I was feeling little down for the past few days.Reason being,the void that has been filling up ma heart or to be more precise the feeling of letting people down.Ma parents weaved their dreams around me and, i never realised how important these dreams are for them.I failed miserably in coloring their world ,barely saving ma self from disgrace by scoring a 84 for boards and a 4411 in kerala state entrance.My parents never realised that the younger one will rise anywhere near to the standard i set in 10th. He picked up bits and pieces and wove their dreams back on. We are expecting him to hit a 3 digit for kerala. Its not jealously but, a sense of" Why couldn't i do this for ma parents?'.27th after ma exams i went back to class,waiting for ma parents to turn up for ma convocation as i was called in,i searched for ma name on the list,it wasn't there in the usual list and i panicked.Silpa,brought it to ma notice that ma name ,was put in 5th as I'm the 5th recipient of the Dean's Honour List.Don't even bother to ask how i felt especially ,when all the parents are present and ma parents would get a chance to say"That's ma daughter".What came of as strange is the comments i received from ma own batch mates"Wow!! never knew you were a bhuji".Well, for a girl who wears 3 studs,changes her bag every fortnight,walk as if she doesn't care ,may be they find it difficult to gulp in the fact.Whatever the comments are,I saw ma parents gleaming and that was the most memorable moment of ma life.I may never get a chance like this again.This is just to let the world know"I LOVE MA DAD AND MOM"

For all those who drub my absence from the blogging scenario as ma attempt to upset the topper,You are wrong.I'm so preoccupied with ma life that finding time to log into the bogging arena to type random letters seem such a waste of time.I have better things to do like to catch "Hope and Faith" or eat ma meal at the right time.Grandpa and grandma is home,enjoying their long vacation and suddenly the house seems filled,bustling with activities from morning 5 to late night 12.None of the excuses for quitting the meal works with grandma as she carefully fills in ma plate with food big enough to feed ma brother.Speaking of brother,he has fulfilled Dad's dream by being school 2nd in 12th.Scoring 88% in 12th CBSE is a big thing and that's comes straight from a person who has gone through the torture.Yay!!! 3 year countdown have begun and I'm wishing for a ride to the future in a time machine to get a peak into what it like on the D-Day. 27th , ma last exam falls on this beautiful Wednesday and after which I'm held by promises of a 3 days class.Hope i can complete all prior engagements before the plane touches the runway. Right now lemme get back to the world of file management,UNIX and deadlocks.

The conversation:

SMI: You got your mark?.I asked Vish to take a note of it.

ME:No, actually i don't have any contacts with any of the so called classmates not even Vish and ya he didn't message.

SMI: Now that' not ma case,ma inbox is filled with texts and missed calls.

ME: Ohh!!! i get it,you are going to college everyday right?

SMI: You are good in your guess .They want me to come to college everyday, seems like they can't study without me.

ME: What would have happened if God hadn't given us this gift?

SMI: We wouldn't have got the least respect showered on the beggars even.

ME:Ya!!!!!!they need us and that's the reason they stick around.

SMI:So true

ME:Will see how many of them will remember us after college too.

SMI:You kidding...NO ONE...

Part of being non social is that you wouldn't have to bear the sight of the parasites . You never gain nor loose and then there are genuine people like ma bestie Smi,who keeps aside all personal duties to help out the so called Friends in times of NEED even after ,back to back experience that proves they are not worth all the trouble.I respect her for that ,may be I'm not as generous as she is.I used to hang around college during study holidays,prepare in advance so that the next day i can share ma knowledge base.It doesn't satisfy ma self anymore as the face masks come peeling off ,the human in me decays for better good. May be its better to go to college and study rather than wasting away ma time but, why be in an environment where you are not comfortable being you?.I don't want the crown and the tag well,that's not what I'm and that's not what i want to be.

