Things have been piling up,getting clogged to a point where i can't seem to find solutions to ma problems.I was placed in one of leading multinationals this march, as software developer.Though am completely alien to this software thing, i decided to stick on until newer pastures opened up.Everything went wrong in the past few weeks,with recession hitting all IT companies hard,companies are handing out pink slips to professionals.I haven't received ma offer letter yet and rumours floating about the supposed to be sent apology letter by some MNC to the college really makes ma future look bleak.The recession had to wait until 2008 to hit the markets hard?So bad of you mr.!!!!.The going gets tough when one is being taken care by successful parents.Both ma parents are successful in their careers,earning hard cash.I have nothing to worry as ma brother puts in"As long as our parents are rich ,you don't have to worry .Just sit here ,enjoy and after 3 or 4 years get stuck in some kitchen".How rude of him,until today i haven't heard ma brother talking highly of women.For him it all about cooking and cleaning , i wonder how his future wife will react to his comments.It no pressure from home as i have still one more semester to go.Ma mom has her plan B ready for me,urging me to go in for higher studies or may be as lecturer in some college.I know am good in ma core field of instrumentation but,the stream has very few openings for girls.Petrochemical industry supplements the instrumentation fraternity and the good thing is that recession hasn't affected much though crude oil prices have been hit.

Now for the real drama yesterday, ma mom came in with a newspaper,it had news about openings in national banks .I went through and found it interesting so, i told mom that i will be giving it a try.As ma mom showed it to dad he objected"4 years of engineering to become clerk in some bank?.No!!!".It didn't matter to me whether it was a white collar job or not as long as its a JOB.Even for clerical posts,Banks offer the same salary as that of what is received by an engineer in an MNC and also,the work timings will be far flexible.I don't mind working under people who are far less qualified than I'm.I doesn't hurt ma ego and i consider those as opportunities to learn,grasp and understand.For,dad it doesn't seem to strike a bell for him its all about status and recognition.Have to agree to ma mom's long vision even after ,so many protests she supported me and I'm planning to apply for the job which requires only 12th class pass as educational qualification.

Ma chat window beeped and after a long conversation i said"I'm planning to apply for the clerical job in 2 national banks". The immediate response was" Engineering and this?.Ma verdict is NO!!!".I was let down"Support me if you can,i won't embarrass you in front of people".Finally a smiley beeped on to ma screen"As you wish".

Now people,every job has its own value.Wonder why we have so many unemployed educated youths in our country?.They are people who believe they are nothing short of white collar jobs.They sit idle waiting for that tie and suit job to run into their laps.Their prayers are not granted as God only helps those who helps themselves.Every job commands respect not that ,an engineer ought to be a programmer only.Unless and otherwise this mentality doesn't change our country wont be able to fulfil"VISION 2020"

A CUP OF TEA



Yesterday, i acted out the part of "MISS.PERFECT",it was an attempt from ma side to mend things between me and mom.Have to accept that ma mom is an awesome cook,and i don't mind gulping down whatever she prepares in kitchen for me .The one thing that eludes ma mom's 22 years experience in kitchen is the "ART OF TEA MAKING".The tea always ends up either too strong or too weak,comes in her daughter(that's ME),who herself was tagged "TEA QUEEN" by her mates for being the biggest contributor to the college coffee shop.People say the shop survives on her cash alone.On a bad day i end up having 9-10 cups of tea much to the nonacceptance of people around.I love perfectly made tea and can walk any distance to achieve that level of perfection.The special ability of making Good tea comes at a bad cost,to be the official tea maker of the house.Every time Dad's friends ,relatives come visiting ma Mom gives one of her look trying to converse through her eyes which actually means"OFF TO KITCHEN".Unlike most families we have our tea by 7-8pm,that's when Dad comes home from office.The first thing that he enquires is"WHERE IS MA TEA?"(now you know where i inherited ma genes from).

Last day it was ma ON DUTY time in kitchen and i filled three glasses with tea ,one for Dad,one for myself and ma BITS maniac Bro.Mom was busy draping herself in the Saree to attend the temple festival,as three of us were sitting on the couch sipping our hot tea mom comes in with a smirk on her lips"where is ma tea" .That's when i thought i had prepared just 3 glasses of tea, and it wasn't something that i did out of blue that day.Three cups are a part of the prevailing rules as far as i can remember.The thing that made all the difference was ,three of us forgot to ask her if she wanted any.Usually ,ma mom skips her tea for, she is not a great fan of the brown liquid and taking it as granted i didn't bother to ask if she needed any .I glanced at the seats besides me"It was empty".Dad and Bro had escaped leaving me there to defend ma self."I thought...." i continued."You could have asked,I'm the person who takes care of you people,preparing all that you ask for.Should have asked me whether i needed tea or not".Mothers get very sentimental whenever their daughters behave in a way that they are not expected to be.Knowing what i did was wrong, i had to keep ma mouth shut.Tears were rolling down her eyes and i couldn't say anything.I stood there looking on to her eyes.I should have asked her in the first place.I had to get thing right and yesterday was ma chance.Without being forced into the kitchen i went in and ma mom was surprised to see hot cup of coffee waiting for her on her return from the tiring day in the hospital.I just had one thing to say

"SORRY MOM"

Some people in our lives deserves the best,the very best . The tide of life may take them to places unknown but, deep down inside we wish them the very best.I'm happy for ,i get to see ma sister smile again. To see those dark eyes shine,the very one which was filled with tears that day in the corridor is ma prayers answered.She is not meant to be an ordinary person ,God has greater things planned for her,she is destined to make it BIG. Yesterday turned out to be one jolly day with little things that meant a lot.Its life anyways and each one of us should be prepared for the unexpected.Now, for some random thoughts.....

Wonder years,the years of growing up,self discoveries, trials, jubilation, triumphs,downfalls......I'm still growing out of ma shell.It seems hard to do things on ma own,to watch things which calls for a response but,have to zip in and sit as if things around doesn't matter me at all,to do things i want to but,moral codes and conduct have to be followed by Daddy's little girl.Tomorrow i may die, and no one will even know am gone from the surface of the earth. To be happy trying to defend your dreams or to be happy for ,the people around.Which one is worth a fight?I'm not sure nor will i have a chance to experience life in its full form.Bungee jumping,vacation abroad,first salary,living the dreams that puts me to sleep every night.Its crazy to make this random talk but,its ma thoughts in crude form.As Gov says,you speak the absolute truth when you are angry and frustrated.I'm frustrated and this what's being held up in ma heart for quite a long time.I know, this post will create some ripples and probably, i will end up hearing the same stuff over"you are childish".I don't care...I'm sick and tired of proving them wrong.Believe what you want to,make up stories about me,paint me all wrong.I'm past the age of taking "REVENGE".I will forgive all you people for whatever you have done with ma life but, i will never forget.The nights i cried alone,the days when i sat talking to desks and benches,the noons when i wished if i could just disappear.....Things have changed for good or for bad,i have little rays of hopes in ma life,handing me the handkerchief,someone to talk to,giving me the invisibility clock.Thank yo guys for all your love and support.

