Its completely unethical to speak about my professional life so, out goes my Monday-Friday life which in no way is gonna be of much interest to anyone.Even to imagine me sitting in one cubicle,typing away seems damper.So, that leaves us with two days:Saturday and Sunday.What exactly happens on these much awaited weekends?It may be much more of a damper than the weekday routine.Eating-sleeping-movies ,there goes the routine. Out of the blue shopping adds joy to ma life and strain to ma purse strings. What else can one do in Bangalore?there is no places to visit except for malls malls and more malls.See this is exactly the reason why most of the major brands have showroom here.When people don't have any other place to visit obviously they will start going to malls and spend their hard earned cash.Height of consumerism .Sadly, Im also a part of the rush.With nothing much to do what else can one expect.

Proposals, disposals, marriages, engagements, vacations, deadlines, cash rich,broke..... life comes to a full circle in a month. Its not computers and documents, but people who add spice to our lives.

Finance and managing of finance is an art,an art that's elusive at the moment.When desires overtakes monetary power one tend to blame situations.Situations turn backs at you and give that annoying smirk"YOU SHOULD HAVE PLANNED YOUR RESOURCES PROPERLY, NOW NO POINT IN BLAMING ME".Now whom to blame?RESOURCES or DESIRES?.Both the daemons are intertwined one leading to other,feeding each other taking control over weak human mind and in the end turns up against each other.That's when the conflict begins .....internal and external crushing your inner strength to move on.

Sometimes, i feel that DESIRES can be easily crushed with will power, but they leave a lingering presence, that keeps popping up at every instant.Some people say that COMPARISON is the best companion of DESIRE, once you want to be like someone....you tend to give into your DESIRES but, i beg to differ its not the influence that induces the transient stage of materialism but, its self induced.Its almost similar to the pain you experience while falling down a slide even after being warned about that u will end up experiencing the pain. Some say that the pain is sweet but in the long run when RESOURCES fails to catch up with DESIRES the pain is gonna hurt real bad.

Iv always dreamt to a corporate financial consultant ....something, that i left mid way but, even today when someone asks me "What i want to be in life?"( I'm too old for that question anyway) i react with same innocence, repeating the said dream like a taught parrot.Someone who refuses to buy in this whole THAMASHA is ma dad.He chirps in"SOMEONE WHO CANNOT MANAGE HER OWN RESOURCES, WILL ANY COMPANY DARE TO GIVE THEIR ASSETS IN HER HAND?".Certainly a point to ponder, something that will keep me preoccupied this weekend.

Things are in for a toss,the one that tricks you into believing that you still can stand on a toe but, the reality is that you are falling, from an unrecoverable fall, the one which topples you from the top.
When you complain to someone what do you expect?.Unlike most ordinary people,i don't look out for a solution from person X,Y Z no matter however they are close to me all that i care for is a pair of ears and a brain that doesn't wander into wild wild west during the conversation.You may wonder if you can force someone to listen to your blabbering why can't you just have some patience to listen to theirs too?.The answer is: Once you present your point to someone they may tend to believe that your side of the story is the 1st edition.You may be the author of your own story, weaving webs of sympathy but, deep inside there may be a high probability that your story is as fake as the snow men.What the listener gives you is a verdict that suits your ears, one which has no honesty embedded.Why bother to take an one-sided solution.Take your own time, figure out a solution for yourself and if you are one of those pathetic ones who cannot have a straight life without 10,000 opinions then take you time to pour out your woes to someone who is involved on both side of the bridge.One who knows the real story may be able to guide you in the right direction.

Rather than counting the sympathies count real honest opinions.

Some people eat ,sleep and drink their dreams while some loose track en route.Isn't your dream a part of you until you realise it? or is it a momentary infatuation?.Dreams that fade away into the background,eroding in the test of time, those are never dreams.They are illusions,ones that appears in your dreams and leave no trace in the warmth of early morning sun. As Dr.Abdul Kalam rightly said dreams are not the ones you see in your sleep but, the ones that not allows you to sleep.

Mtech was never ma dream, but i was sucked into the tornado of so called flow of life and there i was, struggling, huffing, puffing and throwing tantrums.In a month of so reality sinked in and i had no other way other than to accept that i was actually there, in midst of book yielding, less speaking intelligent breeds of engineers.Once , i understood that there was no way out i slowly but reluctantly agreed to be a part of it. It was never an easy feeling to sit amidst heavy books for hours together, or keeping one's eyes open continuously for an hour but, i did everything in ma power everything you could possibly imagine to survive .Right from munching on high carb sugar diet just to stay awake at 3 in the morning to hiding ma precious notes. I was inheriting someone else's dreams. At a point of time i made ma mom's dream part of mine and decided to give it the best shot.You can call me successful if you feel a CGPA of 7.8 is a thumps up.

I fail to understand the other side of the rule, If X was your dream and if its so close to you how can you just give up.Wasn't it the only thing you ever wanted in your life? if that's so why cant you put in a 110%.Sometimes what we call as our dream may not be the right dream for us, one may stumble, take a few leap, get bruised but, that's it?You just give up?You sit there on the battle ground with you hands up in the air and say "THAT'S IT".You call that a FAILED ATTEMPT?I call it COWARDLINESS.

If you shout it out to the world that X is your dream, people around you will expect you to be an expert in your dream.Can't blame the people for thinking so.For a commoner ,dreams are the ones we are good at not something that you wanna try out if you can fit in or not. When you fail people see this as a lack of interest and then those dreams degrade to the status of "EX-DREAMS".

Here is another scenario, you have a dream and you are in the path of realising your dream, one day you wake up and find a new dream holding its place against the old one.What then? you just let the old dream die?or will you just let you first dream take a higher priority now this ,i will leave it upon individual decision. What you want most in life, only you know so ,prioritise based on the execution time and necessity.

The above case doesn't take into account the fact that, you have a variable dream, one that goes tree hopping every night.

"LIVE YOUR DREAM, NOT LET THE DREAM LEAVE YOU"

Time to put ma writing genes to some good use.There are multiple things that i woke up with,laced with descriptive view and as i sit here, typing away half baked ideas i wonder....what exactly is what i wanted to write about?.Life? well, NO people learn through their experiences and there is no way a 23 year old can impart worldly wisdom.

Strange as it may seem, the first time i met Anu,i blurted out"You remind me of ma old friend Anju".How can be two people be so similar,they have no connection whatsoever but, both of them are mirror images of each other.If its just appearance,you can rub it off as coincidence but,alas NO!!!!they talk the same ,smile the same,even have same fashion sensibility.Sometimes, during nights when i had nothing to ponder about, i would just lie on ma bed thinking if both of them were twin sisters separated at birth.At Amrita,Anu's face always reminded me of the fun nights i had with Anju an exception to the usual norm of forgetting a face was at large for, Anu never allowed me to forget Anju.

Today as i stood saving ,ma self from the rain ambush, i heard a familiar sweet voice,pulling me back to the memory lanes ....Anu my heart pounded but, how?As i turned It was Anju,smiling the same bright smile which used to be pasted on Anu's lips.Anju informed me that presently she was working in TCS.With old -buddies-meet-after-long-time talk we got into the same bus.I took ma phone out to check out something,WHAT!!!!!It was Anu's call.Miss. Anu is on a scholarship to Finland.Coincidence? If its, then that's a strange coincidence.

