pAIn

Sometimes its so difficult being in a difficult position......... when you can't hold anyone's hand for support,when you wish............how will i go on...............conversations with strangers can take unexpected turn when u don't have a history backup in your hand...............you may end up askin somethin offensive........i found maself in a tight spot last day durin an usual conversation with a senior of mine...........family..........n i couldnt stop speakin about ma mom.........n as a reciprocal question i did ask him about his................n the answer was............"ma mom is no longer there"........i couldn't think of anythin at that point ,ma whole mind went blank...............what if that person got hurt...............what if.......i could think about endless possibilties there at that instant n i managed to change the topic.............. but, the pain remains.......................

ONAM................

Today malayalese across the continent are celebratin ONAM...........traditional festival of kerala celebrated in honour of MAVELI the demon king who ruled kerala long ago.............as the story goes............he was a noble king..........gods in heaven got scared of the fact that he was powerful and plotted ways to bring him down.................lord MAHAVISHNU disguised as vamana -the bhramin boy reached the king and asked for 3 foot land..........maveli without knowin the trap agreed.............vamana covered earth n the entire universe in his first two steps................maveli offered his head for keepin vamana's third foot land................n thus he was banished to the underworld..................vamana agreed to maveli's plea that he may be allowed to visit his kingdom once in a year.................n thus we malayalese celebrate ONAm..............usually onam is celebrated for 10 days.....the most important being THIRUVONAM.............it is a time for families to spent time together............to pluck flowers to adorn pookalam .............n also the ladies in the family dance to the tune of thiruvathira.................after which the entire family sits in for the tasty sadhya...................ONAM in every true sense is the traditional festival of kerala..............

i wouldn't..........................

How does it feel when you are neglected all the way along...............they do speak about equality among the gender n stuff.............does it exist??????????na............in every walk of life..........partiality does exist..............iv given up ma medicines juzz for the sake of gettin justice.............i do deserve a fair chance rite????????? im sufferin from severe cynus problem..........cann even seem to wet ma eyes as it will lead to heavy headache n wheesin...............n you may be wonderin why a non violent strike.................to show ma anger against somethin thatz not fair................all i have is ma tears .........no words,no pain...............its a long struggle against inner self............aquarianz are the" LONNERS".............i do agree..............otherwise i wouldnt be typin away ma sorrows...............mhm)-:i donn know................becomin more difficult for me to concentrate on the screen....................i think i should leave maself wounded...........so that i don't have any regrets later...........

GeT gorGEOUs 4

GET GORGEOUS 4

How could i miss ma current favorite show on channel v "GET GORGEOUS 4":HUNT FOR THE NEXT HOTTEST FACE..........mhm)-:??????only thing that annoyed me was stayin back at the hostel after the programm.............while all ma buddies gave hugs n kisses the realisation that i would be meetin e'm after one month struck me hard..............anu did say"i will watch ya.............gosh)-:u will b missin the episode rite???????????........ai'y they run the rerun na.................i tried pacifyin maself...............i did watch the show yesterday.............iv been keepin a watch on the show right from the begining...............11 girlz same dream............to be the next big thing in the fashion circuit..............i did place ma bet on NIDHI..................her skin tone matches thAt of a perfect indian beauty.............also she'z the only one..... among the top 5 who doesn't bitch hard.................god)-:within next 5 weekz india will have a new supermodel..............all thanx to channel v................

FAKE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 B SUCESSFUL....................

Whenever you need appreciation or a sound of applause........FAKE IT!!!!!!!!!! 17/8/07 quite a turnin point it was.When asked to give ma intro I did start with a small note that people at one glance overwrite me as a cruel person............because that's how i look......... din't think twice in sayin WHAT I AM.......as most of the audience were ma own batch mates.At one point of the intro i did try to paint maself with a mean look but,quite a harmless one.I could see ma friendz smillin..."YA datz ME!!!!!!!!!!" i ended up and sat comfortably in ma chair. After ma intro I heard many many people tryin to put up an act.............act that stunned me to the core...........They now wore a beautiful appealin mask.....and of course i couldn't connect with most of them as they were FAKIN IT!!!!!!!!! hard reel.....like.....but unfortunately the only person who got black n white criticism was ME!!!!!.Hey judged me in 2 minz n people who know me for 2 yearz were sittin there stunned.......ya.........that what most MNC's do....but,does this kinda system help any company in long run?????don't think so................some thing that i feared......does this mean a wicked person with a sweet smile will score over a straight faced talented person??????????