I'm no saint.Iv also broken many hearts.Ma persistent alter ego,that refused to open up ,driving people to edge.Right words that abandoned me at times ,hurting the person on the other side,ma doubts and insecurities that nourished the little devils deep inside.I repent,if i could just go back and change.Wish if i had a time machine,i could make it all right.The perfect life that i always read about.

Ma college life is coming to an end and i believe i have still lot to learn,lot to achieve,lot to think,lot to write,lot to laugh on,lot to cry about,lots and lots.........

I'm a person with deep political views and the situation has intensified ma views on to a different level.The battle is almost over,with the NSG commandos securing Taj hotel,its yet another battle against terrorism won.Many unanswered questions remain,arguments,deliberations and within a week Mumbai will be back on its heels,raising past time.This day will be forgotten,the only ones who will remember will be those who lost their beloveds.Accepted the fact that we believe in "ADHITI DEVO BHAVA",which means guests are like God but,why can't we seem to learn from our mistakes?.As the media pointed out ,there wasn't even a single terrorist attack on America after 9/11 but,we wake up every morning reading about blasts and attacks.Why can't anything be done?.There is no point arguing as we have our politicians doing that job to perfection.

The Mumbai attacks are a clear indicator that terrorists are not targeting a single section alone,terror can strike anywhere anytime.Weapons,cash ,gadgets terrorists have access to almost everything.HOW?WHY?WHERE?,everyone seems to know the answer still owing to political and diplomatic pressure we choose to turn a blind eye towards the incidents.

No religion, no faith urges man to kill his fellow beings.Innocents who have nothing to do with the HIDDEN AGENDA'S.Clearly,victims of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

My deepest condolences to those who lost their loved ones, to wake up to find yourself all alone,without having a clue that yesterday was the last day you kissed your loved ones goodbye is pretty scary.

NSG commandos and Maharashtra Police who did a tremendous job fighting continuously for more than 48 hours putting even their lives at stake.The Martyn's who died in the encounters will be remembered in our prayers.

Politicians,Please step up the act.Don't compromise on national security for petty vote bank politics.Country is above any individual or any religion.Put your powers to use at least now for, we need a country where we can sleep without having to fear"Will i be alive tomorrow?"

Media,i completely salute your determination to bring all the action live into our sitting rooms but, please don't take it as an opportunity to increase your TRP's

LET ALL OF US INDIANS ,ACT,RAISE OUR VOICE AGAINST TERRORISM,LET NOT THIS DAY BE REPEATED.

JAI HIND

It feels good to be appreciated,especially by those whose opinions matter. I'm not a good photographer,i really don't have a clue about lights,texture,brightness and the many more confusing technical terms.What i do have is the skill to transform a dull photo in one which speaks stories. As i went through some of the blogs, i was quite smitten by the idea of photo editing.I spent considerable time, searching for photo editing tools.I dashed into few like ,PICNIK with amazing features.The first picture i tried ma hands on wasn't good enough for ma artistic genes.I worked on it,and finally came up with ma first edited picture.I posted it out on ma web page.Few of ma friends did comment on the new approach in viewing the picture from a different perspective.The thing is i don't have much choices,not many photos to edit.All i have is few photos and i work on them over and over again.I was getting good reviews,but comments from ma classmates didn't kind of gave me an impression that they were impressed.Yesterday, as i walked past the door,Vish shouted out loud"HERE COMES THE EDITOR".Ma pictures were the talk of the table,and frankly i felt good about the whole conversation.For,the first time i wasn't hiding beneath the table,i was taking active participation in the talk.Colours,saturation,contrast ..people were listening to me.They needed ma advice,ma views on the topic.Vish added on"One day i too will be as good as you".Being ma Little brother,his comments do mean a lot to me and ya ma pictures do speak for me, they are a reflection of what I'm,through which ma personality transits across.

It doesn't make any sense.......

Every superhero has a bad hair day,when he/she looks into the mirror and exclaims"oooh good god!!!".I'm not in ma usual sarcastic self today,not even remotely close to ma daily sessions.I just lay on ma bed wearing ma glasses and think,will the world be any different when viewed through the glasses?.Ma spring has come to an end.The cold winter is here.I'm sounding crazy ain't i?.Its ma deliberate attempt to heal ma self.People trust me with their lives,trust me with their stories.their lives.They expected the same from me and i disappointed them.I wasn't ready to open up,share ma world trying madly to protect what i call ma dreams.People came and went,some didn't return for a second time.Every time ,i figured it out, was too late.And then one day ma life changed.People i held close till that point ,preferred to walk away leaving behind few ones,i have painted ma life around.One such person is ma future,or with who's i associate mine.There are very few people in this world who knows "How bad opal is at singing,how obsessed she is with soft toys,how mad she can get when her phone gets hacked by some goofy virus,how badly she breaks down after all the melodrama" and those people are ma family.Some moments stay and die with you, some just follows you around,some makes you smile, some makes you cry and at the end of the day you get tired of the huge piles of memories and even regret forgetting some.You just don't walk away from people,the time forces you to.The distance never makes your love fluctuate like the share market.The distance makes it stronger or more so that's what people believe.I'm a believer and a negative energy i may be but, in a land of happy endings i have ma own happy ending to weave.Iv lived long enough to realise how crazy i get when i totally fail to see the gleam in people's eyes.Rapid switching from one state to another,oscillating ,balancing and totally screwing up,I know still you care for me because you don't have any other option other than to take me along your lives journey,sing songs for me,stop me from giving you pet names.If life with you is painful,i gladly would let the pain consume me for without you these random words doesn't make any sense.

A random post

A heart warming smile,tears filled eyes,a nod,"Thank you's",a word of appreciation,mutual understanding,support, few of the ingredients in a successful relationship.I'm not a person, who likes to go out and celebrate for no reasons.For, me each of the celebrations holds a meaning and being in the last phase of college life BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS cannot be tagged "UNNECESSARY".Yesterday ,we celebrated SMI's birthday,21 good years have passed since she steeped on to the cradle of the earth. It took me 1 week to decide on "WHAT TO BUY".Knowing her tastes for so long, i had to cut out possibly everything from a budget.Finally i was so stuck by the idea of a "TEDDY BEAR" miniature prototype of the one i posses.Giving a 21 year old a teddy bear seems so childish but, we are still children deep down inside in a different perspective,wanting to get hold of whatever we "don't" have, trying to do everything possible to get some attention,the child is still in there taking a nap.After a disappointing core paper, we headed to her new home.What awaited us was a lavish SADHYA.

