Don't know what to scribble down,seems like I'm getting detached from the long descriptions, 1024 characters just seems right enough to catch my fancy. Once upon a time, this blog was the only medium to let out ma frustration,write without the fear of being questioned and for the past four years it has been been doing what it does the best,LISTEN!!!.Sometimes, i feel that people are so busy that they consider your talks as just another dose of blahs but, for the person who talks it may be a do or die situation.Lending your ears to some one's problem may even save a life. The main problem with today's junk way of living is that "We don't have time to listen".Listening is an art,Good listeners always have good friends.Listeners never pour out their sorrows to anyone,they let it stay right there burning themselves in the process.They are bundle of secrets,never to be revealed.Okay!!!don't really get the point of having to talk all this.Good Night.

Needed a friend, a confident or anyone who have the hearts to listen to me.Heart,it always remember the first time when it flutters right? so does it remembers the first time it has got crushed, obviously under the weight of neglect.I rather keep my mouth shut and act like a remote controlled barbie with perfect hair,perfect features,perfectly manicured nails etc etc . What about ma human side?forgot the fact that im human?.May be im paranoid of being alone in the same room as that of loneliness, may be silence brings out some old memories that i don't wish to recollect.How can anyone sleep comfortably when miles away a heart is weeping out for care?.May be the loud screams never penetrates your false dreams or may be we can put it this way:You don't know me!!!you think you do but no!!!every time i wish for a comforting hand,i find maself alone.You think i should be left alone because i asked you for some privacy last time for which you nodded our head to represent your displeasure of ma loony attitude.Sometimes you gives me the feeling that the world revolves around you and whenever ,wherever you ask for you little perks, wishes must be granted..may be am your fairy god mother.May be we are nothing close to Barbie and Ken.I watch you slip through ma hands and just stand there do nothing at all.You say you are tired, and i nod in unison cause may be you are after a tough day at office but, when your tiredness eats away the talks, for you are too heavy that your fingers just refuse to type in proper messages.
May be this is what people call seven year twitch!!!but, here it just took 2 short years to put on a sad display that relationships after some point of time are taken as granted that little effort or little love goes into making a loose thread bound.

The room looks different,for a control freak like me a messy room is too hard to stand.Have been rearranging every single thing in ma room for the past one week.The neatly spread sheet on ma bed,polished photo frame,a small basket of scramble blocks,a glass mug filled with water,dust free carpet,soft toys arranged in order....all work over and done with.The room revamped did offer a new challenge ,to get away from its inviting charm.The very sight of uncrubled sheets induces sleep in me.Mom has banned me from closing the door before 10pm.I'm badly wanting to try ma luck in interior designing.May be one day if i ever plan to switch ma career i would like to come back to this profession that lets me express ma artistic genes, without boundaries.
I badly wanted a light shower,when i reached back home .Summer heat was taking a toll on my body but, got more than what i wished for,for now its raining heavily.Summer doesn't makes you as uncomfortable as monsoons.You walk through the road concentrating hard on how to avoid big muddy water pools and there ,the driver of a car swish past your,splashing the dirty water over your kurtha.Most of the shops doesn't allow you to take your leaky umbrella inside and after you have made past all those wet clothes brushing past you, you find your umbrella missing.Kerala monsoons is a nightmare that you have to live through to appreciate ma writings.
If you are sitting in your couch comfortably,sipping hot tea,reading a nice fiction then there is no better season than monsoons.Hear the rain droplets whispering in your ears,watch the birds take shelter.God!!!im swaying...if ...leave it...let it rain, let it quench mother Earth's thirst,let life thrive....

Time to scribble away the clogged letters,they don't come pouring out like before.People, kind of tend to take sides,it happens all the time especially when you are listening to just one side of the story. Cochin is not treating me well,the climate is too humid and hot.The moment you step out of your home,smeared with sunscreen you start sweating.As i complain about the so called tough weather mom gives me a devilish smile and declares"As if darling you were born in polar region".Back from ma one year stint at Amrita,the climate of Coimbatore is notorious for its burning summer but,the story ends there.One never sweats unlike in Cochin where every visit out is like visiting a sauna.If things aren't bad,hear this out"sorry Adhi!!!you won't recognize your old lab mate,iv grown DARK!!!!like real blackish dark.My dad who finds humor in most bizarre of situations declared that I'm in urgent need of a fairness cream or a big bank balance(who will marry a dark girl?),pretty much average Indian mentality.This sums up the events of the day or rather the weather report.