Now for some professional update,I'm waiting for ma posting location.With all prayers in ma heart i sincerely wish Its Cochin.Having nudged the guys from Pune,to force love Cochin, I wonder why the sudden hypocrite move by me!!!!.I love living life in a bubble.I'm a lover of culture,food and people and by thumb rule, it means i would have no problem in adjusting even if put into the remotest land in India.But,well just as the thumb rule criteria is not satisfied in all the cases,so is ma fluctuating attitude.Though i love to explore,learn and live the metro life the highly expensive tag is a big put off.Cochin is the best place to live in if you have to save some moolahs.So, Mom and Dad please stop praying that i vanish off from your life to somewhere distant.

Things have changed out here.Gotta agree that money is addictive,i have been living my dreams,walking through them touching,smelling, feeling ,laughing out.There is a mammothic change in ma life style in terms of productive spending per good.The restlessness that i tend to show over a weekend caged inside the house is far from startling.By the end of year im hopping for a complete reversal of my life.The whole statements ahead shouldn't give anyone of you the idea that am a irresponsible shopper.I know my budgets, at times i may overspend but, with a string tightly put around ma own neck i know where to stop ma hands to be liberal. Shopping for ma brother was never so much fun.Telling dad that i will pay for the hotel food was never so heartly fulfilling.Im living ma life, don't ask for ma bank statement for, every penny has been invested in long term happiness.




Walking a little far from ma happiness,lets step into the lives of people around. Marriage is never about two people but, all about two families. There is always 100% risk involved,compatibility issues,conflicts.When two individuals take decision to spend rest of their lives together,it goes through process of approvals,nods,disagreements.Right now WE are going through such a phase.Families are getting to know each other.Years ahead it may be a different story but as of now,everything seems to me as smooth sailing.

Life is swish swashed, messy,unromantic and monotonous. What if you believe that your brain is a thriving ground for new ideas but, have never got a platform to express?. Feeling like if you were born as Miss.X , you would have lived the life you wanted?.Do you wake up and see things in black and white?.Don't worry, you are just one among the 99% of the people who thinks the same.

Don't know what to scribble down,seems like I'm getting detached from the long descriptions, 1024 characters just seems right enough to catch my fancy. Once upon a time, this blog was the only medium to let out ma frustration,write without the fear of being questioned and for the past four years it has been been doing what it does the best,LISTEN!!!.Sometimes, i feel that people are so busy that they consider your talks as just another dose of blahs but, for the person who talks it may be a do or die situation.Lending your ears to some one's problem may even save a life. The main problem with today's junk way of living is that "We don't have time to listen".Listening is an art,Good listeners always have good friends.Listeners never pour out their sorrows to anyone,they let it stay right there burning themselves in the process.They are bundle of secrets,never to be revealed.Okay!!!don't really get the point of having to talk all this.Good Night.

Needed a friend, a confident or anyone who have the hearts to listen to me.Heart,it always remember the first time when it flutters right? so does it remembers the first time it has got crushed, obviously under the weight of neglect.I rather keep my mouth shut and act like a remote controlled barbie with perfect hair,perfect features,perfectly manicured nails etc etc . What about ma human side?forgot the fact that im human?.May be im paranoid of being alone in the same room as that of loneliness, may be silence brings out some old memories that i don't wish to recollect.How can anyone sleep comfortably when miles away a heart is weeping out for care?.May be the loud screams never penetrates your false dreams or may be we can put it this way:You don't know me!!!you think you do but no!!!every time i wish for a comforting hand,i find maself alone.You think i should be left alone because i asked you for some privacy last time for which you nodded our head to represent your displeasure of ma loony attitude.Sometimes you gives me the feeling that the world revolves around you and whenever ,wherever you ask for you little perks, wishes must be granted..may be am your fairy god mother.May be we are nothing close to Barbie and Ken.I watch you slip through ma hands and just stand there do nothing at all.You say you are tired, and i nod in unison cause may be you are after a tough day at office but, when your tiredness eats away the talks, for you are too heavy that your fingers just refuse to type in proper messages.
May be this is what people call seven year twitch!!!but, here it just took 2 short years to put on a sad display that relationships after some point of time are taken as granted that little effort or little love goes into making a loose thread bound.

The room looks different,for a control freak like me a messy room is too hard to stand.Have been rearranging every single thing in ma room for the past one week.The neatly spread sheet on ma bed,polished photo frame,a small basket of scramble blocks,a glass mug filled with water,dust free carpet,soft toys arranged in order....all work over and done with.The room revamped did offer a new challenge ,to get away from its inviting charm.The very sight of uncrubled sheets induces sleep in me.Mom has banned me from closing the door before 10pm.I'm badly wanting to try ma luck in interior designing.May be one day if i ever plan to switch ma career i would like to come back to this profession that lets me express ma artistic genes, without boundaries.
I badly wanted a light shower,when i reached back home .Summer heat was taking a toll on my body but, got more than what i wished for,for now its raining heavily.Summer doesn't makes you as uncomfortable as monsoons.You walk through the road concentrating hard on how to avoid big muddy water pools and there ,the driver of a car swish past your,splashing the dirty water over your kurtha.Most of the shops doesn't allow you to take your leaky umbrella inside and after you have made past all those wet clothes brushing past you, you find your umbrella missing.Kerala monsoons is a nightmare that you have to live through to appreciate ma writings.
If you are sitting in your couch comfortably,sipping hot tea,reading a nice fiction then there is no better season than monsoons.Hear the rain droplets whispering in your ears,watch the birds take shelter.God!!!im swaying...if ...leave it...let it rain, let it quench mother Earth's thirst,let life thrive....

Time to scribble away the clogged letters,they don't come pouring out like before.People, kind of tend to take sides,it happens all the time especially when you are listening to just one side of the story. Cochin is not treating me well,the climate is too humid and hot.The moment you step out of your home,smeared with sunscreen you start sweating.As i complain about the so called tough weather mom gives me a devilish smile and declares"As if darling you were born in polar region".Back from ma one year stint at Amrita,the climate of Coimbatore is notorious for its burning summer but,the story ends there.One never sweats unlike in Cochin where every visit out is like visiting a sauna.If things aren't bad,hear this out"sorry Adhi!!!you won't recognize your old lab mate,iv grown DARK!!!!like real blackish dark.My dad who finds humor in most bizarre of situations declared that I'm in urgent need of a fairness cream or a big bank balance(who will marry a dark girl?),pretty much average Indian mentality.This sums up the events of the day or rather the weather report.

Couldn't have done it any better.Want some good reason that can force my inner self to calm down.An aim?a reason to hang on?.I was the heroine of some pathetic romantic movie today or you can say i acted like one.Don't wanna walk back and feel like i have done something wrong,just few missed calls.A small help for the mobile operator won't hurt right?.When I'm frustrated i speak a lot and I'm talking whole lot off nonsense now. Its genuine tears rolling down ma cheeks,its true that my heart is aching.Yeah I'm a hypocrite!!!and such people don't need any company.I'm sick and tired of forgetting.Why do i have to depend on other people for ma happiness?I need sleep,something that can doze of my consciousness,something that will stop this pain deep inside.I'm done with the numerous panicky calls.Good nite peeps,for the the night is just starting for me !!!