I was back home at 7:30.Frequent calls from home made me frantic.Dad and mom's calls in successive random pattern,ma parents are not like typical parents wanting to put restriction on everything i do.They give me directions and finally its my choice which route to take.But, yesterday something happened way out of ma expectations.The guys waited for me at the bus stop till, i boarded the bus safely back home.On reaching ma stop i had ma brother waiting for me as per ma instruction.What i saw there was even more troubling,he was there with Dad's old bike.He asked me to get in which i promptly denied.He is 17 and a master of speed,getting behind him on an activa itself is life threatening. The prospects of seeing a geared vehicle scared me even more.I had a brush with an accident, while travelling with him on the very same bike.He got me into his confidence and every time he changed gears the bike raced out of control.I had to say in every prayer i ever knew.Those 10 minutes were the worst in ma life,scared,tensed and God knows what feelings rushed past me that time i sat behind him eyes tightly shut,clutching him hard, only to breathe at a normal pace when i saw the house in front of me.As we got in i asked"Where is MOM and DAD?".What he said warmed up ma blood from the chilly ride."They aren't home.Both of them forgot their mobiles at home.I was thinking why you were getting late.I was the one who called you from both the mobiles". I knew it or at least thought about the probability of someone messing around with the mobiles.Ma brother can drive me to the edge at times,his eagerness to act his part of that of a brother,annoying calls every 5 minutes to know where i have reached, the loud orders while in a bus together.Ma parents know that I'm mature enough to handle ma self but, this doesn't get into Sank's head.

After dinner i ran downstairs hearing arguments.It was Dad giving ma brother, a dose of his own medicine.The bike on which he came to receive me had its front tyre punctured.Sank knew it and still rode all the way without letting me know."You have no right to put her life in danger too.You are an irresponsible guy but ,today's incident was so immature of you.Never repeat this"Dad shouted.Whole time ma brother stood there looking on to the floor.I trusted ma life with him those 10 minutes,though i reached home safely to write this post i regret not acting like a 21 year old or even like a sister.The day that saw so many random incidents, so many adventures, so many mis-actions.regretful deceisions.21/11/08 close of the chapter and a new day awaits.

To bell the CAT

To bell the CAT



Last day Dad rushed into ma room looking all weary,the expression he carries when our Dog falls sick."Ma friend who scored 99 percentile told that its impossible to bell the CAT without preparation" he said.I wasn't even thinking about the exam that was supposed to be held 2 days later,safely hidden in some dark corner of ma brain, Dad brought it back to limelight."Ya i know, and I'm just giving it a go this year.Don't expect miracles from me",ma answer was that of a person who has already marked the score.
On Saturday,me and Achoo after the gruesome Micro controller exam along with ma parents packed our backs to Kozhikode,the land of yummy Biriyanis(only thing worth mentioning).On arriving at the station Dad reminded us"Jump into the train,there will be heavy rush".Train travel without reservation is something that i don't enjoy much.I managed to jump into the train before it came to a screeching halt at the station,occupying one whole berth for whole of ma family.I shooed away people who were showering "GOOD WORDS".A 6 hours journey, and we were at Kozhikode station,welcomed by Dad's colleague's parents.Another 40 minutes and a drive thought the curviest of paths,we reached a calm and serene village.The atmosphere was so relaxing that ,as i saw ma bed before me,i drifted off to sleep.Mom woke me up early morning,knowing I'm a night creature .I stood there with the book in ma hand watching ma mother sleep soundly.When it became impossible to see her in the lap of luxury i slided back under the bed sheet.I reached the exam centre, to see confident faces all around me, to be frank nervousness was attacking me from the toe.
Inside the hall,i received ma paper.2 hours flew by.90 questions in total,ma brain started ranting"At least 45 questions to score a decent percentile,else how will you even look at people's face?".I tried ma level best to finish 45 questions but, one need to know something to even go in for a wild guess right?.Managed English and logic section but, maths proved to a tough cookie.I was all hushed up thinking that 40 wasn't good enough.A 1:00 pm the exam came to an end.The students were glaring at me with wide eyes.I glanced at their OMR sheets ,it was nearly blank and there was ma OMR sheet almost covered up with pencil marks.The guy near me commented"Went for coaching?".I stared at him blank"NO!!!".Ma parent's were waiting outside,dejected that they couldn't complete watching the movie 20-20 .They went for the jolly ride,while i was sweating heavily inside. Dad commented on being said that i could just mange to write 40 questions"you could have marked everything".Ma one side journey to the land of negatives ,i thought.
Ma only hope left was, tasting a good Biriyani.All the hopes were dashed when dad brought for me the railway Biriyani.Don't even bother to ask me to comment on it.So,the whole journey was a waste of MONEY and EFFORTS .
The way back was even more adventurous.With no reservation it was ma chance to chase after moving train.Finally we managed to get in.With Dad's proper analysing of situation,we secured a seat in 30 minute and it was yet another 6 hours journey back home.Dejected i rang up ma cheering buddy Govind"i did just 40".What he told next was the surprise of the year"10 questions from each section and the cut off is cleared.That means to obtain a percentile of 80 or so 40 question correct is all what's needed,for percentile is not percentage".Shaken to core i sat there thinking about the comment that guy made"went for coaching?"Now all of it made perfect sense.I had not much time to think for the very next day, that is today i had to take ma core paper university exam.I wouldn't have forgiven ma self if ma exams would have gone bad.Thankfully ,everything went smooth.For people who asked me how ma CAT exams went,i just had one reply

"THE CAT SCRATCHED ME HARD"

Ma life story

The worst part of hitting 21?.The constant reminders that you are not a girl anymore but, a lady.Being accepted is one thing and being forced to take up responsibilities is something else. Each wedding that i attend to is a torture with, relatives hovering around to play the part of match makers.Each family meetings stretched beyond the breaking point to address the hot issue of rising price of "GOLD".With an ultimatum of 3 years,there is another goat out there waiting to be slaughtered.The fun of having dinner together as a family has disappeared.Its not a dinning table anymore but, a battleground to decide if 24 is "OLD"?.Sometimes i do think ,if Romans made a mistake by including 12 months a year.It should have been 20 months or so. Life is so predictable for now. I can see ma self in the MIRROR,enjoying the soaps ,with greys covering half of ma hair.There is no fun in growing up.Do i feel like a grown up?.No!!!!.I look out of ma window to see the far stretched horizons.The wide range of opportunities before me and it will be on a sharing basis in 3 years. For now , let the whirls of life take me to any direction it wants.After all I'm a woman and I'm capable of sailing without a driving licence.

This is Opal and this is ma life story.

University ki jai ho

University ki jai ho




Drubbed as one of the biggest universities of Kerala,Mahatma Gandhi University,Kottayam has also the dubious reputation of being the worst. A course of 4 year takes 4 1/2 years to complete from MG university, nothing that i complain of an extended 6 months torture. They seem to be hell bend on correcting the whole academic plan which was totally on the wrong path for the last 10 years.As a result, a 5 module course(6 subjects and 2 labs) are scrammed in a 2 month semester.Before you can even start to dream of the university exams,you are handed over with your hall ticket.Exams for the seventh semester students were supposed to start tomorrow.As luck would have it,all the late study enthusiasts won't have to work out today night.Instead they can sleep until the late hours in the morning for ,the exams have been postponed to 15th.Until now the schedule was changer over 3 times.The last one,even had an exam the very next day after CAT.One of ma friends commented on seeing the timetable,"you run after the CAT and next day you run after the RAT". With the rescheduling the whole"i will do this the day before" have to be revamped.University has given us a new lease of life with a day off before VLSI.Earlier it was back to back exams.All is not bad right.Here am typing away, all thanks to the university without which i would have been in frying pan trying to interface ADC with controller

I know what you did last NIGHT!!!

