Unfair life. Expectation riding high. Disappointments galore.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
Thursday, April 27, 2017
#listenup
While the world opened up to National Infertility Awareness Week (23-29 April), some of us are still having a meltdown moment on the bathroom floor, straining hard to see the sign, the second red line. Well, after 5 minutes of possibly inspecting the pee stick on every lighting condition, you sigh, or some like me having prepared for the worst, bursts out "There was supposed to be two red lines on that pee stick! WHY GOD WHY!".
Sitting on my bathroom floor, I have like every other 1 in 8, wondered, if a day would come when I will be finally blessed. Random queries from strangers on my growing 'fat belly' or pregnancy announcements from friends made matters worse. I was crumbling under the expectation that the world put on me, and I on myself.
Infertility is still a taboo subject to talk about. Over the past 1.5 years, I have heard everything from, "oh! its's easy" to "you are not trying enough" to "you just need to breathe". I have had these sentences play in my brain in a loop over and over every month and nothing, I mean nothing, could ease the empty hollow I felt in my heart.
Infertility put a lot of stress on my relationship with the world, I was slowly turning reclusive, trying to avoid any social function where I would have to answer random strangers, and I was slowly turning into a crazy, ovulation calendar counting, nagging wife, something that I never wanted to be. Occasionally, it did turn into outbursts of "we should have tried harder, or what is wrong with you" blame game. Infertility was consuming my life! Luckily, I'm blessed with a family that roots for me, a family that understands, a family that holds me tight.
The path is never easy, but today, I can say that I am that 1 in 8 that struggle with infertility.
Sitting on my bathroom floor, I have like every other 1 in 8, wondered, if a day would come when I will be finally blessed. Random queries from strangers on my growing 'fat belly' or pregnancy announcements from friends made matters worse. I was crumbling under the expectation that the world put on me, and I on myself.
Infertility is still a taboo subject to talk about. Over the past 1.5 years, I have heard everything from, "oh! its's easy" to "you are not trying enough" to "you just need to breathe". I have had these sentences play in my brain in a loop over and over every month and nothing, I mean nothing, could ease the empty hollow I felt in my heart.
Infertility put a lot of stress on my relationship with the world, I was slowly turning reclusive, trying to avoid any social function where I would have to answer random strangers, and I was slowly turning into a crazy, ovulation calendar counting, nagging wife, something that I never wanted to be. Occasionally, it did turn into outbursts of "we should have tried harder, or what is wrong with you" blame game. Infertility was consuming my life! Luckily, I'm blessed with a family that roots for me, a family that understands, a family that holds me tight.
The path is never easy, but today, I can say that I am that 1 in 8 that struggle with infertility.
Thursday, January 05, 2017
2017
💥2017💥
January gives me all sort of feels. I have had life altering events in my favorite month for the last two years. While in 2015, I got my offer letter to join an amazing organization back in my hometown ending the two-year wait join my husband after a self-imposed separation. A year later in 2016, I had to beat around G's surgery, a big chicken pox apocalypse, and a miscarriage. I am waiting with bated breath to see what January has to offer for me apart from the fact that I will be verging towards the big 30 this month. Cheers to 2017.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)