Couldn't have done it any better.Want some good reason that can force my inner self to calm down.An aim?a reason to hang on?.I was the heroine of some pathetic romantic movie today or you can say i acted like one.Don't wanna walk back and feel like i have done something wrong,just few missed calls.A small help for the mobile operator won't hurt right?.When I'm frustrated i speak a lot and I'm talking whole lot off nonsense now. Its genuine tears rolling down ma cheeks,its true that my heart is aching.Yeah I'm a hypocrite!!!and such people don't need any company.I'm sick and tired of forgetting.Why do i have to depend on other people for ma happiness?I need sleep,something that can doze of my consciousness,something that will stop this pain deep inside.I'm done with the numerous panicky calls.Good nite peeps,for the the night is just starting for me !!!

Something about the silence next door is surely gonna be an eye sore. Its vacation time for MBA's who reside just opposite to the VLSI block. For the unlucky ones like us, we have to wait yet another one month to get our share of freedom.It sets me thinking about the divide rule existing in the PG hostel.MBA's and MTECH's never mingle let alone a smile or a nod,they blankly stare at each other calculating in their heads.For most MTECH's MBA's are bunch of overspoken ,hyperactive gals and for the people at the other end of line,we are just some glass wearing,book crunching,silent worms.The class divide is clearly visible from dressing to food habits.While MBA's are allowed jeans we are not and the reason?they are professionals and we???they don't call us by that name.I will tell you where the real catch lies!!!they pay 3 lakhs per year while VLSI's pay 1.5 per year.It all about the money honey.
Now for some deeper thoughts,we never have the time to complain about the heavy work load being thrusted on us whereas the other end sees a complete black out by 12?envious?oh yeah!!!wish we could sleep atleast for 2 hours a day.As the exam times for MBA's and MTECH'S are at different points in the academic calender,mostly our preparations for 2 exams per day is marred by shouting and screaming from the other end.The more we try to concentrate the more high decibeled the screeching becomes,sometimes the whole enjoyment part gets too out of control that we are forced to pull the plug.Times are gonna change,don't know if the same arrangement will persist if so the fight for supremacy will continue.

Guess I'm,not keeping you posted about my life or its tides. Its so that I'm either busy or I'm too lazy to type in anything.Human character always surprises me,mostly the uncertainty involved. You can be friends with someone who until yesterday was your worst nightmare. All of us hide our basic instincts in the first meeting,the very person whom you described angelic may turn up into someone suffering from multiple personality disorder after a few months.When you invest a large part of your heart on someone,you expect them to give you dividends at the right time.Life is a big gamble ,some hit the jackpot while some,dream of hitting one ...what they don't know is that these dreams are just dreams.With equal ease with which human character fascinates me so does scares the hell out of me.Some mind reading ability would have surely helped me swim through rough sea.How do people say something and think something else?.Its too complicated,so is the deep corners of human mind. You cannot approach two minds in a common fashion for they are products of sophisticated emotions.

The times, when i come up with something funny, my world goes upside down and i come back to ma old cribbing self. This time,its in form of a surprise shock from WIPRO.They have mailed me asking me to attend their assessment test on 13th.What a shocker for, i never saw it coming.Im not even allowed to go home this week,a marathon around the campus can fetch me a permission i hope. Life @ Amrita is no better, subjected to immense torture most of us have turn into nocturnal animals,scavenging through various rooms for night food.Some of us have even started developing allergy towards fat 1000-2000 pages text books. Seminars,presentations,lab works most of the lecturers don't even consider us to be human beings.For them we are just machines, out here to break our backbone. Life !!!! wish i could fade away into emptiness.