Today i went shopping with mom.She remembered, ma request for a new hand bag which was made last week,we went into the shop and started going through everything.Its difficult to get what you visualise but, then with no other option you are forced to pick one. I quite liked this bag(I have a fetish for hobo bags),then when i asked the salesperson the cost i kind off kept it back in its place.Rs 499/- the bag screamed ,mom started to walk towards the cashier that's when i stopped her "I don't want" I declared.This part of the story is something ma mom hates,she thinks after forcing the salesman to open all the plastic covers, we need to spend some cash there. I don't agree with her theory at all.If you don't like something why bother spending your money, time and resources on it,the shops don't expect us to buy all the things in the display right?.500 is a small amount ,I know and if i had a job i would happily spend my money on that bag but, when you thrive on some one Else's cash,it better to keep the wish list to yourself.I remember going to west side with Dad ,I know dad could have brought what i wanted if i nodded but,if i did i would never understand the value of money.Ma parents work ,work and work more to provide me and bro with the lifestyle we are enjoying right now,and spending their hard earned money just because i want a new bag is not fair.I go on spurge right after vishu and onam when i have enough cash in ma hand to do what ever i want.Though not earned through hard work the guilt factor doesn't come into play and my small fetishes are fulfilled.Now, that I'm all set to finish college, there are so many things i want to buy,then I'm not financially independent and that very fact keeps me grounded to Earth.If i do have a job!!!I'm the one responsible for a bank balance at the end of the day and i will spend as i like but, wisely.Money in crude gives you power,keeps you happy and gives wings to dreams.I may buy or not buy but, i do have the power to buy if i want to and that feeling needs to be felt.Right now, all the money from Vishu is safely hidden in ma drawer,it gives me sense of pride to go on counting the 10's and 20's day after day.Iv drawn ma wish list ,every time i look at the list i force ma self to think of the situation where i have to ask for pocket money and the logical part of brain takes the right decision to put off the list until i get a job.
Expensive gift are a definite NO-NO for me!!!!.When you give someone a gift like that you feel that the tag shows your love.A big wallet may not buy you love and one can easily spot between a genuine gift and a gift to show the size of one's wallet.On the receiving end i wouldn't personally like an expensive gift,anything above 500 is expensive for me if its not ma cash but if it is its not.Gifts makes me happy but, expensive not so much.I'm looking forward to the week ahead,its special in many ways and ya until ma next post spend the moolahs wisely.

A career switch perhaps will be the best option.People swarming in to give their valuable advices,this phase of life is certainly frustrating. Where is all the balance in life gone?,seems like it got frustrated and decided to run off to some calm place. Should have joined for MBA ,now i feel,it was way better than sitting here idle.2 more bank exams coming up guess, i will gather the lost motivation by then.Its just plain frustrating, especially when you feel the bad vibes from people around.JOB..JOB..JOB...that's the only thing up in my head nowadays and does that help in scrubbing of my laziness.NO!!!!!!!! ya i need some order in my life,or else i will die as a regular person in the crowd.I need to work hard ,I tell my inner soul and catch it napping at that instant.Why can't it listen ?.Why can't my parent's listen?.Why can't my friends listen?.Life is filled with confusion and anger and i need to do some soul searching. I may not become CEO of Microsoft but,that attitude doesn't have to force me to think that I'm far less than millions of people round the globe. I will have to prove to people around me that I'm one of a kind and it's just a matter of time.

Fights->Tears->Make ups->Smiles->Fights...In love its a vicious circle.Wish i were more sensible in speech,let brain do all the thinking and give ma mouth a rest.When you are red with anger,you forget to weigh your words.Bad idea,to say something so painful and apologising later but, somehow all these theory fails to impress me.Years may add grey hairs and grey matter into one's brain but, mine seems damaged.Please God!!!!!!!!!! help me change ,glue up ma mouth next time with fevicol when I get angry for no reason.I turn back and see tears and it makes me feel miserable.Anger should follow a failed logic reason and for me i doesn't matter all I need is an air of self induced"There is a .000000000001% decrease in the love" doubt. I'm with the best guy in the world but,what is the point of being in love if i can't keep him happy?

