I tossed around my bed, I couldn't sleep, and the urge to scroll through my FB account was killing me. Initially, FB was just a forum for me to be in touch with old school and college pals, to be in synch with the happenings around me, and this simple purpose grew out of control.
I realised over the course of time that it was inevitable to curb the feelings of trying to catch up.
There were people posting smiling pictures of their babies, while I am, at 27 years still unsure of what life has in store for me. People checking in at fancy places and going on vacations every other month, and here I was trying to fit in time for my family in between my busy schedule.
No, I can't judge someone's life based on their profile, but it surely did kill my self esteem, it made me panicky, was I taking a step back in my life? Initially, it started out as self doubt, and then it started consuming me, the feeling of worthlessness, the feeling of being not able to catch up to life, NO, this was not what I signed in for!!! I couldn't sleep, I too wanted a kid, I too wanted to go for vacation, and the feeds were not helping. Why hold on to something that only gives you displeasure and unhappiness? The other day, I had a complete meltdown, unable to explain to my dear one what exactly was happening! I despised my life, the juncture I am at my life and it felt only natural to press that deactivate button.
I am not sure, if I would return to FB. I would rather be on Instagram where I have nothing to do with people I know, not until all my ex-school and college mates join the Instagram bandwagon that is!!!!!until then I am safe in that little space, posting and filtering away random pictures.
I even deleted my Watzaap account, which is irreversible unlike FB, my motive was to get rid of all the groups I was part of, cut off from contacts, being in my shell, where I felt safe and comforted.
I am in that stage of my life, where the black dog seems to make an appearance quite often, the feeling of worthlessness, and self doubt creeping up frequently. Let's see how life progresses from here.
The personal feelings are completely a round turn from what I believe professionally, in that space, nothing, I mean, nothing makes me uncomfortable and panicky. I do not compare or fill my heart with self doubt. You can ready my feelings on my professional ethos here.
You must be wondering why I can't bring in the same values that I follow in my professional life to the personal front as well, the answer is: I have no clue!!!
I realised over the course of time that it was inevitable to curb the feelings of trying to catch up.
There were people posting smiling pictures of their babies, while I am, at 27 years still unsure of what life has in store for me. People checking in at fancy places and going on vacations every other month, and here I was trying to fit in time for my family in between my busy schedule.
No, I can't judge someone's life based on their profile, but it surely did kill my self esteem, it made me panicky, was I taking a step back in my life? Initially, it started out as self doubt, and then it started consuming me, the feeling of worthlessness, the feeling of being not able to catch up to life, NO, this was not what I signed in for!!! I couldn't sleep, I too wanted a kid, I too wanted to go for vacation, and the feeds were not helping. Why hold on to something that only gives you displeasure and unhappiness? The other day, I had a complete meltdown, unable to explain to my dear one what exactly was happening! I despised my life, the juncture I am at my life and it felt only natural to press that deactivate button.
I am not sure, if I would return to FB. I would rather be on Instagram where I have nothing to do with people I know, not until all my ex-school and college mates join the Instagram bandwagon that is!!!!!until then I am safe in that little space, posting and filtering away random pictures.
I even deleted my Watzaap account, which is irreversible unlike FB, my motive was to get rid of all the groups I was part of, cut off from contacts, being in my shell, where I felt safe and comforted.
I am in that stage of my life, where the black dog seems to make an appearance quite often, the feeling of worthlessness, and self doubt creeping up frequently. Let's see how life progresses from here.
The personal feelings are completely a round turn from what I believe professionally, in that space, nothing, I mean, nothing makes me uncomfortable and panicky. I do not compare or fill my heart with self doubt. You can ready my feelings on my professional ethos here.
You must be wondering why I can't bring in the same values that I follow in my professional life to the personal front as well, the answer is: I have no clue!!!
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