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Group studies=YAWN!!!!

Group studies=YAWN!!!!

Nothing to write.The whole day was spend on Process dynamics and control.4 of us went to Smi's house for a 6 month event:GROUP STUDIES where ,the amount of studies will be 1% and the remaining 99% time will be wasted on useless things.I'm not usually a group study enthusiast, not that i can learn things by myself but,i like the peaceful atmosphere and the time that i spend on each topic is non compatible with others.For the last few day i was forced by ma pals for the ritual but,ma issues with group study coupled with plain laziness somehow prevented me from the forceful brain induction.Today ,i couldn't find a suitable excuse to save ma self from the misery and i was trapped in ma own promise to be there at Smi's house by 10.As usual i reached her home at 12 .I was the first one to reach her house(Guys know me well) and we started of with the last module .5 of us are at different intellectual levels and the same thing has to be repeated 5 or 10 times before we can start with a new topic,this is to make sure that everyone understands what is being said.Before lunch we completed half the module soon enough ma friend Solo complained on how hungry he was(his biggest weakness).After the fight with food,which was simply great, it was time for us to head back to our study zone.With heavy stomachs we chatted a little and off to the world of boilers and control.By 3 everyone was drained of enthusiasm.Shag was on bed snoring,Solo on computer and Smi on magazine.I sat there urging everyone to study ,trying ma very best to lift their spirits.By 4 we were served "payasam".As the clock struck 5 i was the only one in the room with ma book.I struggled and struggled to keep ma wavy mind in place.Finally,i achieved the impossible:2 module wrapped for good.We were again served tea and snacks.The ritual came to an end, we packed our bags ,said thank you to aunt who fared better than us and off home.What did i learn??? story making !!! ya Shag needs each topic to be converted into short stories before he can learn them.What else did i learn?Y....aaaa.....wwww....nnnnn.

Movements

Movements

The moving river

that flows by its principle,

never deviates from the path followed.

The moving leaves

that live by sacrifice unique,

looks out to a better tomorrow.

The moving clouds

that race past the sky ,

show the true spirit of sedate.

The moving wind

that spreads fragrance around,

wishes to spread a smile.

The moving fire

that symbolises determination,

burns every obstacle in path.

Life is full of movements

that shows us the way of living

Movements of nature

that's truly beyond human imagination.

-Opal

12th Science

Reflection(School magazine),2004-2005

Atleast everyone survived!!!!

Atleast everyone survived!!!!

Ma culinary experimentation began in standard 8th.The first to be born out of hand:"*******"[donno what] but, it was some Spanish dish that i saw in discovery travel and living .The only thing i remember is it had something to do with eggs and potato.After seeing the whole ingredients ma mom commented"You won't like it Opal,its too much continental for you".God i hate it when she is right,had to throw away the whole stuff even ma Dad preferred to stay away from the dining table for a night even though that meant to stay HUNGRY.The way to a man's heart is through his stomach and like every good mother, ma mom was hell bend on teaching me "HOW TO COOK".Luckily or unluckily i didn't mange to stick out in the kitchen for long and the art was lost.

Ma second experiment,if i remember it correct was in 12th, when ma mom was admitted to hospital.With scary looking brother and rather hungry looking grandma and a late call by ma own hunger cells forced me back to the place filled with white boxes,hot humid air and utensils.I made Thoran[mixed vegetable] and prawn masala.I fared pretty okie with ma grandma giving me a thumps up.The next scrape goat was Radhakrishnan, ma buddy from school.He would have never agreed to come home if he knew i was COOKING [i didn't tell him you know].When i asked for his comments he merely replied"Wait until tomorrow,i will tell you if am not busy[pun intended,easy to figure out]".Well, he did call the next day!!!!.Somewhere down the line the curries became monotonous in flavour and so did ma interest.The thing is I compare ma self with mom, and have to accept the fact that she is a wizard.Her curries have the perfect flavours,perfect smell and colours . Ma best friend turns out into ma worst enemy.Dad has nicknamed ma taste buds"Super tasting".I'm so used to ma Mom's curries that, ma taste buds refuse to accept the mine.

Today was one of those dreadful days when mom fell sick[she is making this a habit] and dad rang me up and told"No food from out side today,make something before i come".Ya i hate the part where i have to open up the fridge to see it empty,or have to smell through all the white tins to understand"What's where?".Finally i decided upon tomato and onion curry with coconut and beetroot and coconut thoran.This time i added on some different masalas to make the dish taste different.I was ready for the verdict ya i can handle the truth

Mom:"Okie,but need to more be spicy!!!"

Dad:"Good!!!! more chillie powder next time "

Bro[in his usual manner]:"EEEEEEEEE...Do i have to comment?"

Frankly i wasn't that happy,the same taste lingers on .My verdict:not great.Well, at least everyone survived!!!!!

Copy cat

Copy cat

I'm really wicked!!!.I'm usually laid back but,if someone tries to mess around with ma brains,they will end up in a plate.Last day in Orkut,i got this friend request from one of ma junior from school.He seemed all nice, introduced himself and added a note"Do add me".I always cross check on credentials.Mutual friends or at least the same communities(college and school) decide whether the request goes into ma friend list or the dump bin.As i linked on to his site i was in for a big shock.That guy copied ma profile.GRR...i worked so hard to find those rhyming words to describe about myself, ma identity and this guy without any efforts or not even changing the gender copied ma profile.He whisked away the whole thing with few changes here and there and pasted it out.Does he have an identity?MR.Identity thief.Its up to him to write about himself !!!.Okay i controlled ma nerves and scrapped him telling him how inappropriate it was.I even told him i would have sued him if i had the copy rights(I really meant it guys).In rage i deleted his request and 3 days later the request resurfaces with a note"Sorry".I do forgive people after all, mistakes are human.I went back to his profile what i saw brought out the demon inside me.He had made no attempts to change what he has done.The same "ABOUT ME" stays.A sorry won't replace or even remotely change the actions of which one is responsible of.It reminds me of ma buddy Swaran in school.I was strangely surprised on seeing his chat window one day.

"I thank ma friends for not being a part of ma life but, for making me a part of theirs."

- Ma friend Opal

He acknowledged me for ma statement that i myself had put on ma chat window few days before.This is what gentlemen do.They don't take credits for the things they haven't done.They acknowledge creative people.So next time you whisk away something fro the net.Don't mess around with wrong people!!!!

The semester that was

There are no complaints,no hectic pace,no waking up in the morning hearing ma mom scream, no rushing towards the bus stop, no last minute pleading to dad to drop me to college.This is heaven,which i call STUDY HOLIDAYS.There is lots of popcorn,lots of channels to surf,lots of books to read( not the BIG engineering books),lots of stuff to do and the good thing "Iv time for all these luxuries".Constant reminders from parents that i ought to study ,vaporises fast into thin air as i see the calender 30,31,1,2......12....lot of time i assure myself.The books on ma table seems like a big baggage which, if i get a chance would like to throw it out somewhere.This semester i worked real hard,burning midnight oil,trying to score what i believed was beyond ma dreams.This was the best semester ever not in personal terms but, academically the best.Some great subjects, great professors,great classes,good notes and ya the pride that i take in saying"HAVEN'T SLEPT DURING ANY OF THE LECTURES THIS SEM".Great feat by the way!!!