Life after BTech

Ma thinking tank is empty at this moment,may be owing to the overdose of drama that has been filling up ma free time for the past couple of days.College is officially closed, and ma four year of painful wait is coming to an end.In a matter of months I will be awarded ma degree and life after that is a big "?".I can't visualise ma self in a technical post,Instrumentation am okie with but, what about the associated tail ends?.People still believe am good at the studying thing ,what they don't take into consideration is ma volatile memory.For someone who erases her brain every 6 months,technical jobs is a definite "NO-NO".I have been planning for ma long break from the monotonous time schedule.As for now 9 am sunrise is okie but, once the vacation starts Mom will find pleasure in pushing me into the dungeons of the kitchen.Spoons and recepies will replace lectures and resumes.I crib about being unemployed every hour,still after all the drama I refuse to open up ma books and work hard during competitive exams.I can assume its lack of motivation,I'm pretty much sure ma MNC will call me though a little late.False hopes,living in a dream land whatever you wanna call it go ahead but, u can't break ma confidence.Iv decided to give in for mom's requests for writing GATE 2010 .Mtech was never in ma agenda, but I'm forced to reconsider ma decisions owing to current situations.I really feel jealous of the younger one breaking his spine preparing for entrance.Even he agrees to the fact that IIT is not his cup of tea but,that doesn't stop him from gulping down tons of coffee just to keep awake at night.He is driving high on his motivation,his desire to succeed,his quest for greater knowledge well, i lack all of these. He now takes pleasure in asking me all the physics question in front of dad and mom for ,he knows that I don't know.I end up covering my ignorance giving others a reason to laugh on."How did you pass Engg without knowing all these" Dad asked and i don't have an answer for that.Being able to crawl into top 5,is a great achievement by itself and I'm good at what i love:Instrumentation.Beyond what's given in ma textbook if you ask me even one letter i would look blankly into your face and say" I DON'T KNOW".Really,after this post i need to turn back into ma daily quota of drama to feel good.At least, I'm better than those characters!!!!

Yesterday,turned out to be memorable day.It was the most romantic thing i did for someone and ya it was an awesome date too.Wondering why am going public?.22 years back,fresh out of medical school the 21 year old fair,pretty girl wanted to build her career but, her parents had something else in store for her.Her marriage was fixed and within one week after her final exams she was ready to start a new life with this 27 year old rugged guy whom she had met just once previously.Years later they are happily married ,blessed with two kids,good health and all luxuries in life.As much as i hate the idea of arranged marriage,my parents makes the whole adjustment thing seem so easy.I have seen their relationship evolve over time and well now,they are united and against me n bro:).Now, for yesterday their wedding anniversary was on April 4 but ma sharp dad forgot.Mom brought him new shirt with a reminder"You didn't buy me anything" poor dad went in and ordered food from outside yesterday.After college,which turned out to be one hell of a shocker,i went in and brought one whole carton of ice cream(I had wrong intentions too,considering the fact that bro is out of town and parents aren't a fan of ice creams either).I hid the carton in the freezer.By 7:30 mom went out and so did dad,well i got 22 candles lit them and arranged them on the dining table,went into the garden plucked mom's favorite rose(bad idea!!!,which i realised later) and spread the petals on the table.Mom came in first complaining on the fact that i switched off the lights well ,she was shocked to see the dinning table and then came dad,well can't say if he is proud of me or not but,i could see the gleam in his eyes.We had our dinner and the big bowl of ice cream that i brought.I sneaked into the kitchen two time yesterday night you guys can imagine for what though .Why should i be the one telling you guys everything?

Now for some random stuff,by 22 i should have gotten over the "Oh I'm so crazy about the fashion scene" phase well, i realised I'm not,deep down inside I'm a girly girl.I'm so addicted to Valentino and Cavalli attires,gladiator pumps and jimmy Chou and Gucci bags.Sometimes i wish if ma dad could have this vision that ma wardrobe was empty and get me all the stuff that i want.These are international brands baby!!!!!!!!buying one of these expensive things means starvation for the month.