Something about the silence next door is surely gonna be an eye sore. Its vacation time for MBA's who reside just opposite to the VLSI block. For the unlucky ones like us, we have to wait yet another one month to get our share of freedom.It sets me thinking about the divide rule existing in the PG hostel.MBA's and MTECH's never mingle let alone a smile or a nod,they blankly stare at each other calculating in their heads.For most MTECH's MBA's are bunch of overspoken ,hyperactive gals and for the people at the other end of line,we are just some glass wearing,book crunching,silent worms.The class divide is clearly visible from dressing to food habits.While MBA's are allowed jeans we are not and the reason?they are professionals and we???they don't call us by that name.I will tell you where the real catch lies!!!they pay 3 lakhs per year while VLSI's pay 1.5 per year.It all about the money honey.
Now for some deeper thoughts,we never have the time to complain about the heavy work load being thrusted on us whereas the other end sees a complete black out by 12?envious?oh yeah!!!wish we could sleep atleast for 2 hours a day.As the exam times for MBA's and MTECH'S are at different points in the academic calender,mostly our preparations for 2 exams per day is marred by shouting and screaming from the other end.The more we try to concentrate the more high decibeled the screeching becomes,sometimes the whole enjoyment part gets too out of control that we are forced to pull the plug.Times are gonna change,don't know if the same arrangement will persist if so the fight for supremacy will continue.

Guess I'm,not keeping you posted about my life or its tides. Its so that I'm either busy or I'm too lazy to type in anything.Human character always surprises me,mostly the uncertainty involved. You can be friends with someone who until yesterday was your worst nightmare. All of us hide our basic instincts in the first meeting,the very person whom you described angelic may turn up into someone suffering from multiple personality disorder after a few months.When you invest a large part of your heart on someone,you expect them to give you dividends at the right time.Life is a big gamble ,some hit the jackpot while some,dream of hitting one ...what they don't know is that these dreams are just dreams.With equal ease with which human character fascinates me so does scares the hell out of me.Some mind reading ability would have surely helped me swim through rough sea.How do people say something and think something else?.Its too complicated,so is the deep corners of human mind. You cannot approach two minds in a common fashion for they are products of sophisticated emotions.

The times, when i come up with something funny, my world goes upside down and i come back to ma old cribbing self. This time,its in form of a surprise shock from WIPRO.They have mailed me asking me to attend their assessment test on 13th.What a shocker for, i never saw it coming.Im not even allowed to go home this week,a marathon around the campus can fetch me a permission i hope. Life @ Amrita is no better, subjected to immense torture most of us have turn into nocturnal animals,scavenging through various rooms for night food.Some of us have even started developing allergy towards fat 1000-2000 pages text books. Seminars,presentations,lab works most of the lecturers don't even consider us to be human beings.For them we are just machines, out here to break our backbone. Life !!!! wish i could fade away into emptiness.

I need to soak down the excitement that has given me high for the past few days.A short visit to Chennai with mom and grandma, stay with ma cousin,meeting someone who treats me like a princess, the journey had its own share of wow factors. This guy rocked my world for two days,he thinks I'm the most gorgeous gal in the world,he teaches me how to sing ba ba black sheep in rhythm,he keeps on calling me "MEMMA",that's Sharan for you ,2 years old bundle of joy. I'm already missing him .When he grows up, he may forget the time spend, he may not even remember ma face but, whatever it is he holds a special place in ma heart.

Hmm....what to write?have been sitting in this lab for the past one hour keeping up the hopes that before 7:30 i would be able to access IEEE.Well, with such high connectivity my dreams will remain as dreams itself. What to say??is there anything left to scribble??life is mundane as usual,the routine by hearted. The classes are flying over ma head as fast as the time itself.Laziness is roosting over ma brain cells and the books have been covered in cobwebs. This obviously doesn't have any side effects on my effort quotient,which is equal to 0.

Mom said something debatable last night"you ought to have an aim in your life".This very statement kept us awake whole night long.AIM??if i could i go by my aim, i wouldn't have been here,doing what i don't like.I would have been earning 6+ in 4-5 years.No,sometimes viability and best solutions holds more sense than some day dream.I could have objected ,refusing to abide by my parent's decision and to be frank the moment i gotta know about theirs that's exactly what i had planned to do.Then why the hell did the first sentimental statement uttered from my mom's mouth melted my heart?.My whole life ,or you can call it 1/3 of my life, iv lived on negotiations which has only pushed me deeper into debts. And tomorrow when i turn back, i will have to be satisfied with a handful of happy memories to laugh at. I don't have enough courage in me to swim against the tide,I'm not blaming the sea for taking me to the place, it wishes me to be in. Life is a game of adjustments and thank goodness,I'm like a chameleon adapting to whatever environment I'm put through.Iv this innate capacity to manage through unhurt.Life that my parents chose for me is not that bad as I'm projecting it to be but, could have been better if i had decided my future.Its still is a struggle to wake up everyday and find your soul gone. I think,its time to stop whining like a little kid.Good nite peepz....

Fresh start,but think its not gonna be easy breezy like last time. We were running to the library,scavenging through the book shelves, fighting it out for the last book standing.Childish? baby!!this is the Indian way of living.Bear with it. Wanna load my head with so many songs so that i can tune into those tracks based on ma mood

Sad:Tanhai...Dil Chahtha Hai

Romantic:Kudha jane....Bachna AA Haseenoo

Happy:Wake up sid....Wake up Sid

Confused:Ghar se hum chal tho diye....Shaan

Fights:Bolo na.....Sona

Laughs:Prem ki naiyya ko paar....APKJK

Emotional:In dinom...Life in a Metro

Life is like a radio,u ought to hear whatever the station plays for you but, I wish if my life was like I pod so that i can shuffle based on ma choice.

Moments that i wish,just glide past.To be something that i despise,turning into something so artificial that I'm scared to gaze into the MIRROR.This Opal is someone i don't recognise,someone whose smiles are fake,someone who pretends she knows everything even when she knows deep down inside that the soil beneath her legs is fast disappearing.Today went shopping alone,devoid of the chipping,devoid of gossips.This is the harsh reality of life,the world around you changes in a matter of days.Just when you feel you had enough you realise its too late to turn back and do an alt+clt+dlt.Wish,life was easy..then nothing comes easy nowadays.You gotta move it and what do you get in return??complaints,abuses.Why do we even care?.Life is a big sad joke....iv stuck a smiley on ma bag not that I'm happy but,its something that i think is cool.So,what's the point?life is a game of pretending.You pretend your happy,satisfied but, in reality your not.You want a new name, a new life a start from the beginning,a complete erasal of your identity.Can you do that?Can you run away from responsibilities?.Can you look straight into the mirror and say"I'M THROUGH"? No you can't cause you are scared,scared of breaking the ties,scared of yourself.When can i be Me?When can i stop acting like I'm the happiest person on earth when I'm not.When can God grand me wishes i ask for?.WHEN CAN I WALK BAREFOOT ON WET GRASS?.When can i wash ma sorrows in the rain?.When can i act like a 22 year old without having to hear the "M" word?.Life why are you so unfair and mean.Random thoughts

What do you do when you see your life crumbling before your eyes?.Will you try saving it or will you fold your hands,stand there watching the downfall?.Any normal person would do the latter but,guess what am doing?Watching maself fall into a deep pit.Doesn't Mr.God have time for poor people like me?Guess not for, he is too busy splitting up states.