On the personal front it wasn't the best of times.I struggled to keep up ma relations,some lost for ever.I missed out on the tour, missed on the very word"FUN".Why the hell it took me long 3 and a half years to postmortem the human side of people around?.The twists and turns in the story, attempts to reach the social ladder, consumed by ego,neglect and goes the dark list. It took me so long to understand "WHO'S WHO".I'm glad at least iv a single person whom i can ring in the middle of the night and say"Its lonely huh?".I was totally wrong about her,and when i crossed over to her side i realised that with a heavy heart.We talk about it at time to pierce away those awkward moments.The time we lost in getting to know each other owing to mental differences.Its all sorted and we find solace in each others words.We have just one more semester before College life gets officially over .Time to mend or Time to be what we are.Its up to me to decide what i want.

Adventure

It all began 2 days before.A 3:oo pm,i was handed over the mark list of 6th semester University exam.Happy with ma marks,i jolted down the stairs.That's when Rahul stopped me"writing improvement?"."Well,iv got more than what i deserve so should i?" i asked.I usually don't like the idea of writing the previous semester paper all over again. "Da give me some company"he begged.He tricked me into writing Control System Theory(That's the way i put it).Improvement form was ready with me ,the only thing i didn't fill up was the subject ,as i wasn't sure so as whether i should write or not.Me and ma best buddy Smi were supposed to write the same exam but, she scored a 70+ and if she ever dares to open her mouth on improvement she will be dead meat (According to ma classmates).

With the filled form we went to the college office that's when we got to know another thing.The last date for form submission was on 18th and guess what ???we got our mark list on 23rd(so typical of our university).So, four( Rahul, me,Sher, Anu) of us decided to take a ride to university which is in the next district.I wasn't sure about the whole thing but, Rahul again tricked me into coming with him.It was decided that the guys will get in from the first stop and me from mine."Just tell the bus name okie" i reminded him.

I get up(all by ma self),get ready and walk to the stop, that's when i noticed i had just 1 rupee as balance in ma mob.Sher called me and said"the bus name is Priyadarsini .Its a white limited stop bus".As i waited in the stop i messaged Rahul"where has the bus reached?"."2 stops before yours" he messaged back.The bus comes to a screeching halt at ma stop ,a white LS bus named Priyadarsini. I got in and turned back ma mates were not in sight."I got in to the bus" i messaged by then the bus was in motion."What???? the bus hasn't reached your stop" Rahul messaged back.Okay!!! i don't need extra intelligence to understand that i got into the WRONG bus.That's when i heard a passenger say that another bus named Priyadarsini was right behind the one i was travelling in ,both had same destination and the same COLOUR!!!!. The thing is, the bus ma mates were travelling in takes a longer route while mine reaches the destination way early.Time to think....the place that we were heading to was 2 hour away.But,thankfully for me it was en route to ma mom's place. I knew the place like the back of ma palm(not exactly!!!).I got down at the mid stop and waited for the other Priyadarsini to arrive. I stood in the bus stop for almost about 40 minutes before i was relieved to see ma mates waving at me.Finally!!!!! after 30 minutes we reached the university.Ma uncle rang me up yesterday and as i narrated the incident he added on"They have nearly 15 buses plying on the same route named Priyadarsini".Great!!!!.

As i got into the bus i told Shery" Thank goodness its not Kozhikode or Kannur, if it was i would have killed you guys".What remains to be seen is whether the journey was worth it.With 65 marks already in ma kitty i don't think i have any hope of improvement.So the whole trip wasn't a journey at all but, it was an adventure

Speechless!!!

I'm speechless!!!!.Ma parents are taking time to sink into this new feeling of the house being so quite.Its not the first time I'm going speechless but, this time the worst case scenario have been extended for few days.Impossible task for a person like me to shut up, sit there and listen to people.I'm known in the whole college for ma "SOUND" not that i have sweet singing voice.I have low frequency, high bass,loud voice.The voice which has the credit for most announcements made.Even during the worst decibel noise interferences too, i can manage to pull peoples attention towards ME!!!!.Iv been down with fever and as i by product iv been suffering from tonsillitis too.With ma sound gone, ma friends are having merry time telling me all the things piled up in their hearts for years.How cruel!!!.Some even take pleasure in making me speak,with only blast of air out of ma nose and mouth i sound worse than Himesh Reshamiyya.I'm really missing ma voice,it was a part of ma identity.The very factor X that distinguished me from the rest, now that its under repair i feel nothing more than a sack of useless paper(I'm not that desperate).Times i feel the whole situation is blessing in disguise.I'm supposed to attend the viva for ma labs and after seeing ma sad state, ma professor said"its okie,you can attend viva later".Also,i get an exception from many things.But, for all those who took revenge on me!!!!.

"I will be back with vengeance guys".

Messed up...

"Whenever you lie or cheat the person who loves you,don't think they are idiots to believe you.They hide their feelings cause they don't like to disappoint you"-Appu,19.10.98,11:25A.m

This was from the least expecting quarters,from a friend..not just a friend but, ma best friend for the past 8 years.As i scanned through the message,i felt"Isn't it what he is doing to himself? to me and to the people around him?".I know i sound so random but,i need to pour in ma feelings somewhere.First of all i blame ma self for the whole mess,being a common friend i should have known..instead i watered and nurtured the dreams within him.I should have scolded him in the first place.Being so close,i feel stupid to admit i couldn't help him.At some point of time as i felt that the whole thing was spinning out,i intervened...but, it was too late.He wasn't ready for harsh realities.He was sedated under his dream.I tried desperately to cut down the over grown tree,but it had it roots deep down.Last time we met, he promised me he will forget his past after all i was the right one and he had to listen to me.He pretended ,he lied and the worst part,i couldn't realise the depth.We always had our disagreement but,this time i know he can't help it neither can i.Its all bound to happen.I don't want him hurt for I'm still his mentor,i don't want him to loose out on life for a dream that never was his.I don't want the world to laugh at him for he is hell bound on his dream.I will do whatever i can, even if it means breaking some hearts For,

"I LOVE YOU BIG BRO"

Highlighting a Fuzzy life.....

Nothing specific to write.Right now, am suffering from brain damage due to excessive thinking.All the brain cells have gone on a strike and are refusing to work properly.Day before if it was mnemonics and hex codes that were eating away ma ability to think straight, today it was the high voltage and current.Funny thing is yesterday while paying cash, i ended up converting the amount to Hex.Would have shocked the hell out of the shopkeeper if i would have said "FF".
I'm yet to chart out ma life for the study leaves.Have to include everything in 20 days schedule except for studies(Don't think that will happen until the last week).Mom has been urging me to study for the CAT exam and even dad threatened of boycott if i don't prepare.Am i a CAT material?hmmm.....Whatever I'm gonna give it a miss this time.Why spoil the chance of a real CAT material?..lol!!!!.The thing in ma head for now is ma cosy bed and some nice warm milk.I surely do deserve a break after the lab torture.So bid me Good night, while i slip away into the land of fairies and big shopping malls.