Something irritated me yesterday!!parents should not have high expectations about their kids especially nagging your kid for an 95,when the maximum possible achievement rate for the kid is 70 is cruel.Putting pressure,comparing,subjecting to punishments ohh !!!we are for god's sake engineering students not some pre-KG kids.Then again there is another class of daughters who embarrass their parents in front of the whole society.Running off with someone you met 1 or 2 years back without even thinking about the ones who cared for you for 21-22 years is well, no words there. Imagine,the pain parents go through to make all your whims and fancies come true?and one day you throw them out of your life like curry leaves.You will have to write in down in your balance sheets and someday when questions are asked ,you will never have the guts to speak the answers.

Well,what can i say?All the best guys!!!!!!!do well in life.I'm sad beyond the consolation limit for,things have been pricking ma heart,like the AE video.So,I never knew the class had like 30 people alone and a simple question:where are others?lost?or aren't you ready to acknowledge their existence?.Well,leave it for there aren't any genuine people around to start debating.I'm done with 2005-2009 AEI.Monopoly isn't the solution to impending issues!!!!!!!!!!good night

Men,the word in singular is nothing to be feared of but,the plural of the word means bunch of chauvinists trying to bring on the old concept of slavery.They are like bunch of crows,if one gets attacked the rest comes after you,tearing you apart so ,strong is their unity.Last day as i was getting insulted in full public glare by ma own class mate i saw the others watching from a distance,smiling to themselves but as the tension grew high and when ma voice started to penetrate through their ear drums they came to the rescue of their friend accusing,pointing fingers at the sole warrior.The height of male chauvinism :none of them asked me what the problem was ,all that they were bothered at that point of time was to save the skin of the "MALE COMMUNITY". In an argument,a guy tries to accuse the girl of her moral character as a last resort, a frantic attempt to win the war.The culture of respect and mutual understanding is long gone.Some one even suggested"He is like that ,try to adjust".Well, then why the hell can't he? .Its never in the rule book that the girl should be the one always forgiving ,why can't men do the same.Does it hurt their inflated ego?.Insulting someone,especially a lady that too in public won't make you macho instead ,it shows how desperate you are ,how weak you are. Have to accept their unity,no matter what issues sore within them they make it a point to stick together at times of trouble.I'm sick of ma college life and thank goodness its coming to an end in 6 days. I shouldn't have shed even one drop of ma tear thinking about those scum bags.Life for me is an excuse to hush and bush up my responsibilities,path to redemption,path to self discovery and seems like the chauvinist world is here to stay and i better get used to it.

If i have the power to stop time,cut through my words,walk past my own actions i would have rewritten my past but, alas!!!I'm not God.The human character in me overrides my goodness,each time i shout,blow my face I'm doing the same mistake over and out.I do learn from my past and rework on it but,now there is no room for correction.I need to go a long way to transform in to a sensible person.Hurting someone ,for the sake of holding back tears is absurd and not heard of.Well, I do it every time i refuse to force myself to believe that"Its for good".

The day was cloudy yet bright and the wait made it seem so special.Time they say has the power to make any relation weak or strong and i experienced it in full expansion today. The ride was long ,the menu gave me an appetite.I still fathom the big bowl of black current ice cream i left back.I couldn't fill myself any longer,i gazed at the bill and then the bowl.The numbers sting ed my heart as i sat up cursing my space so as i can clean the bowl up.I couldn't and with lot of pain i walked past the bowl onto the washing room.The cloudy sky gave way to a clearer one,with sun shining so bright.And all of a sudden i wished for a BIG pack of chocolate .There was so much to say ,so much to share and we wrapped it up in just 4 hours.It was short and sweet and on the way back home,the fairy made my wish come true.As,i kept the chocolates at bay,the volcano erupted squashing and crushing the light heart mood.The air turned sour and the sound that roared,the car came to a halt.I closed the door,rushed past the crowd and never turned back.As i kept on walking guilt took over i took up my mob and texted sweet things.In a matter of hours cheers were spread and this pretty sums up my day as a whole.