" MAY BE MAY BE NOT"

itz ma life................

Its sometimes so..........difficult to let know your parents what you think...............they may or may not appreciate your frankness............mostly will end up grounded............effective communication is groundstone in any sucessful relationship..........it takes lots of lectures on pros n cons to finally get a nod..........i sometimes feel victimised.........not darin to dig up a hole for maself...............it gets frustratin at timez............still i respect ma parents decision............for they are far experienced people............n know whats good n whats bad...............still..........they tend to treat me like a kid.............brushin of ma ideas...........humiliatin..................but,thats how the system workz.................

BEIng olD

During the daily rapid fire round...............i had to face a very tricky question..........WHAT DO YOU CHERISH MOST N WHY????........M.........while all ma friendz were flashin on their past determinin to give the list of materialistic things that they cherish.............i had juzz one answer..................MEMMORIES because they have the power to make u smile while in pain n make u cry while in joy..................loosin your memmories is scary part of being old..............last day.......3am in the mornin as i was scannin through ma exam topics i heard a sound in the balcony i saw ma 78 year old grandma walkin aimlessly..............on being questioned why???????she mumbled some thing that made no sense at all.......she was tryin to link her past memmories with present time..........i can understand the pain shez goin through but, not everyone else who think its something to laugh about..............it may or maynot make any sense to us but, for ma grandma its all what she has...............

loVE

When Afthab put in his dream............(usuall one) of him surrounded by galz(this time 5)...................i knew it................hez haunted by the same nightmare over n over again..............i went on flippin through the pages of magazine.................clearly pastin it out on ma face "iv heard it a million timez dear....it ain't gonna surprise ME!!!!!" he juzz spitted it out................the truth iv been hidin from "u neva gonna understand.................because u were single throughout ur life" even though it was a little offendin i put ma views across............m................why bother......why log for a love life????????????iv chosen ma path..........its what i want...........i too dream of ma dream guy..........dream guy with no face...............i don't expect anythin cause expectation HURTs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............i spent quality time with ma buddiez on n off the college..............is life meaningfull only when u have a boyfriend/girlfriend???????????donn think so..............LOve is all around us.................at the right time right place ur true loVE will come knockin on ur doorz.............all one has to do is to be PATIENT!!!!!!!!!!Afthab will never understand.............cause hez never trully fallen in LOve......................

WHAT THE HELL??????????????

Todays newspaper heading really shook me to the core .........it read something like this

"Al-Qaeda vows attacks against India"

In the footage an unnamed narrator accused india of"killing more than 100,000 muslims in kashmir with US blessing"

AND I STARTED TO WONDER WHY???????????

India has always been a peace loving nation .........always supportin the right cause...........Kashmir is an integral part of india n no other country has any rights in challengin it...Kashmir is long troubled by terrorism sponsered by our so called "ally of america against terrorism" Pakistan..............killin of people in valley of Kashmir is not by anyone else other than Pakistan sponsered terrorists .......................n god i need to agree they hav a nack of pulling the strings from behind and putting the entire blame on India..................Kashmir is the only state in India with 0%poverty..................Indian government offers special schemes for the people of Kashmir.This once prosperous n beautifull valley is now shaterred by terrorism.............why wage a war against India whose 40% population are happy muslims who are proud of the fact that they are Indians......................more number of muslims are getting killed in Pakistan than in India..............why don't anyone raise their voise against them..............

THATS THE POWER OF INTERNATIONAL POLITICS.......................