Morning ,as i got up my head was overflowing with ideas so as I can fill my half empty blog page. I muttered to ma own self ,repeating the words that have to be used .As I sit here and type ,my head is blank ,devoid of any ideas .All the hours of planning has gone waste. After last weeks sudden twist of events, the sea is calmer right now and waiting for another prey to grab on.
There is this little lazy monster in me, who refuses to work .Call ,me for anything and I have an excuse to pull ma head out of it. People around me are so dedicated that they literally drag me into places called lab, gym , lib etc. What happens after is a completely different story : the little monster gets hyper and overdoes stuff. I have to be literally thrown out of the lab once I'm in.

I can't understand why certain people are so consumed by their ego that they let their ego work on behalf of them.Certain someone, finds my presence so irritating that she finds me virtually invisible.Imagine this ....five of us are standing together discussing something,she comes in looks on to the side,where am not standing and speaks.May be its something that i know about but, her ego flares up in her and i find ma self shut out from the conversation.It happens almost everyday and i find it quite annoying.We are way past that age of ego clashes but,this isn't the case with her.Common!!!our personalities rarely match so is our personal statements then why the hell does she act like QUEEN B?.

God plays with ones luck,after he throws it up in the air,acts like he has nothing to do with it. For some,their whole life is driven by luck no matter what the situation is they manage to scrap through unhurt solely owing to their luck and for some,luck is just a word in the dictionary. I miss those late night gossips,the laughter and fun . The day she walked down,i couldn't hold back my tears .I was loosing not just a mate but, an awesome friend.Lame consolations forced me to squeeze my tear gland.The stick note in ma room is still intact which reads"WILL MISS YOU BIG TIME".Everything happens for a reason whether its good or bad, and with all the prayers i would wish only good things for her.2 months is too short of a time, to develop any close bonds but, I'm happy to say that i did and hopefully its gonna stay with me for the rest of ma life. . Ya !!!its for something better.Life has to go on.....

Life everywhere remains the same, so is the basic human instict to pull the leg of the one on top.Im not a saint but, i do understand the difference between competition and jealousy.Why bother about someone else's marks ,what one needs to learn is to outwit oneself everytime.In the process of glory,what one forgets is that there is someone out there at the bottom of the ladder trying to get their hands on you.Please!!!stop this marks madness.

Writer's block!!!Let the pictures speak for themselves

The term work is eating away the luxuries associated with PG way of living.For the professors PG student,are nothing but study machines for whom everything including eating and sleeping should come after the completion of treacherous amount of work.I didn't expect M.tech to be easy breezy nor did i expect a round the clock work schedule.I'm fast loosing steam trying to force ma self to concentrate on the goals specified.For me its moreover like a forced vacation trip gone wrong. It was never a matter of choice but, for someone who hasn't seen light for years even a 0 watt bulb is like sunshine. Sometimes i feel that ma destiny lies somewhere else and instead of me taking the driving seat someone else is taking me for a ride of a life time.Any point of regretting the past actions?I guess no!!!life has to go on so are 3 sems....may regain my lost heart somewhere,sometime.

When people come together,you can always find at least a dozen of them,not matching your tastes.As the law of natural selection,one tends to reject a few faces at the first go.Some not, appealing to you mentally and the funny fact is that you always ends up with the correct guess. I have always maintained diplomatic approach in my professional relationships but, it so happens that you meet people, with whom diplomacy seems the last term to deal with.Man has this unique instinct to rule, to crush the week ones.History has proved this theory wrong many time,an uprising and even the Berlin wall was broken,Russian dynasty came to an end so if that's the case can a mere number of 4 stand against a majority of 11?.Na!!!play the game of isolation,and you embrace victory!!Man being a social animal cannot distinct himself from the clutches of society ans when the society isolates him, he has no other way other than to repent his wrong doings.The next issue here is the mental conflict of expressing the toughest of views versus the softened stand of time will pay back. Dominance is the order of the life at Amrita,but we are playing our cards straight.Let time choose!!!SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

Life is a random variable,for which we try to assign values... for some the final answer turns out to be a finite quantity and for some its undefined.Most of us are in the process of defining priorities and goals,that will consume our lives for the coming long years.For some defining an aim in life is like rocket science,confusing,messy and full of brain cracking thoughts .They hardly spend any of their precious energy in designing their lives and live by their on rules.When expectations sky rocket so, is our fear of falling from greater heights.For some, the pressure is too much to handle and they fall apart. Its never the desire to be perfect that makes us sweat it out,but the fear of failures. If life was not measured by success and failures most of us would have sat on the couch whole day without doing nothing.

Sunday blues.I wake up to pray not to face another dreadful Sunday,the long distance travel,the screeching sound of the train engine.Wish i could erase all of these,and write in a different dream, the one in which I'm laying on ma comfy bed on a warm beautiful Sunday.

Back to the life of full fledged fun,where jokes are not offenses rather a tool for self amusement. okay!!!as Rahul puts in "You have got the big surprise at the wrong time and at the wrong place" ya!!the surprise came out of blue,totally unexpected for i have had lost hope a long time ago,right that very evening. Now that its back in frame,i have to put in a 120%.100% effort is already filled up by the excessive long sleeping hours , gulping down food and occasional studies.Wrong timing for a big surprise though .Time to rearrange priorities.

College life is full of surprises,everyday you come across something new.Each day is a learning experience,better make a good note of all these valuable lessons this time around.

Being a first time hosteler i don't think the ambiance in the so called place is not as intimidating as it is made to be.Being PG students, each of us are allotted a single room and you can have more than enough room to enjoy your privacy.I have made some good friends, had some great chats and overall i rate the hostel life a 4/5. As for the food part, the hostel sticks on to the horrible tag.I'm a person, who kind of merges with the general atmosphere and this haven't helped me a tad bit not to develop strange dislike for Sambhar.The food is predominantly Tamil based and the amount of potatoes is already having its effect on my waist line.
on the day, my parents came to leave me in the hostel, i had prepared for a meltdown.Surprisingly, i walked back to the hostel feeling extremely happy as my parents returned.With no regular classes i was forced to spend a large part of time confined to the room and it did, finally break me down on the 4th day, with a simulator in form of "CHANGE IN ATTITUDE"of someone. People change so rapidly and its hard to predict who is who until you are put through a hard situation.Some people stick by while some just flow into the tide, the tough decision is whether to let go of all the good times and act as if the person is non existent?.May be its a good idea, if you can reduce the pain inflicted.It already 6:30 and time for me to make a move to my hostel.I won't be going home for another one or two months so, mostly i will try updating from the lab as a temporary arrangement.

When ever things don't go the way i want to, i go paranoid.I really don't need any company,just happy being trapped in the crazy zone.Wanna be left alone,with no one trying to give me advices or trying to dictate my thought process. Just back off and let me retreat in to my humble adobe.