You always have a choice,the choice to be yourself or the choice to be what you dream of.Dreams that you hold near should never extend to a level where they remain not just dreams but,piles of stinky luggage that keeps others at a distance. People are so judgemental,that they fail to see the goodness,fail to see through your skin . I have something to say to these people: If you hate me!!! stay away . I'm writing this post disheartened at the recent events,when your best of pals lies to you and that too not just one white lie but, a series of lies then, you are forced to doubt your own sanity . Was I mad enough to trust someone so badly that he/She turns out nothing better than the rest.Well, may be I cannot judge people easily and that reflects in my past and present.Both of us did a fair job in warning her and now its up to her to handle her life the way she dreamt of.Its not because we are good friends it gives us any right to dictate someones life and just because we have our hands full,it doesn't give us any right to advice her either.When i raised my voice,you looked into my eyes and spoke"You have the right to advice,scold or even question me" I never knew it was a statement meant to save you from further questioning.I wanted you to see the whole picture,but you are acting out the role of a frog trapped in a well believing that the well is your world.Open your eyes!!!its life,its not something that you read in fairy tales. Okay i don't have a problem with part 2 but why lie to your best friends?When you lie it indicates three things

1:You are scared

2:You don't trust the other person

3: You know you did something wrong .

Which ever way it is ,it hurts .People never come up to me to get a clarification but, i know there has been lots of talk going on behind my back and i can't save you this time dear. You are on your own but, always remember :never walk beyond the boundary for its the way to your doom and we may never be able to save you.

The planner is here.Was quite taken aback at Smi's tit bit"Farewell on 28th of march".That's like too short of a time to say a proper good bye.Everyone have started planning for the big day and not to be left far behind the 18 AEI gals too charted upon a plan"DRESS CODE".Usually things don't work out the way we plan for ,there are few spoilsports like me who prefer sleekness over wackiness.Still,after much debate it was left for individual choice and now the real planning process begins.When you just follow,you don't have much to worry about details as the framework already exists and what needs to be done is to work over it.It gets a totally new dimension wherein which you are leading,you will have to start from scratch.People say I remind them of Monica in Friends for we share a common trait: Order and perfection.Everything from A to Z is planned and any deviation from original as suggested is never welcome.

My wedding is gonna be super tough on my parents and ma brother has already backed out for we don't agree on certain things.I mean if I had a twin sister with a shared brain mass I would have made her plan my wedding for me .Am not quite conventional in my likes not following the typical mallu girl routine of "Moustache is the symbol of male power" I would go in for a clean shaved look any day any time.I don't like the color RED for,I think the color is too aggressive.I will settle in for either pale or subtle colours for my wedding Saree.Well,what about a Christian wedding with white flowing gown and a bunch of rose tulips,the wedding wows and the ball room dance,this is what an overdose of English film can do on your poor neurons.I need a dinner date!!!in a sea side restaurant with soothing music and lots of dim lighting.Oh God!!! I'm getting so sucky romantic in this post and hey hey don't get it wrong no wedding blues for like 3 years.

Now for the nearest event,budget is made and so are the plans I just need some helping hands in order to execute the same.Assuming the worst case scenarario,Iwould probably start working from this week.I have my plan B ready to assume centre stage in case of a possible back out.

Now for some real insight into my pursuit for perfection

1: I don't like wrinkled sheets.

2: I keep my notes in different bundle based on most commonly used scheme.

3: I keep all my accessories in order.

4: I don't like scattered paper .

5: I don't like my brother's room.

hang on before you say I have BOD.I can prove otherwise

1: My lower deck of wardrobe [ house dress] are a mess.

2: I like drawing on my bench.There are like millions of writings and drawings on it.

3: I misplace things.

4: I drink coffee in my room.

5: I like to mess up the shoe rack.

So,I'm a totally unpredictable character in short.Okay another random stuff,I have got rid of my neck tie[golden chain with pendant] can't understand the logic that ma mom's put forward,it always reminds me of mikku's[ma dog] chain.The temperature in Cochin has reached all time high and the chain clinging on to ma neck adds on more discomfort.Finally I was unleashed ,thanks to ma bro who couldn't stand the shimmering chain.Don't ask me why I am being so random.I love being random,I love being illogical and more over I love confusing people.