A Tragic Story of "How i lost ma tag to a Dog"

Dady's lil girl is getting naughtier by each passing day.She refuses to be obedient ,walking away without bothering to listen when asked to sit,munches on her favorite shoes and even carries forward the dosa gobbling tradition.Today as me and mom were having a chat i casually hugged her to show ma love,that's when i realised two angry eyes prowling on me,those eyaes belong to none other than ma brown Lab bitch:Mikku.She gave her ear splitting bark just to make me realise that ma mom ain't my property alone(don't bother about the BITS maniac brother,he doesn't exist in this scene).Common have i even lost out the right to hug ma parents and that too to a doggy??.She is way possessive and hates mom's and dad's interaction with any other creature other than her.

Her yet another time pass...picking up the plastic mess around ,straight to the processing unit in her stomach,what follows in days is dad's frantic calls to the vet( when was the last time dad took me to hospital?).
Last day dad was heard shouting in the kitchen" why didn't mollu( translates to something nice
) have her food? she looks so tired." Mom was surprised for that evening it was the second time i was raiding kitchen."She already had and she is full" mom said.Dad got furious"you let her stay hungry and why you making up excuses?".I was listening to the conversation from ma room(taking a nap after ma raid)."Dad i had, nevaz thanks for being so concerned" i breezed in ."Who was speaking of you anyways?.I was speaking about ma Mikku".Huh????. "Okay now the Dog has the priority in this house?"It was ma time to get angry.
Two days i went on hunger strike(People i had food from outside-silent confession).Who cares ?? not even ma doggy Mikku.Finally i gave up and iv decided to live in with the silent realisation:DOG IS MAN'S BEST FRIEND.

Im so not CARELESS

Have joined the ranks of bro's elite gang.Gang of careless creatures.Extremely pissed of with ma attitude.Why can't i practice what i preach?.As i was all set to go to college to write yet another exam,something struck me.Have i made a mistake in 4 marks section question.They say never to read the horoscope of a dead child, for there is no use.Well things like that doesn't get into ma brain.The thing is, i was calculating something that was over 2 days before.I hate it,when i start thinking of past,something surely does go wrong. This time,it was the answer,it was WRONG!!!.I was hung last day at the fact that i did loose 5 marks for ma stupidness.Yet, again..how careless can i get?.The question was to calculate the resistance,way down par the standards of a final year student.I sat in the hall thinking"Just the resistance??.Is it a trick question?".When your brain starts thinking in a complicated way,you miss out on the basic stuff.I did just that and the question was given just for that.I did convert the length ,width and thickness to meters but,didn't give much attention to the resistivity,given in cm.Finally i ended up getting an answer 100 times greater than the original.For, two good days i didn't pay attention to ma stupidness and on the bright morning of ma II exam all of it come back.Grrr...is this the same me who goes on scolding the little one for not reading the question properly?.I should have kept ma eyes wide open.Or rather ma BRAIN!!!!

Sleepless!!!!

(Another hobby in the middle of the night:Paper flowers).Think all that extra dose of VLSI did damage ma brain.

Official time check:1:21a.m.

Guess ma sleeping genes have become retarded.When God created woman ,she was blessed with an irrigation system which by itself can solve the water crisis of the nation:TEARS.The whole crying process is set into motion for the silliest of things.People like me even make up issues to shed some tears.Today's melodrama:I need someone to chat to in the middle of the night and guess what, everyone is sleeping(Big surprise).I don't know how to put in but,after days tiring work at college i sit in late to type away ma woes.The deafening silence and still darkness are the only ones up at 1a.m to hear out.Can be quite frustrating as you can guess ,iv blogger in ma company,now sharing ma woes with the world.But, who cares?.Everyone have their own issues to tackle,life to live on.To have the patience to read this post ,guess no one will be kind enough to look me into ma eyes and tell"Don't worry,everything will be fine".This night will pass.There will be nights like this,nights without any meaning,nights when addiction to "process dynamics and control "text books wont help nor the coffee.For now ma bed is looking at me and giving that devilish grin,its failure to overpower and in return i give her an attitude smile,the satisfaction of not going down with droopy eyes.Don't elude me every night.I had enough of an adventure already

Time check:1:50 a.m

A room full of TEddIeS

Favorite pass time at the moment,u won't believe it and that too from a 20 year old:hugging ma teddies.Iv developed a fetish for hairy creatures for the past few month and all thanks to ma dad who makes it a point to gift me one every month,there isn't no easy let go.Iv this cute collection of soft toys.Last day as ma uncle was commenting on how neat ma room was ,ma brother put in:"Though not neat, ma room likes like a 16 years bed room not like a 2 year's".That was intended for me ....whoo...For me everything in life is pretty as it seems especially those teddies whom i hug tight whenever I'm sad.Actually , i even talk to them at times.I don't wanna get over with this child within me whose face shines with delight on the sight of the pretty creature.

PN:Those teddies even serve a future purpose.Me and ma future hubby won't have to spend cash on buying teddies for our kids.Lol!!!

Brotherish

Ma bro and me rarely go out together.With a different view about things around us,its better for the people around if, we take different paths.He can be pretty over-brotherish at times,trying to be overprotective.Constant reminders of the fact that I'm 4 years elder to him doesn't get into his head and we end up fighting mid road.Yesterday i promised him a treat,just like that.Whole morning he kept on nagging me for the treat,the authorities stepped in on his support."you promised him, you ought to keep your word".With the matter reaching mom's and dad's court i had no way to escape,i was stuck in the company of over spoken,confused teenager.We had a small walk to the coffee shop,upon reaching there we ordered the same ice cream and peacefully we were back home in 2 hours.I don't know what got into me but, i was quite relaxed every time ma brother asked me to step aside when vehicles came ma way,i was at ease whenever he asked me to switch positions when strangers came on to ma side.I was completely peaceful when he scolded me for walking slow.To a max 4 years,the time when ma brother would be able to boss me around,scold me,shout at me on top of his voice.Once I'm married he will have no authority over ma life,he will be a mere stranger,a call or an occasional visit may be the only links that will be connecting us.We will be building our own nests,weaving our own dreams and all the good and bad times will be just memories,something to laugh about.Well, for now I'm done with promises .

Someone Hear me Out....