Whats with a guy's obsession with branded wears and accessories? .Puma,Adidas,Nike or Reebok he visits ma room every 5 minutes to enquire which one i would prefer and seriously i find the plain monogrammed bags and accessories so unattractive.The only factor that forces me to rethink is durability.Hell!!!who cares of 1500/- worth puma bag if i can buy 5 ordinary bag of 300 each?.May be they will last for 5 years but,cares to carry around the same bag for so long?definitely not my style. Dad is reluctant to invest in a branded jeans or a bag owing to two factors.

1: Bro will be going to government college.Try going in with brand all over,it may be the first reason to get ragged.

2:I have a brother,who cares least about his appearance and dad aint sure if he will take care of the bag for 4 years.

May be this is the same guy with whom i went in to a live in showroom,his pocket full of cash and he picks up a jeans worth 700/-.After seeing the price tag he changes his view from "I'm definitely getting it" to "ooh its so costly'.We are hitting the Puma showroom tomorrow ,will see what the guy decides.

Staring at my half empty wardrobe,my heart is stirring with mixed emotions.The background score of kaminey is doing no good. Wondering is the 2 year journey is worth all the tears.May be the person making this entry will be forgotten in coming 2 years.May be i will be replaced by my own better version.I won't be able to recognise with this emotion or the naiveness. The best in me wants me to believe that i will adjust, make new friends,find a new purpose in life.My be I'm heading towards my dream.Today i annoyed someone,I'm sorry!!sometimes I'm just difficult to handle,i stick with what i want to believe even if i know that I'm building castles in thin air I'm just not ready to accept that the castle isn't real.May be I'm crazy,delusional and staunch as a rock.As Rahul told me yesterday"Never change dear!this makes you what you are".There do exist people like him who even after,millions of wrong doings from my side has the heart to forgive.

You can almost feel it or even smell from the air around when people who are close to your heart starts moving away.Someone feels am just too possessive,but it doesn't feel good as a whole.Some relationships stand the test of time while, some other wither in small wind.As Raghu rightly said"There aint any bonds if they are not tested".For all those school buddies who still get annoying comments like"How do you?" thanks!!!.The silent prayer means a lot to me.

POWER OF EARNING VS POWER OF LEARNING.Two different domains,two different aspects of life and in its own way both powers are the sources of ultimate power.The one thing that clearly messed up my preconceived notion was my choice of selection of power of learning over power of earning right after Btech.Though, you can drub off my choice as one out of frustration or as my inability to develop a plan B.I have always loved the power of earning,not only it gives you self respect but, also commands respect from others. I have always maintained my stand of "every job has its on dignity" sometimes i think if i have to necessarily put my preaching to practice.Last day one of ma ex-mates rang me up to inform me of an open post of that of a receptionist in a medical centre and enquired if i was interested. I had an answer,the one you would expect"NO".Last time i did put forward something like that dad was generous enough to add" I will give you 300 per day but, don't come asking for ma permission for some silly jobs". This is not the matter of "I'm Btech and I'm not supposed to do this job" but, moreover a family status issue. Working female is always welcome in ma family as long as they are employed in a dignified post,even being a clerk at a bank is okay for ,traditionally banking and educational sector is considered to a safe bet.Working in lesser known private organisations is never safe and adding on ,the embarrassment my parents have to face if i come face to face with any of their colleagues.I'm sure i will be blessed with a job to match my education qualifications after 2 years, right now for all those people who would ring me up with offers...NO THANKS!!!

Some of you did let me know that my last post was quite kiddish for a 21 year old .Okay then today lets talk about something more adult based.How about "WARDROBE MALFUNCTION"?guys don't get your spirits high.Its a term commonly used in ma home when your wardrobe is overflowing especially right after the shopping sprees when you are left with no more space in your wardrobe to squeeze in your latest addition nor do you have space or money to buy a new one.Must be thinking why i have brought in this topic?.I'm faced with serious packing woes and i can't seem to decide what i should be packing and what i shouldn't.In the first go i nearly ticked mark on the entire wardrobe to be shifted to Coimbatore well,that's not possible considering the size of my hostel cupboard .You can bet that the cupboard will be monopolised by my books.I won't be coming home for quite a while so what should i carry?.The main catch in the whole packing woe is that for PG courses you don't have uniform.When you do have uniform you really get a peace of mind for, you don't have to think beforehand what you should wear the next day.I really am addicted to ma old uniform,that did make ma life a whole lot better.I'm really not happy to leave my humble den and cramp ma self into a smaller space.Having a single room all for yourself can be called a luxury considering the fact that dad will be spending 55K per year for hostel and mess. Bro will be leaving the nest too, leaving mom,dad and mikku all for themselves. I do tell dad at times that with both of us gone,not forget that Mikku doesn't have human gene in her and in no way can replace us.As for dad's logic" A Dog is better than both of US put together" what an insult.I have tons of work to complete before i fly off but, too lazy to walk out of my room,i have decided to spend maximum time in here so as to take with me memories that will help me survive for 3-4 months. Tomorrow off with Bro for some shopping.Credit crunch has definitely affected the shopping spree,this was the lame reason given by ma bro on strapping my 1500 rupees to 750 ,look what a bad economy can do right?.Aah!!! forgot let me get back to packing for now.Chow.

Sometimes stories of people whom you have never ever met in your life can bring tears into your eyes.Its because, either you can identify with this person or you feel sorry for them.I'm on the verge of tears.All, i know about Jenna is through one article but, for someone to have gone through all that pain of organising the kids future and teaching the husband to take care of a 2 year old and a 4 year old even after knowing that she may not be able to see a new sunrise the nex day[ She suffered from terminal cancer and died at the age of 29] is just plain amazing.Wish i had her gutts to face the death smiling.

Ma room is filled with soft toys.I had planned for a give away for ma cousins but, every time i take ma self back to the memory lanes can't seem to separate them apart from ma life.Most of these teddies share ma deepest, darkest secrets and ya they give me company during cold nights.To part with them i believe is not an option no matter how hard i try . They should stay!!and i really don't care what ma room looks like with 7-8 furry creatures giving me company. Sometimes i rave about how unattached I'm with people and things and mom finds it quite not like me about arguing over a bunch of soft toys ,neither do i.No matter how hard you try to be unattached,deep down inside you still try to be that little kid screaming for attention.I act like a hypocrite at times,its love care and attention that i need and frequently fight for and when it comes my turn to repay here I'm...trying to question the whole concept of attachment.Well,the Archie's gallery stays!!!!!.Don't get fooled by the above picture,these are just the inmates in ma room they have their counterparts in different rooms, except in Bro's who finds the whole teddy bear thing "UN-MANLY"

Typing,deleting and retyping ,getting frustrated,pulling ma hair out,pressing my mob typing keys hard,chatting with ex mates,writing down some rubbish.Not in best of ma manners nowadays much to ma parent's displeasure.I'm confined to ma room,with the oily food giving me company.Have piled up 4 kilos already and raring to go.I'm gulping down the food,unbothered about the heart wrenching screams straight from ma stomach.I think i need to slow down on the intake and trim down a little.Not every one will be sweet to your buldging hips like your loved ones.