Its gonna be a long post.To savor the taste,sound and smell of real India you will have to travel in a sleeper class that was the lame reason Dad gave on booking the back ticket from Bangalore in a sleeper class.I don't think the statement has much to do with the love for the ordinary lifestyle it has more to do with monetary gain for it costs just 300 bucks for a sleeper class ticket whereas it costs nearly 2000 for a three tier AC. The changing phase of India was clearly visible on the ticket booking pattern for,there were seats available in sleeper while it was all filled in 3 tier.People are opting for luxury travel as compared to cheap travel and people are ready to shell out any amount of cash for the same.Students,housewives,singles,executives travelling alone can be a major safety issue and AC class promises a safe journey at affordable rates.AC travel offers clean toilets,bed sheets,pillows ,blankets,good food as compared to its poorer sleeper counterpart.Dad had to pull in all strings to get a tatkal,where in which you will have to pay the fare from starting station but,even a last minute booking will assure a seat.We got in Island express from Ernakulam town.There was a family already occupying the whole of six seats.The journey was kind of a reminder that people are not welcome to the whole privacy thing even now.Playing your mobile at high volume or showing the family snap to your fellow passengers,invading the leg space man it was tough.Even my poor Ipod couldn't save me from the noise level outside my bubble.What helped us to cut out our misery was the fact that the journey was an overnight one.At about 9 Dad indicated that it was bed time though 12 is the usual timings for us.We reached Bangalore 10 minutes before the indicated timings,another rare feat if it was about 5 -6 years before.Indian railways have gone a long way from its dubious reputation of being the snail service to a more time conscious service.Things have changed for better and I have only good things to say about their punctuality.

Its my first time to the garden city and i was on a tight schedule,after attending my GD and PI we went for a quick round through the city.I couldn't find much difference between Cochin and Bangalore,may be the cleanliness and the dressing sense,it clearly indicates the free spiritedness of the pub city as compared to the conservative eyes down in queen of Arabian sea.Don't ask how, but, we got stuck at Big Bazzar and with my mom's fascination for any thing free we decided to buy in tops under "BUY 2 GET 1 FREE SCHEME" thanks to the far sightedness of the employees my dad had to stand in queue for about one hour.Initially one of the dresses we selected was returned back owing to its unisex tag,well then why the hell have they placed it in the ladies section? okay,next the billing section didn't have a clue about the whole offer thing and they were calling in staff from every department.If they don't have a data base of their own offers why the hell do they give any?What we saw was poor display of retail management.Even the employees,had a tough time in understanding English as all they knew was Kannada and literally i had to put in every word in hand signals for them to understand.After the awful shopping experienced i logged to go back to the shops back in kerala where, you get personalised treatment + less tension. I rate the shopping experience as 2/10.

On our way back,we were booked into the seats 1,2,4 and after 10 minutes the toilet began to stink,topping it were a pack of guys who were stationed near our seats,the crowd got worse and after 30 minutes there were nearly 25 guys[ think they were going for some excursion] near our seat.Sleeping in such a scenario was out of question and the train was an overnight one an added misery.Leaving me and mom alone dad disappeared into the crowd,after about 15 minutes he came back with a jovial smile"we are shifting to 3 tier AC".Phew!!! may be dad had too much of the savoring the real India idea.We were back into the comfort of the cool chill and the rest of the journey was pleasant.Though we did smell and see the real India ,it was too much to handle may be because we are accustomed to small luxuries in life.Its difficult to burst out of it and join the crowd.India really looked gorgeous from within the glass window and that's all i wanna experience right now,anything above or below it too hard for me to digest.

I loved him.The relationship of four years that came to a full stop just because i was.....Ya i deserve it,i haven't giving him much of attention lately and its quite natural for him wanting to move away.Can't blame anyone right now,no shedding tears,no frustrated talks just plain simple acceptance of the fact that"I have lost him" and i have to accept the truth.Yesterday ,as i looked into his eyes i seemed confused as those were not the warm eyes i have been used to for years.May be i don't deserve him,may be he is better of with someone else.I won't forgive anyone who tries to steal him away from me for,we share "our lives".What i don't understand is why did he had to wait until this last moment to express.I'm lost...i don't have words,Someone promised me a life without him but,I'm not sure if i can move ahead.I used to depend on him for almost all the calculations in life. We were inseparable and where ever i went i had his hands intertwined into mine,the world knows about us.He has my name etched on to his skin and just like that one morning i find him missing from my life.I received the news with shock,i tried calling up my friend for any details and all i received was"Saw him outside while you went to see the professor and then he disappeared".Life has to move on.I will have to buy a new CALCULATOR

There are times when you have millions of things you wanna share but, you fall short of words and no other word is enough to capture your emotion.Time can perform miracles,time can change your outlook,time can alter your wishes.