Obsession with anything,even GOD is fatal beyond a certain point.The point ,where it starts dictating your life.Everything crumbles down like a pile of sand .My strong conviction allows me to believe in a single power only,the universal God with different forms,different names.As much as i have faith in God ,i hate demi gods or even human gods who claim they are powerful than God himself.Astrology,horoscope,rashis,all are part and parcel of our daily lives.Its mysterious from a distance but, on being consumed by that force there is no escape.This "person",the so called self taught astrologer came into our lives quite accidentally.He caught dad's attention by his wisdom(I'm pretty sure even i can acquire wisdom with Google as ma teacher).Dad changed the whole layout of the house after his say.I didn't allow dad to make similar changes in ma room owing to functional difficulties.For me having a plug point was important than "not to wake up in the morning looking at the mirror".This person visits our house often,at some point of time it became annoying than mysterious.Now he is back urging dad to wear ring of special stone to ward of ill times.If there is any ill time to be warded off its him.Dad on being too manipulative agreed to pay the cash he asked for, no matter how hard i objected.It makes me feel real bad when, ma voice is left unheard.I may not be as experienced as ma dad is but, surely god has given me enough wisdom to know,understand and analyse what is right and what is wrong.

Abhiyanthriki o8':Concert

I ended up hating ma self more as i walked out of the door of Chavara Hall.The doors opened up banging ma heart,giving it a big blow.The evening was surely ma last chance to pull up but, instead i ended up on a wrong road .With 3 of ma mates in the same situation as i was, i didn't find ma self in an awkward position.So many things were going on in ma head and it was impossible to concentrate on something else.The performers lived up to their name and the crowd was well behaved too.Seeing bunch of engineering student sitting in their chairs,controlling their very best to suppress their dancing genes ,was amusing.The performers repeatedly urged the crowd to join in.Restrictions,restriction and more restrictions.Every time the juniors stood up to dance they were pulled back to their seats by the faculty.The last semester students were given space ...all the way back,meters away from the rule bearing eyes.They let loose their hairs from the first song onwards,adding in more madness with each song.

Cant see the point but, each batch was trying to prove"who is the best" by trying to raise the maximum voice,didn't serve any purpose as the event was for the college as whole, not any batch in particular.What's the point in proving your might,it will just deteriorate one's image in front of outsiders.

I was in senses but, sometimes i went off track thinking about our cancelled trip to north east.Dad gave totally stupid reason to cancel the same.Alas, we are not supposed to complain.Mom, me and bro kept our mouths shut through out the family meeting.This year its the second time I'm proving ma self unlucky with "BIG" trips.I missed out on the class trip and now this one.Back to the birds eye view,the event was over after a 30 minutes jamming session by 4:30.This really took me back to ma first year "DREAMS",we danced like maniacs until 8 at night.The best part of ma college life.Now, its dry and I'm desperately wanting to get out.

I'm

I'm not ready to hide behind shadows this time.

I'm not ready to quit this time.

I'm not gonna give up living ma dreams.

I'm not ready to keep ma weapons down in defeat.

I'm gonna keep on fighting with ma inner self until,

I'm convinced that life for me is beyond any doubts.

The Bug is Back

Girly relations are always complicated.Its whole lots of soap opera,which is damn tiring by the way but, the excitement of seeing so mush mush in a single day doesn’t fade away even after the repeat telecasts. Hasn’t the popularity bug striked before?.It has claimed its next victim,an unsuspecting soul,who was the most hated character in the last birth.”popularity bug” comes with its cousin “ego virus”.They share the success together,the success in making a person a fool of himself/herself in front of others.It all starts with the ego virus gripping your brain after which you start thinking that you are stuck in a company of far advanced species than yours and then ,the frantic attempt to be popular.The result? Tragic, everyone starts to think you have gone insane in the new slang and attitude. The bug starts to take over your brain and then your whole body. You attempt to break into rapid conversations,stop strangers midway and ask about their sleeping pattern(you have nothing else to talk about ) .It takes you into a different dimension:Multiple personality. As times passes the bug eats up your basic consciousness,driving people away,even those who suffered your insanity all the way up.They can’t take it any longer,and the hide away leaving you to stand there ,in the middle of nowhere.That’s when it strikes you:YOU HAVE LOST YOUR IDENTITY, TRYING TO BE SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE NOT.
Caution:PLEASE, IN ORDER TO ESCAPE FROM THE BUG ATTACK:BE YOURSELF

Upside down or is it sideways?

Are we better judge on our self or is it the people around us?.Being called on to meet the head teacher , was quite surprised.Was racking up ma brain for a reason .As i sat before her, all ma courage vaporised and i felt shaky.She wrote down ma previous sem results, looked on to me with a strange expression"you can be the rank holder , if you try.I have at most confidence in you".I was taken aback,may be she called in the wrong person to talk to,that's what came into ma head."Mam i just wanna pass and complete ma degree successfully,score 75%.Rank is a distant dream,let alone the rank i haven't even thought about breaking into the top 5 position in class",ma answer was quick.She wasn't ready to allow me to walk out of the staff room until i promised her, i will try ma very best.Again last day ma Process Dynamics prof. included ma name on the top runners for highest score in the subject.Strange...

To be frank enough,I'm stuck in the wrong place.Not that i hate being an engineer but, this is not the place where i belong.When i tell people that I'm not technically inclined,ignorant of the latest scenario, they laugh.I can't even derive something from scratch .I do admire people like Anu George,who can make it big. Strangely enough, ma parents too think I'm intelligent no matter how hard it takes to convince them that every parent feels the same way about their kids.

Am i wrong or is it the people around me?. People see a whole lot of untapped potential in me where as, all i can see is someone who us trying to get out of the whole mess.So is ma untapped potential upside down or sideways?

Late night struggle

Pushing everything onto the last minute is one habit am trying to get rid of.Right now am happy that i managed to complete 18 slides for ma seminar,which is just few hours away.I have been thinking of the power point presentation for the past one week, nothing materialised and the day before i sit in front of ma lap,without taking a shower or nap ,continuously cursing ma self for ma lazy attitude.I have prepared the slides,but is yet to go through the materials,rack ma brain over expected questions.Its like iv miles to go.Thankfully ma seminar is during the after noon session and i hope iv time to catch up. Standing on that dice,if anything goes wrong i should blame ma self for ma ignorant attitude of letting 50 marks slip through ma hands or rather ma mouth.

Onam:

This year its ma first Onam after shifting base to Tripunithura, where Onam is not just another festival but, a feeling.This realisation came in very late after seeing the heavy rush on the streets,people flocking to buy vegetables,flowers and last minute shopping.Though rain dampened some of the Onam spirit, people were still enthusiastic about this once in a year festival.

The day for me started at 4am, beginning with the ritual" poo mattam" [changing flowers].Being the last day,ma self and bro did our very best to design the flower carpet,unfortunately the sudden rain washed away all our efforts.Strange rituals which was another realisation on how ignorant i was on ma culture.Even after 20 years, i still didn't know what were the rituals associated.I don't think its a problem just with me but, a entire culture.Sadhya followed and then a visit to ma grandparent's home.The smiles on peoples faces,their vigour and the coming togetherness for celebrating Onam ,that's the very essence of this festival.

Life to live on....