THERE IS A LOT OF DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOING WHAT YOU LIKE AND DOING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT YOU TO LIKE.HOW TO LET SOMEONE KNOW THAT THEIR DREAMS ARE NOT YOURS?

People ask me all sorts of weird questions at times and the one that tops the list is"what does your doggie do?".Does she guard your fortress,roll on the ground,fetch early morning newspaper?.Hell no! this is what she is good at.

MASS DESTRUCTION:my 4 pairs of shoes and 2 umbrellas have met with premature death all thanks to her special ability to make things irreparable.This was the sate in which i found my umbrella last day,she spend nearly 2 hours trying to lay her paws on the umbrella i kept above the car the previous day.When i went in to pet her,she greeted me with a grin and refusing to part with my umbrella. I quickly grabbed a stick and started threatening her with dire consequences and throughout the entire I'M TALKING TO YOU conversation she just kept tilting her head sideways.At the end of the speech she gave me that cute puppy faced look,which did force me to throw away the stick i was holding. After 2 days of suppressed hormones, she is back in action people by tearing off bro's shoes.Keep your umbrellas and shoes at a distance cause MIKKU is guarding the house.

Don't ask me the same question twice,I may end up getting confused.After much deliberations,i have decided to pack ma backs to embark on a different journey, a journey through the land of IC's and electronics to reach the final destination of educational enlightenment.So, let me break the news to all you people,who still haven't received an answer to the question"What next?".Well, I'm going to join Amrita engineering college,Coimbatore to do ma MTech in VLSI.I have been asking myself a lot lately"Is this what i wanted?" and i don't seem to hear a reply.Forcing myself to adapt to the 2 years of technical meltdown, hopefully the whole experience will help me appreciate technical studies .Now im closed for the question answer section.Good night people.

FEEL THE LOVE!!!

That was the most uncomfortable position i have ever been in quite a long while,in between two silent lovers,me chirping in sentences to fill the empty atmosphere.Both of them were least interested in listening to my lectures on life and beyond as they were staring at each other or was it??.I remember him yelling at me"keep your head low,I can't see her" common it wasn't the compliment i was expecting for helping him see his lady love and better not to start on the shy lady love.She kept looking at the concreted pavements,her head stooping low for the entire one sided conversation .......never did once she look at him.Classic case of typical mallu girl.The conversation was between me and the sea,we both sharing a point or two about the life.The whole setting seemed straight out of a 70's film and i still don't understand where i fit the bill between the two of them. I accompanied her,for there was no way her prince charming would save her from her high walled palace,for the time being Mr.Prince charming hasn't found his way around her parents.There comes the saviour [ME],the Prince's bestie and the Lady Love's good friend.I pretend to come visiting and takes her to meet him ....up to that part of the story,its quite ordinary but, siting between two lover's trying to mask their hidden affection from the public glare is embarrassing.I was more daring in my endeavours!!.I was witness to driving emotions,tears,sarcasm laced with affection etc etc etc.After i decided that the one sided conversations couldn't go on,me and the lady love rose from the bench ,opened the umbrella and walked through the pouring rain,her cheeks still warm from the fresh tears,he sat on the bench drenched in rain looking towards the ships that sailed past. After a 5 minutes walk she took a U turn and walked straight towards him while i waited down the jetty.May be the 3's company made it uneasy for her and i decided it was better off without me this time around.It paid off,i see them walking towards me,both with the same old plain expression but, better than the one's pasted on their face before.Well, what a day!!!

When it comes to selecting between two things that involves the same amount of commitment and sacrifice i feel lost like a girl stranded in a chocolate shop ,trying to choose between two chocolates.Wish decisions in life were as easy as selecting a candy. CAREER vs RELATIONSHIP,the age old question that has confined many of the potential CEO's in kitchen.If i had a stable life there wouldn't have been much of a confusion but,there is nothing so called normalcy in ma life at this point.Mom and Dad earns and i just eat and adds on weight.What a glorious life of uselessness. I'm stuck in the no man's land. Feeling miserable!!!!!

Watching the rain

as the rain drops kiss your cheeks

The wind blowing your hair that covers your face

windows hitting hard on the pane

Romantic!Romantic !Romantic!

You need to experience the playful bliss from the balcony

Unrestricted screeching of the wind

forcing you to run for cover

Water pearls dripping down the lotus leaves

The sound drops of water makes as it gets collected in the pot...

The dismayed look on ma doggy's face
The warmth of the pillow

The steaming aroma of the cardamom tea

changing the channels,while one's eyes are fixed on some other dreams

The cow grazing unbarred by the rain

coconut palms swaying to the tunes of the wind

The wet clothes sticking to your curves

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS OF MONSOON

I'm not much of a one liner person but,guess what i came up with?
"STAY OFF MA GRASS!!!ITS FOR ME TO GRAZE"
If you see the context in which the liner has been shot,you would probably roll on the floor laughing.

An hour's walk from the railway station to the jetty,with your loved one.....the one scene that has been replaying in ma head for the whole day. This is ma interpretation of the scene....

Both the lover's are scared on being caught by someone they know but, they still gather up enough courage to take the longest walk of their lives as its one of those rare moments he gets to share with her all his emotions that has been clogged in his heart for years.They wait down the jetty,as the boat arrives she moves onto the ticket counter,he watches her walk away and the loneliness that she leaves behind cuts deep down his heart.He gathers in courage to ask"You want me to come?".She nods,leaving the decision into his hand,he swiftly goes to the counter"two tickets please".This is the reason why i say"MA BEST FRIEND IS THE CHEEKIEST ROMANTIC ON PLANET EARTH"

Sometimes i turn ma head and run straight to ma room after hearing the sarcastic comment from that guy.Nothing much to reply to a person,who has success/ego etched onto his name.I can't even seem to remember a day where i haven't tried ma very best to lace the sarcasm with ma tired smile.I know the baggage that comes with the fact that i have a bother whose technical part of the brain is far superior than mine,but not in the wildest dreams i have imagined that he will find pleasure in humiliating me in front of ma friends. I have grown over the idea that "you are not as good as me" .Even after constant reminders from dad to keep his feet on ground he keeps on pestering ma brain cells. It set me thinking"What am i worth anyway?".Ma parents shelled out 2 lakh for ma 4 years course and ya this guy required less than 30 K.Ma head keeps on getting filled with weird ideas and i do am clogged with identity crisis.I do have one but constantly being ripped apart by ma own sibling.I had enough of the torture.....

Why does a sad news always follow a good news?.Don't we have the right to be happy for a day?seems like not.Bro bagged 718th rank in kerala entrance and as i rushed in the news to ma uncle and grandma,i wasn't prepared for the next shock....uncle met with an accident,he is diagnosed with shoulder injury.When i rang him up,he didn't utter a word and ya i didn't ask much too for,he is supposed to be at his office place now.All the joy gets drowned in one sad incident and ya we don't feel like celebrating Bro's success.Ma college buddy Geeth's is on a 4 day stay at home....as i type in this post she is out with ma other mates enjoying the sunny beaches of fortcochin.Unfortunately for me, I'm in no mood for fun i have lots in ma bag right now and that includes a visit to the village office.Until next time....chow!!

