Today i went shopping with mom.She remembered, ma request for a new hand bag which was made last week,we went into the shop and started going through everything.Its difficult to get what you visualise but, then with no other option you are forced to pick one. I quite liked this bag(I have a fetish for hobo bags),then when i asked the salesperson the cost i kind off kept it back in its place.Rs 499/- the bag screamed ,mom started to walk towards the cashier that's when i stopped her "I don't want" I declared.This part of the story is something ma mom hates,she thinks after forcing the salesman to open all the plastic covers, we need to spend some cash there. I don't agree with her theory at all.If you don't like something why bother spending your money, time and resources on it,the shops don't expect us to buy all the things in the display right?.500 is a small amount ,I know and if i had a job i would happily spend my money on that bag but, when you thrive on some one Else's cash,it better to keep the wish list to yourself.I remember going to west side with Dad ,I know dad could have brought what i wanted if i nodded but,if i did i would never understand the value of money.Ma parents work ,work and work more to provide me and bro with the lifestyle we are enjoying right now,and spending their hard earned money just because i want a new bag is not fair.I go on spurge right after vishu and onam when i have enough cash in ma hand to do what ever i want.Though not earned through hard work the guilt factor doesn't come into play and my small fetishes are fulfilled.Now, that I'm all set to finish college, there are so many things i want to buy,then I'm not financially independent and that very fact keeps me grounded to Earth.If i do have a job!!!I'm the one responsible for a bank balance at the end of the day and i will spend as i like but, wisely.Money in crude gives you power,keeps you happy and gives wings to dreams.I may buy or not buy but, i do have the power to buy if i want to and that feeling needs to be felt.Right now, all the money from Vishu is safely hidden in ma drawer,it gives me sense of pride to go on counting the 10's and 20's day after day.Iv drawn ma wish list ,every time i look at the list i force ma self to think of the situation where i have to ask for pocket money and the logical part of brain takes the right decision to put off the list until i get a job.
Expensive gift are a definite NO-NO for me!!!!.When you give someone a gift like that you feel that the tag shows your love.A big wallet may not buy you love and one can easily spot between a genuine gift and a gift to show the size of one's wallet.On the receiving end i wouldn't personally like an expensive gift,anything above 500 is expensive for me if its not ma cash but if it is its not.Gifts makes me happy but, expensive not so much.I'm looking forward to the week ahead,its special in many ways and ya until ma next post spend the moolahs wisely.

A career switch perhaps will be the best option.People swarming in to give their valuable advices,this phase of life is certainly frustrating. Where is all the balance in life gone?,seems like it got frustrated and decided to run off to some calm place. Should have joined for MBA ,now i feel,it was way better than sitting here idle.2 more bank exams coming up guess, i will gather the lost motivation by then.Its just plain frustrating, especially when you feel the bad vibes from people around.JOB..JOB..JOB...that's the only thing up in my head nowadays and does that help in scrubbing of my laziness.NO!!!!!!!! ya i need some order in my life,or else i will die as a regular person in the crowd.I need to work hard ,I tell my inner soul and catch it napping at that instant.Why can't it listen ?.Why can't my parent's listen?.Why can't my friends listen?.Life is filled with confusion and anger and i need to do some soul searching. I may not become CEO of Microsoft but,that attitude doesn't have to force me to think that I'm far less than millions of people round the globe. I will have to prove to people around me that I'm one of a kind and it's just a matter of time.

Fights->Tears->Make ups->Smiles->Fights...In love its a vicious circle.Wish i were more sensible in speech,let brain do all the thinking and give ma mouth a rest.When you are red with anger,you forget to weigh your words.Bad idea,to say something so painful and apologising later but, somehow all these theory fails to impress me.Years may add grey hairs and grey matter into one's brain but, mine seems damaged.Please God!!!!!!!!!! help me change ,glue up ma mouth next time with fevicol when I get angry for no reason.I turn back and see tears and it makes me feel miserable.Anger should follow a failed logic reason and for me i doesn't matter all I need is an air of self induced"There is a .000000000001% decrease in the love" doubt. I'm with the best guy in the world but,what is the point of being in love if i can't keep him happy?

