-15 year olds and 16-34 year olds across 14 countries.

-courtesy INDIAN EXPRESS(WEDNESDAY,APRIL 11,2007)

Is Indian youth really happy??such an easy question yet so difficult to answer.Each one of us may have different view but,as an average indian youth i see ahead of me a brim future.Im not happy with current situation prevailin in India,not that im botherd about Indian team's pathetic defeat in cricket world cup or the ULFA attacks in assam.For each one of us there is a tag "me"associated with anythin and everythin.Im deeply worried about things that has the potential to shake ma world.Im deeply hurt by the degradation in moral values within the generation X...were are we headin to???America 10 years back???old age homes are gettin filled up.Is this what the Indian youths are meant to be?? throwin out parents once they are past their prime...im deeply concerned about ma future.... with reservation issue hangin in balance i may not be able to get admission to an elite institution...what am i worth of in the IT industry with lakhs of engineerin graduates passin out each year???im more concerned of leakage of outsourcin jobs from india to vietnam or korea..with livin expences sky rocketin were will i stay???...pollution,increase in crime rates,poor pay package,competition,peer pressure,lifestyle....

now time to ponder "IS INDIAN YOUTH REALLY THE HAPPY LOT???"

womanhood

valentine's day is long over what am i waitin for.....n for whom???this whole idea of waitin for mr.perfect seems to be far stretched....m fed of keepin the happy face....smilin broadly....with 30 not so good teeth of mine....hm):- in here parents find the match for gals....the perfect match....you marry at the age of 20- 25...have kidz ,look after your husband and inlaws.....your entire life is over within the four walls of slavery...you don't marry at right age...people will point fingers at your moral side..this is the situation of indian woman subjected to worst kind of abuse both with n along the society....misdoin against women are at an all time high...women in india don't have the courage to come out into the public n speak about their own life...becuse here women are not meant or even expected to speak...you are expected to perform duties that all woman are meant to do....what crap...being born as a women doesn't mean you are deprived of individualitty...deprived of the small laughs...deprived of womanhood.....who is bothered...government till now couldn't enforce 33% reseration for woman...with woman legislators opposin the move... what a tragedy...one women is another's worst enemy...

global warmin

sunday...m all alone sittin in ma couch typin away ma thoughts in ma laptop....the temperature this year is on an average 38c...tanx 2 global warmin..the people in third world countries have to bear the heat....stayin near the sea side won't help either as one starts to sweat....schools are closed....the temperature near the tropical region is at record high .....no rain....global warmin has created havoc in the nature's cycle...cherapunji which boasts of the highest annual rain fall is bare...the place is facin a drought,himalayan glaciers are meltin at an alarmin rate,sunderbanz(world's largest delta)is shrinkin in size...belive me....underwater resources are exploited like never before...all the water bodies are dry....i m sure...its the case everywhere in the world...if we don't do somethin urgently...the climate change may become castrophobic......