If you ask me, where I have been hiding for the past one week,I would not have an answer.Was it a route to escape the bad vibes?.Did i realise anything?.Yup!!!don't plan your life for, planning never goes right instead always be prepared with plan B.You won't have to stare blankly at random"?" when the plan A fails. Right?.

When I was small I used to have millions of dreams and with each year i began crossing out some of them out of the list,not that I achieved any but, because I began to realise that those dreams are high up above,something that I may never be able to achieve from bare ground.Right now if you ask me some of those dreams are still alive but they are no where near to the original ones.They look more like skeletons that have suffered worst of alterations.At this point of time even ghostly skeletons seem scary and achieving them seems to be a far stretched dream.

Fate ,luck,destiny they do exist and they can U turn your life making it slip,taking you unaware that you are going to land hard on the floor.I find "HOPE" a little hard to digest and so is "FOR SOMETHING BETTER"

Is ma life worth all these fights?.Is ma life worth hell lot of cash?.Is ma life worth anything at all?.It does!!!.Its worth at least 5 smiles,smiles of people who can't live without me in their lives .Its worth if not for me ,these people's hopes.So,life goes on...new dawn,new search for existence ,a new struggle.

This post is about raw talent.The first time I met Nisha,i rubbed her off as yet another arrogant junior but, her work made me her admirer.There are people,who think writing poems is no big deal as it only requires rhyming words at the end and complicated sentences.For me,the highest point of achievement is to write a good poem,unfortunately I don't think I can in near future.I started ma literary journey through poems but, somewhere down the line I lost the art.Purists call ma poems, a branched version of thoughts.I'm never comfortable with the constrains,I can never introduce rhyming in ma poems.There are poems, which are beautiful even without the rhyme but,they are full of literary puns,sophistication,flowing beauty.Once you start with the first line you don't feel like stopping until the last.I'm more comfortable with stories,Hindi and English here, not the style that's given prime importance but,the idea.You can replace any word with another suitable one,the one of your choice something that cannot be done in poems.My style of writing depicts even the minutest details of the surrounding though time consuming it gives me immense satisfaction to put into paper what i have imagined.Also,ma stories are character centric,one character that drives the whole story.In poems its style that matters,the sentence construction that matters.That's why I believe a good poet is a literary genius.

This poem was given by Nisha for selection process.She is the 1st prize winner for poem writing competition.

A TALE OF VITAL LIES

The darkest hour before dawn

a lonely shore in the bowels in the metropolis

the only witness to this tale of vital lies

the night has an exuberant charm in her

coquettishly igniting the ardent passion

she was their partner in crime

The waves swept over the gravel

glittering in the moonlight

paving the bed where he laid her

the filth stained her bare skin

and soaked her curls

but he unaware and she numb

both succumbing to the spell of the chill.....

I'm too lazy to type whole of the poem.The poem flows like a river and you won't feel like to put an end until the last line.Congrats girl,keep the good work up.

We rocked the fest yet again.Two consecutive years and until next arts ,the cup will be safely placed inside the AEI department.The victory doesn't belong to AEI alone,but whole lot of people who worked day in and out.Leave me out,I don't deserve a mention.What I experienced during the arts was something to cheer about,walls broke,conversations happened,past was forgotten.I'm still not sure if it will continue from Monday,but if it did it would be a regret wiped off.