Every time I keep ma smile intact I fail miserably. Time to go back to the shell and do some damage control. Its difficult not to get hurt and when you have people around who constantly remind you how fragile your heart is things doesn’t seem any better. Sometimes I wonder the whole point of existence…aren’t we thriving on ballooned ego and jealousy?.I do get sick of ma existence and I do ask God, ”There are plenty of people who wants to add another day in their life you don’t seem to care about them instead you prolong the misery for those who don’t actually bother much about their life “.Relations are just threads, that break on stretching..apply some force and then see the centre portion thinning out. Things we forsee but, some things gives you a hard blow totally unexpected and the impact of the blow doubles because you Weren’t prepared .Today, something or certain someone hurt ma pride with some pictures that has nothing to do with me and that is the problem.Well, you can’t expect someone to treat you the way you treat them right?.They have a choice and its upto them to decide what they want to do. I'm no ANGEL and may be I deserve the cold shoulder. I keep on reminding ma self that I don’t want to tangle ma self with the treads and ya its just another incident that concretes ma basic principle ”STAY AWAY,I'M TOO COMPLICATED FOR YOU”

Talking about technology leaves me gasping for breath.It makes the air around so polluted,call me illiterate but any intelligent person can have his/her BAD TECHNOLOGY DAY.It not everyday that you get to laugh at ma cost,so go on read and have a heartily laugh. Last day Dad came into ma room furious"You embarrassed me in front of ma friends".On getting to the root of this statement an old story reappeared from its grave.The week before I gave him some technological gyaan which backfired.All thanks to 50+ tech guys.On being asked about the data cable,I replied innocently"I can't use this data cable Dad!!whenever you use connect it to the virus infected computer,virus comes out and sits inside the cable and next time you use it on another computer,virus spreads". Dad spread ma wisely statement among his friends only to be booed by them.Well, now i know computer virus isn't an animal

I was feeling little down for the past few days.Reason being,the void that has been filling up ma heart or to be more precise the feeling of letting people down.Ma parents weaved their dreams around me and, i never realised how important these dreams are for them.I failed miserably in coloring their world ,barely saving ma self from disgrace by scoring a 84 for boards and a 4411 in kerala state entrance.My parents never realised that the younger one will rise anywhere near to the standard i set in 10th. He picked up bits and pieces and wove their dreams back on. We are expecting him to hit a 3 digit for kerala. Its not jealously but, a sense of" Why couldn't i do this for ma parents?'.27th after ma exams i went back to class,waiting for ma parents to turn up for ma convocation as i was called in,i searched for ma name on the list,it wasn't there in the usual list and i panicked.Silpa,brought it to ma notice that ma name ,was put in 5th as I'm the 5th recipient of the Dean's Honour List.Don't even bother to ask how i felt especially ,when all the parents are present and ma parents would get a chance to say"That's ma daughter".What came of as strange is the comments i received from ma own batch mates"Wow!! never knew you were a bhuji".Well, for a girl who wears 3 studs,changes her bag every fortnight,walk as if she doesn't care ,may be they find it difficult to gulp in the fact.Whatever the comments are,I saw ma parents gleaming and that was the most memorable moment of ma life.I may never get a chance like this again.This is just to let the world know"I LOVE MA DAD AND MOM"

For all those who drub my absence from the blogging scenario as ma attempt to upset the topper,You are wrong.I'm so preoccupied with ma life that finding time to log into the bogging arena to type random letters seem such a waste of time.I have better things to do like to catch "Hope and Faith" or eat ma meal at the right time.Grandpa and grandma is home,enjoying their long vacation and suddenly the house seems filled,bustling with activities from morning 5 to late night 12.None of the excuses for quitting the meal works with grandma as she carefully fills in ma plate with food big enough to feed ma brother.Speaking of brother,he has fulfilled Dad's dream by being school 2nd in 12th.Scoring 88% in 12th CBSE is a big thing and that's comes straight from a person who has gone through the torture.Yay!!! 3 year countdown have begun and I'm wishing for a ride to the future in a time machine to get a peak into what it like on the D-Day. 27th , ma last exam falls on this beautiful Wednesday and after which I'm held by promises of a 3 days class.Hope i can complete all prior engagements before the plane touches the runway. Right now lemme get back to the world of file management,UNIX and deadlocks.

The conversation:

SMI: You got your mark?.I asked Vish to take a note of it.

ME:No, actually i don't have any contacts with any of the so called classmates not even Vish and ya he didn't message.

SMI: Now that' not ma case,ma inbox is filled with texts and missed calls.

ME: Ohh!!! i get it,you are going to college everyday right?

SMI: You are good in your guess .They want me to come to college everyday, seems like they can't study without me.

ME: What would have happened if God hadn't given us this gift?

SMI: We wouldn't have got the least respect showered on the beggars even.

ME:Ya!!!!!!they need us and that's the reason they stick around.

SMI:So true

ME:Will see how many of them will remember us after college too.

SMI:You kidding...NO ONE...

Part of being non social is that you wouldn't have to bear the sight of the parasites . You never gain nor loose and then there are genuine people like ma bestie Smi,who keeps aside all personal duties to help out the so called Friends in times of NEED even after ,back to back experience that proves they are not worth all the trouble.I respect her for that ,may be I'm not as generous as she is.I used to hang around college during study holidays,prepare in advance so that the next day i can share ma knowledge base.It doesn't satisfy ma self anymore as the face masks come peeling off ,the human in me decays for better good. May be its better to go to college and study rather than wasting away ma time but, why be in an environment where you are not comfortable being you?.I don't want the crown and the tag well,that's not what I'm and that's not what i want to be.

Today i went shopping with mom.She remembered, ma request for a new hand bag which was made last week,we went into the shop and started going through everything.Its difficult to get what you visualise but, then with no other option you are forced to pick one. I quite liked this bag(I have a fetish for hobo bags),then when i asked the salesperson the cost i kind off kept it back in its place.Rs 499/- the bag screamed ,mom started to walk towards the cashier that's when i stopped her "I don't want" I declared.This part of the story is something ma mom hates,she thinks after forcing the salesman to open all the plastic covers, we need to spend some cash there. I don't agree with her theory at all.If you don't like something why bother spending your money, time and resources on it,the shops don't expect us to buy all the things in the display right?.500 is a small amount ,I know and if i had a job i would happily spend my money on that bag but, when you thrive on some one Else's cash,it better to keep the wish list to yourself.I remember going to west side with Dad ,I know dad could have brought what i wanted if i nodded but,if i did i would never understand the value of money.Ma parents work ,work and work more to provide me and bro with the lifestyle we are enjoying right now,and spending their hard earned money just because i want a new bag is not fair.I go on spurge right after vishu and onam when i have enough cash in ma hand to do what ever i want.Though not earned through hard work the guilt factor doesn't come into play and my small fetishes are fulfilled.Now, that I'm all set to finish college, there are so many things i want to buy,then I'm not financially independent and that very fact keeps me grounded to Earth.If i do have a job!!!I'm the one responsible for a bank balance at the end of the day and i will spend as i like but, wisely.Money in crude gives you power,keeps you happy and gives wings to dreams.I may buy or not buy but, i do have the power to buy if i want to and that feeling needs to be felt.Right now, all the money from Vishu is safely hidden in ma drawer,it gives me sense of pride to go on counting the 10's and 20's day after day.Iv drawn ma wish list ,every time i look at the list i force ma self to think of the situation where i have to ask for pocket money and the logical part of brain takes the right decision to put off the list until i get a job.
Expensive gift are a definite NO-NO for me!!!!.When you give someone a gift like that you feel that the tag shows your love.A big wallet may not buy you love and one can easily spot between a genuine gift and a gift to show the size of one's wallet.On the receiving end i wouldn't personally like an expensive gift,anything above 500 is expensive for me if its not ma cash but if it is its not.Gifts makes me happy but, expensive not so much.I'm looking forward to the week ahead,its special in many ways and ya until ma next post spend the moolahs wisely.