I need to soak down the excitement that has given me high for the past few days.A short visit to Chennai with mom and grandma, stay with ma cousin,meeting someone who treats me like a princess, the journey had its own share of wow factors. This guy rocked my world for two days,he thinks I'm the most gorgeous gal in the world,he teaches me how to sing ba ba black sheep in rhythm,he keeps on calling me "MEMMA",that's Sharan for you ,2 years old bundle of joy. I'm already missing him .When he grows up, he may forget the time spend, he may not even remember ma face but, whatever it is he holds a special place in ma heart.

Hmm....what to write?have been sitting in this lab for the past one hour keeping up the hopes that before 7:30 i would be able to access IEEE.Well, with such high connectivity my dreams will remain as dreams itself. What to say??is there anything left to scribble??life is mundane as usual,the routine by hearted. The classes are flying over ma head as fast as the time itself.Laziness is roosting over ma brain cells and the books have been covered in cobwebs. This obviously doesn't have any side effects on my effort quotient,which is equal to 0.

Mom said something debatable last night"you ought to have an aim in your life".This very statement kept us awake whole night long.AIM??if i could i go by my aim, i wouldn't have been here,doing what i don't like.I would have been earning 6+ in 4-5 years.No,sometimes viability and best solutions holds more sense than some day dream.I could have objected ,refusing to abide by my parent's decision and to be frank the moment i gotta know about theirs that's exactly what i had planned to do.Then why the hell did the first sentimental statement uttered from my mom's mouth melted my heart?.My whole life ,or you can call it 1/3 of my life, iv lived on negotiations which has only pushed me deeper into debts. And tomorrow when i turn back, i will have to be satisfied with a handful of happy memories to laugh at. I don't have enough courage in me to swim against the tide,I'm not blaming the sea for taking me to the place, it wishes me to be in. Life is a game of adjustments and thank goodness,I'm like a chameleon adapting to whatever environment I'm put through.Iv this innate capacity to manage through unhurt.Life that my parents chose for me is not that bad as I'm projecting it to be but, could have been better if i had decided my future.Its still is a struggle to wake up everyday and find your soul gone. I think,its time to stop whining like a little kid.Good nite peepz....

Fresh start,but think its not gonna be easy breezy like last time. We were running to the library,scavenging through the book shelves, fighting it out for the last book standing.Childish? baby!!this is the Indian way of living.Bear with it. Wanna load my head with so many songs so that i can tune into those tracks based on ma mood

Sad:Tanhai...Dil Chahtha Hai

Romantic:Kudha jane....Bachna AA Haseenoo

Happy:Wake up sid....Wake up Sid

Confused:Ghar se hum chal tho diye....Shaan

Fights:Bolo na.....Sona

Laughs:Prem ki naiyya ko paar....APKJK

Emotional:In dinom...Life in a Metro

Life is like a radio,u ought to hear whatever the station plays for you but, I wish if my life was like I pod so that i can shuffle based on ma choice.

Moments that i wish,just glide past.To be something that i despise,turning into something so artificial that I'm scared to gaze into the MIRROR.This Opal is someone i don't recognise,someone whose smiles are fake,someone who pretends she knows everything even when she knows deep down inside that the soil beneath her legs is fast disappearing.Today went shopping alone,devoid of the chipping,devoid of gossips.This is the harsh reality of life,the world around you changes in a matter of days.Just when you feel you had enough you realise its too late to turn back and do an alt+clt+dlt.Wish,life was easy..then nothing comes easy nowadays.You gotta move it and what do you get in return??complaints,abuses.Why do we even care?.Life is a big sad joke....iv stuck a smiley on ma bag not that I'm happy but,its something that i think is cool.So,what's the point?life is a game of pretending.You pretend your happy,satisfied but, in reality your not.You want a new name, a new life a start from the beginning,a complete erasal of your identity.Can you do that?Can you run away from responsibilities?.Can you look straight into the mirror and say"I'M THROUGH"? No you can't cause you are scared,scared of breaking the ties,scared of yourself.When can i be Me?When can i stop acting like I'm the happiest person on earth when I'm not.When can God grand me wishes i ask for?.WHEN CAN I WALK BAREFOOT ON WET GRASS?.When can i wash ma sorrows in the rain?.When can i act like a 22 year old without having to hear the "M" word?.Life why are you so unfair and mean.Random thoughts

What do you do when you see your life crumbling before your eyes?.Will you try saving it or will you fold your hands,stand there watching the downfall?.Any normal person would do the latter but,guess what am doing?Watching maself fall into a deep pit.Doesn't Mr.God have time for poor people like me?Guess not for, he is too busy splitting up states.