Okay I do know how to bring out Keats and Shakespeares for,the students I selected bagged 4 out of 9 positions in literary events.Now,what say Mr.You know who?.Even i bagged 3rd prize for my story:30 hours-Autobiography of a terrorist.The short film topic:Silence speaks, brought back some old memories,previous Arts fests ,the long wait ,communication through eyes.The corridors where ,I spent most of ma educative years staring at someone.I never had the courage go and speak to him so, whatever I wanted to speak I conveyed through ma eyes and he understood.We were not even in a relationship but,somehow he read ma thoughts better than anyone else.The brandwars again where,he actually wanted me to go onstage but,ma fear for live talks somehow forced me to give up ma position.As a compensation, I took part in mock press this year,Mock press requires two qualities I lack the most:Humour sense and quick response.I skipped few heart beats but, ma captain and friends assured me that I have what it takes to tackle the press.I enacted MS Dhoni,Indian cricket captain.Cricket is something I'm not quite comfortable with still ,I made people laugh and even the judges bursted out.Considering the fact that I was the only girl of the lot and also,being ma first time most of ma pals were quite surprised to see me crack ma shell.May be the Arts wasn't as bad as I projected it to turn up.I actually got back lot of things I missed,pain,hope and confidence.LIFE GOES ON.

I'm blank,nothing to pen down.I have two B- school applications to fill out,one of which has to be received before 15th,I'm too lazy to do any of the writing.I have two assignments to be submitted on Monday.I have ma fair seminar copy to submit too.I have a bank test on Sunday.I'm to compete in mock press and extempore tomorrow.I have to finish with ma modules[I don't have a clue how many]before next week.I have to apply to NTPC and BHEL by next week.I have a test coming up this week and i have to start from scratch.I have ma lab manual to be filled out by Friday.I have loooots and looots of work to do.

Now for some good stuff,I had the best week ever.Who gets to celebrate their birthday thrice?I did with ma friends, who invaded ma space this Sunday,It was a fun day out with lots of food,pillow fights,gossips and God knows what.I competed for two competitions this week though, I'm not hoping for a prize ,I had a fun day out.I get to see ma Sister after a long time,something that i was looking forward to.Though I couldn't go out with her that day just seeing her made ma day.Ma mobile had a busy week ,with the afternoon conversations getting longer much to ma pleasure,it was kind of a smooth week.I received call letters from two banks and I spent lot of time with ma best friend.

Lets hope the week ahead i will be able to burn of some weight in form of piling work load.

The other side of me!!!

When someone has the guts to tell me, on ma face that ma decisions are wrong,I may take time off to dig into and correct with ma mouth shut. But,once you turn bitchy behind ma back you will have to bear the heat of ma wrath.Dude!!!!! I don't have any idea what so ever about the distant vision of the committee which entrusted you with such a heavy job. I don't know whether you are deserving or not but, a whole section of people don't think you are, you are nothing but a mistake that we can't seem to correct.

I'm doing ma duty to select the best students for the literary events ,the thing is with 500+ students in one house and only few who are interested in writing I'm left with no other option other than to pick from the available few.You do your job with very seriousness only to be booed in by your own mate.Last day i kept ma cool and sorted things out but,when after the events Mr.you know who started bitching behind ma back I just couldn't take his worldly knowledge any more.I said"I quit" maybe it wasn't wisest of decisions.I had ma self respect to guard and for someone to meddle with ma rights was totally unacceptable. His whole attitude of 'the selection was wrong for i found the other houses much better than ours' was something i wasn't expecting.When i was putting forward ma case in front of the captain i peeled of ma goody tag and shouted"If he knows how to create Keats and Wordsworths i will back out,let him do the selection".The captain ,one of the most mature guys in class did bring down the tension by forcing the guy to apologise.I wonder!!! why doesn't he have the guts to speak on ma face,but then he will have to face harsh realities which at his age he is not ready to.Maybe, he is not ready to take in counter questions from ma side I can break the other persons confidence by shooting in questions which is another talent inherited. Mr....we may had issues in the past,but i never let ma past affect ma present if you want we can start with the dirty games,take out the skeletons from the closet but, then don't chicken out. If you are mean to me, I can be the same to you and if you keep on to your own zone i will too and no one will be hurt in this war.