A career switch perhaps will be the best option.People swarming in to give their valuable advices,this phase of life is certainly frustrating. Where is all the balance in life gone?,seems like it got frustrated and decided to run off to some calm place. Should have joined for MBA ,now i feel,it was way better than sitting here idle.2 more bank exams coming up guess, i will gather the lost motivation by then.Its just plain frustrating, especially when you feel the bad vibes from people around.JOB..JOB..JOB...that's the only thing up in my head nowadays and does that help in scrubbing of my laziness.NO!!!!!!!! ya i need some order in my life,or else i will die as a regular person in the crowd.I need to work hard ,I tell my inner soul and catch it napping at that instant.Why can't it listen ?.Why can't my parent's listen?.Why can't my friends listen?.Life is filled with confusion and anger and i need to do some soul searching. I may not become CEO of Microsoft but,that attitude doesn't have to force me to think that I'm far less than millions of people round the globe. I will have to prove to people around me that I'm one of a kind and it's just a matter of time.

Fights->Tears->Make ups->Smiles->Fights...In love its a vicious circle.Wish i were more sensible in speech,let brain do all the thinking and give ma mouth a rest.When you are red with anger,you forget to weigh your words.Bad idea,to say something so painful and apologising later but, somehow all these theory fails to impress me.Years may add grey hairs and grey matter into one's brain but, mine seems damaged.Please God!!!!!!!!!! help me change ,glue up ma mouth next time with fevicol when I get angry for no reason.I turn back and see tears and it makes me feel miserable.Anger should follow a failed logic reason and for me i doesn't matter all I need is an air of self induced"There is a .000000000001% decrease in the love" doubt. I'm with the best guy in the world but,what is the point of being in love if i can't keep him happy?

Life after BTech

Ma thinking tank is empty at this moment,may be owing to the overdose of drama that has been filling up ma free time for the past couple of days.College is officially closed, and ma four year of painful wait is coming to an end.In a matter of months I will be awarded ma degree and life after that is a big "?".I can't visualise ma self in a technical post,Instrumentation am okie with but, what about the associated tail ends?.People still believe am good at the studying thing ,what they don't take into consideration is ma volatile memory.For someone who erases her brain every 6 months,technical jobs is a definite "NO-NO".I have been planning for ma long break from the monotonous time schedule.As for now 9 am sunrise is okie but, once the vacation starts Mom will find pleasure in pushing me into the dungeons of the kitchen.Spoons and recepies will replace lectures and resumes.I crib about being unemployed every hour,still after all the drama I refuse to open up ma books and work hard during competitive exams.I can assume its lack of motivation,I'm pretty much sure ma MNC will call me though a little late.False hopes,living in a dream land whatever you wanna call it go ahead but, u can't break ma confidence.Iv decided to give in for mom's requests for writing GATE 2010 .Mtech was never in ma agenda, but I'm forced to reconsider ma decisions owing to current situations.I really feel jealous of the younger one breaking his spine preparing for entrance.Even he agrees to the fact that IIT is not his cup of tea but,that doesn't stop him from gulping down tons of coffee just to keep awake at night.He is driving high on his motivation,his desire to succeed,his quest for greater knowledge well, i lack all of these. He now takes pleasure in asking me all the physics question in front of dad and mom for ,he knows that I don't know.I end up covering my ignorance giving others a reason to laugh on."How did you pass Engg without knowing all these" Dad asked and i don't have an answer for that.Being able to crawl into top 5,is a great achievement by itself and I'm good at what i love:Instrumentation.Beyond what's given in ma textbook if you ask me even one letter i would look blankly into your face and say" I DON'T KNOW".Really,after this post i need to turn back into ma daily quota of drama to feel good.At least, I'm better than those characters!!!!

Yesterday,turned out to be memorable day.It was the most romantic thing i did for someone and ya it was an awesome date too.Wondering why am going public?.22 years back,fresh out of medical school the 21 year old fair,pretty girl wanted to build her career but, her parents had something else in store for her.Her marriage was fixed and within one week after her final exams she was ready to start a new life with this 27 year old rugged guy whom she had met just once previously.Years later they are happily married ,blessed with two kids,good health and all luxuries in life.As much as i hate the idea of arranged marriage,my parents makes the whole adjustment thing seem so easy.I have seen their relationship evolve over time and well now,they are united and against me n bro:).Now, for yesterday their wedding anniversary was on April 4 but ma sharp dad forgot.Mom brought him new shirt with a reminder"You didn't buy me anything" poor dad went in and ordered food from outside yesterday.After college,which turned out to be one hell of a shocker,i went in and brought one whole carton of ice cream(I had wrong intentions too,considering the fact that bro is out of town and parents aren't a fan of ice creams either).I hid the carton in the freezer.By 7:30 mom went out and so did dad,well i got 22 candles lit them and arranged them on the dining table,went into the garden plucked mom's favorite rose(bad idea!!!,which i realised later) and spread the petals on the table.Mom came in first complaining on the fact that i switched off the lights well ,she was shocked to see the dinning table and then came dad,well can't say if he is proud of me or not but,i could see the gleam in his eyes.We had our dinner and the big bowl of ice cream that i brought.I sneaked into the kitchen two time yesterday night you guys can imagine for what though .Why should i be the one telling you guys everything?

Now for some random stuff,by 22 i should have gotten over the "Oh I'm so crazy about the fashion scene" phase well, i realised I'm not,deep down inside I'm a girly girl.I'm so addicted to Valentino and Cavalli attires,gladiator pumps and jimmy Chou and Gucci bags.Sometimes i wish if ma dad could have this vision that ma wardrobe was empty and get me all the stuff that i want.These are international brands baby!!!!!!!!buying one of these expensive things means starvation for the month.

Something irritated me yesterday!!parents should not have high expectations about their kids especially nagging your kid for an 95,when the maximum possible achievement rate for the kid is 70 is cruel.Putting pressure,comparing,subjecting to punishments ohh !!!we are for god's sake engineering students not some pre-KG kids.Then again there is another class of daughters who embarrass their parents in front of the whole society.Running off with someone you met 1 or 2 years back without even thinking about the ones who cared for you for 21-22 years is well, no words there. Imagine,the pain parents go through to make all your whims and fancies come true?and one day you throw them out of your life like curry leaves.You will have to write in down in your balance sheets and someday when questions are asked ,you will never have the guts to speak the answers.