Morning ,as i got up my head was overflowing with ideas so as I can fill my half empty blog page. I muttered to ma own self ,repeating the words that have to be used .As I sit here and type ,my head is blank ,devoid of any ideas .All the hours of planning has gone waste. After last weeks sudden twist of events, the sea is calmer right now and waiting for another prey to grab on.
There is this little lazy monster in me, who refuses to work .Call ,me for anything and I have an excuse to pull ma head out of it. People around me are so dedicated that they literally drag me into places called lab, gym , lib etc. What happens after is a completely different story : the little monster gets hyper and overdoes stuff. I have to be literally thrown out of the lab once I'm in.

I can't understand why certain people are so consumed by their ego that they let their ego work on behalf of them.Certain someone, finds my presence so irritating that she finds me virtually invisible.Imagine this ....five of us are standing together discussing something,she comes in looks on to the side,where am not standing and speaks.May be its something that i know about but, her ego flares up in her and i find ma self shut out from the conversation.It happens almost everyday and i find it quite annoying.We are way past that age of ego clashes but,this isn't the case with her.Common!!!our personalities rarely match so is our personal statements then why the hell does she act like QUEEN B?.

God plays with ones luck,after he throws it up in the air,acts like he has nothing to do with it. For some,their whole life is driven by luck no matter what the situation is they manage to scrap through unhurt solely owing to their luck and for some,luck is just a word in the dictionary. I miss those late night gossips,the laughter and fun . The day she walked down,i couldn't hold back my tears .I was loosing not just a mate but, an awesome friend.Lame consolations forced me to squeeze my tear gland.The stick note in ma room is still intact which reads"WILL MISS YOU BIG TIME".Everything happens for a reason whether its good or bad, and with all the prayers i would wish only good things for her.2 months is too short of a time, to develop any close bonds but, I'm happy to say that i did and hopefully its gonna stay with me for the rest of ma life. . Ya !!!its for something better.Life has to go on.....

Life everywhere remains the same, so is the basic human instict to pull the leg of the one on top.Im not a saint but, i do understand the difference between competition and jealousy.Why bother about someone else's marks ,what one needs to learn is to outwit oneself everytime.In the process of glory,what one forgets is that there is someone out there at the bottom of the ladder trying to get their hands on you.Please!!!stop this marks madness.

Writer's block!!!Let the pictures speak for themselves

The term work is eating away the luxuries associated with PG way of living.For the professors PG student,are nothing but study machines for whom everything including eating and sleeping should come after the completion of treacherous amount of work.I didn't expect M.tech to be easy breezy nor did i expect a round the clock work schedule.I'm fast loosing steam trying to force ma self to concentrate on the goals specified.For me its moreover like a forced vacation trip gone wrong. It was never a matter of choice but, for someone who hasn't seen light for years even a 0 watt bulb is like sunshine. Sometimes i feel that ma destiny lies somewhere else and instead of me taking the driving seat someone else is taking me for a ride of a life time.Any point of regretting the past actions?I guess no!!!life has to go on so are 3 sems....may regain my lost heart somewhere,sometime.

When people come together,you can always find at least a dozen of them,not matching your tastes.As the law of natural selection,one tends to reject a few faces at the first go.Some not, appealing to you mentally and the funny fact is that you always ends up with the correct guess. I have always maintained diplomatic approach in my professional relationships but, it so happens that you meet people, with whom diplomacy seems the last term to deal with.Man has this unique instinct to rule, to crush the week ones.History has proved this theory wrong many time,an uprising and even the Berlin wall was broken,Russian dynasty came to an end so if that's the case can a mere number of 4 stand against a majority of 11?.Na!!!play the game of isolation,and you embrace victory!!Man being a social animal cannot distinct himself from the clutches of society ans when the society isolates him, he has no other way other than to repent his wrong doings.The next issue here is the mental conflict of expressing the toughest of views versus the softened stand of time will pay back. Dominance is the order of the life at Amrita,but we are playing our cards straight.Let time choose!!!SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.