There are instances when i badly miss the feeling of a "FRIEND" not, that i don't have people around,its just that i miss the details, the fun,the gossips, the cat fights.But what the use of looking back and regretting?.A part of me wants to keep all ties at some distance,some part wont listen out. No matter how hard i try,its impossible to replace the feeling with a substitute.Every relation has its own place,purpose and meaning ,its just too harsh to mix all up.Still people around are trying to help in whatever ways possible ways they can.I'm trying to regain the lost balance,vigour and drive.Its not that i expect ma self to be smiling away with the pain but, guess i will get used to it.Iv gone through this manier times before, still i haven't learned or will in the future that trusting someone blindly can be pretty dangerous.With that you are giving the person every right to hurt you.I'm not the one who looks upon life accepting defeat.I wont!!! not until i have people around me, to hold me tight, to make sure i don't hurt ma self in the falls,to help me get up,walk away with a laugh.Thank you one and all.

Right or Wrong

Life is so still for the last few days.Iv no more high expectations from people, no more burden of performance.Its about ME ME and more ME.The best way to hurt some one is to AVOID.For the past few days i was stuck in the company of people who viewed ma presence as problematic. With the hostility too hot to handle i decided to quit ma attempts to put up a conversation.Ma relation should have been confined to the boundaries of professionalism.What did i do wrong?.I'm a person who doesn't let ego come in between, and i don't mind bowing ma head to avoid a clash but, this time its all different."ATTITUDE" that's what ma friend showered on me after the Goa trip.May be its her attempt to climb the ladder of social circuit but, it has clearly burnt ma affection for her.Coupled to the high tension the occasional sharp statements made by her made the situation worse.After all this i expected someone to understand,it didn't happen so and without listening to ma side of story the verdict was already made:OPAL IS WRONG!!!!!.What is the real source of issue? As it seems no.... is shouldn't be saying it.Now the old enemies are back in camp making merry out of the situation.Should i mend or should i let it be keep ma head on ma shoulder and stand tall?.Whatever it is the damage is already done.

The week that was

Jane Rubietta: Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible

5 days of plain bliss,where nothing else mattered other than eating, sleeping and shopping. the very first day,With long hours wrapped under the bed sheet,literally refusing to get up from the comfy bed, i gave ma parents a big scare.What was i doing???well, NOTHING at all,finally i did pull up ma act together,got ma self some dose of fiction and some shopping high.Though i did miss some action in form of the academic tour for the semester,i didn't care or think about the sunny beaches of Goa or the fun.Everyday i woke up fresh as a daisy and off i went on a one women adventure.Occasionally i did slow down the thoughts focusing on the pain:What were ma friends doing in Goa at that time.But, it was nothing but a small bubble, which bursted and then disappeared into air.I was happy with ma self....the pampering,the let it loose attitude.These five days gave me enough room to think for ma self, something that i rarely do.It was an intellectual break and thankfully i was futile. Though i had some lows too last week,issues with people who seemingly took ma spirit on the wrong note.I know may be I'm wrong but,the reasoning seems so clear.I have a life and I'm living it for ma self not for the world to decide what I'm gonna do with it.
"YEH MERI LIFE HAI,MUJHE JEENE THO"

Translation:This is ma life,let me live it

Past:Friends

I get lost in the thoughts of ma existence and people are taken back by surprise.Its not just physical appearance that has changed but, deep down there are radical changes though the basic things remain same.I kind off got repelled today during the test hour by the fact that i could hate some one so badly.Believe me ,when i say the hatred is all for the right reasons.Whatever may be the reason, she was part of ma life until few months.I believe friends are people who not only stand by your side during the good times but, the bad times too. For, her it wasn't the case,all she cared about was the company, when she wanted to go somewhere, share the extra notes,go out,eat together for no one else was ready to be with her except US.She was never someone who you can call a friend.Iv always stood by her but, she seemed more concerned about her own reputation that sticking with us.That's when i started hating her still, i found it difficult to hate her for, its difficult to hate some one who was so close for all these years.After each passing day she makes me hate her more, every inch of her. I know i sound in human but the factors affecting the relation are irreversible. I wish if i could drive away all the negative thoughts but, i cant.

United......

Finally s7 AE stands united.The week was hectic even for a final year student of engineering having gone through all that suffering for last 3 years.Tests on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday innumerable record works ,3 tests on Saturday[Same as those in the beginning of the week],seminars ...life was breaking down for most of us within, the second week of the semester itself.Things were looking to get lot messier in the coming weeks.Coupled with the tests drama,non-cooperation of the faculty,Tour De Goa ,Industrial visit there were plenty of things to keep us pre occupied.

On Monday last hour,the class was asked to assemble in the hall to give our Bio-Medical instrumentation exam[ a tricky move to make sure we wouldn't copy:with 3 invigilators on prowl its almost impossible]."Fast,with only papers to write and pen come to the hall" the declaration.Well,PAPERS??? won't that be provided by the college someone asked.No came the reply.Its not that any of us were concerned about the number of trees cut down for making papers but,this semester saw the college hiking the fees +500, so as to provide us with papers for exams[As if we are really excited to write].But,now they took an U turn and were demanding so as we bring papers after spending our parents hard earned cash.Well, no one was ready for a move.The whole class demanded that the paper should be provided by college,everyone refused to move out Even after 15 minutes of the lecture hour.Some of the faculty members raised their voices against our rowdyism[That's what they called it].No one was ready to bow out,until HOD assured us that paper will be provided by the college.Good move class finally you learned to keep differences apart and start acting like ONE.

On Thursday ,one of the notoriously famed faculty came in to the class"Seminar on Monday" he announced.Each one of us were already granted our slots and the seminar were not due for 2 weeks.No one wanted to raise out,the fire was already on its way."With PPT" he announced.This really irked each one of us to the core, the fire spread.On a collective discussion it was assured that each one of us would be presenting just one slide.

Well, the presentation got over on Tuesday.Some of the mates back tracked from their original promise of one slide,some even made an extra effort to make an impression.What pity!!! but majority of the class stuck by the decision.At least in the final year of college we are understanding the true meaning of brotherhood.

Secret Keepers

The first rule in mother-daughter gossips"Never spill out the beans to the men flock"

That's so easy.Why does men have to eavesdrop our conversation?.They are the best secret keepers around or are they?

Last day on one of those mother daughter gossiping session ,ma mother let out something that i found insulting and humiliating.I just wanted to get even with her.Off to Dad ,i went with ma complaint with precisely the same words ma mom used.With his jaws wide open ,Dad scolded mom and left her of with the warning never ever to speak to me like that.I saw strange look on ma mom's face or was she just faking?.After all the drama ,mom came up to me and said"You broke rule no:1 now you are in for some real trouble"."Mom you are saying this within 5 minutes of the reaction time.I'm not scared,with Dad on ma side ,never!!!" i gave her that attitude smile.Of goes one week and everything is back to semi-normal.

On one of those usual family gathering,dad blurts out the girly joke.The act of humiliation on a larger scale,with ma uncles,aunts,cousins hearing the same.Humiliating???ohhh common.Why cant guys keep a secret?.Dad didn't say anything when i mentioned how hurt i was.Even the firebrand can run out of spark at times.

Next time,let alone ma revenge get better of me,I'm not even ready to look out into Dad's face.It was an act of heroism,an act of getting a joke out of something that wasn't remotely funny and that too at ma cost.After all who said guys are good secret keepers??.Next time ladies

Shhhhh......