Life after BTech

Ma thinking tank is empty at this moment,may be owing to the overdose of drama that has been filling up ma free time for the past couple of days.College is officially closed, and ma four year of painful wait is coming to an end.In a matter of months I will be awarded ma degree and life after that is a big "?".I can't visualise ma self in a technical post,Instrumentation am okie with but, what about the associated tail ends?.People still believe am good at the studying thing ,what they don't take into consideration is ma volatile memory.For someone who erases her brain every 6 months,technical jobs is a definite "NO-NO".I have been planning for ma long break from the monotonous time schedule.As for now 9 am sunrise is okie but, once the vacation starts Mom will find pleasure in pushing me into the dungeons of the kitchen.Spoons and recepies will replace lectures and resumes.I crib about being unemployed every hour,still after all the drama I refuse to open up ma books and work hard during competitive exams.I can assume its lack of motivation,I'm pretty much sure ma MNC will call me though a little late.False hopes,living in a dream land whatever you wanna call it go ahead but, u can't break ma confidence.Iv decided to give in for mom's requests for writing GATE 2010 .Mtech was never in ma agenda, but I'm forced to reconsider ma decisions owing to current situations.I really feel jealous of the younger one breaking his spine preparing for entrance.Even he agrees to the fact that IIT is not his cup of tea but,that doesn't stop him from gulping down tons of coffee just to keep awake at night.He is driving high on his motivation,his desire to succeed,his quest for greater knowledge well, i lack all of these. He now takes pleasure in asking me all the physics question in front of dad and mom for ,he knows that I don't know.I end up covering my ignorance giving others a reason to laugh on."How did you pass Engg without knowing all these" Dad asked and i don't have an answer for that.Being able to crawl into top 5,is a great achievement by itself and I'm good at what i love:Instrumentation.Beyond what's given in ma textbook if you ask me even one letter i would look blankly into your face and say" I DON'T KNOW".Really,after this post i need to turn back into ma daily quota of drama to feel good.At least, I'm better than those characters!!!!

Yesterday,turned out to be memorable day.It was the most romantic thing i did for someone and ya it was an awesome date too.Wondering why am going public?.22 years back,fresh out of medical school the 21 year old fair,pretty girl wanted to build her career but, her parents had something else in store for her.Her marriage was fixed and within one week after her final exams she was ready to start a new life with this 27 year old rugged guy whom she had met just once previously.Years later they are happily married ,blessed with two kids,good health and all luxuries in life.As much as i hate the idea of arranged marriage,my parents makes the whole adjustment thing seem so easy.I have seen their relationship evolve over time and well now,they are united and against me n bro:).Now, for yesterday their wedding anniversary was on April 4 but ma sharp dad forgot.Mom brought him new shirt with a reminder"You didn't buy me anything" poor dad went in and ordered food from outside yesterday.After college,which turned out to be one hell of a shocker,i went in and brought one whole carton of ice cream(I had wrong intentions too,considering the fact that bro is out of town and parents aren't a fan of ice creams either).I hid the carton in the freezer.By 7:30 mom went out and so did dad,well i got 22 candles lit them and arranged them on the dining table,went into the garden plucked mom's favorite rose(bad idea!!!,which i realised later) and spread the petals on the table.Mom came in first complaining on the fact that i switched off the lights well ,she was shocked to see the dinning table and then came dad,well can't say if he is proud of me or not but,i could see the gleam in his eyes.We had our dinner and the big bowl of ice cream that i brought.I sneaked into the kitchen two time yesterday night you guys can imagine for what though .Why should i be the one telling you guys everything?

Now for some random stuff,by 22 i should have gotten over the "Oh I'm so crazy about the fashion scene" phase well, i realised I'm not,deep down inside I'm a girly girl.I'm so addicted to Valentino and Cavalli attires,gladiator pumps and jimmy Chou and Gucci bags.Sometimes i wish if ma dad could have this vision that ma wardrobe was empty and get me all the stuff that i want.These are international brands baby!!!!!!!!buying one of these expensive things means starvation for the month.

Something irritated me yesterday!!parents should not have high expectations about their kids especially nagging your kid for an 95,when the maximum possible achievement rate for the kid is 70 is cruel.Putting pressure,comparing,subjecting to punishments ohh !!!we are for god's sake engineering students not some pre-KG kids.Then again there is another class of daughters who embarrass their parents in front of the whole society.Running off with someone you met 1 or 2 years back without even thinking about the ones who cared for you for 21-22 years is well, no words there. Imagine,the pain parents go through to make all your whims and fancies come true?and one day you throw them out of your life like curry leaves.You will have to write in down in your balance sheets and someday when questions are asked ,you will never have the guts to speak the answers.